Stories of a Universal Studios Employee

I just got let go from the greatest job I ever had... I'd been meaning to make this, so I'm gonna share some of my favorite stories from Universal Studios! (I just hope it cheers me up!) These aren't all of them, of course, but its a few. I may post more if this gets front page, but if not, oh well. I just wanted to do this for a long time.

I was working as a greeter in Krusty Burger. (It was my home restaurant. The place I was at the most.) It was my job to draw people in, answer questions about the food and keep people entertained in line. So as I'm telling my jokes and having fun with some guests, a man approaches me from behind and taps my shoulder. "Excuse me, sir!" he shouts. "What is this!?" I look and see the normal hamburger. "Well, it looks like a Krusty Burger to me." I say, smiling to lighten the mood. "No!" he says. "The meat! What is the meat!?" I look a bit puzzled. "Beef..." I answer. He shakes the burger. "Exactly!" he shouts. "And why is there beef in my burger!?" I'm almost freaking out by this point. "I'm sorry. Did you want the veggie burger instead?" I ask. He gets more angry. "No! I want meat, but I don't like beef!" he explains. "Do you have another burger?" I look to the menu as it was my first week on the job. "Well, we have the Ribwich, which is pork-" He cuts me off. "NO! I want a BURGER!" Then, he storms off, mumbling about looking for a manager.

This one cracked me up for about a week. I was a greeter again on a less busy day. I stood by the door, handing out menus to guests. And a woman walks over to me. She was English I believe. She looks over the menu with her daughter for a minute and finally looks up and says "What makes the Krusty Burger so crusty?" with a genuine look of curiosity on her face. This was too good to pass up. Sadly my co-worker who was coming to send me on break heard and immediately said the joke before me. "Its the sauce, ma'am." he says with a dead straight face. She looks at him with the most surprised look. "The sauce!?" We both started laughing. We then proceeded to explain to her that Krusty the Clown is the owner of the store and that we were kidding of course. This was a prime example of how everything in Springfield is a joke.

So, employees get discounts on food! Awesome! But we have to present our I.D. and give our I.D. numbers to get said discount. So, me, making jokes all the time, came up with a fun way to ask. Whenever a girl would come over and present the I.D., I'd ask them "Lemme get them digits, girl." in the most douchey way I could. Normally, I'd get a laugh from the girls my age or the older women would think it's cute, or sometimes people just didn't care. But one girl (Who was actually super cute) smiles and writes down her phone number, then gives it to me. I immediately handed it back and said "I meant your I.D. digits. My girlfriend would kill me if she saw this." She was embarrassed, and her friend got a good laugh about it. I never told anyone who it was, but I did tell them it happened once.

All I had to say to this was "Wrong cartoon." And so many people were let down. My least favorite thing to do on the job is make people disappointed. But they accepted it and ordered their food.

I often get asked "Who are the worst tourists you get at your theme park?" And my answer is always the same. There are no bad tourists. Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves. But as some may know, the more local folks give the employees the hardest time. (And I have been guilty of this once or twice.) But the biggest thing I remember was when a local woman wanted to take a picture while standing on top of Chief Wiggum's police car, which happens a lot. That there is dangerous. I walked out of the donut shop and politely ask her "Hi, miss. I'm sorry, but you can't stand on top of the police car. It's not safe." Normally people just say "Oh, sorry. Okay." But no. She blew up! "What!? How dare you tell me what to do! I'm a grown ass adult! I can to whatever I want! It says I can in the Constitution! I'm a fuckin' American!" She was yelling and screaming and soon, security showed up. When she finished screaming and I was done calmly explaining to the security officer that its dangerous, he simply looked at us and asked "Would you stand on a real police car?" The woman answered "No." The officer laughed and asked "Then why do it here!?" She simply scoffed and walked away.

When I watch movies with my friends, especially movies like Minions, Jurassic Park, or Back to the Future, I like talking about the characters and making up stories about them. Like babysitting for Gru, or how nobody makes bets with Doc Brown, or how employees in the lower lot lose limbs from raptor attacks. They all groan and roll their eyes. My sister loves the jokes. But she has the same dumb humor as me. I might post some if asked, but if this just dies in the user-sub, maybe not.

Ever since before I could talk, my dad and I watched the Simpsons together every Sunday. It was at the point where we knew every joke, reference, quote and character in the show! During the Springfield soft-opening, guests could check out the restaurants before the final touches were made. I would play trivia and make jokes from the show with guests and they really liked it it seemed. The managers noticed this and asked me to work for the press opening. What I didn't realize at the time was that I'd be on TV. AWESOME!!! So, while at the press release, I was at Luigi's and got to serve pizza to the cast and crew, including Yeardly Smith! (That's Lisa Simpson for those who don't know.) It remains one of the greatest nights of my life.

So, I was at Luigi's Pizza, and I'm ringing up a group of kids for a summer camp field trip (Or something like that. I dunno) and one other kid comes up behind them and pushes them out of the way. He wasn't wearing the same shirt as them, but I still asked if he was with them. They said no. So I explained he had to go to the end of the line (Which was two other groups of four behind this one.) He looks completely confused. Then, I realized, he doesn't speak english. I point to the line and he nods and walks to the end. As soon as I finish ringing up the kids from the camp (which took all of 30 seconds) he cuts in front of the other family, shoves a young girl and just yells "How much!?" I look at him and point to the line, telling him he needs to wait. "How much!?" he shouts again. The mother who was supposed to be next in line looks at me and says "Just ring him up. Its fine." So I do. The kid owes $8 or so, and hands me $20. I open the register and he immediately reaches in and tries to take the cash from the drawer! The woman in line grabbed his hands and yelled at him as he then started smacking her. After taking the change I set down while I tried to break up the fight, he ran. I hear security found him and that it wasn't the first place he did that at. But I never asked if he was caught by security. He ran and I never saw him again.

Ever since I could remember, I wanted to be a voice actor. I would do character imitations, Pokemon noises, and recreate the accents my family and friends had. The ones that were my favorite were of my family and their friends from Massachusetts, or my Uncles and cousins from Nebraska. This was perfect, because in Luigi's Pizza, I'd do my East Coast voice, which was a mix of my friend John (who used to live in Massachusetts) and Bugs Bunny. As for Cletus's Chicken Shack, I'd always do my impression of my Uncle Buzzy from Nebraska. I was only asked to stop once by a lead and it was because another co-worker tried it and started sounding a bit too... fake, I guess? That's what one girl told me. But the managers and some of the co-workers loved it. But the leads at Luigi's HATED it! It annoyed them so bad! But I did it for the guests. I'd always get laughs with my jokes when I did voices.

I guess what I gotta say is, I miss my job. Its been about 4 days since I lost it, and I already miss all my friends there. The managers, the leads, the stand attendants, the bartenders, and even thise bums from Harry Potter. (Another joke.) If you're ever in Springfield, say hi to the food guys for me. I hope to get the job back some time, so I might be seeing them all again. But until then, hey, whatcha gonna do, right?

Edit: My first Front Page! Thank you! Part 2 is up now! http://imgur.com/gallery/r11i3