I got paid to do a thing. 

Here's an old rickety staircase going into a basement of a house I am remodeling
I thought this process might be interesting to you fucks, so pay attention, and lets make something pretty.

Boards where loose, stained with paint and crap.

You can see the large gaps on the sides. Plenty of room for toddler or cat damage.
Plus, they wobbled a fuck ton when you walked on them

When I was pulling the stringers down (part under the stairs that hold the fucking things up) I found it was held together with these little bastards.
some dumb cunt deckded that 1" nails where going to be good enough to not kill whoever was walking down these.
Dumb ass.

I got my new stringers and toe kicks in place (Sorry for no photos..... wait no I'm not. I was fucking working) and I realized that from the top to the bottom of the stairs was a 2.5 inch difference in width. No square cuts for me... time to do some fucking math and make fancy fucking trapezoids.

here's a rough sketch of how everythings going to fit together. Fuck my life.
The back of the board, next to the riser, is the first measurement. The next measurement is the front of the board.
The difference between the two must be split, and then measured off of square to make sure things fit properly.
Again, Fuck my life.

Here's the replacement part for the stupid one inch fucking nails. That dumb ass could have killed me. I weigh in at 250 lbs, and those were only held together with hopes and dreams.

Sink about a thousand of those little fuckers above through these things at the top of the stringer. Strong as fuck. How strong? They call these fucks "Strong ties" So yeah, better than a 1" fucking suicide nail.
Have I mentioned how I dislike those yet?

I skipped a few steps, but heres that strong tie installed on the new stringer.
Where you goin?
http://i.imgur.com/YrfaOVP.jpg?fb

More strong tie's, more supports You could have elephants dancing on this and it would laugh.
Hell, this might even be strong enough for me and your fat ass mom to make sweet, sweet love on and still hold up for more than five minutes.
This fucking thing has more strength than Benadryl Coatfactory's top button.

Here's the front face of the rough in, and its fucking gorgeous. Quarter rounds on top of the kick board for pretty.
I dont have pictures of the process, as I was getting mad at these impossible cuts
And I dont want you to see me like that. I prefer for you to remember me like this, calm and loving as fuck.

Yeah, I know there's fucking gaps still. I'm only human. Fuck you for judging me. Like I said, ROUGH IN.
We're not fucking done yet!

Thats right mother fuckers. It's carpet time.
Jack of all fucking trades right here.
Due to how uneven the width of these fuckers where, I had to cut each step and riser separately.
13 steps, 15 risers, 28 fucking individual cuts, and all of them have to be perfect.
There was much swearing in this part also.

After a test fit, I glue the bitch down and I staple the back of this thing in. Fucking one staple every inch.
40ish fucking staples just for this part. Fuck.

Next I roll the front fucking edge. One staple every half inch here. Fucking hell. Approx 150 staples per step. But Goddamn is it sexy.
Just like you. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

I'm talking to my mirror you arrogant fuck. Not everything's about you.

These riser strips are a bitch also. These are cut overly large by 1/16", so they fit perfectly and hide the ungodly amount of staples in this fucker. The board is hit by the hammer, which tucks the nap of the carpet where it needs to go.

Fucking commie taint knob! I cut it wrong. You goatfucking shitheaded turdmunching foureyed bigheaded pedofilic godforesaken pissdrinking assfucking homofilic beerbellied mophaired cronical heroinaddicted tetanussuffering monkeyassed-cocksucking hepatitisinfected gangreneinfested pimplefaced bugeyed gasolineinhaling cokewhore twatwaffle cunt!
FUCK!

I'm sorry you had to see me like that. I fixed it It's better now.

Almost fucking done. My back, knees, and hands hurt. But fuck is it looking good.

Motherfucking finished product ass wipes.
Witness its glory.

Mutha fucking UHH. Look at it.
LOOK AT IT.

Top down view.
Thanks for coming along, I'm getting a fucking beer.