LordPyra Delivers: Why Lily is the Absolute Worst

#1 So first off, Lily leaves Marshall high and dry to go to San Francisco for three months, and when it doesn't work out, she comes home and begs to be back in his life. To his credit, he doesn't immediately take her back. He eventually does, they get married, he becomes a lawyer, he starts looking for a job

#2 NRDC- National Resources Defense Council, or Environmental Lawyer. Relatively low paying law gig, but what Marshall literally became a lawyer for

#3And yet... Lily pushes and manipulates him to go to his big corporate interview, an interview which Marshall's father got him. Why?

#4 Lily's Credit card debt. She has a mountain of debt, but Marshall didn't know, so it led him to some poor life decisions such as taking the corporate job that made him miserable, which put him on the corporate track, and buying the apartment he can't afford. Marshall only finds out when

#5 She gets called out by the loan officer. His immediate response was to blame himself and defend Lily. He thought it was his law school debt, and afterwards Lily tells him about her debt.

#6 Lily tries to solve the issue by asking for a divorce, so Marshall can apply for the mortgage on his own. He ends up forgiving her, like the entire group is wont to do and trying to make it work. A common theme with Lily is that she never seems to have to "pay the piper" like the rest of everyone.

#7 Short interjection with Lily's Ted issues. She has been pretty much abusive to Ted the entire series, starting here. Ted calls her a bitch over an answering machine to Marshall when she abandoned him for San Francisco. She immediately gets offended, takes all the Christmas decorations an deems Ted "unworthy" of having Christmas. She was the one who left Teds best friend, without knowing if she was ever coming back, bitch is tame.

#8 After she comes back from San Francisco, she has a string of "hobbies" and bad jobs, Ted feels bad.

#9 Ted offers Lily an assistant job at his firm.

#10 Which she immediately brings her over-inflated, friends-enabled, self-entitled, self-righteous ego into. Because Ted's boss was mean, she steals his Pete Rose autographed baseball, using tactics she "always used with my kindergarten kids." Aldrin Justice. Obviously Ted's boss is pissed.

#11 Ted's Boss threatens to fire 3 people an hour if his baseball isn't returned, and he meant it. Ted asks Lily to return the ball instead of jeopardizing the people in his firm's careers, she refuses and gets pissy with ted. The episode ends with Ted "coming around" to her point of view, as the show often does with Lily.

#12 She breaks Ted up with his girlfriends because she doesn't like them, 6 over the course of their friendship, though for this at the end she apologized.

She also constantly complained about Ted being in her and Marshall's "space" even though in the early years she was the one constantly in their dorm room, and the one always in their apartment. IF YOU PAY RENT YOU GET TO SAY THAT.

When Zoey comes around she breaks her own rule that everyone in the group has to hate who she hates and buddies up to Zoey, a girl who was actively trying to destroy one of her best friends' life dreams.

#13 Back to Lily and Marshall! So they buy the apartment because of Lily not disclosing her debt, and they find out it is in serious need of renovation (floor slanted), so Marshall asks Lily to sell the designer clothes she bought with her credit cards, and she reacts as above. She launches into some spiel about how she doesn't want to wear garbage, and that she can sell her paintings to raise the $1500 they need. Marshall lightly says that, well, it is hard to sell paintings for $500 a piece if you're not a real painter (as in, not professional) and Lily gets offended and accuses him of "never believing in" her

#14 She manages to sell her painting for $500 and immediately gloats to Marshall, he doesn't retaliate, merely congratulates her while she continues to gloat.

#15 She finds out that the people who bought her "art" only wanted it for the rare frame and is depressed. Marshall doesn't mock her for being right, instead he hunts down the painting, and snags Lily her first client and established a website for her and a client base.

#16 Awww... this will come back to haunt you later Lily.

#17 So Marshall gets bounced around in the corporate world, settling at Goliath National Bank with Barney Stinson, and what do you know? He likes it there! Yet, when he breaks to news to Lily that he wants to stay on at GNB, she reacts as above. "Why aren't you my hippie boyfriend from college?" First off, Lily's debt is the reason he's on the corporate track, and it doesn't look like her lifestyle changed much, so assuming they're still paying off their mortgage with 18% interest and her lifestyle, Marshall needs a high paying job. And then she guilts him for liking his job.

#18 Marshall's environmental conscience floats back and he decides to quit his job at the GNB so he can pursue environmental law again. He wasn't able to find a paying gig, so he settles for a volunteer job for a couple of weeks. This is arguably the only selfish thing, the only thing Marshall does for Marshall in the entire series.

#19 After countless years of support from Marshall, verbally and nonverbally, in whatever pursuits she followed, whether it made money or not, after mere weeks of Marshall needing her unconditional support, she snaps, compared to a lifetime of Marshall waiting on her hand and foot, and was going to ditch Marshall to go to Spain. Because, "Marshall doesn't pay attention to me anymore" God forbid he enjoys his non-paying gig. And let's remember, Lily was guilting Marshall for NOT being a hippie and liking his corporate job, and now she's angry that he's being "the man she loves".

She has a tendency of twisting everything and playing victim in every scenario, and any dispute with her in the group ends with "Lily's right" even though she's the absolute worst.

#20 So in the months leading up to Lily getting pregnant she constantly talked about it to everyone, making Robin absolutely fed up. When Robin calls her on it, she breaks up their friendship.

#21 When she finally gets pregnant, she finds a doctor that's willing to let her do everything she's not supposed to, such as, pictured above, drinking wine, and when Ted calls her out she gets pissy. Obviously Ted has some boundary issues, but he was concerned for the well-being of the child. When Marshall agrees with Ted, she immediately shuns him as well, sitting at home to eat cheetos an drink wine. At the end OF COURSE Ted "feels bad" about not listening to Lily, even though he was the one in the right all along.

#22 So Lily gives birth and isn't given any significant screen time, praise jesus hallelujah, but then this shit. She steals a priceless ashtray from the Captain because he called her on being a kindergarten teacher with no business telling him how to buy art, basically salty that her life isn't the way she wants it, not for lack of support, but lack of talent, as evidenced before, so "Aldrin Justice" he-hurt-my-feelings-so-I-commit-a-crime. And OOOOOOOOOOOF COURSE it works out for her and she becomes the Captain's Art Consultant.

#23 The SECOND she becomes an Art Consultant she becomes a douche and ignores her husband and family. Marshall is a lawyer who works long hours, comes home and needs to take care of the baby, yet he never complained. Instead he only gently asked if they could spend some more time together.

#24 When Marshall finally gets fed up and calls her on her bullshit, she says that he "never supported my career" which IS IN DIRECT CONTRAST TO PIC #16 (TOLD YOU IT'LL COME BACK) This is a common accusation of hers, coupled with her theme of constantly placing her "dreams" and ideals over her real life responsibilities. Never mind the fact that he got her her first clients, supported her when she was down, helped her snag that TMNT dude and took care of the child, and instead chooses to void all of that for a snarky "comeback".

#25 When Marshall accepts the Judgeship without telling her (which is wrong, I admit, but it did require an immediate answer) they get into this big fight, with her just screaming ITALY ITALY ITALY and not letting Marshall say his side. It culminates into this, pictured above.

Lets tally up all of Lily's selfishness so far
-Leaving for SF
-Credit Card Debt
-Guilting him for liking his job (twice)
-Constantly berates him for doing anything that's for himself, not for her
-Picks a sketchy gyno because she's obviously unprepared for pregnancy and wants to get away with doing things
-Putting Ted and his colleagues in jeopardy because she got her feelings hurt
-Stealing a priceless ashtray because she got her feelings hurt

When Marshall calls her on the biggest one she just says "I already apologized for that", but NO LILY THAT DOESN'T NEGATE IT. And she storms off. Because, although Marshall is wrong for taking the job without telling her and going back on his word, he did it because it would provide stability for his family, not to mention Lily. Lily just yells that he's killing her dreams, proving that Italy, and obviously SF was a selfish thing.

#26 And finally, when Robin and Barney announced their divorce, instead of being sad for her friend and supporting her, she cries because "we have to choose sides,". CAN SOMEONE SAY SELFISH?

IN CONCLUSION, LILY IS A DAMN CUNT WHO NEVER DESERVED MARSHALL.

For those of you confused, I posted a long rant on another post: https://imgur.com/gallery/9TAyy/comment/1205822975 and people encouraged me to make it into it's own thing with screenshots.

FP Edit: Holy shit first time on the FP! Can’t believe my rant at 7am turned into my claim to fame. Thanks to the guys on my original post that encouraged me to make this post

Edit 2: Have been told Ted called her a cunt, not a bitch, which is still much less than she deserved