I can’t bear to dump my silly problems on my friends but I just need to talk to someone

Lemme just start by saying I wanted to put this on a throwaway but Imgur wouldnt let me make the account. Thanks imgur

So Im here laying in bed crying over my absolute uselessness. I finally found someone who I sincerely like and care about, and of course I ruin it
We’re both coworkers, so we constantly have people butting into our business which put a huge strain on us, but we ultimately ignored it. Neither of us are dating but we’re very close
Im not cut out for dating. In between depression, anxiety issues and ASD, Im pretty high maintenance so Im usually very distant because I hate bothering people with my problems

I decided to take a risk and put my hard work at managing my mental health issues to the test but...
the word of mouth in the workplace is that Im starting to really annoy him and that he just wants me to go away. Now obviously I know to just ignore that crap, theyre obviously shit stirrers. The problem is, hes become more distant the past few days, so Im wondering if theres just a hint of truth to it
And it is true that lately my anxiety has been acting up and I wouldnt blame him if its bothering him. Im scared that hes trying really hard to be nice and understanding of me but its starting to take a toll on him

Im honestly lost on what to do and my pathetic ass cant do anything but cry to myself while pretending that everythings fine. Ive spent 6 years trying to get better with my mental health and I feel like Ive fallen back to space 1 and I have no one to blame but myself
I honestly want to one day find someone and have a family, but I cant even manage seeing someone without fucking it up. Ive only dated once in my life and that relationship was dead on arrival.

I just feel useless and lonely and pathetic.

Tl;dr: found a guy I like, started seeing him, fucked it all up with my mental health problems (probably)