Random Funny Tweet Dump #112

Dec 2, 2023 10:46 PM

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88805

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1515

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42

#37 Jason Beghe was a victims father with a clear voice pre accident then became a lead roll and does multiple cross overs with SVU as Chicago PD

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

#50 or in our case.
Me: Raven go pee? (Goes out) Angus go pee?
Angus:
me: Angus go puh puh.
Angus:
Me: c'mon go with Raven. Go poopy. Go pee with Raven. Go outside. (Stares)
Raven comes in.
Angus... well now I gotta go

2 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

#27 If you pay attention, it was the fact people weren't killing eachother enough that started the downfall of the Purge

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

#34 So how are you tweeting this complaint?

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

#32 ..is.. is this supposed to be funny? The original meme isn't even funny, let alone making light of a kid getting physically abused and tormented. Haha, I bet that kid felt like complete shit afterwards, haha!

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

#27 i'd forge some contracts so that i can move into an actual home. And steal all the furnishings i'd need for that home

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

#30 .... No word of a lie I don't care about the text... That guy is literally the asian version of me.... We look the same....

2 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

His name was "blauballer" on TikTok and he lived in NYC, but I cannot currently find his account at the current moment.

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

#26 Look, I am well aware that every girlfriend I’ve been with in the past, and any I will be with in the future/future wife, for them this will be an unspoken fact. But there’s no need to throw it out there… Trust me, us ugly dudes are well aware. just let us live in ignorance.

2 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

2 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

#27 Must've never worked customer service...

2 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

#11 To hold the flashlight while painting miniatures. Duh.

2 years ago | Likes 46 Dislikes 1

Nailed it.

2 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

#1 I can imagine a group of friends following them and getting to me and letting out a gasp. ‘That’s him? OMG how does he survive like that?’

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

#46 Dude, I had a 90% success rate on this thing. I would feed the whole crew on $2. Then they limited it to 1 per person, so I taught my friends. Then they limited it to 1 per group, and I was pissed. Then they took it away. And now... Now!... Now! They brought it back on a got danged tablet!... This whole country is going down the drain, I swear to god.

2 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

They removed them because people were breaking in to stores (usually by breaking windows or doors) to steal them off the counter for like $30 in change.

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I believe it. Criminals gotta ruin sh*t for everyone.

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

#28 oh dont worry, adults do it too... pretty much every day... :(

2 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Less cartwheels though.

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I threw out my back just thinking about someone else doing a cartwheel.

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

#12 when did we start saying "Late 1800s"? Surely not before 1940ish?

2 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

'Late xx00s" seems to be a product of the modern era, but "Late 19th century" started getting traction around 1920.

2 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

(Late 1800s for comparison)

2 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Thank you, friend. I suppose we're right on time then if we consider both phrases to be equivalent expressions for antiquity. I wasn't really expecting this in my 30s.

2 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

#8 Nah, you stay in that town. There's an evil real estate developer about to go to jail.

2 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

#50 every dog I’ve ever owned for ever.

2 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

#15 Pot noodle

2 years ago | Likes 90 Dislikes 1

WE HAVE A WINNER!!!

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Not poodle

2 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

2 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

And it's fantastic. I have on multiple occasions made infused ramen with Nongshim - this stuff (and it's amazing)

2 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

It's noodles in flavored MSG soup. Of course it's good.

2 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

MSG stands for "Makes Stuff Good"

2 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

#12 hell, i spent 35 years in the "late 1900s." in my defense, i didn't have much choice

2 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

...then you find out your friend works from home. The stories of their multiple personalities finally dawns on you as you're descending into their basement.

2 years ago | Likes 32 Dislikes 0

lol working from home doesnt stop certain co-workers from getting on my nerves. Plenty of Slack Shenanigans to go around.

2 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I yell CAROL. CAAAROOOOOL. I open the door and there is not a single person in that office, there is. No. Carol.

2 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

#14 That cheesesteak looks absolutely awful but 10/10 for the commitment. GO BIRDS!

2 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

I can't judge the authenticity without knowing how much Jim Croce they play in there. And no, Hall & Oates is not an acceptable substitute (though still a great Philly band).

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

But that beef could possibly be the highest quality you have eaten in your entire life.... !

2 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Philly guy here. Looks awful, but better than some other imposters ive seen around the US. Also go birds

2 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

That doesn't look like whiz and if that was an actual Philly cheese steak, you'd be able to see through the paper it's sitting on.

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

#45 The villain is honestly just the sheer cultural disrespect the British have for everyone on the planet. I saw 'Chinese week' and I heard that one lady say "Gwockeemolo" that time. I've seen Jamie Oliver make "beautiful, authentic" curry. BBC cooking content is basically my 'Nam.

2 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

Well yeah. That and Paul Hollywood glowering at people who are just trying to bake like lil Keebler tree elves.

2 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

Yeah GBBO has a villain! It is Paul Hollywood!

2 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

#3 This reads like it was written by AI. All the individual parts make sense, but together, it's just word salad.

2 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 1

It was VERY close to what actually was the SNL cold open - Bowen Yang played George Santos but he sung a satyrical version of Goodbye, Norma Jean (Goodbye, Congress Queen) instead of Hallelujah.

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 1

Satirical, unless you mean they were dressed as a satyr. Now bring me a coney dog!

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 1

I describe AI text ive read the same way! I didn't notice it here until you pointed it out. Totally true.

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

#12
Makes me wonder if people in the 1920s called the 1890s just "the 90s"

2 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

they were in fact called "the Gay Nineties"

2 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

Sure did.

2 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

This is for recording up-close videos of yourself having sex with a mannequin’s face for fake internet points

2 years ago | Likes 36 Dislikes 0

So close

2 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Ooooooh

2 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Why would you want to have sex with a mannequins face?

2 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Hey, you do you.

2 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

For fake internet points

2 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

...i don't understand the question.

2 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

#25 Again, I know what all the words mean, but I don't understand what they say.

2 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I got the first part, "Express... stan card..." = "I have suddenly become a huge fan (stan) of this person." Sadly, I have no idea why Jesus' job is relevant to the situation.

2 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

The surname of the singer on the video that caused disapproval was Carpenter.

2 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

God fucking damn it. I watched the video to see if I could figure out some new slang. The song is AWFUL and I am the dumbest son of a bitch in the world.

2 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

#16 I don’t understand this at all

2 years ago | Likes 89 Dislikes 0

I assume it's something about popcorn lung and those colorblind tests

2 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Yeah me neither

2 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

Testicular cancer that spread to the lungs. Patient’s in his 20s IIRC

2 years ago | Likes 16 Dislikes 0

Hopefully this can explain: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/got-that-dog-in-him

2 years ago | Likes 54 Dislikes 2

Thanks, yep that helped

2 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

Looks like tuberculosis or something. They can't see a dog, but the internet makes them want to see something weird.

2 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 1

Those are described as "coin" lesions.

2 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

There was a thing for a while where people would post pictures like this, asking for advice or pretending they were real, but they had just taken a Google image and hid doge in it somewhere

2 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

Nope, this one is gen Z saying "he's got that dawg in him"

2 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

#16 - So ... what was the diagnosis

2 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

He didn’t have “that dog in him”

2 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

A very similar X-ray was “Canon-ball pulmonary metastases from breast cancer”. https://radiopaedia.org/cases/canon-ball-pulmonary-metastases-from-breast-cancer?lang=us

2 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Thanks. I thought the "cannon balls" mat have been superimposed on the xray in the original image. I am saddened by the thought that this young man's life has been cut short

2 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

It surely doesn’t look good. :(

2 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0