DeepFriedGrapes
274980
18633
440
New Style of Hair Cut
That should be in a museum... Wait... It is!
the elevator
flat rabbit = flabbit
SolomonHerculesAtlasZeusAchillesMercury
I got angry at the leg shaving one because Ubisoft is pronounced oobisoft like how Uber is and then I realized what a loser I am smh
Okiegoon
emboslice
I know the girl who posted this originally. She posts about it on fb all the time. I highly doubt it's actually true
NoxxiGreenrose
My mom said once she thinks I was gay, because once I looked away when a girl walked by next to us. Too bad she doesn't know she was right
Flyndaran
I never went insane monkey when pretty women walked by like my uncle. Seriously, dude, keep your tongue in your damn mouth. Yet I'm weird?
Holdmyhectocotylus
Who in gods name sleeps in a bra, let alone a lace one? That shoulda been a dead giveaway that she wants the D, not superman pjs
SwingOutOrBust
I think that was the joke.
Solaralyn
My thoughts exactly!
SectsDryve
I know girls that want both
DogsAndMemesAreMyTwoFavoriteThings
*ehem*
PeteVenkmann
Yup. They have to be one of the most uncomfortable things to sleep in.
Bigguy104
http://41.media.tumblr.com/343a886614ebc86d3d2e4859e79b78c3/tumblr_ns8dj9McXi1tmd0fko1_1280.jpg so I found a sketch of the one of them
titchbiddies
A man can only have so many dumps internet!!!
Camacho4Prez
Heh. Mayo neighs
Tiinymonkey
I'm Australian and I literally only now understand that wagon wheel song. It makes sense now that it's a literal wagon's wheel.
assbad
the Bob Dylan/OCMS one or some song I've never heard?
Istorestuffinmyboobs
Jeez. I now have to pee really bad because I'm in bed and had to finish this shit.
lastfairdealgonedown
How do you think the elevator guy feels? All the way diagonally down and right. Then all the way to the left just to go up. Nightmarevator
Careaga
The same is happening to me, gahh bye, have to pee, then imma make some coffee. Cheers ☕
prettykitties
Holy shit me too
thehoopiestfrood
If you were shitting in bed, might as well pee too imo.
ButtholeMarsBarDispenser
You clever son of a bitch
Somanyquestions
Then what will you read on the toilet? You fool wasted this dump.
Istorestuffinmyboobs
I don't usually bring something with me to pee... Except the cat, but that's not by choice.
ProbablyPooping
This is some rookie talk
Gutshank
TIL there are only 500 goats in the city I live in.
Lebensabschnittpartner
That dinosaur one is wrong. Oil was made from underwater organisms, mostly algae and small plankton
thingol74
From XKCD: https://what-if.xkcd.com/101/
filben7
If someone starts a knock knock joke with me I always just say "Come in" .
TacoDan2645
Texas has a lot of goats.
10champ10
So now my phone has like 8 new pics in it. Thanks OP for taking up SD card space that I will never get back.
YoursTrulee
Accuracy is impeccable
TheImgurianWhoSendsFriendlyAndFunnyMessagesToOtherImgurians
I have over like 300 pictures from these dumps on my phone...
NootBoii
I have over 800 and then complain on the space in my phone
namelessfish
I do this too, but then I dump it onto my PC. Then it happens again. It's a vicious cycle
oledirtybronco
How would you like to run the stats department a make a dot map for all the goats in the US
notresponsible
You egg.
Metallicat70
Hlep
bloxman
Good one I actually laughter at them
SwingOutOrBust
In case this is a "not native speaker" thing and not a typo, the word you wanted is "laughed". ;)
bloxman
I done goofed and am a native speaker
SwingOutOrBust
I laughter at your comment.
accipiter
I feel like if you're so unstable you'll cancel a trip to NYC because your kid doesn't like your meatloaf, maybe you shouldn't be a parent.
TopCommenter
It may have been more of a "eat your dinner or we're not going". If you never follow through on your threats, they won't be taken seriously.
accipiter
It's way overkill, though. Make your punishments suitable to the offense. Canceling a trip over not liking your dinner is silly.
TopCommenter
I'm going to assume other factors were involved. It makes me feel better about who is allowed to reproduce.
MehWasTooShort
"We gotta go do the thing" is a shitty way to say "Excecute someone"
totallyruinedyourday
The every 7 year cell replacement statement...if that actually came from a professor they should probably be fired.
Gingertits90
I wish NPH were in more things...
Gingertits90
Was* Wow I shouldn't drink.
theCrowForetold
#1, Sisqo? What millennium is this?
JSNhova
Or is it Dru Hill? Dammit I'll have to go as Puff Daddy, I mean Puffy, I mean P. Diddy, I mean just Diddy.
Efreeti
DINKY DUDDYDUMS
ermahgerdberks
How to remember the spelling of necessary; one cock, two socks. Works for me.
WhoLovesPie
I sing it in the same way you spell Mississippi.
MisplacedBrit
"Only one 'C' is necessary" is how I remember it.
ermahgerdberks
If you are a misplaced Brit, where did you go?
srsfaceI8C
I've been struggling with that one for years. This will help me. Thank you.
ermahgerdberks
You're welcome!Now you'll think of me when you spell it because I taught you that.Not because I'm watching you through your window.For once.
micmic00
one batch, two batch....
fieldcannotbeleftblank
I understood that reference
keyblader1985
Or just fucking remember it. But I'm just a good speller though.
ermahgerdberks
"I have something I can do. Why don't you all just do the skill as well as I do, idiots. It's so obvious."
keyblader1985
I take it you didn't see my qualifier, dumbass.
ermahgerdberks
It's irrelevant. I'm a good speller, too. I'm just not an asshole about it.
keyblader1985
How is it irrelevant if I'm specifically talking about me? Or being an asshole?
mirdreams
What are you doing with your cock that requires more than one sock?
ermahgerdberks
I generally put the socks on my feet. The cock I tend to source from elsewhere as I don't own one.
icameinlikeafeckingball
Johnny Five-Dicks might know.
shesmydisease
Pentacock!
R3mmy
But he might not necccccessairly know how to spell
VindictiveRidge
+1 you clever bugger
YourUnderpantsIsCripsy
Was a good dump.
mirdreams
I concur. Better curated than the average dump.
lilsebastian6627
I feel five pounds lighter
fiIthy
overgrown sperm cells
Bennybones
Imgur these days: Tumblr.
nachobandit
Without the SJWs for the most part.
mrsashbash
Seriously!
blueknot
Rhymes with Hogwarts: "How about 'Dog Farts'?" "..." "Feck it, 'Hoggy Warty Hogwarts' it is then."
Odincdaj522004
"A PAIR OF FECKIN' WOMEN'S KNICKERS." "...Salazar, you've had enough." "WOMEN'S KNICKERS."
killaguerrilla
Dogfarts was my first thought.
KeyserHD
Since when does "warts" rhyme with "farts"?? I don't get people.
mollison
Dog and hog actually don't rhyme in my accent...
ElectronicGymnast
Out of curiosity, what kind of accent do you have? I was thinking warts and farts don't rhyme, but I hadn't considered dogs and hogs.
mollison
Warts and farts don't rhyme for me either. It's a Jersey/New York accent. Not strong, but dog doesn't rhyme with hog, clog, fog, bog, etc
DashingPolecat
Dog fort
thereisnooriginalusername
Dog shorts.
Albinoblackbears
green courts
TotinosPizzaRolls
sports.
Iaimtomisbehave
http://imgur.com/pXbCGSs
ADogNamed
Holy fuck, I actually thought about that while reading the post. Coincidence?
Misora
I just thought the school song came later. I mean if the founder's (10th cent) wrote the song it wouldn't even be modern English (14th cent)
dogsandmoney
Hogwarts, we so strong we bomb the forts. So fly the ladies drop their shorts. When we ball we rock the courts. How's that for a school song
BlankMage
I'm transferring to Pig Farts.
AnotherImgurianInsideJoke
STARKID REFERENCE WOOOOOOOO
MadPoopah
This place has really gone to the dogs.
AllMyFriendsAreWalkers
Do you have a rocket ship? You know Pig Farts is on MARS!
Misa94
You can't just go to Pig Farts. It's on Mars. You need a rocketship. Do you have a rocketship, Potter?
AllMyFriendsAreWalkers
Haha I ducking love A Very Potter Musical!
AllMyFriendsAreWalkers
Uh yeah I meant to write ducking m.
rockfireman
You know none of us were lucky enough to inherit enough money to buy out NASA when our parents died.
justactlikewedontknoweachother
nobody wears a bra to bed
SailorVSays
I do.
Samaedag
My aunt once told me she had nice titties because she never removed her bra. No auntie....your bra is giving you nice ones.
Cherrybomb29
I have :/ I was tired
justactlikewedontknoweachother
*on purpose
LeeroythiaJenkins
I do.
hereforcake
I am now cuz of breastfeeding.
ButYouAintGotNoLegs
Yessss. No one likes waking up soaking wet from boob juice.
KAEDIO
Free the boobs anytime you can.
LateNightBunnyParty
I don't wear one ever. Haven't in about ten years. Fuck bras.
Dashiepantalones
Big huge boobs here, I sleep in a bra always. Many of us do.
flapperfemmefatale
I did when I had pierced nipples. They were too sensitive to just let flop freely
[deleted]
[deleted]
GhostGuy
Are you 12 or just sheltered?
NyxArterian
No why?
iamyd
Nice
WholesomeCrackwhoresForSale
pics or it didn't happen
ButYouAintGotNoLegs
At first. It gets much easier. Driving with no bra is a different story. Damn seat belt snags.
flapperfemmefatale
i remember one time the first week, my loofah thingy got caught on one. i almost passed out in the shower, it hurt so badly.
ZOMGNO
Women with large breasts do,I know chicks who do... & not necessarily with underwire, but some people wear sports-bra like things to bed
Eeksy
Yep! They're heavy and uncomfortable after a short span of freedom.
NotAgainRichard
I know a girl who wears a cami to keep her breasts together at night. side sleeper.
ZOMGNO
I sleep with a teddy stuffed between mine, since i sleep on my belly and otherwise they mush the bed or each other too much for comfort.
Lalalaetc
Same here! Very comfortable imo
thegriffin88
I don't even wear a bra in the house. I mean, I live alone and my boobs aren't big enough to need support 24/7.
Temptedweeds
I thought it said "man boobs aren't big enough"
ButYouAintGotNoLegs
Went about six months wearing a bra only a handful of times. Currently staying with the in laws and this bra stuff is killing me.
BrittishIce
Me either. But I'm a guy.
[deleted]
[deleted]
BrittishIce
I can pump them for all they are worth, at least.
darkoneko
CannibalFox
I scrolled down once I saw that to find the science person who would debunk it. I was thinking days aren't always equal, but close enough.
HipGuide
Also, you're not completely alive when you're sleeping.
joshh192
~24 hours. You guys really need to find an outlet for this energy.
UberEmployed
Also, don't forget about leap seconds!
MiasmaCorrigan
even still
agileprune
You ever feel like we over analyze things? Nah
HolaDEA
or you know, when you are born and when you die
Shewy92
This is what I thought of immediately, then I thought of the other way
Rheios
And even then if you apply just his concept he's still wrong because you dying on a day doesn't actually make it shorter. Its still 24(1)
Rheios
hours. Your body still cools off in the remaining time after you die. You probably just don't care about that one way or the other.(2)
spaceystacey
Starting the minute you are born and every 24 hrs after that is a day so there's only one day that's less than 24 in a lifetime.
JamesBluntThatSmartassCunt
ALSO, not every day is the same length.
SillyRabbit6922
Does it count if im in a comma
Lonkolas
NOT IN ARIZONAAAAA. We don't bother with that shit.
MisterMolester
And if you're born at 00:00 and die at 00:00
WhatIsAHontasWhyShouldIPokeIt
GG
pancreas
Imagine having OCD so bad that you're too stubborn to die until 00:00
danield27
Or it leads to extensively planned suicide
BoneThatTrombone
Everyone is born at 00:00 at least on their life clock
enigma1235
Goddamnit Jaden
somenub755
Either you're 12 or blazing it. Rock on, man.
mtallmen184
No, they're born with a year and it starts ticking down when they turn 25
TheFeelingWhenyouGetABanana
I get it
lDoNotThinkltMeansWhatYouThinkltMeans
There's actually only 1. I won't do the 'complex' math for you, but if you were to divide any lifespan in 24 hour increments...
Flyndaran
Day is not something you get to define how you wish. It's midnight to midnight, or sunrise to sunset,.... In this context it's the fist.
lDoNotThinkltMeansWhatYouThinkltMeans
I couldn't hear you over that nose breathing. Can you remove your fedora indoors, and repeat your question aloud? And with no fist.
RADICALFREEDOM
Or if you take an international flight.
PermenantlyBannedClubMember
or you're in the habbit of dying and getting brought back to life
TuckerTheGuy
True. I'm actually behind because I usually fly around the world against the date line. I even had the audacity to arrive before I left.
gbombuh
Or if you drive across time zones.
whoawhatacoolusername
Or if you cross any timezone (going East).
WLVV
Or if there is a leap second
Somanyquestions
Or if you take a national flight in a big country.
DueDiligence
Or if DST rules change during the course of your lifetime.
GotlandGamer
I'm going to fly from Stockholm to Los Angeles within a few days, so that day will 11 hours longer than usual.
o11c
If the flight lasts "a few days", *multiple* days will hours longer.
Palfrost
I don't understand what OP meant in this one
helloisanyonethere
Surely then there are 4 because one days 23 hours and the other 25???? Or am I being stupid?
FatCatsEatBatCatsAndMats
I still don't get what it means
chiefrunswithscissors
The day you're born and the day you die
Flyndaran
Unless it happened at exactly midnight on the dot, which statistically must have happened to some people.
gooncomics
I thought that picture was referencing life and death...
wowwhatagreataudience
Same.
matmatpenguin
It is
bethesda13187
I bet you are fun at parties
YodasLeftEar
actually none of the days in your life are exactly 24h long. im even more fun
mesohawnymeloveyoulongtime
i knew someone was going to say that
losviking
Or if you're stillborn.
exlurker42
Actually...the rotational period of the earth isn't exactly 24 hours. So....more likely than not no days of your life are 24 hours long.
LesbianTrappedInManBody
On average though since the 2 a year cancel each other out.
WholesomeCrackwhoresForSale
Don't forget about people living in places like Greenland
mastertjsvk
well if u take earth's rotation around its axis as a day, then every day of your life is shorter than 24 h
TegisJacksonMcCarterIII
Actually no day is exactly 24 hours long
NotAPervert
Thanks, Neil deGrasse Tyson
SwingOutOrBust
I guess that depends on if we're talking about how society functions or the actual turning of the earth.
TibetanMonk
There's slightly more or slightly less.
Rakugabi
Pretty sure "24 hours" is the very definition of what a "day" is.
krenshala
There is the day (that you mention), the sidereal day, the astronomical day, and another i can't remember the name of.
TotinosPizzaRolls
A literal day (exact period between dawns) is a different length based on where you are in the world. It's never exactly 24 hours.
CrowbarCommando
Polar days and nights.
officialUN
Nope according to solar cycles a day is approximately 23 hours 56minutes which is why there is a leap year every 4 years
saywhatiwant
I still don't get why, if a day is actually 23:56 and in 4 years we're off by a whole day, that after 2 years we haven't switched day&night
Rakugabi
I'd say the earth rotation is 23h 56min, while a day is 24h, and lead seconds are here to resync those two. Leap years would be to (1/2)
Flyndaran
That's how long a rotation is but ignores the fact that the earth also revolves which adds 4 minutes of daylight.
Rakugabi
resync the earth orbit period (365.twentysomething days) with a year (365 day).