CherryCola321
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Oct 19, 2021 3:14 PM
CherryCola321
152926
2430
40
worb84
Yeah, weird...and FULL of herb
FentuckyCriedKhicken
I am drugs
Cavalrysword
The only way I could fail a drug test is if I missed the cup.
LupusGrey
Ye
Xalaqia
Some people's understanding of "normal function" is very skewed.
Inarticulated
I've been clean for like 6 months now! Bring on all the tests! (Never had a drug test before -_-)
pseudopseudonym
I'm surprised I never got tested, I sure felt like my co-workers were dropping a lot of hints they thought I was high AF all the time.
YourUpstairsNeighbor
Shaodyn
I thought we established this when you hired me.
railgap
"Sir, I have indulged in every intoxicating substance known to man, now I am bored with all that. /
railgap
"Yes, what really gets me excited now is... **checks paper clipping** warehousing plumbing parts."
johnbaz
A sparky at work was tested, He was marched off the company high as a kite!, He used to pull his own teeth rather than go to a dentist!?
TheRealR0tb3rt
Can't happen to me, I know my boss is takin drugs so if she ever asks me I have leverage.
OleSlappyHams
Used to work for a Hells Angel. Fired me for thinking I was on drugs, turns out I was just weird. After that job I took up drugs though!
goodisunpopular
Also give your boss an authentic looking certificate that says you are 100% human and most definitely not a skin-suit filled with spiders.
Blackmetalhappiness
"Yup. My psychosis is all natural, baby."
hellonothankyou
a jonathan swan fan ever since
FailedCrate
My employer isn't allowed to demand drug tests. Thanks to unions, labour laws & workers comitees. Yes, I'm in Europe.
Mithi
Basking in the glorious Socialism.
DerkatBaron
I'm autistic, so jot that down
slinkiisu
Grillparzer
My first sergeant had that look once.
thisisausernamelikeanyothersbutthisonesmellsweird
Nahh i just take some drugs thats unknown ..
VanZaiden
Bruh, my brain goes from Min to Max, but instead of a slider, they put in just two buttons :)))
Racealistic
?♂️
Nikolai5
Are work related drug tests normal in some places then? Never heard of it where I live.
PhailRaptor
Mouth swab required as part of interviews. After an accident operating machinery, a drug test is required.
Mithi
"Mouth swab required as part of interviews."
tarkus10
I was a VP. My boss, the CEO said I was "the most off the wall fucker he'd ever met." And you promoted me, I replied. Ha, fuckin' ha.
Nekomatsuya
I'm guessing he fired you right after that
tarkus10
Nope. I asked him to put it in writing for a letter of reference and he never would. PS I might be crazy, but I was a good company man :)
beenpostingsince
Better living through chemicals.
tarkus10
And I had some of the best. The seventies were the best 24 years of my life.
stlouiscardinalsfan7
This made my day
LazerBeamButtHole
I had a boss have to accept that I’m just clumsy after multiple “random” negative drug tests.
Itcanbedone
So were you fired from the power plant?
angryCentrist
You fly for which airline?
LazerBeamButtHole
It just so happens I was working for Continental Express under Skywest at the time.
Putitinyomama
LordNergal
"After 98 negative blood tests and forty psychological exams, your professional classification is 'Eldritch Abomination?' Can you explain 1/
LordNergal
what you did to those poor psychiatrists to get this result?" "They had it coming." 2/2
SarahTheCuteVixen
Love it
Fuckme721
This made me laugh.
notthatoneladyyoudontlike
WoodfolkFae
https://imgur.com/k1xd77o
notthatoneladyyoudontlike
idontenglishsorry
fucking yes hahahaha, all the fucking time
pareidoliaperson
You guys have cars?
CogPrimus
Can't rely on your ride wanting to exit when you want to exit. Show up late, leave early. Tell your cat about the whole ordeal.
imgurianitarian
RaptorJesus2
Life pro-tip: Every person in the world is weird in one way or another. Embrace the weirdness/awkwardness. Makes social situations easier!
Goblor
Don't think its my employers business what's in my body or what i do in my free time, as long as you're sober at work.
Noddye
This post is just wrong... employeers arent that fucked up.
MexicanHandOff
So what you're saying is that you've never had a job.
dav3nasty
Is it mostly an American thing? Most places I’ve worked that are chain at least did a few tests here and there. Kept insurance rates down.
NotMyUsualOnlineName
Yeah, it also depends on the company. Some drug test before hiring, some "randomly", and some only do it if you get hurt on the job (need a
NotMyUsualOnlineName
negative drug test to qualify for worker's comp in most places).
BiggsIRL
Doing a drug test after an accident is your boss admitting they don't now how to tell if you come to work drunk / high.
reineseele
To be fair when i am tired i go into hyperactive mode while finishin my task 33% faster with some teeny tiny mucho importante error in it ^^
therdin
Pretty standard move. If you were high, you don't get workers comp.
RhettByrneGraphics
The test is probably required for paperwork, to have the results documented with the incident report. Paper trails are generally useful.
PhailRaptor
Pretty sure it's an OSHA regulation they must comply with...
DeathLemons
Its for insurance and or L&I
Einbrecher
So you'd be fine with workers comp/etc. being denied based solely on your boss's clearly impartial opinion that you were drunk/high?
arkuamore
In a lot of industrial settings drug tests are required after certian accidents, regardless
swellguy18
I mean... It's also often required when submitting paperwork to insurance so... It depends on the situation, right?
Nikolai5
In the US maybe. That is not standard where I'm from. Pretty invasive.
swellguy18
Huh. I just assumed that's be SOP everywhere insurance existed. Seems like common sense if the contract requires drug use be controlled.
Einbrecher
It's common sense. If the worker was drunk/high, company (usually) doesn't have to pay out. So if they test positive, easy win for the
Einbrecher
company. If they test negative, more or less easy win for the employee. If they don't test at all, then it's a mess. I know we all hate big
Einbrecher
companies here, but when a simple/cheap test can avoid either party having to shell out for lawyers, it's unfair not to test.
relpmeraggy
Nope, just know how to pass a drug test is all.
otiumCatulli
Just so you all know, I've never heard of anyone being drug tested in the EU or UK except for military or construction/heavy machinery jobs
highfiveskittens
“Now I’m off to drive kids to school.”
TheDudzzly
TheBluPill
I always study first
Violenthozer
Came here to say this
parkerh17
Recommendations? I've been trying to get clean for a week using a detox product bc the project I am jumping on at work insists despite 1/
parkerh17
My explanation to them that I use a legal cannabinoid for sleep aid. 2/2
relpmeraggy
Quick fix is the best. https://urineluck.com
smitms02
Don't use the heat crystals though. I failed because they showed up as a foreign substance.
PastaJesus
Oil change
HippityHoppityFlippityFloppity
Ekibwurm
care to share that reference?
johneventually1
Nice try, narc.
IGotsDemGoodies
https://youtu.be/JMpgeMoQS7o?t=29
Ekibwurm
that is nasty.... i got to watch that show later!
victell
It’s a responsibility test; can you get your shit together for a couple weeks in order to pass a drug test to get a job.
tarnok
It's a fascist test. Hitler would have loved it.
imabigasstree
"I hope you're not dependant on medical Marijuana to live a normal life. If you are, fuck off- you don't deserve a job"
imabigasstree
Thats what it feels like to an ambitious young person with a degenerative genetic disorder.
imabigasstree
Yeah, I could take promethazine, gabapentin, privinil, Depakote, and fludrocortisone, and feel only moderately worse every day. But /
imabigasstree
That drug salad would have way more adverse side effe to than the side effects of my pot.
iamthisguy247
There’s a good market for clean piss I guess.
Violenthozer
Yup, it’s called Synthetic Urine and it works wonders. Have never had a problem and been using it to pass tests for years.
pettingmycatwhileipoo
https://buyfakeurine.com/product/monkey-whizz-dehydrated-urine/
lazerhosen
*goes into head shop, asks for novelty fetish urine, buys same stuff used to calibrate clean readings on drug tests*
BallsDeepinaDragonscloaca
But why pay when you can just use your kids'?
tembahisarmsopen
BallsDeepinaDragonscloaca
I was making a reference? Really?
YourMomIsEverything
Who knows what they get up to, tho
nic4224
It's sterile and I like the taste
Thekindofkindlyman
cozybonfire
If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball
couchisburning
Piss is only sterile before it leaves the body.
etcnotect
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4864995/
DoorbyTheHouseShelf
I've always just used a quality synthetic piss. Only the extremely sophisticated tests can tell the difference. Quik Fix is a good one
Micewithlice
Just used it this month
homoneurotic
How do you get it up to temperature? My friend always had his rejected because it was under temp
Nyshie
You can microwave some of them and use a hand warmer to keep its temp up. Others include a small heater. Or so I've been told..
Isthe4thtimethecharm
Just remember to remove the safety seal if microwaving. It will make it smell.
DoorbyTheHouseShelf
The ones I've used come with a hand warmer like device you tie around it. You microwave it too. I've always tucked it down by my balls too.
DoorbyTheHouseShelf
I guess it depends on how long you're traveling too. I usually go to a clinic that's within 5min of my house, so it's still freshly warm.
DoorbyTheHouseShelf
(the quik Fix one comes with a temperature strip btw, so you can avoid this exact problem.)