GotBetterThingsToDo
156002
3317
44
I mean, it's silly but it never fails. Be good to yourselves this weekend.
Apr 2, 2022 12:45 AM
GotBetterThingsToDo
156002
3317
44
I mean, it's silly but it never fails. Be good to yourselves this weekend.
TheMightyMoto
neat
Carlillo
MightyKites00133
Not quadriplegic?
reichstein
Kinda. He can make it so they can move their left arm and right leg.
LexOdin90
GotBetterThingsToDo
Love me some Conan. I've been listening to clips from his podcast on YouTube lately, too. He still has it
DPHENS
DickMercenary
Context makes it so much funnier. Alana Nichols. Paralympian skier.
NotAgainRichard
how the hell do your fans work? We have a dial on the wall thats clearly marked. sometimes its on the light switch, sometimes on its own
cosonfused
old style ceiling fan
arewenotkingsandqueenstogether
Most here in the US have chains hanging from the center, one for the light, one for the fan.
NotAgainRichard
Odd. Does that mean your fans operate off a light circuit?
arewenotkingsandqueenstogether
There's a motor in the center of the fan.
tyrunn
Xavier can walk anyway, it's random really if the writer decides if he can or can't in any given book, that's his real power
cosonfused
And sometimes the reason is so GODDAMN STUPID. "i'm paraplegic because i'm telepathic and somehow that's the cause"
se7enblessings
Guess I don't remember that. He's been unable to use his tk to move his legs because "mental blocks" but that's as close I remember
schlockchurch
How's things, op?
GotBetterThingsToDo
Things are all right, thanks for asking. How are they with you?
schlockchurch
Glad to hear! They're all right. There've been some rough seas, trying to sail them. Could be worse, but it'd be cool if they were better.
metalMYA
schlockchurch
Thank you, I always love this photo, and appreciate thoughtfulness regardless! It's nice to be reminded that people care about others ?
supervillainsevilmoustache
Sherlock and Watson go camping and set up their camp. In the middle of the night Sherlock awakes and says “Watson! Watson wake up!...
supervillainsevilmoustache
... what do you see!” Watson says “oh, I seenOrions belt, a half moon” “No you idiot! Someone stole our tent!”
spicyairtract
Yes, yes. Very good.
ExTechOp
The joke is supposed to be a bit longer, Holmes prompting Watson with "what can you deduce from being able to see the stars?"
supervillainsevilmoustache
Imagine having to abbreviate yet remain concise in this format. Crazy am I right?
unluckyandbored
140 character limit makes long form jokes kinda tough
Whatdoyousaytoanicecupoftea
...but it's too late, and Watson is raped to death by a bear
OneCraftyHooker
TheDepressedCommunist
AttackoftheRobotMonkeys
If it's a legitimate bear rape the body has ways of shutting that whole thing down
pandawaffle
In all fairness, i doubt Watson was pregnant afterwards.
metalMYA
Dont. Some might think you’re serious. (I mean: u use a PICTURE and there’s nó obligatory ‘/s’… that’s ⚠️+1
nomorehate
Heroofhtelance
99!
ChaneDawg
9! 9! 9! 9!
metalMYA
Ah, okay. Nów I get the square root of 81 the german friend answers… but I have the certified flu so that’s an excuse *woopsie*
levelfivedetentionblockaa23
DickMercenary
I swear I know where this is from but I just can't place it.. Desperado?
levelfivedetentionblockaa23
Correct!
batukhan
So that's a real take. No cgi. Impressive
DickMercenary
My other guess was "Something Al Leong was in" looks a helluva lot like him..
VictusVonGuyver
Not him but he is the Patron Saint of Stuntmen and extras. He does for all villains sins but is reborn to Hench the next film.
DickMercenary
I always wonder how many Crunch and Mars bars he gets from fans at conventions..
JumpBaconSpy
My go to giggle meme is "Arson? You mean crime brulee?"
apatheticangst
Boo... I love it! +1
tinctures
"gon paint a bunch of dudes with they dicks out tho" and "you got ghosts in your blood".
MeetYukes
Mine is always TEETH! TEETH! TEETH!
ihaveastructuredsettlementandineedcashnow
Mine is: this nigga eating beans
neebsandassociates
"[me training a new employee on how to use the paper shredder] This fuckin robot eats our secrets."
badthaught
sassort5
Yesss, needs the possum posing dramatically to drive the point!
TheDreadPirateRobinSparkles
Mine is the dog "my name is Phtephen".
rosebudthesled
The Andy Richter tweet about bird houses gets me every time.
HeadJamistan
Please.... my wets.
FlameSquare
"what's E.T. short for?" "cuz he got lil legs"
FedVetus
BURNT CRIME! BURNT CRIME! BURNT CRIME!
LiquorishSunfish
Mine is "but what if WAS for puppies?"
thejon
I voice this on my dog's behalf at least weekly
witchtrash
Explaining to aliens that “Under our pants we wear smaller, secret pants”
wadatahmydamie
I hate that mine is “my ****** dog with this stupid look on his face.”
Guatermelon
Same
Youknowitoryouknow
My wets
GotBetterThingsToDo
Dust them
BishlamekGurpgork
DUST THE FUCKING WETS.
kamesha
Ive liked, "Why did the girl fall off the swing?" -"SHE HAD NO ARMS" for quite some time. It's gotten a good chuckle in dire moments
Deathpunkin
oh boy. here we go. Why couldn't Suzy swing on the swing set?... She didn't have any arms!
Deathpunkin
Why couldn't Suzy sing?.... She couldn't carry a tune!
Deathpunkin
Knock. Knock.
JumpBaconSpy
Who is it?
iScreenshotProfiles
Mine is a big ass chocolate egg those bitches will never find.
trapdoorogre
I tried to google and I found stuff but not the right stuff. Could you elaborate.
iScreenshotProfiles
NarratesTheDarkerStory
Mine is the screaming prairie dog.
Spatulor
Mine is fucken wimdy