Vigilanterepoman
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Quack
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I'm dead inside
Quality content from Explosm
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PullShporttel
Who fakes an injury to get a drug that makes you vomit? Get some vicodin or oxy...
NietMenno
#1 a friend of mine did this. He was drunk and told me could pee really far and instantly wipped his dick out and peed. Tbf it was like 3m.
JARKB
The manager at Applebees.
MeatierWagon
The first one made me start crying from laughing idk why
jekston
10/10 dumparino
BahamutBBob
#10
MetroidJunkie
#26 Honey Bees: Hi, there. Don't mess with our hive, or we'll be awful sore. Killer Bees: I SENSE MOVEMENT! ALL UNITS ATTACK!
JacksRedDog
I stole at least two of them. +1
Chirikain
#34 ok im there, whats next?
SouthEast
WilltheAdequate
#12 screams Shameless. Classic Frank.
whynotsneeze
i like you op
Vigilanterepoman
Thanks. My mom says I'm alright
cuffufikins
Not often that #1 in a dump makes me triple take. Coming in hot
simplynand0
Best dumparino i've seen. Laughed at most. Coworkers now know i'm not working.
markta
#11 too early to tell that joke
phyzzx
That's the whole point of that dream. You feel weak IRL and your dreams confirm it wuss.
mastodoff0
+1 for #1. Pissiest shit post ever.
theyallwenttoMexico
#22 and that's why they were called 'The Funnies'. Excellent!
ChiefMasterAirmanFirstClassSelectInCharge
Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
MarkDaHero777
#2 oh I’m mr stealy and were going to Walmart today!!
thatguyisreallydeep
That's eight brapples
MarkDaHero777
Lol thanks
jugustaf
#25 is gold. Anyone know what that cartoon is?
TheTrueDovahSpy
Well it's the same style and signature of Extra Fabulous Comics
jugustaf
Thanks!
IRequireSustenance
“The more it does the neither it can’t.” - Gandhi
ShellackHolmes
Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
beastofburidan
Words these is?
YesButAlsoYes
-Michael Scott
Vortexhelios320
-Scott Sterling
beastofburidan
Known child molester
istealthepixelsfromreposts
The mice?
CR0SS0
He kept infants in his loincloth and rape juice in his mustache
Nineteenletterslong
There's a time and a place for these topics.
GrimdogX
mechscientist
same, same. And I sure as shit can't have any kids.
MiloBloomm
Whelp!
YouCantGetDiseasesFromABird
You is a dad
theycallmeMrGlass
Is it because you’re a white dad?
GrimdogX
Hope not, no kid deserves to inherit my ugly mug.
AnthonyBlumpkins
A friend nearby doesn't get it. Can you explain it so I can show them?
GrimdogX
Didn't realize it until just now, but for some reason me and other white guys I know slap our knees when we get up in public, Not a dad tho.
GrimdogX
To my knowledge at least.
WardStradlater
#11 uhhhh what? Tinder hasn’t been around long enough for people’s parents to have met through it....
EmanNiemThcin
Step parents are a thing.
TheBlueSquid
Seems unlikely you'd get 2 people who were adopted at a high enough age to themselves be on tinder, whose adoptive parents met on tinder.
NotSoSmartAlek
Actually, step parents are when your parent marries someone other than your other parent. Nothing to do with adoption.
TheBlueSquid
You're absolutely right. I feel foolish now, and appreciate you exposing and ultimately reducing my naïveté in this way.
MightestGlowCloud
Well maybe 1-2 year olds
WardStradlater
And these 2 year olds are also on tinder now?
GrimdogX
Might wanna phone Chris Hansen.
gleely
Kinder
MightestGlowCloud
They're on Kevin Spacey's app
WardStradlater
Damn fine joke sir or madam
animetattoofreak
#40 can anyone explain why we can’t punch hard in our dreams?
FreshWater13
don't punch, melt it with your mind.
JessieJanson
Probably has something to do with the fact your body paralyzes you while you sleep. Ive woken up unable to move and tried to, the feeling1/2
JessieJanson
of both is exactly the same. Being able to move in your dream is like overcoming some mental block and moving with only your mind. 2/3
JessieJanson
Ive also flown in my dreams, but its hard to do, takes the right state of mind or I get no lift :(
otombliss
yoooo I wanna know, it's so frustrating
FlavoredBeaver
Feels like I'm underwater too.
snappygiraffe
The body naturally paralyzes itself to prevent injuries. Lack of this response is an early indicator of dementia. Sadly that's true.
animetattoofreak
Ooo that’s good to know! I just always assumed it was my own mind tormenting me, good to know it’s healthy!
MightestGlowCloud
I don't think I've ever tried to punch hard in my dreams
animetattoofreak
Really? I do every now and again when I have nightmares... can’t ever punch hard or run fast. Never understood why, assumed it was just me.
NotASecretAgent
Yeah me too, everything i do is often kind of ”floaty”
mrforbeez
I think it's to prevent yourself from actually acting it out. Only times I ever managed to punch hard in a dream I woke myself up doing it.
Three6s
I can't either. It usually happens to me during lucid dreams. I WANT to hit, but I can't. I can survive some falls though. Quite a rush!
NotSoSmartAlek
I can turn falls into flying and rewind deaths, usually.
LetheTheArtificer
I have flying and rewind (death) dream scenes. I just don't get the remote control and whomever does is having a laugh each time.
Appachehelicopter
Can someone explain #7?
TheChickLoverMagnetron
its when you have 6 of something and then get another one or when you have 8 of something and you lose one of them.
paul289
*slap* WELP. Time to go!
lolapples
I'm much more of a fan of the double thigh rub.
perfecteye18
Ahh, a man of culture, take a seat
lolapples
Hahah then I'll have to thigh rub when I get up!!
BoredScroller
It’s a white dad thing to slap both his thighs before he stands up to leave. Can confirm, my white dad does this.
Shanghaidoll
Do you have any non-white dads?
Nineteenletterslong
maybe they're checking their pockets and announcing that it's time to leave in one action.
MarkDaHero777
Can confirm, 100% my dad does this.
AndThenThereWereSquirrels
Okay but what does your black dad do
thylumberjack
Slaps my white dad.
WardStradlater
Slaps me before he gets up
Kronzor
Never met him, obviously
BoredScroller
Goes to get cigarettes and never comes back
uberAIDSwastakenwtf
What black dad?
whotookthegoodnames
Certainly not stick around long enough to wind up at a family dinner.
Taazar
Shit, I do this and I'm only 19, help me!
hyperspaceaidsmonkey
You probably picked it up from watching your dad do it. White people have no culture so they just mimic others.
verdenvidia
i know youre probably just meming but thats exactly what culture is ):
hyperspaceaidsmonkey
Not really mimicry as much as passing down traditions. White people are just copycats.