IbeatItToAdele
61541
1031
116
Feb 17, 2017 8:05 PM
IbeatItToAdele
61541
1031
116
geekyisland
Ship it to a PO box or pick it up from UPS/FedEx facility yourself
Arodef
man the fuck up and go buy one from the store!
RhymingEverything
Buy it off amazon, no suspicious package then.
TheGodsMustBeCrazy
Even if your roommates answer the door for UPS, it will still be in a normal, nondescript brown package.
aNAKEDdeadGUY
It's only fake pussy
ChloePrice
Buy a dildo. Say it's for your gf when your mates ask. Instead stick it in your pooper and have a "gspot" orgasm. Also cheaper.
skagyawn
Very clever. Guys... The title
hispanicyankee
I was hoping somebody else saw that
Euffy
I didn't think it was exactly hidden...?
skagyawn
Welcome to user sub. Everything is literal. Sometimes if the blood moon is kind we also sacrifice baby sloths
ShoopDeDoop
Have it delivered to your parents house. That way, your roommates won't know when it's delivered.
halborski
And have it sent in your dad's name so no one suspects it's for you.
captainclutch
"Hey honey, you got some mail so I opened it. I don't know what it is but your dad said he played with it and it seemed to work well."
NZSheeps
"Is it one of those kissing practicing things?"
LilSis061016
There are lots of discrete sites online that ship under generic-looking names in regular boxes.
itsanotherdanny
fleshlight.com is one of them.
HaircutsOfNicholasCage
Secretly, I wait in adult stores to wave my dick at uncomfortable looking patrons. Or is that Victoria's Secret? Or Denny's. Never mind.
Scylia
Why are people afraid of going into sex shops? Its just a toy store like any other, just for adults.
D3monfromwithin
Its becase of the fact that sex is taboo in the now a days
hideakikarate
When I was in school, teacher told us that if you can't man up to buy condoms you're too immature to have sex.
metalman71589
Societal hang-ups in regards to sexuality.
died0
MoparGoVroomVroom
Grow up.
craigscrazyguactacs
Quit being a pussy
ViciousOtter
Go to an adult store, it's their jobs, they don't a fuck, they sell giant dildo and full leather hoods, a fleshlight ? Nothing noticeable.
AheagoAmigo
Store I worked at sold the torsos which were basically a silicon mold of a person from the neck to the crotch. Pretty popular with truckers.
norway1992
(1/2)Honestly.. If you're too scared to enter an adult store, you're probably too young anyways. I remember being just like you when I was a
norway1992
(2/2) teenager. Walking up and down the street outside, trying peek inside, being terrified that someone might recognize me
norway1992
(3/2) There comes a time when you realise being embarrassed about this is just silly. The staff prob gets a dozen people like you everyday.
fantasihandikappad
Bought one but I never use it, extremely overrated.
itsppearsyoucanindeed
I had one and I would say its good, since it resembles the real thing. The hand doesnt, which can make real sex harder to enjoy
Flixster
Same here, stopped using after a few weeks. Sex toys for men are cold and too difficult to keep hot enough for me to enjoy. 1/2
Flixster
If they ever make one that stays a constant 98.6 degrees like the inside of an actual woman I may just never leave the house. 2/2
abraxasfury
If you're interested in selling it, I know a guy who wants to buy one.
yoseph26
icookfoodandfightfire
yeah, won one at MOSex and gotta say i was kinda disappointed with it
DontcallmeLen
Never used it and overrated? Did you want the box for something?
LosPer
Inconvenient and high maintenance...
itsanotherdanny
running it under warm water and letting air dry is high maintenance?
LosPer
Warming it up, keeping it handy, keeping it concealed, and keeping it clean, yes. For me. YMMV
BroggyWanKenobi
They come in very discrete packaging
NotAnIroningBoard
As discreet as a false vagina could be
Edutittam
Well, they don't exactly put a picture of it on the box.
StrayItalianGreyhound
As someone who's bought sex toys online - can confirm.
THESEareATTACKeyebrowsYOUcouldOPENbottleTOPSwithTHESE
Sex shops are nothing to fear. Most other customers wont look at you and the clerks are always nice
nosoupforoldmen
You can order them online and you can even get ones that are disguised as large cans of beer. Really helps train good stamina
RobMx80
Your roommates open your mail?
michealikruhara0110
I think he's worried they'll ask "what did you get in the mail?" and he'll have no response.
WickedWitchoftheMidwest
Then you say "fleshlight" and laugh, nobody will suspect....
dontholduptheline
Amazon box
DehydratedBoogers
Quite sure you use Gift Checkout and Ship in Amazon Box for that.
OF001
Is that what they call the XL size?
cambot339
Yeah sounds like BS. If my roommates opened my amazon packages (or any mail) I would move out.
DuckyofDeath123
... you mean, you would grab your fake ID and move to another country so the FBI would never get you for dismembering your roommates, right?
chronzerg
uwat
He means his mother.
MediocrityGetsMeHot
Grandma's Boy
triscuit3000
I'd say the question still stands. Your parents shouldn't be opening your mail without your consent either.
tornadosandwich
Legally I think they can if your under 18. Plus the whole "under our roof, our rules" they can do whatever they want, you get free rent
triscuit3000
18 USC Section 1702, There is absolutely no provision for minors. Furthermore, not only is it illegal it's an insane violation of trust.
kalimakalimaaa
Do it the old fashioned way. Find a woman and fuck her
TheRicM
And then she gives you a fleshlight? Cool how that works
kalimakalimaaa
No fleshlight, sandwiches tho
TheRicM
I'll take it
slack3rdav3
Quit being a baby. Show it off to them. Adult stores are more expensive, and most packages are non-descriptive.
MapToTheCrunch
Most online sex stores have very discreet packaging. Also, own it. Own up to having a fleshlight.
Ihaveonetesticle
Use Amazon locker
voodoosexdoll
Or get a PO box
akshually
You can't reeeeeeeally stick your dick in those. It's kind of frowned upon
Riptailz
Well done
Guttahtrash
akshually
Nice
MathiasTolerain
One of the best buying experiences I've had was in an adult store buying a Tenga. Honestly the employees were great.
Kaylarra
I'm afraid to ask what a tenga is
MathiasTolerain
It's just a brand of sex toy. Not "scary looking" either. Google it if you're curious, they have stuff for men and women.
MathiasTolerain
Weird. I saw your comment on my notifications but it is lost here. Tengas aren't very brightly colored, look up OVO for the odd colors.
tomhark
make one out of a pringles tube and some playdough.
PiGuy314
Actually.... a pringles tube, some foam rubber, and a condom works pretty well. Source: definitely not experience.
DingleBerryJane
DarkSock
Pro tip – take out the potato chips first. Trust me on this one…
lenomdeplume
Or not....(semi pro tip).
DarkSock
No pain no gain...
TheNinjaPervert
Empty out an actual fleshlight and fill it with slugs
synysterlove
captainclutch
tomhark
bees?
itsppearsyoucanindeed
thatsmyfetish.jpeg
wooliebooger
CreativeWritingJudge
I just don't like the idea of the cleanup. Trying not to meet the eye of your reflection under the cold fluorescent light of your bathroom,
slack3rdav3
Yeah. Bought a cheap 'few times use' one and didnt like it at all. Friend had a fleshlight that he fuckin loved, but threw out b/c of gf.
CreativeWritingJudge
As you systematically wash out the pink rubber, then treat it with corn flour to prolong its life. You feel your reflection in the bathroom
CreativeWritingJudge
Mirror silently looking on. Judging.
missbelled
"Solid purchase. I judge thee well." -my reflection, because I'm not ashamed of what I'm about
whatupmyknitters
once you see yourself in the mirror while cleaning off a giant butt plug in the bathroom sink, nothing else is that bad.
Piornet
People in adult stores sell that stuff all the time - it doesn't matter to them anymore. And you'll never see them again.
begbietossesapint
It's true. They don't care. Vibrator purchased, no fucks given (pun intended ).
TwoHorndUnicorn
make friends with sex shop workers. they are cool people
drewcrosby
...or WILL you?
RainDog55
Also.... people in adult stores WORK at adult stores.
LokiShinigami
Not true, they will see you again, and they'll eventually know you by name . . . You repeat visitor.
YungSaguaro
My team mates girlfriend works in one so no on that
boonanaman69
Plus when you go in, you will see no one making eye contact with you.
HeadlessNorseman
Heck, go a few towns over to one where they have no clue who you are.
IKeepChangingMyUsername
I think @OP is the result of clickbait headlines. I doubt he's actually TERRIFIED this much.
Thorlin
That and or get it delivered to a PO box if you're scared they'll open the box
GetSchwifty
For me its not being in one. its the going into it. Not wanting to be seen type thing.
drewcrosby
...or WILL you?
Bl3eh
He could buy off of Amazon the ship it to a post office
TrikStari
Until you go back for the special warming lube, a week later.
grantavius
Plus, everyone masturbates, why not do it better? Are you shy about buying toilet paper?
SoIHeardYouGuysLikeReposts
I used to work in one, someone looking for a fleshlight is probably the tamest thing I have ever dealt with. Plus we have good advice, too.
Gonnaderpya
Also they're super nice generally and really helpful.
Cattrina
AND all the other customers are customers too
MelodiousDissonance
Going into a sex shop wasn't bad,being mistaken for my mother, then once the error was corrected,being told her preferences in detail did it
dangermint
*shudder*
JosephGordonLevittsLeftSock
avastmehearty
was with my parents and fiance, we wandered into a shop, too late realized it was a sex toy shop. My mom had fun exclaiming about the toys
pinkiesmalls
Can confirm. They dont give a hoot. They will even wrap it really nice like a gift. They can be discrete if you ask.
yamahog
well that's no good, but if they could be discreet that
yamahog
*would be great
Piornet
And it's not like they ship them in a box that says "FLESHLIGHT" - order it along with something else and tell your roommates that it's the
[deleted]
[deleted]
TogderNodger
That always seemed pointless, you can literally just Google the name and address
BiteTheHandsThatThieve
I saw all kinds of sex toys working at Amazon. They all ship in the same Amazon boxes. If OP's roommates are opening his Amazon orders...
BiteTheHandsThatThieve
he needs new fucking roommates (possibly literally).
TalosGuideUs
Can confirm, unloaded a trailer or sex toys for amazon
BiteTheHandsThatThieve
One time when i was packing i sent a butt plug off with a Merry Christmas note. Someone sent a butt plug as a present.
RepostFromLastWeek
No but if you order it from a foreign country you may have to explain it to the customs for taxation.
Piornet
TIL to always get latex vaginas domestically.
Piornet
other item. Or just tell them you're getting a fleshlight and own it - then there's nothing to mock you for.
pinkiesmalls
If I worked for a deliver service I would be fired because I would feel compelled to slap "fleshlight" stickers on random packages...
noptic
that is just mean. Do something harmless ... like writting arab letters on it
Piornet
Especially if you come into their room and stare at them in unblinking silence while using it to completion. Assert your dominance.
ActuallyJabbaTheHutt
Riese89
Asserting dominance is the most important part.
tittytasseltommy
Can we stop saying this creepy shit that no one ever does.. ? No? Well alright.
tittytasseltommy
..to their roommates. Dogs. Family. Significant other? OK you got me
TheUnstoppableBukakkeTsunami
"No one ever does"... yes... correct...
wksquared
Assert dominance by peeing on them.
Piornet
Instructions unclear, banned from Tour de France.
DinoSuarez
Let's see if I can get this username right, @AGGRESSIVELYPEEINGINBUTTS
AGGRESSIVELYPEEINGINBUTTS
NONONONONO......You lure them in with the grilled cheese sandwiches and then immediately pee in their butts while locking eyes for dominance
BrandonMoon
yeah, but then they will always be asking to borrow it.
noptic
best outcome : no one needs a fleshlight anymore
houtaku
Roommate is now fleshlight?
Piornet
This has gone from helpful to kind of a turn on.
wherethepunchlineends