Any fellow step parents?

thisusernamewasnttaken42

1586

She's a good kid, but spoiled as shit. My spouse is pretty glued to their phone. I do my best to parent when we have her but end up frustrated a lot by shit such as dangling a knife over our dog and jokingly saying "you really shouldn't stand there, doggo" (she's taken cooking lessons and knows how to use knives and was cutting a pomegranate at the time). This after a similar incident a few months ago involving scissors and playfully singing and dancing (no, the pup wasn't harmed, but we thought she was so much smarter than this).

She's not a psychopath, shes a gifted 8yo with 2 sets of parents who mostly get along. Sometimes it's extremely frustrating being one of those parents, especially with no kids of my own to have learned from.

I mostly came here to vent, but any parental advice would be greatly appreciated. And not just in regards to this specific incident...I'd just like to hear how other parents deal. These types of things just make me feel so deficient as a human and a parent.

RL;DR: frustrated step-parent is frustrated and could use advice.

KiaOrafromtheTron

sounds like your biggest prob is your husband not parenting enough

8 years ago |

iPhotoshopRandomCrap

Simply the fact you care enough to seek advice shows you're fucking amazing. Hands down respect to you and all step-parents out there

5xAcademyAwardWinnerKirkLazarus

This sounds like a great question for the Woody Allen advice column

nontno

Love is something you feel. It is something you do.

imacmadman

Step parenting is one-day-at-a-time, step kid is testing YOU, talk to your spouse about it. Be as civil as possible, but they ain't yours.

SojaExiles

She's aquired. You will love her because you love your wife. It's a packaged deal.

FrequentListenerFirstTimeCaller

When I realized that it was not being a step-father that was the problem but that all parents who care face this stuff I got over it.

soulsick

I'm not even sure if I love my own kids. I'll tell you what. Blood has nothing to do with love.

littlemirrorsatourfeet

The dog and the knife should be treated with respect or she shouldn't have access to them. Teach her and punish her when she breaks the rule

HeresSomeMoneyGoSeeAStarWar

Perhaps a game of mumblety-peg? Five finger fillet? Nothing like losing one of those two to remind you playing with knives isn’t great

Phlabibit

You may be better of talking with all parents involved... or waiting for her to grow out of it. If ya talk assure all you are concerned 1/2

but will drop it if they like... just keep her away from the pets for now. (-,” 2/2

LordSeraphon

I don’t have advice but I’m glad you take the effort for the thing to work. My step dad wouldn’t give 2 shits about me. Good luck

I'm very sorry to hear that.

gofuyose

Buy a new one

resonantD

Honestly gotta let her know the dog is family and you don't threaten family with a knife.

Dunno why spouse is letting it go.

NotTheTruck

You will never lol love her/him like they're your own. That is for sure. But, you can learn to love them for who they are.

Yea, you guys are right. I didn't give this comment enough thought.

smitjm

So I see the honesty in this but not every situation is the same. There are a lot of step parents who genuinely love the kids like their own

And a lot of blood related parents who don’t give a shit about their kids.

NuthinButts

1/? As a father of two I feel that kid needs a firm "No", capital N so to speak, she seems to either be testing how far she can push it,

2/? Or simply never been told there is a limit to fuckery, but simply put, that shit is way over the limit. I understand it can feel weird

2/? To reprimand/discipline someone else's child, but someone has to, and the Dad-role is stepping in when needed, asked or not, because

3/4 to me it's obvious on-one else is going to. And by identifying the issue you just took the first step into Dad-boots, congrats, keep it

4/4 up and you'll get there, and one day you'll realize you love that kid, and you didn't even see it coming.

I’m not a step-parent, but I feel like the definition of parenting is just a general feeling of deficiency. I’m sure I’m messing mine up.

Also,the kid is testing her boundaries. Take the sharp things away and tell her she can use them when she shows she’s responsible enough.

You’re the adult, and you get to decide what the rules are. Be prepared for meltdown/tantrum and stand your ground, kindly, but firmly.

The moment you give in they win and they remember that shit. Currently dealing with a 3 and a 7 year old. Parenting is not easy.

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