Tigerlily143
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I don't post very often but I needed to say this in hopes that it would give me some relief. My step dad (might as well be my dad) has an aggressive form of dementia, that no only attacks the memory portion of your brain but slowly shuts down all of the functions of your body. That has made it so he can no longer live at home and he has been living in a specail facility because of his condition. My mother told me last week that I should stop going to see him because he has now forgotten who I am, as well as my son and husband. This was really painful to hear and I don't want to scare him or freak him out so I chose to not go visit him.
Tonight I find out he is in the hospital with fluid building in his lungs and faint vitals. I am afraid that it's time for me to say good bye but I can't bring myself to see him this way.
I want to remember my dad the way he was when he was healthy and happy, and I feel so torn and guilty for feeling this way.
I don't need up votes I just want to feel like I'm not alone.
absentee
A very hard situation. I hope you both find peace.
aCoolBreezeOnAHotSummerDay
I did the same when my grandmother was dying from Alzheimer's @OP. My memories of her are very happy ones because of it.
tgeliot
Went through some of this with my folks. Not easy.
RemainsspacebarUnknown
my dad passed 2 years ago, heart attack out of the blue and was put in a coma that he never woke from.
Rhodium
Go. Go see him. It's best to have known someone as much as you could have, including highs and lows. I feel for you and your family...
mrkwen
As a step father this is incredibly sad. I hope you get to say goodbye and that he remembers one last time.
EllaDeElValle
not alone op
squirrelwithabushytail
Do what you got to do. In the future you have to live with yourself and your actions. No matter what.
Cebrail
You are not alone
Tigerlily143
I cannot belive the overflowing support all of you have sent me thank you a thousand times.It's nice to hear other stories, and not be alone
SylvanaDarkmyst
I wasn't there to see my grandmother waste away and die of lung cancer and dementia. I can say I prefer to remember her the way she was.
SephardicHomo
Fuck off. Go to Facebook
BlankhasdiedofDysentery
Many times people have a last moment of lucidity at the end to say goodbye, can't say it'll happen for you though since it's just luck.
AliceFollowTheWhiteRabbit
This is true! See it all the time, I'm an RN lots of people become more lucid in the last few days
SparkleSalsa
You're going to read a lot of comments that say you have to see him, that you'll regret it if you don't. The thing is that it's going
SparkleSalsa
To be hard either way. You're going to question your decision if you do go, or if you don't. Seek help afterwards, no matter what you decide
TheBermudaRectangle
I was that way with my grandma too. She was so sick at the end I couldn't bring myself to see her like that.i don't regret it,but 1/2
TheBermudaRectangle
I can't say what's right for you. Only u truly know what to do, I wish you love Op in this difficult time for you <3 stay strong
HeWhoPours
I didn't see my grandma for this reason for multiple years because it was never positive for either parties, but I regret it now.
tinykoala
You should do it for yourself. You won't be ready and "difficult" won't begin to describe it. I'm so sorry, sending love.
ginevra
From experience: go. You'll regret it every day if you don't. I am so sorry, @OP. What a terrible thing. :( But... go. Say your goodbyes.
thirdworldrepresent
Go to him. He may not remember you but your presence will comfort him. Anyone who's lost or feel helpless will be relieved when surrounded
thirdworldrepresent
by people who wants to help and care.
DrMardini
I tell this to families near the end because it's true, your father is who he was all his life, remember those times. They made him who he
DrMardini
Was. Right now he's near the end and isn't himself, but he'll always be who he was during his entire life to this point.
purplepantaloons
You are not alone. I didn't see my dad before he passed a couple weeks ago because I wanted to keep a good memory of him. I don't regret not
purplepantaloons
Going to see him. I do miss him though.
purplepantaloons
And not going to see him doesn't mean you don't care or love him.
wilsonsmith
I didn't see either of my grandparents, one by choice, one by geography. I still regret both
Ashkoda
Prayers of comfort and peace for you and your family. Hang in there.
imgursmyfirstluv
My gma had dementia.. She died in the nursing home from a heart attack. The last time i visited her she told me about how much she loved her
imgursmyfirstluv
Grandson (me)
letstalknews
"I can't bring myself to see him this way." Then dont. He doesnt want you to see him that way at all or for you even to remember that.
letstalknews
Sorry popular opinion is wrong on this. seeing him 1 last time disheveled and helpless...thats not how anyone wants to go.
Iworkinazoo
Agreed.. I have horrible last memories of my dad that clouds every other memory/image I have of him. (1/2)
ginevra
My mom's death was really awful, but I think I would have regretted not being there forever. I dunno. Rather make the mistake of being there
Iworkinazoo
Remember him the way he was, not the way he is. (2/2)
elgalileo
Seems to me "the grass is greener on the other side". See him and you may ruin your memories. Don't see him, and you may wonder "what if?"1
elgalileo
In all, I'd recommend you follow your gut/need, and not others'. Kind regards 2/2
FireLizzard
Dementia is horrible and I hate it. If I get it, I'm going to kill my self while I'm still lucid.
igoslow
I am with on this
FireLizzard
I don't think you can really understand how horrible it is until someone you love is slowly eroded away into nothing. There's no closure.
eromitlab
I know that feel. My dad will appear in a dream and I'll be confused by him not being the shell he was the last year of his life.
AlceCosmico
As someone who has been scarred for many years by seeing the most important man of my life in his death bed, I know those feels. But even if
AlceCosmico
He doesn't know who you are, he may just appreciate visitors at all. It's a scary thing for anyone to go through. Including him.
AlceCosmico
I can't say for certain I'd go either after my grandads death, but whatever you decide, I'm sending my love.