PrenatalProbing
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Best job ever.
I work security for a company and a bunch of their life safety panels are down in the building that I'm stationed at. So the fire watch position was created and requires me to do a patrol around the building. Every half hour. Every nook and cranny has to be checked for fire/smoke/water. Over an 8 hour shift (often times it's a 12 hour shift) I rack up around 17 miles per day. I've been losing weight and it's not frowned upon to use my phone while I'm not on a patrol. Win fucking win.
TL;DR My job pays me to lose weight and browse imgur.
nightof11bangbangs
I work security and I get paid shit to drive an armored truck. A hell I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies
wittie888
Not bad bro
ItchyBrain
I'm looking for a job like this.
nwdle1
I used to deliver junk mail leaflets for a few shillings while I was still at school. I'd average about 23 miles a day.
HeadOfProfessorDowell
Your penguin is backward and probably ought be a success kid. Red is socially awesome penguin. Blue is socially awkward penguin.
JeramyBearamy
Same, i walk through a parking garage and hide to browse while I "work"
itzujones1
Bonus
bbbldr8
My brother walks, i mean works for the post office, same deal, he makes 18 an hour to walk around a really nice town.
HalloweenPumpky
It is the same for me, just the opposite. I am software developer.
lindzarrawr
I work at a call center. aka I get paid to get fat and browse imgur. I'm okay with it.
StarscreamAndHutch
Hope you have unlimited data!
PrenatalProbing
I made sure of that haha
onceyougotard
living the dream
MogseyInnit
Upvote for cool story, downvote for incorrect memage, sum=0
PrenatalProbing
No negative impact! That works for me! :)
bb8forpresident
Jealous does not even begin to explain my emotions.
FINETUNING
I hope you don't get shot in the head...
PrenatalProbing
Thanks for the good wishes bud haha
rudydoody
Legitimately jealous. Enjoy the gig
PrenatalProbing
Thanks man !
BoatManDOC
I can suck in a ruler and shoot it across the room with my jelly, bro!
AStaleDonut
lifegoals!
JeffCurtis
Can I have your job?
therealskoopy
www.marines.com
kahooki
Maybe wrong meme? I'd revert the colors. Blue top, red bottom.
dildobiscuit
Invert.
nousernameisirrelevant
All same color... There isn't a bad side to this for the penguin to be turning around from
ExcuseMeBearFuckerDoYouNeedAssistance
I'd ditch penguin altogether and go full-on success kid
thelittleone01
Congrats on spelling losing correctly, +1.
PrenatalProbing
Why thank you :)
smiles669
Get a damn good data plan
PrenatalProbing
They have not to good wifi but I have sprint unlimited and have pretty decent coverage so it works great for me :)
smiles669
Dammit America! Your phone plans are so cheap!
bolognasandwich
Next up: start lifting. Before you know it, you'll look like a superhero. Seriously, it just takes consistent effort.
PrenatalProbing
I know, the also have a 24 hr fitness center in the main building. I'll start using it before work! :)
mirdreams
I like 5x5 stonglifts as a starting point. Like couch2 5k for weights.
PrenatalProbing
You lost me lol
bolognasandwich
NICE! Deadlifts and squats. Prioritize those above any bench / curl bs. Really. They will change you. Also, pull ups, push ups, dips. GO!!
ExpoAve17
You should see if you can wear an adjustable weight vest. Congrats on the rad job, does it suck during the winter season?
PrenatalProbing
It's indoors. Very large building. And I could probably get away with it if it doesn't bulge up my shirt much
wildkatrn
No way 17 miles is a ton... That's over a mile every half hour! You have time to secure a mile of territory every 30 mins?
Killertortilla
Can confirm, have also been security guard doing almost the same job. Not even close to 17 miles.
wildkatrn
I thought so! lol
wildkatrn
I'm a nurses aide and I literally go without sitting for 12-16 hours at a time and the most I've ever clocked is 11 miles.
TheDino
You probably stand a lot. Security doesn't have to stop and take care of patients.
PrenatalProbing
The building is classified as a high rise, it's pretty big. I walk faster than average and all over the place.
TheDino
It is very easy to walk a mile in less than 20 minutes unless you are a little person.
wildkatrn
Right and he's tall but he also has to patrol the area not just walk!
TheDino
That just means that he has to look and listen as he walks around. Doesn't usually involve stopping.
ravien999
What's work like that even pay? I'd love to get a job like that for a few months before diving back into my career
PrenatalProbing
I make 32k but that's because I'm a security medic with an EMT-P License. But without that I'd guess 3 or 4 $ over your states minimum 1/2
PrenatalProbing
If you find a good company.
ravien999
32k for that kind of work sounds cushy, especially as someone who loves night shifts.
IAmTheBob
@OP I'm the front end loader/Cart guy at Lowe's. I walk about 15-20 miles in a 9 hour shift, I love it. Plus, I get my workout :P
PrenatalProbing
It's great, the day goes so fast. :)
IAmTheBob
And you can work at your own pace! As long as the job gets done they don't care :D
PrenatalProbing
Exactly haha
anarkos
Jelly? You're a fucking security guard LMFAO. I'm sure all the already healthy weight wealthy executives are so jelly. All my fuckin' sides.
PrenatalProbing
I'm 20 years old and made 32k last year. My technical title is Security Medic. I have an EMT-P license. Please tell me 1/2
PrenatalProbing
what you accomplished by 20 years old.
anarkos
My smallest accomplishment was not implying others are envious of a dreary position that a trained primate could do.
PrenatalProbing
It's a meme post bro. I'm sorry your wife beats you in a marriage that you don't want to be in because you're a closet homo.
anarkos
Brah, you don't have to get all mad when someone doesn't like your shitty post. Just ignore me and go back to checking all those nooks. :)
MizzAzure
It seems you need to browse imgur more so that you can use the meme correctly but congrats on the job.
Aceituna
The meme is so often used incorrectly on imgur seeing it more here may not help, just confuse matters further.
MizzAzure
You make a compelling point.
BadamWarlock
Maybe he likes walking and doesn't like being paid or browsing imgur.
MizzAzure
Then he has a good basis for an unpopular opinion puffin.
BadamWarlock
Niiiice.
MizzAzure
Likewise ;)
PrenatalProbing
I had a feeling it was wrong, fml.
TheNextGuy
You'd want a all red penguin because being healthy and getting paid for it is awesome!
CrypticalEnvelopement
Blue=Bad, Red=Rad
Icecreaman
Which is literally the exact opposite of what those colours represent on a spectrum. It's why so many people get it wrong. Like gif/jif
CrypticalEnvelopement
To me all they represent on the spectrum is hot and cold
PrenatalProbing
Thanks, I'll do better next time. :/
MizzAzure
But we love you anyway , OP. +1 for effort
PrenatalProbing
Awe, thanks :)
Somanyquestions
Speak for yourself, I like OP more in a platonic way.
DopeyFuckedaPenguin
You sir have won at life
cyborgcassowary
Write like Will Sheff and compose music in your head while getting paid at your job. You'll be winning then.
TypicalShmosby
It's not often that people say that to security guards; cherish this moment @op
PrenatalProbing
Very true, you just have to be with the correct company and take your job seriously just not too seriously
notso5ecret4gent
Until the fucking shit actually burns down
PrenatalProbing
Not on my watch!
PrenatalProbing
Pretty sweet, love the people I work with and it doesn't pay bad at all.
degenerator
If Imgur is life, then yes, he has won at life.
Boufus
I just started working with disabled people recently and it is the most gratifying work I've ever done. And I get PAID for it. Paid well :)
LadiesInboxMeYourInsecurities
I mean the only thing you fucked up was the colors.
PrenatalProbing
I though red was walk away :/
LadiesInboxMeYourInsecurities
Red = awesome Blue = awkward
PrenatalProbing
Damn.
CleverClint407
How long have you been doing security? I was thinking about it while I go to shcool.
PrenatalProbing
2 years. I love it. Get in with Securitas Security Services. Good company.
AxelSss
Working my last shift with Securitas tonight. Security is not for everybody
PrenatalProbing
Why are you quitting? @AxelSss