Not only they have the right to be bored, but it is also important in their development to feel boredom. Not only it is a moment where attention is not sollicited, but also it is the moment to think about what you want to do with necessary introspection. In a world where attention is constantly, this is important so that they don't default to doom scrolling
I learned a lot from my dad by being around him and helping. If that triggered him, he never showed it.
I don't have enough info about his kids to know if that's what they really wanted. This father is absolutely correct for not letting his triggers affect his children.
He learned everything he needed to weaponize the vocabulary and now he tells everyone else why they need therapy. But he's all fixed, no problems there obviously.
He also doesn't understand why his kids don't speak to him.
But the other person has to be willing and able to accept when you need space and you're trying not to let something get overblown. Some people won't let you cool down. And that's a big problem.
Dad may have missed the point. "I'm bored" might have meant "daddy is home. I'd rather play with him instead of all the toys I play with as substitute to him when he is at work"
It kind of conditions similar reactions/behaviour in impressionable young minds. Like when you come across an insolent, swearing kid or teen; you just know they're just parroting behaviour of their parents/guardians/adult role models. They're conditioned to vent in a similar way.... and the cycle repeats.
Wonder if that is less, we're bored and more, we wanna be around you/spend time with you/are curious what you're doing. Which both can be valid, that they want your time and that you need some space.
That’s all great. Small addendum: don’t entertain them. „Being bored“ leads to finding something to do that interests you. Being bored is one mother of creativity and to finding things that interest and inspire you. Ultimately, boredom is a necessary step to finding yourself instead of being fed entertainment.
Agreed. But with the important caveat that if someone knows my triggers and are actively pulling them purposefully and maliciously then they got some responsibility too now.
What triggers me right now (because i just noticed with this clip)
the video now stops playing when you scrolled down like 2/5 of the picture. It USED to be as long there is a pixel visible in the browser, it kept playing.
....and since i am not at the level of coping with my triggers, fuck you imgur.
This was honestly a new viewpoint for me. I'll admit I've been the one to do 'man you have it so good, in my day blah blah' bullshit, but never really considered who I was talking to. The whole reason they're in that situation is because you succeeded, so don't lecture them, instead be thankful they feel that way, as you never did. Seriously gave me some insight, appreciate the post!
It’s important to understand that we’re all trapped in these meat machines running software from thousands of years ago. Lashing out and aggression are natural responses, but that doesn’t make them right. We are in a constant battle with our evolution
Me building a bike? 'Sure, come over here and lemme explain what we are going to do". Me building IKEA furniture, "Please. Just. Leave. Me. Alone." I totally get it.
something you've done before vs something you have to do once and hopefully never again lol I can tell if building or fixing something is going to require all of my patience, and I am also very up front about it. being open and honest has been one of the things that has helped heal my mental health over the past year.
Honestly for me, this is therapy. I love fixing things. When I have huge feelings about shit, I just go in my tinkering space, and take something apart and put it back together.
I applaud the message. I realise it's staged for the effect. I critize the point of sending the kid away for "needing space" over a little thing however, if the message is supposed to be that he dealt with his traumas. Could instead have invited the kids to join him repairing the bike and still ask for space if they say no.
You completely miss the point about needing space to not lash out at them over an emotional reaction triggered by his past trauma. Part of dealing with trauma isn't that it stops affecting you but that you know how to manage it. Part of that is setting boundaries where you need them.
He could have done that but then could have lashed out if they began complaining about it being boring or hot and he hasn't had time to let the emotion cause by what they said process.
"I get triggered that they don't play with the shit I bought them and leave me tf alone. But that's not their fault, I'm working on it. Now I politely tell them to go play with their shit and leave me tf alone. They don't know how lucky they got it."
What he’s talking about can be learned if you take some cognitive behavioral therapy sessions. Anyone can learn to be like this, but some will struggle with it more than others
Knowing a label for something adds very little to it. It in no way means that you understand it. Too many people are caught up in knowing the names of things without understanding them.
Oh I read Fanner50’s comment as people are saying they’re “triggered” without understanding what that actually means for them and agreeing that to understand is to gain emotional intelligence. I agree way too many people are missing it. Also empathy.
It could but he needed his space and set a boundary because what they said triggered an emotional reaction in him stemming from his childhood experiences in comparison to his kid's which he needed to cope with so he didn't lash out at them. The kids might have had their reasoning to want to be with him but he also has his for not indulging it at that time
Like he said, they can be bored for a bit and be okay. He'll go be with them when he is done. Perfect moment for them to learn some patience.
It potentially could, but I feel that it's important to set boundaries with kids that parents are allowed to have time alone, or that the child can be bored without the parent immediately fixing it. It helps the kids understand they can be responsible for their needs and therefore gives them the understanding that they have the power to meet them. As long as the parent is there as a pair of guard trails to ensure the kids are safe, it's incredibly healthy
Yeah... but getting triggered because your kids aren't playing with the shit you bought them and leaving you alone.. because they're instead curious about what you doing in the garage?.. Creating and enforcing boundaries is important.... but triggered? He said it a bunch of times... Then basically called his girls entitled because they don't know how good they got it. The whole monologue is a grown ass baby acting like he being the bigger man over his actual kids.
He was filming a story, so that accounts for how many times he kept saying triggered. That aside, being triggered by anything is not a rational decision. My daughter doesn't get to choose when she'll have a meltdown. If I can empathize with her now that she is a child I hope I'll be able to do so when she'll be an adult. I also hope that as she gets older she'll be able to tell us where her boundaries are. As the man said, it doesn't matter what triggers you, it matters how you manage it.
So just in case you aren't aware, what happened to you here is that you got triggered. Maybe in your past you wanted to hang out with your parents and they weren't there for you? I don't know your past but you are literally doing what he said he was trying to avoid in the video.
Oh, am I triggered? Because my parents neglected me? My Dad didn't gaslight me into not wanting to hang out with him. I hang out with him all the time, he's awesome. Do you get embarrassed when you throw shit into the darkness and miss by a mile? Or do you only celebrate the two minutes a day you are accidentally correct?
Thojira
Not only they have the right to be bored, but it is also important in their development to feel boredom. Not only it is a moment where attention is not sollicited, but also it is the moment to think about what you want to do with necessary introspection. In a world where attention is constantly, this is important so that they don't default to doom scrolling
JohnTheFrost
This man clearly had therapy. And it worked. Good for him.
clonedeeznuts
If only a whole ass boomer generation had this kind of introspection
loopdesigns
I learned a lot from my dad by being around him and helping. If that triggered him, he never showed it.
I don't have enough info about his kids to know if that's what they really wanted. This father is absolutely correct for not letting his triggers affect his children.
Good for him!
ricroll7
Does anyone know who this is? If he’s got an instagram or YouTube channel I think a lot of us would want to follow him, dude is on point!
Debberz
Good post, good insight, good thoughts
StillScreamingIntoTheVoid
My dad "finished" therapy.
He learned everything he needed to weaponize the vocabulary and now he tells everyone else why they need therapy. But he's all fixed, no problems there obviously.
He also doesn't understand why his kids don't speak to him.
netutoring
But the other person has to be willing and able to accept when you need space and you're trying not to let something get overblown. Some people won't let you cool down. And that's a big problem.
Poppypoppoppop
Dad may have missed the point. "I'm bored" might have meant "daddy is home. I'd rather play with him instead of all the toys I play with as substitute to him when he is at work"
ColoradoDiceCo
I wish more adults understood this. Even about other adults, not just kids. We all lived different lives before we met.
cyanideremark
It kind of conditions similar reactions/behaviour in impressionable young minds. Like when you come across an insolent, swearing kid or teen; you just know they're just parroting behaviour of their parents/guardians/adult role models. They're conditioned to vent in a similar way.... and the cycle repeats.
doomedtogrow
I like this guy.
taborgur
Wow, what a good man!
BlackBearChopSticks
Is he single
JemIsTrulyOutrageous
Wonder if that is less, we're bored and more, we wanna be around you/spend time with you/are curious what you're doing. Which both can be valid, that they want your time and that you need some space.
DrKleiner007
That’s all great. Small addendum: don’t entertain them. „Being bored“ leads to finding something to do that interests you. Being bored is one mother of creativity and to finding things that interest and inspire you. Ultimately, boredom is a necessary step to finding yourself instead of being fed entertainment.
nintendolunchbox
Grandma loved to say only boring people get bored.
itsjustplaid
relsky
"My triggers are my responsibility." Absolute gold.
IMakeLotsOfReferencesAndRemakes
Agreed. But with the important caveat that if someone knows my triggers and are actively pulling them purposefully and maliciously then they got some responsibility too now.
abtei
What triggers me right now (because i just noticed with this clip)
the video now stops playing when you scrolled down like 2/5 of the picture. It USED to be as long there is a pixel visible in the browser, it kept playing.
....and since i am not at the level of coping with my triggers, fuck you imgur.
AnonsAndMinions
This was honestly a new viewpoint for me. I'll admit I've been the one to do 'man you have it so good, in my day blah blah' bullshit, but never really considered who I was talking to. The whole reason they're in that situation is because you succeeded, so don't lecture them, instead be thankful they feel that way, as you never did. Seriously gave me some insight, appreciate the post!
bubblestarmetallica
It’s important to understand that we’re all trapped in these meat machines running software from thousands of years ago. Lashing out and aggression are natural responses, but that doesn’t make them right. We are in a constant battle with our evolution
ILoveVaginNomNomNomNom
Good dad, lucky kids.
mygodhasabiggerdick
Me building a bike? 'Sure, come over here and lemme explain what we are going to do". Me building IKEA furniture, "Please. Just. Leave. Me. Alone." I totally get it.
mabbo
My wife and I made a rule early in the relationship: no IKEA together .
onlymostofthetime
something you've done before vs something you have to do once and hopefully never again lol
I can tell if building or fixing something is going to require all of my patience, and I am also very up front about it. being open and honest has been one of the things that has helped heal my mental health over the past year.
FussyZeus
Honestly for me, this is therapy. I love fixing things. When I have huge feelings about shit, I just go in my tinkering space, and take something apart and put it back together.
PeterHartman
Totally same. If I’m upset, just let me create something.
theMightyPlatypus
100% if something tells me to watch til the end I skip the entire thing.
Stolf
"stitch incoming" : Translation - Do not watch
CptRobotNinja
I very much tend to have the same reaction, but this particular thing...it's worth watching to the end
theMightyPlatypus
WholeWheatBunnyHugger
You missed it, then. My 2 cents. Being bored is a luxury. He earned that for his kids and his life.
RandyPhonecian
It's more than a luxury. It's a necessity. It's where inspiration and innovation happen.
JacktheKind
Never thought I'd ask this in that context; but: source?
(seems like a good guy to listen to some more)
megaleg7
https://www.instagram.com/thedadgang?igsh=MTN1ZHV2ZGxyZ2Z5eA==
DoTheDartman
I’d like to know too.
megaleg7
Found it https://www.instagram.com/thedadgang?igsh=MTN1ZHV2ZGxyZ2Z5eA==
megaleg7
Nope, jumped the gun on that, sorry. His name is Kier Gaines
dreikommavierzehn
I applaud the message. I realise it's staged for the effect.
I critize the point of sending the kid away for "needing space" over a little thing however, if the message is supposed to be that he dealt with his traumas. Could instead have invited the kids to join him repairing the bike and still ask for space if they say no.
IronCore
Found one of my triggers!
MarsIsAfire
lol underrated comment!
TheDoctorCrankenstein
You completely miss the point about needing space to not lash out at them over an emotional reaction triggered by his past trauma. Part of dealing with trauma isn't that it stops affecting you but that you know how to manage it. Part of that is setting boundaries where you need them.
He could have done that but then could have lashed out if they began complaining about it being boring or hot and he hasn't had time to let the emotion cause by what they said process.
dreikommavierzehn
good perspective 👍
cyanideremark
It's called emotional intelligence
werrywerry
"I get triggered that they don't play with the shit I bought them and leave me tf alone. But that's not their fault, I'm working on it. Now I politely tell them to go play with their shit and leave me tf alone. They don't know how lucky they got it."
MarsIsAfire
Is exactly what did not happen here.
Dahnzo
What he’s talking about can be learned if you take some cognitive behavioral therapy sessions. Anyone can learn to be like this, but some will struggle with it more than others
Fanner50
Knowing a label for something adds very little to it.
It in no way means that you understand it.
Too many people are caught up in knowing the names of things without understanding them.
cyanideremark
OK... how's 'emotionally sentient' hitya?
thesiser
Oh I read Fanner50’s comment as people are saying they’re “triggered” without understanding what that actually means for them and agreeing that to understand is to gain emotional intelligence. I agree way too many people are missing it. Also empathy.
neverhappytoasterdog
Im not in any way emotionally wise-but couldn‘t bored mean they just want to be with you, see what you’re doing?
werrywerry
Absolutely, yes.
TheDoctorCrankenstein
It could but he needed his space and set a boundary because what they said triggered an emotional reaction in him stemming from his childhood experiences in comparison to his kid's which he needed to cope with so he didn't lash out at them. The kids might have had their reasoning to want to be with him but he also has his for not indulging it at that time
Like he said, they can be bored for a bit and be okay. He'll go be with them when he is done. Perfect moment for them to learn some patience.
AnotherPsychologicalDisaster
It potentially could, but I feel that it's important to set boundaries with kids that parents are allowed to have time alone, or that the child can be bored without the parent immediately fixing it. It helps the kids understand they can be responsible for their needs and therefore gives them the understanding that they have the power to meet them. As long as the parent is there as a pair of guard trails to ensure the kids are safe, it's incredibly healthy
werrywerry
Yeah... but getting triggered because your kids aren't playing with the shit you bought them and leaving you alone.. because they're instead curious about what you doing in the garage?..
Creating and enforcing boundaries is important.... but triggered? He said it a bunch of times... Then basically called his girls entitled because they don't know how good they got it.
The whole monologue is a grown ass baby acting like he being the bigger man over his actual kids.
DoTheDartman
You sound triggered.
meagain2021
He was filming a story, so that accounts for how many times he kept saying triggered. That aside, being triggered by anything is not a rational decision. My daughter doesn't get to choose when she'll have a meltdown. If I can empathize with her now that she is a child I hope I'll be able to do so when she'll be an adult. I also hope that as she gets older she'll be able to tell us where her boundaries are. As the man said, it doesn't matter what triggers you, it matters how you manage it.
tehmatser
So just in case you aren't aware, what happened to you here is that you got triggered. Maybe in your past you wanted to hang out with your parents and they weren't there for you? I don't know your past but you are literally doing what he said he was trying to avoid in the video.
werrywerry
Oh, am I triggered?
Because my parents neglected me?
My Dad didn't gaslight me into not wanting to hang out with him. I hang out with him all the time, he's awesome.
Do you get embarrassed when you throw shit into the darkness and miss by a mile?
Or do you only celebrate the two minutes a day you are accidentally correct?
werrywerry
Look, I am clearly triggered. By everything. I obviously can't deny that.
But calling out your pseudo-psych bullshit was entirely appropriate of me.