Trowe
141296
3988
154
Source: From Eddie Izzard's magnificent 1999 stand-up 'Dress to Kill'
Aug 16, 2019 4:59 PM
Trowe
141296
3988
154
Source: From Eddie Izzard's magnificent 1999 stand-up 'Dress to Kill'
jusanormaldude
Cake or death!?
RootEnoch
Totallyscrewedinaustin
RancorTrainer
You must get up very early in the morning!
notallwholurkarelost
TheDogEnd
Okay, well what if we got invaded because we don't provide healthcare to our citizens? That's abuse through neglect. It's about sovereignty
Wolvenlight
That's a big stretch, statistically incorrect, and hypocritical in a "stop oppressing us from oppressing our people" kind of way.
Jybwee
One of the greatest stand-up performances of all time, imo.
RMaybeth
Chinese gearing up for Hong Kong right now
baturro
Cake or death?
MarkRavingMad
We're gonna run out of cake at this rate.
HonestCommentFarmer
Oh! Didn't know that was an option. I'll have the cake.
FlawedSquad
YOU SAID DEATH!!! AAAHHHHHH! Oh very well, give him cake. We're gonna run out of cake at this rate. Cake or Death?
thecoldmage
His diary must have looked odd. "Death, death death, shower. Death death death, quick lunch, death death death, afternoon tea."
Entartika
As a fellow history enthusiast, I love Eddie Izzard!
HumfreeBugart
Advocating war against China and Russia, sounds reasonable, we should listen to comedians and take action
DefinitelynotEricTrump
He’s actually been working actively with the Labour Party for a minute and has been is the head of Labour’s National Executive Committee
areallycreativeusername
This is from 1999
knudude
MastersonWalter
His ‘99 comedy special still holds up today.
NinjasStoleMyMama
I've invented a maneuver.
MarkPenrice
I never thought I'd see a four word post that could cause me to instantly crack up by pushing a well-hidden memory button with a long stick
Katateochi
what are you? a tank commander now?
Igotfourbedrats
It's more of a gesture really.
OHGODBEEEES
I need the me maneuver!!
MarkPenrice
Username of relevance
timberismyfriend
I know that a serious quote but has anyone see his Death Star skit https://youtu.be/7p5KpjR93SE
DefinitelynotEricTrump
You all know he’s running for mayor of London next year
GmanWJ
Would you have the western nations instigate a nuclear holocaust over a political decision that was made decades ago?
iShoot556
Cake or death?
HighFlyKai
Agreed. I live in Canada and anytime there’s a disaster the headlines are like “Canadian Man Killed In Earthquake” then in small print
HighFlyKai
“5,000 people dead”. I mean, at least it’s only one Canadian right? That’s all that matters. Not like we’re all human beings. /s
735824
Eddie Izzard +1, Executive Transvestite.
plsreadHayeksUseofKnowledgeinSociety
Funny I don't remember hearing this when we rescued the people from Saddam Hussein
leroy666
Yeah! There's a successful war. Why don't you list the others: Nam, Afghanistan, .........
FlawedSquad
"Hitler never played RISK as a kid." LOVED "Dressed to Kill".
goatamon
My 2nd favorite after ”Glorious”. ”It was always weird when your grandma called your granddad granddad. Like, what he’s your granddad too?!”
sqabbit
I can't get ze fuckin trees..DAMN!! I will kill everyone in the world.
Mooseman1991
Australasia that was the one!
FlawedSquad
hehehe.
Franky192
I got a new idea I got a new idea I got a new idea nooo it's the same idea it's the same idea it's the same idea...
FlawedSquad
hehehe.+1
srsfaceI8C
It's an all time best stand up performance. Izzard is such a great actor and comedian.
FlawedSquad
I saw him at The Pearl in LV years back. Crowd got a bit salty cuz he was goin' off on Dubya, who was still in office at the time. 1/
FlawedSquad
You'd be surprised how conservative Nevada is. But I was laughin' my ASS off. I got a "I poked a badger with a spoon" t-shirt.
DefinitelynotEricTrump
And Hopefully future mayor of London
Theshaaaaaaag
Dressed To Kill, Definite Article, Glorious = The holy trinity
FlawedSquad
Seconded!
Quipod
Complain when US interferes, complain when they don't.
Justheretowastemytime
For once, the usa hasn't created this problem. They should keep it that way
Fedotia
Just not invading random countries that happen to have oil would be a nice start.
Fustilarian
For the most part US interferes because of political/economic reasons, rather than humanitarian reasons. (1)
leroy666
Wah, wah, wah.
Fustilarian
Foreign policy does not reduce to whether or not you should intervene or be isolationist, it's a complicated matter. (2)
buttbuttpartywagon
'the US has to stop being the world police' ' ok we'll stop' 'USA... pls... help.....'
YourMomsSidePiece
FlameArath
Yah we stopped Hitler because he “killed some people next door”. This guy is about as profound as the rain/bathtub quote.
Ifyouthinkimseriousyoumissedthejoke
It's a comedy routine done on stage. He's not trying to be profound. He's trying (successfully) to make people laugh.
SomeCrazyNerd
I think he has a point.
Ifyouthinkimseriousyoumissedthejoke
Who?
Freyja33
Hitler killed a lot of Austrians and Germans too...
OppoQuinn
Definitely. Though nobody fought a war over that, it was technically the invasion of Poland that got shit rolling.
TiroDvD
Also the bit that anyone not in the Third Reich and not killed in the Final Solution would be a slave race.
OppoQuinn
Not so much. No other countries really cared all that much until they were forced to by the war. We may care now; they didn't at the time.
BreenW
Not for the US though. Pearl Harbor is what got them off the couch and putting some pants on.
Mithi
Yeah, and the USA had a hard time to manage that the Japanese were successful with their attack.
sqabbit
Do you have a flag?
KissMikeLitorusSheSaid
shorey66
Whooooosh
HighFunctioningSociopath221B
Le singe est sur la branche
fartbender
I still think about this special all the time. I can't see a scooter without thinking 'Ciao...'
ALpBeck
It's my message tone
have2just4this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYeFcSq7Mxg
JRLu
Running jumping climbing trees, putting on makeup while you're up there
rem2000
Why? Are you mr Stevens ?
jesusisherelookbusy
OHGODBEEEES
No flag no country. These are the rules I have just made up.
UglyHorribleGrouchyOldMan
retrostone21
There's no one here!! Excuse me, excuse me.... There's no one here!!
sqabbit
Scuse me do you have any food? Love all this, lovely idea.
Preactive
Cake or death?
SirVG
Cake please.
Preactive
Sorry I'm afraid we've run out of cake
SirVG
Wasn't expecting a rush, huh? Then I'll have the chicken.
DefinitelynotEricTrump
Alright, I’m putting this under top the comment because no one’s mentioning it. You all know he’s running for mayor of London next year
Pauly79
Really?
DefinitelynotEricTrump
Yeah, he has the labour head’s endorsement
DefinitelynotEricTrump
He’s always been pretty involved in politics but he got reputation a couple years ago for calling out Boris on why Breexit was a dumb idea
DefinitelynotEricTrump
Which you know his family is from Northern Ireland and he lived through the Troubles might have understood the steaks better then Boris
RogueAvenger
No flag, no country. You can't have one!
SFMGifs
Tell that to Sealand
theRinzlerMan
Rules that i just made up
sqabbit
And I'm backing it up with this gun that was lent from the national rifle association
Jovikvon
Fun fact: they gave him a water pistol.
GamingMule
Put it down or else!
MountainYankee
Or else what? You have a gun, I have gun, that guy who technically doesn't have a gun has a gun. If we all shoot each other, then we all die
Cincinasty
No flag, no country, according to these rules I've just made up.
IHaveSexualThoughtsAboutToasters
You're from the nasty nati too!
AntRam95
And I’m backing it up with this gun
Photeus
War. War never changes.
DarthDragon7
Pol Pot killed more than that and Stalin killed over than 10 million so Communism yeah! Put socialism in there too. Starving people.
Justheretowastemytime
Yeah, because capitalism hasn't killed anyone...
leroy666
You’re an idiot. Get outa your own anus and look around. Socialism everywhere, often successfully.
0masuk0
Ussr population somehow raised continuously in his time, beside wwii.
Fedotia
Europe is socialist, and they federal workers arent waiting in line for a free meal.
PiggyWobbles
god damn bernie sanders and his free healthcare! He's gonna kill us all!
systemet
Bernie is more right than swedens most right party
YourMomsSidePiece
Free? How naive are you?
risiblewilbury123456
and it was those damn commies who eventually stopped pol pot, right?
HiddenSanity
Yes, but then again, a Nazi killed Hitler and we're not cheering for him.
DarthDragon7
No
flarflarf
yes. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pol_Pot#Conflict_with_Vietnam
Frozenstethoscope
Not exactly. Pol Pot invaded Vietnam, and lost. More of a standard territory war rather than ideology. Communists were still in charge.
flarflarf
ok but the fact remains that the Vietnamese communists were the ones who overthrew Pol Pot, whatever their motivations may have been.
flarflarf
I'm not here to argue about communism or make any statements about the OP, I'm just here to say that "DarthDragon7" is factually incorrect.
doopiedonger
Republicans aren't stupid, they're liars.
leroy666
not an either/or. They can be both.
imoverrated
Democrats are both.
leroy666
Yup! overrated. your insult game is weak.
Notme68
Once again, communism is when the workers control the means of production. The USSR (and China) just called themselves communist 1
Notme68
because it sounded better than totalitarian regime. I mean look at North Korea. See how bad a Democratic Republic is. 2
Notme68
The same with the word Socialist. Second, social programs, or even a social democracy, is not the same as total socialism. What's being3
Notme68
portrayed is two different meanings of the same word being passed of as the same to keep period from wanting to tax the rich to help 4
Notme68
the masses. The "socialism" we want in America is not the same "Socialism" they had in China and Russia. But you're being told they are.
DarthDragon7
"You pretend to pay us and we pretend to work."
Notme68
No. We own the company so we paid what we earn - not the CEO et. al.
DarthDragon7
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_political_jokes
Notme68
!
TheKingRamen
I don’t know who this “We” is. Several US institutions despised it. Hell we fought several proxy wars to stop the spread of their ideology
Neptuneflyer
I'm pretty sure Eddie Izzard is British
PangolinBan
Stopping the spread of their ideology is a far cry from stopping them. Stalin was free to do whatever he wanted as long as he stayed in 1/2
PangolinBan
2/2 his own back yard and the US could keep up in the arms race. Start to do more than that, that's where we have a small problem.
Boltagon58
And how many dictatorship did the US gov either support or installed in the power? It never was/is about helping.
DiracsDelta
It’s a stand up comedy routine. We is humanity as a whole.
TheKingRamen
Oh thanks for the context.
r4dical0verride
Proxy wars being the key. If they really cared they’re put their own necks on the line, out in the open. Not fighting thru a third party.
Redbulloth
As long as we didn't directly go all in, we could try to keep the USSR from going all in. If both went all in, you may have had nuclear war.
PassiveAggressiveHotdogVendor
America fought to prevent the spread of communism and to protect capitalism. If some lives got saved in the process then that was simply 1/2
PassiveAggressiveHotdogVendor
Icing on the cake. You only need to look to South and Central America and see the sorts of regimes the US supported to understand this. 2/2
Notme68
All for some bananas.
Rexli78
Which is also one of the stronger argument for accepting the asylum seekers. The US is to blame for the conditions they're fleeing.
UggItsThatKid24
They wanted their own puppet governments they didn't give a shit about the ideology. It was about "broad spectrum dominance"
IHaveTwoCuteDoggies
How is having any far weaker ally any different than a puppet government? Suggesting there is much of a difference is naivety of geopolitics
BrutusGrimme
Better a fascist dictator than a democracy that could turn communist.
UggItsThatKid24
This dictatorship is brought to you by the land of the free.
BrutusGrimme
Exactly, it's monstrous. https://www.salon.com/2015/02/10/7_fascist_regimes_america_enthusiastically_supported_partner/
derschweiz
Most of those proxy wars supported brutal dictatorships disguised as “ideologically democratic”.
Whatsthepawssword
Panama anyone?
Krympehl
what about papers?
Whatsthepawssword
I am talkjng about Noriega, and yes I know U.S. invaded Panama in 1989 to depose him, after they helped him to power in the first place.
risiblewilbury123456
it's the guys you were fighting in vietnam who eventually stopped pol pot. pretty sure the us indirectly supported him
charlie2979
Bombing Columbia during the Vietnam war definitely didn't help anything at all.
IHaveTwoCuteDoggies
The hmong? They were specifically trained by the US to fight NVA
Rexli78
The more you read about the Vietnam War and the origins of the Conflict the less justified the US' involvement becomes. Which also epxlains
Rexli78
*explains why none of my history classes ever went into the fine details of what led us to get involved in the Vietnam War.
risiblewilbury123456
that sounds like any history class
Redbulloth
Yeah, we fucked up from the get go by supporting the French. Ho Chi Minh asked us to help him set up a western style democracy, but the...
Redbulloth
French wouldn't give sovereignty, and we wanted to keep them happy so they'd continue to NATO. Then when he went to the communists for...
Redbulloth
help, there was no way we could be on his side while leading the fight against the spread of communism.
IHaveTwoCuteDoggies
I wish the US were to stop giving a shit about allies and other countries(unless we do it for the reason I think we might.)
risiblewilbury123456
It's crazy that they fought off france, america, then overthrew pol pot, and then fought off china. crazy country
Nerfgunner
Hmong, love these folks
DoDucHuy
Nah, it was the Communist Government of Vietnam that ended Pol Pot. And what did they get? Sanctions!
flarflarf
something else to think about
RyanAndTheQuestForWorldDomination
Ironic considering MLK managed to spearhead the greatest social change this country has ever seen yet I’ve never heard this mans name.
ReginaKasteen
Who?
flarflarf
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stokely_Carmichael
flarflarf
tl;dr a prominent member of the american civil rights movement in the 1960s
thisisprocrastination
Kind of a dumb thing to say, since King was highly influential.
Djjazzyhorn
And was assignated
ezzmann
Nigga what
OHGODBEEEES
I’m gonna assume you’re stroking out and meant assassinated. Just like Lincoln. And JFK.
OHGODBEEEES
This is a dumb comment because the quote said nothing about Kings influence.
flarflarf
the quote was made during the struggle when it was nowhere close to clear that King would "win."
OHGODBEEEES
So?
flarflarf
which quote are we talking about here, the one i posted or the one in the OP?
thisisprocrastination
Yes it did, it said nonviolence wouldn't work. But it did!
thewordsoftheprophetsarewrittenonthesubwaywall
It's almost like America has a conscience and DID change XD
OHGODBEEEES
The millions of dead or displaced in the Middle East probably disagree with you.
flarflarf
The quote is from the mid-60s. I think he was wrong about how little of a conscience the US had. I also think Kings nonviolence has been
flarflarf
overplayed by history. There was a lot of rioting and activity going on in the background as well, as there was with Ghandi.
thewordsoftheprophetsarewrittenonthesubwaywall
Ghandi was a nazi sympathizer who molested women, he's hardly relatable
flarflarf
Really. Ghandi doesn't have anything to do with King. Do tell us more.
warmNchewey
We still fighting the same fight today...
thisisprocrastination
What? Instead of segregation, blacks now have special privileges, like affirmative action. And no institutional barriers at all.
warmNchewey
I can't tell if you're being serious or not...
thisisprocrastination
I mean, those are facts.
DisgruntledFerret
Not quite the same, no, unless you claim literally no progress has been made from the start of the Civil Rights Movement to today.
PiggyWobbles
saying we've made progress does not make it a different fight, I think
thewordsoftheprophetsarewrittenonthesubwaywall
No.....not even sort of, or do you see the fire hoses being turned on black protesters that I don't?
DisgruntledFerret
If the Voting Rights Act of 1965 did not in fact end the fight against Jim Crow laws, literacy tests and poll taxes, we've got issues.
thewordsoftheprophetsarewrittenonthesubwaywall
right cause Dr. King didn't achieve anything. You people say one thing about history and out comes the socialist anti-american quotes XD
flarflarf
I'm asking you to think of this in the context of Russia and China, not reflect on whether it worked 50 years ago in a different country
plsreadHayeksUseofKnowledgeinSociety
it's called being 'edgy'
thewordsoftheprophetsarewrittenonthesubwaywall
right my bad XD
Wolvenlight
Ironic considering MLK Jr. leaned socialist economically, by his own admission.
thewordsoftheprophetsarewrittenonthesubwaywall
but not anti-American he never trucked with the part of his followers that hated the country
bigassballs1
I'll bet you ten Stanley nickels, you don't have a clue what socialism actually is.
LarvaLamp
It's when you talk to people at parties and stuff.
thewordsoftheprophetsarewrittenonthesubwaywall
And I'll bet you 1500 unicorns or 500 leprechauns that that you're making a huge ass assumption that is meant to deride and not at all (1)
thewordsoftheprophetsarewrittenonthesubwaywall
meant to have an actual debate. That your comment is useless trolling to cover what is likely a hardcore inferiority complex (2)
bigassballs1
i'm all ears...please by all means..cut and paste the Wikipedia definition of socialism...
thewordsoftheprophetsarewrittenonthesubwaywall
So....you respond a month later with what? assuming my understanding of socialism is wikipedia based? bold strategy XD
thewordsoftheprophetsarewrittenonthesubwaywall
and for the record, the man quoted? avowed socialist hence why I called him one, he identified that way (3)
EyeSpyABreathtakingPerson
Simplifying it that much is a disservice. Look at the reaction every time America DOES intervene in another country. It's a tricky position.
OHGODBEEEES
Sir, this is a McDonalds drive thru
leroy666
This ain't the old days, guys. Many of the bad guys got the wherewithal to turn the earth into a smoking cinder . Gotta tread carefully.
OHGODBEEEES
This post literally robbed me of 10 IQ points. It’s that dumb.
leroy666
I son't think you can afford to lose them.
OHGODBEEEES
I son’t think you’re in any position to make that judgement.
leroy666
Of course I,m not. Why would that stop me.
Secsletariat
How many times have they put in more than a token effort and not had ulterior motives though? Genuinely asking - I can't think of much.
leroy666
Imagine if Hitler had access to Nukes. Do you think he woulda gone quietly in his bunker. Can't afford to poke the wounded bear any more.
OHGODBEEEES
Sir, once again, this is a McDonalds drive thru.
Trowe
Contrary to a popular belief, US is not the only country in the world. There's around 200. Besides, US "intervening" often means invading.
DearAtlas
Meh, just look at the budget spent for the military. It's easier to ask help to one instead of organizing a coalition of more countries.
thewordsoftheprophetsarewrittenonthesubwaywall
Ok I'd love to hear your idea of what other countries will intercede against china and what that intervention looks like. Because (1)
thewordsoftheprophetsarewrittenonthesubwaywall
sanctions didn't exactly help the Ukraine now did it? (2)
magicmegaman
But what country would step up when they all expect US to do it plus what country would China even listen to
thewordsoftheprophetsarewrittenonthesubwaywall
pretty much America and Russia....unless the UN got some teeth magically and Europe as a whole acted....even then not much
Mobius550
Just for the sake of conversation, how do you propose the US or any other of the 199 countries help with the China situation?
Notme68
Evacuation and asylum - but seeing how we've been dealing with that, good luck.
Libvision
the Andaman sea. That would be feasible, then wait and see what the mainlanders do when the economy shrinks (2/2)
Mobius550
That's actually a well thought out idea! I think the economic consequences world-wide would prevent it from happening though unfortunately.
DJmostaccioli
Sanctions. UN should provide security. Would be a start.
thewordsoftheprophetsarewrittenonthesubwaywall
UN providing "security" is not an invasion how? and Frankly? Sanctioning China getting them to change? lots a luck
DJmostaccioli
Got any better ideas buddy?
Libvision
Wont work, China has Veto power along with Russia, france, UK and the US
OHGODBEEEES
Glad someone here has a brain. +1
bongles
That's an odd concept. Vetoing your own sanction. "We're going to do this it you don't stop" "no"
Libvision
Economic sanctions, and a naval embargo of oil shipments and fishing trawlers heading to china by means of the Philippine sea and (1/2)
HoboStabWound
The US is currently trying to stop oil shipments to China but Iran is still selling it to them.
thewordsoftheprophetsarewrittenonthesubwaywall
Economic sanctions raaaaarely work, I mean crap look at our sanctions on Russia and the Ukraine still happened. Also an naval embargo?(1)
thewordsoftheprophetsarewrittenonthesubwaywall
that's.....a literal act of war O.o (2)
Libvision
What do you suggest will work (and remaining idle is not an option since Taiwan will be next)?