skillerious
89627
1633
53
Just if anyone is curious
Jan 22, 2019 7:41 PM
skillerious
89627
1633
53
Just if anyone is curious
nicktahou
But both agree that they were likely to MISS THE GODDAM FIELD GOAL AND LOSE THE EFFING GAME!!!
Shenili
maybe it's just me, but the neon pink smoky eye viking sounds lessimtimidatimg, ao maybe that's the reason
ThatGuyWithThe3DS
I'm by no means an expert, but it's my understanding that most vikings were disenfranchised men who were good with an axe.
prongrammar
Still a shitty depiction of a battle axe.
3Davideo
SmartAssWithAKeyboard
nosoupforoldmen
The big long haired tattooed ones with funny hats are so much fun though
Rexli78
Ironically one of these images is inspired by opera and it isn’t the brightly colored guy in makeup.
dereklarsen
Weren't most of the stories of Vikings told by the people they raided?
Veldareth
Yes - besides those stories local to us Nordic folk. And even they were romanticized and written by victors, often commissioned even.
AMBM2
Better then Spartans: naked warriors doing spin attacks vs Spartans: heavily armoured soldiers in formation.
AMBM2
I mean, that is what separated them from the Persians, armor and tactics. That was the point.
Tourangeau1
What about the techno Viking?
Veldareth
German variety, I believe.
ExistentialDreadlocks
Also they were called Norsemen, not Vikings. Viking was what they DID, e.g. "Let's go viking!"
triggrhaapi
Unsurprisingly, they looked a lot like Celts.
ShawnMillender
The only viking I've seen portrayed like that was Ragnar from Mace: The Dark Age. In fact, he looked EXACTLY like that.
DukeOfChutney608
this is why i couldnt stomach the show vikings after 2 seasons. the outfits were just too much
CrazyCatLad
The outfits were fine and cool. The muddled and unnecessary plotlines of the later seasons were painful.
Icyfirebolt
The Vikings and axes from the left were made popular from opera.
Gryphonosiris
Same with the stupid horned helmets. A horn sticking out like make a great grab handle to throw you off balance.
Iaimtomisbehave
What!
mormacil
Into the Frazetta folder you go.
TheFrozenNorwegian
That's from Conan the Barbarian
xoverthirtyx
Tell me about it. Find evidence a Viking has tattoos & BOOM every major character in every medium is tattooed.
ObscureYoutubeReference
Don’t forget about padded cloth, and mail armour that the rich ones wore.
blackrasputin
Historians also thought a random rock with a crack in it was a sacred text.
DudePlayinADudeDisguisedAsAnotherDude
I love the inconsistency between reality and the impositions people put on those held up as exceptionally “manly”, particularly when it 1/
DudePlayinADudeDisguisedAsAnotherDude
is now often derided as feminine. Like eye makeup and meticulously well groomed nails and hair. 2/2
BearBombs
How do they know men used eye makeup? And for what reason?
rezpawner
http://sciencenordic.com/what-vikings-really-looked It's not mentioned at all in that article, which describes them fairly well.
Saigon333
AFAIK, there are accounts of various Christians complaining about the vanity of the pagan vikings (cleanliness, fashion, body paint).
Saigon333
It turns out the 'rape of their women' might have, in part, just been girls ditching their shitty farm life to bone handsome vikings.
rezpawner
I too wish to know this.
ChimeraOfFury
There were a few Muslim scholars that visited and wrote about the Rus. Theories for eye makeup include to reduce glare on the sea.
InvidiousSquid
xoverthirtyx
I *hated Floki. “Ooohh I’m weeeird, viewers relate my snakey movements, spiky hair, & runny eyeshadow to goth weirdos because I’m weeiiird.”
QueenCousland
I liked him when he was just a mildly eccentric ship builder with the eye makeup I use on Skyrim characters. I liked Athelstan more.
flavivsaetivs
The helmet on the left there looks like the Praga-Stromovka example (10th century) which would be surprisingly accurate.
flavivsaetivs
http://truehistoryshop.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/Helmet-from-Gnezdovo-2.jpg
InvidiousSquid
I mean Vikings got plenty of things wrong, but they got a shockingly large amount right, all things considered.
flavivsaetivs
Yeah looking at the scene in Hi Res it's not the Bojna/Stromovka/etc. helmet but it sort of imitates it.
bootsgalore
Next you're going to tell me we don't actually send people to other planets and can't go faster than light speed!
FarkasMacTavish
The first is more of a "not yet". o3o
LordOfNapTime
You think that’s crazy, you guys are going to flip your shit when I tell you about cowboys!
sundaymondayhippyday
No that’s still truth
ObnoxiousCommenter
You mean the stuff in movies isn't historically accurate? I'm shocked... SHOCKED.
stingraysds
Username checks out.
SirReginaldDukeOfChutney
Well... Not THAT shocked
Peterbuddy566
FlyingCrow91
LeSethX
Even more shocking, there was no specific female armor, as they could just wear regular armor, of they fought.
LeSethX
Doubly shocking, in some cases, men would show off special penis armor.
Billis75
It's like how reality shows are scripted. Reality is boring.
Kbantar
It's different when it's a commonly known to be inaccurate cliche and one that's so universal as to almost be intentional misinformation.
toolatetosaygoodbye
Well, it's a shame that the right side is still inaccurate
yourself458
I am interested in your input.
4FingeredBandit
No "one" style is accurate because there were many different countries/tribes over centuries that took part in viking.
TheRiffTheRaff
No explanation. The end. Well I believe you completely, Dr. Givesnoevidence ;)
CaptnVonClapp
I can speak from recent lectures on Eastern European Vikings, that saying they all wore Byzantine inspired fashions is a simplification.
jingledyourmom
So your saying the picture above is evidence?
MattDerKomponist
I think they're saying that the person should say what exactly is wrong about the info instead of just saying it's wrong.
thatstomorrowsproblem
Go on.
Loriborn
http://www.hurstwic.org/history/articles/daily_living/pix/axeman.jpg is a more accurate rendition, but the drawing on the right isn't bad.
Loriborn
... leg wraps were puttee style, not ribbon style, and weren't super common regardless; the hygiene fact is accurate enough though.
Loriborn
Tattoos and makeup are generally highly debated and there's more evidence to support it in Rus than Norse; definitely not commonplace.
Loriborn
The neckline would not have been cross stitched closed, dyed fabric was not prohibitively expensive, spears were more common than axes...
popejubal
No one who carries a spear is going to only have a spear. At some point, you're going to need your sidearm and that an axe.
SometimesISayHistoryStuff
Knife actually. There are far more long knives found as sidearms than axes. Now don't get me wrong the liked axes, but it wasn't as >
SometimesISayHistoryStuff
> ubiquitous as it was with, like, the 6-7th century Franks. Those guys loved their axes.
Neuroactive
and viking was a verb, calling them vikings is like calling someone a 'hunting', though in cultural they might call themselves hunters
LeSethX
It was a profession, like a knight or a pirate.
flavivsaetivs
No, Viking is a noun. Viking is the voyage. Vikingr is the Voyager. (Like Run is the noun, Runner is the person doing the running).
RageMonk
Yay for accurate vikers!
BusterH
Relax, don’t be a hunt!
Odinthewrathfull
You sir are incorrect.
Neuroactive
anyone not them would likely have called them Danes, since most were traders.
LurkerOfDarkness
We are still traders.
flavivsaetivs
"Northmen" or "Danes," yes. It's believed most were from Denmark, in fact.
Janusha
Danes refers, obviously, to the country of Denmark where many of them came from. The traditional raiding Viking with boats is Norwegian.
Neuroactive
well, yeah. I didnt mean they called them that cause they were traders. just that's likely how traders referred to themselves.
Janusha
I believe most "vikings" were traders. But the word "Viking" Fara i Viking. Meant to go raiding. So a Viking was a raider.
SometimesISayHistoryStuff
Danes, Rus, Northman, Swedes, Ostmen, barbarians, spawns of Hell. They had a lot of names.
Cruxador
You've forgotten the Geats. And listing both "Swedes" and "spawn of Hel" is redundant.
fivecharacters
+ 1 dissing those of the accursed Svear.
Gilgamech
So you're saying they weren't 6'4" and all full of muscle?
ObscureYoutubeReference
It’s kinda hard to be feared and bloodthirsty warriors without those things...
4FingeredBandit
No they were, just with fashion sense.
MyLifeisaComplicatedDrinkingGame
Historically, Napoleon was NOT short. But Norse men WERE tall. So we’re the Celts.
swordofblaze
They still were, just fancily dressed.
SchizophrenicMC
Neither did they speak-a your language, nor did they smile and give out vegemite sandwiches.
GaultReardon2020
Ay sayed didja speeka meh language
RobotAccomplice
I said do you speaka my language?
SamuthNBS
I doubt many people back then achieved 6ft.
SometimesISayHistoryStuff
Average height of male early Scandinavian was 5'7", one inch shorter than their central European neighbors.
BSutherland
We do still have smokey eye shadow, tho...
notashill
I saw a history channel series about the Vikings. It cited a journal of Arabic traders that made their way up to Scandinavia, it stated(1/2)
notashill
They were "as tall as palm trees"
SometimesISayHistoryStuff
Yeah, Ibn Fadlan. Famous writer, wrote about the burial practices of the vikings (spoiler warning, gang rape), but the archeological >
SometimesISayHistoryStuff
> evidence doesn't back it up. We have found many viking age burials and the skeletons are not unusually tall.
ElmTreeForest
Them’s from a land down under
SlothWolfen
Not all of us, I'm 5'10" and full of depression
GoodChange
Nah, from Brussels eh. “Buying bread from a man in Brussels He was six-foot-four and full of muscles”
JapeLord42
Who ate the vegimite samwitch?
asrai86
The man from the land down under, who was handed the sammich by the man from Brussels as a form of communication.
whoopsywoo
Where women roar?
GoodChange
*where women glow
Gilgamech
And men...dunder?
GoodChange
*and men plunder
AeroEngineer
And the men chunder
AliBarber
*chunder
VikingRuger
...I'm 6'4" and full of muscle and I haven't lifted since early 2017. It's the Viking genes, my whole family is like this.
dietderpsy
You probably also eat a good amount of protein to keep the muscle.
VikingRuger
Deffo but I don't have to work out for it.
Falanxzealot
Same here :-) have you got the inward canted pink fingers tips too?
VikingRuger
No, but I have very mild Viking Hand Disease.
Falanxzealot
Ouch :-?
VikingRuger
Naw, no problems, just some lumps in my tendons. I do yoga so I stretch it out and it won't be a problem.