Confession Bear

Confession

Just a little background. My parents divorced when I was around the age of four, so really all I remember is them being divorced. My two older sisters have always held out that he would come back and love us, maybe I'm just more realistic?

Anyway my father has always lied. At the age of six, right before my birthday, when I was ready to go with him on his weekend of visitation I had this really anxious feeling. I told him I would rather not go and he just responded with, "That's fine, honey! Tomorrow I'll pick you up for your birthday and we'll go to Chucky Cheese."

I said an obligatory okay and as he pulled out of the parking lot I looked up to my Mother and said "He's not coming."

The next day I was correct and to make up for my father's short coming my mother gave me the best birthday she could. I will never forget that memory of my Mother and me.

I know maybe it sounds like I'm whining, but I really just need to vent.

About a month later my father broke a wooden spoon on my sister's thigh for no reason. He seemed to think that punishments should be given when the punishee is unsuspecting and has forgotten what they have done. This was part of the reason why my mother divorced him. He beat us for things we didn't even remember doing and if you asked why he would hit you again. Being the smart ass I am. I asked him around the age of seven if he did it so he could feel good. Never have I seen a man breakdown so quickly. I had hope that maybe this would be his turning point.

I was wrong. Independence Day, July 4, 2004. Was the last time I saw my father, till he popped up at my Uncle Bob's funeral. He had cut off contact by that point for seven years, no calls, no cards, no texts. He did not acknowledge he had three daughters. He shows up much to everyone's surprise. I was ready, you know, to just let him have it, to tell him all about the stuff I had accomplished without him, how much of a better parent my Mother was, yet... I couldn't. All the rage I had bottled up had just turned to indifference.

He tried to reach out and I have declined multiple times throughout the years. My sisters think I'm calloused, but I believe I have seen every side of this so called "father".

He had a stroke in February that affected the left side of his brain and then on March 2nd had another that affected his right side. His second wife has only just informed us yesterday. He has been in the hospital recovering. He currently cannot talk and he is doing therapy. I will visit him soon, but only out of an obligation by my sisters. I honestly have no feeling currently if he dies or recovers. I think maybe it will hit me hard later down the line, but right now, I'm just immune to it.

Sorry for the long post.
Re-uploaded because I used "could care less" instead of "couldn't care less".

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