Ghostify
320571
8868
235
Got bored at work
bosomeater
@hittinstuff #7
IAmNotVeryCleverAtAll
I liked these. Please continue.
sonofTK421
I'm excited for when I turn into John in twenty years
robertfraser
Al?? Al Bundy? Is that YOU??? I REMEMBER all those touchdowns you scored at Polk High! Shoes? That's your gig now?
RNeao
So much negativity.
ButWhyThough
Ive never seen anything on the internet more accurately than the last image. Does this brad also go to UGA and wear shorts 8 sizes too short
ButWhyThough
*accurate
BillM615
Brad rushed SAE at UGA, and I got $20 that says Jewel is a Bammer...
Pfreena
I enjoyed them, thanks.
Ghostify
Ha thanks buddy ????
idontcareifthesundontshine
Likes her steak well done-savage!
heffalumpisbetterthannone
I like my steak well done also, hate it when they MOO back at me and dribble blood on my plate
Ghostify
It's no fun unless you have it around the kitchen with a knife
doodietaker
TweakerTheBarbarian
#1 sign me up!
Ghostify
As long as she pays
MelcToxic
This man knows
billyjed
Al, is that you?
unicornfun
http://www.writeups.org/wp-content/uploads/Al-Bundy-giant-foot-h.jpg
Lalatino
Read this in Peg's voice
Ghostify
Wait hold on.... Nope not al
despondentriver
Um Olive Garden is fine dining.
Ghostify
Pardon me miss but isn't there a trailer park somewhere missing its single mom?
zanderclause
Steeeeeve. Steeeeeeve. Maddddden.
RetailCat
Please do more of these, they're great.
Ghostify
Just did
MissSiesta
I never knew I could be so many people by just switching shoes!
storeboughtqueso
lagomorpha
To be fair, when income sucks, Olive Garden IS fine dining b/c real fine dining is costly. It's tasty & nice that you don't have to cook it.
usernamealreadyistaken
Good OC ! Love originality!
Willnotbegoingtomanyplaces101
Me too! Loved these, #6 is my hubby.
Ghostify
Thanks homie
JudgeNotByTheColorOfOnesSkinButByTheContentsOfOnesDumps
I seriously love all of these I sincerely laughed and shared this. I'm gonna follow you and wait for more! +1
allotherusernamestaken89
I love these so much @op. Can you get bored at work more often so that you make more posts like this?
Ghostify
Nobody likes repetition
Ghostify
Nobody likes repetition
WhoSaidYouCouldEatTheLastCookie
I actually want @op to judge my shoes
Ghostify
Hit me
EmoryToss17
#3 apparently Patricia has been married since she was 7 years old???
rockettbabe
Glad I'm not the only one that did the math.
taylorisnotacat
Dark, isn't it?
SgtMjAlex
Argentine here, we source our 'local, handmade' stuff from China.
YoTenia10Perritos
Me wants more
Laurafromkc
I want to hang out with John
MollyNapQueen
I only wear converse. What does that shit tell you?
swagmasterlevelginger
Do you work at Nordstrom?
Bellatrixismymother
Was thinking the same thing. Sounds like a shoe dog
Ghostify
Belk ops
JLynnNerd
Ha! I knew it! To be fair, anyone that works for Belk knows ND is ours. Those fixtures looked awfully familiar too.
theshadowrealmyugiboy
John sounds like the only success story
TOTStotsontoothpicks
I love John! I'm sure they mean my dad, described him to a T
tehwilsonator
Katherine sounds like she's doing okay for herself
Gayforbae
Yeah, she's my favorite. Simeon too.
TomUSA
I have a finger, those shoes, ice cream and a 1 syllable name. A few years and a couple of grand-kids and I'm livin' the dream.
CyBercrook
My grandfather wears those. He's an unbearable cunt who was incredibly abusive. He beat his children bloody and all of his grand kids were
CyBercrook
terrified of him.
njessup1992
Must have been some painfully uncomfortable shoes
SomeRandomArsehole
Ravenseeker
My dad, named John, has those shoes and I'm picturing that's what he's going to do whenever I have kids...
Pigby
Well Simeon gets laid more than me so I'd say that's a win.
DoublevBomb
That's why he wears them with socks, he can afford to lose a few points.
Ireadtoomuch
TheLastSithposter
What do you have against Katherine?
Abattage
My hero is now an imaginary person who is described by his comfortable sandals.
ThighHighsSaveLives
He's a good man
ctennessen
My dad wears those. Instead of fishing he has race cars. So there's that.
ctennessen
He's a Jim so it's close. And he has the absolute most terrible "dad jokes" I've ever heard.
ctennessen
He told me about the time he tried eating horse. Told me it "gave him the trots" lmao
glassweaver
Now I don't feel so bad. I'm 26 and that described me perfectly and I OWN THOSE SANDALS. Yes, I wear also socks with them.
ibespacejockey
It's a success story if you're 50 and up and have those sandals, if you're younger you need an appointment with the fashion police...
glassweaver
Oh, I know. During the week I always wear a golf shirt, black slacks, and black running shoes. Not exactly styling, but super comfy .
DarkEvilSoul
Well hello there sexy. I too am young but act like a grandmother, a very cynical, sarcastic Grandma who likes to curse
stuffs
To be fair, I was disappointed when the description didn't mention the obligatory socks. It's mandatory with those sandals.
glassweaver
elandriel
You're 26 and have grandkids?
glassweaver
Replace "grandkids" with "nephew." Perfect wasn't the right word choice there.
ThatHappensToMeSometimes
I like John. He seems like a good dude.
CidColetti
I own #7 36, average height, rather obese, and not at all dark, married and has sex twice a month or so, don't write poetry.
underdogoverhead
Been wearing Clark's Desert Boots since Simeon's dad was sperm. 5'10", shaved head, OK with scarves, meh on poetry, seen all the good bands.
DeepFriedAndSanctified
DBs have been around forever. Mid-40s, no on scarves, enjoy the English Romantics, no tats, prefers vinyl.
EditProfileSaveRepeat
Dude i m 32 i have sex twice a day. If this is my future i ld rather live on Mars!
UnicornRazzleDazzle
Maybe if you wrote more poetry............
eetsumkaus
#7 is literally the most basic shoe for an image conscious male. There is no stereotype for those who wear it
Ghostify
Yeah I wear them every day
Ghostify
Sound like you need more sex and fewer hipster shoes
TygrF
Simeon wears extra-wide short scarves over short sleeve black pocket tees, right?
Ghostify
Bingo
Ghostify
I found those desert boots super uncomfortable, if very chic
eetsumkaus
I wouldn't call them "chic"...but they are common among the younger generation
koboldesq
Everyone on r/mfa has them. I tried them on once in store, and I agree super uncomfortable.
mrmitchell2
They take a bit of breaking in, at least its not DM bad
MuffyTheHamburgerSlayer
Everyone should own a pair of chukkas, but there are much better chukkas.
eetsumkaus
depends what you mean by "better". CDBs are just a middle ground for all of those
MuffyTheHamburgerSlayer
Better construction, better fit, better materials. Clark's are mediocre shoes at best.
eetsumkaus
because their fu grain leather needs to be broken in. I've owned three pairs and they're my traveling shoes. The suede is more comfy OOTB
eetsumkaus
*full grain
OneBigLoser
Well, you still have sex more than I do, so at least you have that.
SovereignPhantasmia
I HAVEN'T HAD ANY IN 3 YEARS
HorribleWifey
I'm sorry for your loss.
SovereignPhantasmia
Thanks. I have given up and become a nun thought.
ThatLemonStealingHorse
I haven't had sex in 25 years! And you know the worst part? I'm only 23.
ThatLemonStealingHorse
Do you know how bad your virginness has to be in order to break the laws of physics?!
SovereignPhantasmia
JayBIrd27
I own #9 ! 23, college student, no friends because I never text anyone back
TanithRosenbaum
Male or female?
JayBIrd27
Female
kittisunshine
32 and have only the 3 friends who put up with me never texting back and disappearing for weeks at a time.
JayBIrd27
How do you find friends like that
kittisunshine
Be yourself, be honest, and clearly communicate why you don't text back. Also it took me years. I don't mince words at all.
kittisunshine
Don't guilt yourself for not being a phone person! It is so stupid that everyone is expected to be! Be yourself and be thoughtful. Hugs!
kittisunshine
I am super fun to hang out with. I just HATE the phone. I use the phone like it's the 70's. It's my right! lol
kittisunshine
...as a friend. I asked can we have ground rules: I am an action communicator. I call or text when there is a reason. If I hurt you tell me
kittisunshine
My best friend of 10 years is a daily super attached texter. Her feelings would get hurt early on because I didn't respond. I made sure
kittisunshine
...that she knew it was NOT her, it was my extreme social anxiety & a genuine HATE for phone communication but I loved hanging out &want her
Nerdygasm
I don't own any of these but I've been married for 9 years and you have WAY more sex than I do.
aquamaniam
That little sex for the both of your marriages sounds unhealthy
UnicornRazzleDazzle
Amen
Nerdygasm
It is and I know it.
gorblin
Okay sorry to pry but I'm curious. What's your rate, age, and/or gender? - another married person trying to gather taboo data
UnicornRazzleDazzle
What's yours? Curious too... married people make me sad with their sad nonsex nonsense & bribes miserable though loving each other
gorblin
I'm at about once a week. I'd like a bit more but it's so difficult finding time in our schedules. You?
Nerdygasm
Not sure what you mean by rate, but I'm 29 and female.
UnicornRazzleDazzle
Rate, as in how often you get sexing from the husband
Nerdygasm
3 times this year. Last time was May 25th (I only remember cause it's our anniversary) and together, the 3 lasted mayyyybe 10 minutes.
TygrF
Visit reddit r/deadbedrooms for advice. Got me to realize I wasn't supposed to be miserable. Getting laid like pipe now.
Nerdygasm
2/2 and I really don't want to do that. I've loved him since right after we met 15 years ago. I'm just sick of feeling undesirable.
TygrF
...which is entirely reasonable. What's not reasonable is spending the rest of your life with someone who makes you feel that way.
Nerdygasm
What I'm reading is just making me more depressed. I've tried many, many things. Most of these posts say to get divorced in my situation.1/2
TygrF
There is a good bit of that, yes. And yes that wound up being my solution. But there is still good advice for how to open up communication.
Nerdygasm
Would you enlighten me as to what the acronyms mean (LL, HLF, etc?
UnicornRazzleDazzle
Why the FUCK does sex stop after marriage?! If I ever do marry, I will continue all the fucks like a banshee.
Nerdygasm
I don't know what's up with it. He just has zero sex drive.
UnicornRazzleDazzle
So sad :( is he cheating?
Nerdygasm
Not a chance. If he doesn't wanna have sex with me (and I'm extremely open-minded and very willing) he's not gonna make the effort elsewhere
CidColetti
To be fair, we should go at it all the time but work, school, buying a home its been a crazy year, but 10 years in we're not always synced.
UnicornRazzleDazzle
Excuses excuses
CidColetti
Yea, what can you do.
TheLordofMelons
WTF Jewel, grandkids at 37?
TairaMai
Happened to one of my friends
sheshazelnuts
My grandma was 39 when I was born
iarmit
That's the burn
techgeek01
My friend's mom had her when she was 16, and her mom was 16 as well, so her grandma was 32.
missnym
My grandma was a grandma at 37... my mom was 19 when I was born.
bitchinmona
Several people I went to HS with are grandparents and I haven't yet had my first kid.
GentlemanScientist
I'm 41, a JHS classmate has currently got eight kids and five grandkids.
Iamfergy
I became a grandmother at 37.
fvckyes
The youngest grandmother in the world was 23 at time of birth of grandkid. I researched this a while back.
FermentedCrabSmuggler
I work with people that age who already have children my age (23) who themselves have children. It's possible.
ohmyapplepie
Gran had my Mom at 19, who had me at 19. Gran was 37 when I was born.
MrsAprilLudgateDwyer
Dear lord, my mother was 37 when I was born!
Gibbermouth
I'm trying to decide if that actually adds up or not?
ohmyapplepie
Well, can you add 19+19? (Then subtract 1, my birthday is before hers.)
JonathanHoag
Right so the thing is one of them gave birth at 18. Like now my dad is 20 years older than me, but he was 19 when I was born.
ohmyapplepie
nope. they were both 19.
jazzmatazz
20 and 17. It happens.
MaggGyver
Knew a dude who was a grandfather at 36
thecacti
I am 27 - my Mom had me when she was 18, my grandma had my Mom when she was 19, making her 37 when I was born. I do not have any kids lol
Kkgld
My gramma had my mom at 20, mom had me at 18, and I did the no baby dance to celebrate my 19, 20, and 21 bdays. We broke the curse!
thecacti
Yeah, we joke about that now! She got me on birth control when I was 16 for both terrible cramps and no babies. Hah!
bryledup
Yes but they're not self-sufficient. These people all live in a single wide in the back yard.
poopontheboop
Introducing, my cousins. Knocked up at 14, daughter knocked up at 14. It's the circle of liiiiife
Strasburg6592
Hat's off to your cousins. They're Makin' uhMurrica Great Again!
battlestargingerpubes
Now you got me singing that song.
ItsUncleSam
Keep it going and she can be great great great great grandmother by 74
foreverthesickestbritain
that is a 28 year old grandma
cthulhusbestfriend
Jesus Christ
BenedoodleCumberpoodle
I'm 28 with 2 cats and a Netflix account.
scnottaken
Holy shit, I'm 28...
eliquo
So many missed opportunities
Vacationdad
God that was my first thought too. Thank god im ugly as fuck so no one wants to sleep with me
amahler
i had a 14 yo student who was raised by his great g-ma & she wasn't even 50 yet...
MagicIsBull
Wait, great grandma at 36? 12×3?
amahler
She was in her late 40s when she became a great grandma is what I meant. She was 60? I think when he was my student.
Lischu
Patricia got married alarmingly young.
UltraCarnivore
Back teller's a Muslim
Ghostify
Well you know how these arranged marriages are
LauraSans
I worked with Patricia. She wore sweater sets everyday in addition to the loafers, always high necked collars. Heaven forbid skin showed.
Ghostify
Hottt
pharlock
if the shoe fits...
ekudram
Patricia has no shoes... and lives in the kitchen.
philstuf
I am glad I am not the only one thinking "Wait a sec... That'd be young even for GoT."
SnackMasterRanger
It was a different time back then
Woestkonijn
Jewel too. If all your kids moved out at 37 ....
amahler
i knew a great grandmother that was only in her late 40s. a long line of teenage pregnancies in that family
Tiddo
Eh.. I don't know. I'm 47 and have a friend 2 years younger then me who has grandchildren the same age as my kids, who are 5 and 7. Her...
Lischu
My great grandma was 40 when she became granny. That is fine, but I'm talking about the fictive character getting married at age 8
Tiddo
... oldest child is 27 or 28. It's not beyond the realm of possibility.
CrazyCreator33
And Jewel is 37 but all her kids are already out of the house and she has pictures of all her grandkids...
amahler
if she had a kid when she was teen then her kid had kids when she was a teen it's completely plausible.
kezzafezza
I know a 30 year old grandmother. She's absolute trash, too
dandanthedrywallman
I think that's the idea, though. White trash = teen pregnancy something something.
fuckyouandyourwittyusername
I had a friend that had a kid at 14. If her son does the same, she could have grandkids and not even be 30.
DoingItWrongSince1980
It's hard to believe she had all her kids before 19. The women I know with multiple kids as a teenager didn't stop just cause they turned 20
DoingItWrongSince1980
They are 37 y/o grandmothers with grandchildren older than their uncles and aunts.
cthulhusbestfriend
Describes a friend. It gets weird since I almost dated his aunt who is 18 while he is 22.
poets
Marry her. You'll be his uncle.
lurkeylurkeychickenturkey
My mom is only 39 and a grandmother..
NatsukiIsMyWaifu
Kid/kids at 20. They are 19 with kids? Is it your child?
lurkeylurkeychickenturkey
Yuuuuppppp. I'm 18. She was 19 when she had me
Helimech
I'm 39 and have no kids, I'll just go cry in a corner
Ghostify
I may have done some politician maths on this one guys. My bad
ButThisDoesntMakeSense
Dude yes.
zombiejedediah
Politician math. +1
angelofcandybar
I'd follow you for this content in a heartbeat
FuryM0nk
Your response to this has made up for anything you've done. Or haven't for that matter... wish I could give more upvotes!
SchizophrenicEuphoria
Please tell me you do this regularly... I need this in my Snapchat stories
twrig144
all aboard the . train
kuroneko94
.
SavgeHnry
.
WillowFern
.
Tionysus
I second this SO hard
BioMead
.
DoubleSunMoonMoon
.
Ghostify
Lol just twice
SchizophrenicEuphoria
Noooooooooooo
snowfork
Do more of these
NASAguy1000
More. I need this. Do more!
Tearofjebus69
I would add you on Snapchat just to see these