iLikeSquids
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Just remember someone loves you!
May 10, 2016 11:12 AM
iLikeSquids
140140
7868
320
unavailableyourcallcantgothruasdialed
Lol the doesn't scar it's free. If it was a cheap item I always let them have it. Fuck the system
76Tromboners
My first job at 14 was in retail and thru college. It made me learn how to deal w/ all kinds of people. May have buried a few too.
insertwhatwhere
Just because I get paid to help you does not give you the right to treat me like dirt! ( is what I will say on my last day of work)
ProbablyDrunkAgain
Working in retail gave me the motivation to get through college.
kawaiimoogle
I work in Customer Support. Excellent occupation to develop deep seated hatred of humans and yourself. Can only recommend 5/7 job
Solid5outof7
Please tell me about how you just "tried it on!" As he holds up a thong sandal with the broken straps flailing
iEatRainbowsForBreakfast
My biggest retail wet dream is all the customers finally realizing how terrible they are and sincerely apologizing to us service reps.
LactoseFairy
Someone asked me to explain why guacamole wasn't free for vegetarians. What?
Astrosaur
The years working in retail made me realize that I am a potential serial killer.
Chavestvaldt
I work in retail currently, all it's done is destroy my respect for people and make me habitually glare at kids when their parents look away
spiderqueendemon
If current and former retail and food service employees formed a PAC, it would make the NRA, AARP and AFL-CIO look like a kindergarten.
Ziggy120
A sudden application of antidepressants can also provide the motivation to commit suicide.
MiasmaCorrigan
Work in retail http://memesvault.com/wp-content/uploads/Laughing-Crying-The-Office-01.jpg
CoRektiveAction
Nothing makes you value yourself more than a stranger projecting their insecurities on you
Kaladaf
That's why they get paid the big bucks.
justyouraverageaussiegirl
Or hospitality. Working on a front desk of a hotel is enough for me to actually want to serve time for murder
Risven
I once quit a job because it actually did make me want to kill myself. Much happier elsewhere now!
AtlantisSkye
As someone suffering from depression who has thought of suicide: Fuck you.
iflushednemo
yep
DonaldTrumpsFlaccidHairpiece
Retail will switch you from suicidal ideation to homocidal ideation faster than a formula 1 pit crew.
titwrench
ATTENTION DADS: There will be a meeting to come up with new cashier jokes. Details to follow.
HeyOP
http://mentalhealthdaily.com/2015/01/06/top-11-professions-with-highest-suicide-rates/ spoiler: "retail" doesn't make the list.
Ailobyte
False, I'd group financial with retail
HeyOP
Well, you're free to be wrong if you want.
nmgwynn
Because retail makes you want to kill others
HeyOP
Not surprisingly, I can find no dependable statistics on the most common occupation held by those who commit homicide.
Howboringtobesomebody
It's probably clowns. Just a guess
RevolutionOnHerLips
My guess is sunk cost fallacy. Most of those require investment of time and money, and when it sucks, it doesn't feel like there's any 1
RevolutionOnHerLips
other way out - by the time you're established you've lost years and possibly thousands of dollars. Retail OTOH is easy come easy go.
ArsonMurderandJaywalking
"I am drowning. There is no sign of land. You are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand. And I hope you die. I hope we both die."
robolo
I ain't taken no advice from a red duck
DoNotKnowJack
Good call
AlwaysTrustTheManInABigWhiteVan
You shouldn't take advice from any ducks. They all just recommend quacks
chettlar
Wow racist
Dexidus
*mallard
worldsokayestspeler
Shouldnt this be a green mallard?
JacaByte
Where have you been the past five years?
jetstreaminfinity
No, the green mallard gives good advice, while the red mallard gives ba- ohhhhh.
YourInfoIsCrapImgur
Nah, it's pushed me to apply for an MSc and get my arse out of the endless cycle of retail job failure.
minant
Good luck! As someone who's been there and done that (and PhDed off the back of it), I hope it gets you somewhere you want to be. :)
YourInfoIsCrapImgur
Aww thank-you! I need it! I've been in and out catering/science industry jobs trying to get somewhere for 4 years. Finally realised 1/2
YourInfoIsCrapImgur
That going back and improving my education as a vetinary scientist is the best way forward! What PhD have you done? Enjoying it? 2/2
minant
I went from an MSc in High-Performance Computing to a PhD in Computational Chemistry to a university Research Support department 1/
minant
Now I help other researchers use supercomputers, and try to build computer systems and services to get research done. 2/
perpetuallylove
Nono, food service will definitely get you there
iflushednemo
working food just made me want to poison everyone.
perpetuallylove
Or, you know, just murder. I got out. Urge to kill lowering...
ChairmanOfThePEN15Club
I was my most social working retail. It helped me practice small talk and ultimately I had more friends and was the least depressed so far
MoreCrustyJugglers
After 10 years I ended up feeling ashamed by how fake I had become and spent years as a recluse trying to know who I actually was.
Skiafluff
the realest
[deleted]
[deleted]
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Emergencybiscuit85
Do they have any more openings?
thecoon55
Yeah, I was very introverted and wouldn't even go through a drive through, retail really helped me get over that and learn how to socialize
Thordis424
it can also depend a lot on the person working retail as well. also colleages. if the sphere on the workfloor is shit, then work is gonna be
KingTrashmouth
Target was the shittiest job, but I made the best friends.
PhloydPhan
Working in retail will make you want to kill yourself whether you started out depressed or not.
nick11570
Or it causes some depression
AFineDayForScience
I worked in tech service which both makes you feel better about yourself, and makes you lose faith in humanity
Sinus23
Started listening to Deathmetal and gabba after 15 years "clean" when I started working the cash register...True story. \m/
MisterLemons
Home Depot: Can confirm.
WebmMP4notGif
I don't think the post is trying to argue against that.
MadreddFrostiron92
Retail made me want to kill other people and believe that people should be IQ tested to be in public without supervision
dracanas
when i first got my job in retail they handed out mental health/suicide hotline cards at orientation
EnByOwl
I felt more like retail made me wanna kill others, not myself. But I also might have anger issues.
iflushednemo
same here.
Sifernos
I just wish I was allowed to give an honest blunt answer to one customer a day even if it insulted their intelligence.
smellsa
Well you and me both then. Every day makes me hate people more. Shopping brings out the worst in humanity.
smellsa
Gets really fun when you change locations and the wealthier clientele are the biggest dick wads on the planet. Rudest people.
insertwhatwhere
"Have you not heard the customer is always right " yes sir I have, 1000 times today. Still doesn't make it true!
HardhatBambi
I believe that was an add campaign set out by macys in the 50s. I give them that tidbit of information and they tend to shut up.
nebworb
Most retail/fast food places I've worked at had the motto "the customer is almost always right".
insertwhatwhere
Me to, they preach it and preach it. I do think for the most part it's a good motto....but some customers abuse that.
Iawwkittens
They're usually never right because they are looking out for themselves and a lot of them will lie to get what they want. Why reward that?
spiderqueendemon
"And you're wrong, ergo you're no customer of ours. Get out of here and never let me catch you yelling at my employees again." -Best Manager
insertwhatwhere
I would have dropped everything and applauded that manager!
spiderqueendemon
He seriously threw people out for being verbally abusive, and if it was a choice between employee or customer, he took the employee's side.
Goronhead
However much he made, it wasn't enough.
spiderqueendemon
Our store had the lowest turnover in the United States and the fourth-highest profit despite being in one of the poorest states.
spiderqueendemon
Corporate started cutting hours back and when they demanded constructive discharge of ten people, Best Manager resigned in protest.
wafflesnaffle
Call centre's worse
cassotography
3 1/2 years and it never gets better.
ThatRussian
Part of it is me spending 40 minutes on hold. Telus was down once and answered phone immediately and disarmed me completely. It's the hold!
MessageMeYourCats
greetings fellow Waffle
StillAtMyMoms
Amen.
KnightlyNight
Yea, makes you want to put a new twist on "reach out and touch someone."
NoSeriouslyJustTryIt
Can concur. Did that job once. NEVER AGAIN.
UmaroXP
I did calls once and hated it. Then I realized I was bothering people by calling them offering crap they don't want. So that was on me.
AGrammeIsBetterThanADamn
Thank you! At least you understand.
TheSadCafe
I worked both retail and call center. Loved both places. Am I insane, or...??
spiritussancto
yes
TheSadCafe
Good to know.
Popchipsandabar
It's easier to be a massive cunt over the phone, I work in insurance, just no fun.
IMaedThisForYou
In a call center at an insurance company. *sigh* This.
Popchipsandabar
Those Fort Mac wildfires tho.
flapperfemmefatale
I disagree. At least over the phone you can make gestures and facial expressions
Acefowl
You can also mute your exclamations and hang up on the worse of them.
zeoneo1992
Thank you: only had mild depression in retail, call center job made me suicidal
IckyLilBickyJahJahandWill
Samesies. Still wondering if it'll be easier to off myself or find another job.
zeoneo1992
Definitely another job, the paperwork you'd have to fill out in the afterlife is a bitch
IckyLilBickyJahJahandWill
Ugh, that's what I keep hearing.
zeoneo1992
Granted if you end up in hell there is taco Tuesday and some pretty good bands
bigfoot6
*center. Learn to spell asshole
therealistliberal
Learn to use commas. Unless you're actually suggesting they need to learn to spell "asshole". Also, centre is valid outwith US.
bigfoot6
Fuck comas. We don't need them in America.
HoboHumpinSloboBabe
You must be American.
bigfoot6
That's right!! Pay for my wall!! Trump16
Zachno
And by extension more correct than the wronger countries.
KebabRemovalUnit
If you work at a suicide prevention centre, then who do you call if you are suicidal while at work?
Afreeman81
Maybe yourself? Or a coworker who can just make awkward eye contact while you ask them how to make a noise.
Afreeman81
noose*
KebabRemovalUnit
"Um hey greg, do you think this power cord is strong enough to hold my weight? Just asking for a friend"
Afreeman81
Exactly! Or more along the lines of "Hey, not related to the aspirin in my hand,but do you happen to have a belt I could borrow?"
RawrLouder
It made me want to kill others. "Oh tell me again how you just printed this $100 bill this morning." "Oh it didn't scan? Free!"
Popchipsandabar
I do the free joke because I know it bothers you, huehuehuehuehue
holovoid
"A man can only be pushed so far before he buying a gun and shooting up a bank"
CheddarDreams
"If it's called 5 Guys why are there girls working here" hahahaHAHAHAHAHA
xaviouswolffe
"Oh, now that you've bagged half my order I actually wanted paper bags!"
MrPredator
I don't need retail for those ideas. I look at the news and American stupidity.
CrrtCks
Did you find everything you needed? No, not that million dollars!
WhoDrWho
Those jokes are 1 reason why I'm not a cashier anymore. O/N stocking now...and I fucking love it!! No customers to deal with....hell yes!!
iflushednemo
cashiering is the ass that keeps on shitting. when stocking, I'd always try to avoid going on the register
boywiththehappypenis
I think the ~ "Oh it didn't scan? Does that mean it's free?" joke is a great personality test ---> if you make this joke, your 1/2
boywiththehappypenis
personality won't gel with mine. 2/2
imnotgoodatdecidingthesetypesofthings
As a cosmetologist the most annoying one I hear is "only cut the grey hairs!"
bendoverrover
Exactly, after a few months or so it makes you want to go live in a cabin in the woods away from society forever
DrSC
I had an xray & the radiologist said it was just coming up all black. I said "these things photograph souls?" I found their equivalent.
mrpicsel
You want to kill people who try - akwardly I admit - to be nice/funny? I bet you already had a great personnality before working in retail.
TheGhostOfFutureDisappointments
Oh look, found the person who has never worked customer service.
JoshuaBurch
The "I just printed this $50" person is the worst kind of human.
IWillBeProctoringTheImgur
You hate hearing the same jokes all the time. Yet you come to imgur??
TheBrett
Anything's a dildo if you're brave enough.
degenerator
That's the charm of the place. We're a giant dysfunctional family, co-dependent, and laughing at recycled jokes.
IMainReinhardt
I keep a light pen to check any bills above 1$. I tell anyone who comments about printing to use alternate payment.
AggressivelyPassive
(Takes out checkbook...)
TheGirafe
Above 1$? Haha. We only have to use it if someone gives more than one $20 bill, or if they give a $50 or $100
wakbat
Publix cashier couldn't figure out how to scan a Boar's Head Salami so he gave it to me for free. I didn't even get to make the joke.
logicalnonsenz
Love me some Boars Head
Leithoa
Their pepperoni is the best (until you get into crazy expensive stuff)
Donttouchthatwithoutgloves
Tell me about it... Parents letting their kids run around screaming and going ape shit used to be a test of patience nearly every day.
DrSC
The worst 1 was 'if you don't behave the lady will shout'. Do you not impose discipline at home? 1 guy heard this in reference to him so
DrSC
Told the kid "nah mate, you go wild, enjoy yourself, I don't care!" Mum gave him the death glare for not disciplining her child for her.
iflushednemo
"What do you mean my spoiled little brats can't physically endanger people by throwing things around with full force???"
goldensky
...you may have heard the joke a lot, but the person is just trying to be fuckin' nice with the first one. (The second one though is dumb.)
RawrLouder
I tried to keep my eye rolling to a minimum because yes they were trying to be personable and they were better then the demand asshats.
BriarRosamelia
One lady paid $200 in ones, she was a waitress and couldn't get bigger bills, apologized the whole time we counted, and we had to twice
titwrench
We used to call them 'strippers'.
BriarRosamelia
good strippers can get more than $5 a night
TheBigReveal
I must be retarded because I don't get the first one
goldensky
It's people trying to lighten others' day by making a silly joke. The idea is "oh, I must have $100 because I printed it." *shrug*
RawrLouder
When I got $50 or $100 bills I would have to hold them up to the light to check the watermark and use a counterfeit pen on them. 1/2
RawrLouder
They would then, as a joke, tell me they just made the bills, implying that they are indeed counterfeit. Heard it every damn day.
TheBigReveal
Right, the first quote being from the cashier and the second not being confused me.
SkypeOfCthulhu
If we ever get a day like The Purge, cashiers will be among the happiest to participate.
vivalamatequilla
Vendors will join in the festivities
smellsa
True to the core!
Curra
I second this
HardhatBambi
I think retail staff in general.
SquidJesus
I'm a squid.
Deathyt
I am none of these, should I start building my safe room?
MadreddFrostiron92
Only if you have angered someone in the service industry
xbabiespoison
Run for goverment and make it happen ;)
Goku2012
Could you imagine someone speaking in front of the house trying to get that to pass as a national holiday or something?
xbabiespoison
If it got rejected, then every member who voted no should work a three month stint in retail. See how quick it gets voted in then ;)
Goku2012
You kidding me? Elected officials are part of the group of biggest ass hole customers. Especially Congress.
Goku2012
Naw. Food service employees such as servers and Cooks.
xaviouswolffe
I don't know, cashiers have a higher throughput and therefore would encounter more instances of human stupidity.
Goku2012
Servers have a WAY more intimate interaction and get to know the assholes better. It's quality over quantity.
xaviouswolffe
Fair point. Either way it's a unique hell on both sides.
FearsomeFoursome
A guy one time said "why are you checking my money?" I replied with "it's not yours anymore" and he just shut up immediately
HardhatBambi
Im going to use the line. Thank you
FearsomeFoursome
No problem!!
[deleted]
[deleted]
FearsomeFoursome
No, still there unfortunately
jetl0cke
... why? He's using it to pay for something. It's not his money anymore.
Niyok
Saved.
svirr
That is a brilliant retort. Thank you for this inspiration.
shmegz
Burn. I'm saving that for a day I feel especially salty.
MoobsLikeJagger
Can someone explain this for a friend?
AlexanderGhostly
Holy fuck. I love it. If someone's being an ass then asks me that, I'm totes stealing this line.
Mack1986
told a woman not to swear at my 17 uear old coworker customer said 'were all adults honey' I responded: well let's act like it shall we?
FearsomeFoursome
nice!! that customer seems like a cunt.
SLITHERS
Are you British?
FearsomeFoursome
Nope!!
Goku2012
I'm not saying this about you, but if customers are rude, being rude back is NOT the okay. Both as an employee and a human.
Ichigokitty555
Hahahahahahaha yeah okay
HamRoll
Not rude. Cheeky
Goku2012
Still, being professional and the bigger person is how a rep should always act. To a certain point. If the customer gets bad, be patronizing
Jusmar
>professional you're a cashier, the only person lower on the chain is the janitor.
IAmLrrrRulerOfThePlanetOmicronPerseiEight
Aww, i always do the first one :'(
Goronhead
Please don't.
Sinus23
Do not worry the same old jokes are by far less irritating than the >1.3% of customers that are trying to start some bullshit.
SkypeOfCthulhu
Please stop it.
rockshiv
It's okay, m8. Even though they heard it countless times before, they should be able to appreciate your being a human being. I know I do.
FailFish
As a swiss dude who never heard that, is there a joke behind it? I dont really get it...
Goronhead
Customers think it's funny to respond with every bill check/comment of how new it is with "oh, I just made it this morning." They're wrong.
RawrLouder
It's understandable, trying to fill an awkward moment while they check to see if you're trying to cheat them or if someone cheated you.
RawrLouder
Just know cashiers hear that daily, especially if they work at a store that has $100+ purchases often.
IMainReinhardt
I keep a light pen to check any bills above 1$
Kaysmira
It's nearly always men, I've been a cashier for 9 years and heard it hundreds of times, but only a dozen or so from women. Don't know why.
titwrench
women smart.