Hellstorm99
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No judgement, we had dinner. They told me. No disrespect, just not my thing. Still, more than happy to help them not get screwed by some shady car dealer.
Be you, if you are cool, I gotchu.
MelodyLightfoot
Good on ya
drame
Definately a "tell before making plans" kind of thing but still well grown handling of both of you!
kylefromterminator
Dude nice, nothing to be mad at all if you’re decent & normal person, we’re all humans just trying to BE :)
Solkanarmy
will it be a trans-am?
duffman3335
I feel like that really something that should be mentioned BEFORE scheduling a date...
TorSverre
Good for you, OP! Wishing you all the best in your future date adventures.
Blackmetalhappiness
Sounds like someone lost a date, but gained a friend.
Sokonomi
I gotta ask, were they upfront about it in their profile, or were they just "surprise!" ? Dont get me wrong, some of my best friends.. 1/2
Sokonomi
..are trans, but baiting you in with that kind of secret would be a little rude to say the least. 2/2
AmityvilleHodor
Who knows, maybe you'll end up straight for each other
Hellstorm99
Respectful pass. There were other issues preventing us possibly being together. My cig smoking, their Marijuana smoking. Etc.
bingotown
I’d have to seriously think about that for a second. Cool as shit, looks like a woman, can go pegging without additional equipment? Hmmm…
DrArsMoriendi
Way to be friendly! I really sympathise with transpeople who are actively dating. It's gonna take an extra effort. Sadly.
Hellstorm99
We only didn't match because I smoke cigarettes and they smoke Marijuana. Its ok, just not each others cup of tea.
alaest0r
A reasonable human being reasonable; The fact that this reads like a feel-good story means ive been doomscrolling too much. Good on you tho!
lollerllama
Why didn't they tell you on Tinder?
potatoispeople
Some tinder dates happen very quickly. Matched, "you hungry?", go somewhere. Not speaking from experience, of course
Hellstorm99
This.
BORGALOOGIE
Bender: My story is a lot like yours, only more interesting because it involves Robots!
Pfffftit
Better love story than twilight
FunkyMonk8675309
Now this is what it's all about baby spreading the love. People need each other more than ever good on you @OP you're awesome +1
FunkyMonk8675309
@extraupvote is that still a thing I've been gone for a while lol
gostoso666
Trans rights are human rights. You're a good human
Baltzdelirium
Yeah basically how I feel about it. Likei want biological babies and such but... Things and stuff
alaest0r
Idk why downvoted; everyone has their own preferences and priorities and that's okay. Everyone deserves basic respect (if they give it too)
Baltzdelirium
It's cool I expected downvotes. But yeah, I've dated preop there wasn't anything off the table. Just my preference leans me my direction
Tenki001
Whenever I pre-op trans people on dating apps a feel bad about swiping left, I don't mind knowing them and having them as friends but it's 1
Tenki001
Just not what I'm looking for. I just feel shitty everytime though, is that okay? I feel bad and they look great 9/10 times as well.
Freemage69
Not at all. Your sexual preferences are totally valid. (There's a small, vocal contingent of the Trans community, specifically trans 1/x
Hellstorm99
This. Better not to waste their time, ya know?
Freemage69
women, who try to shame lesbians who aren't into pre-op trans women. They actually have workshops on 'overcoming the cotton ceiling', and2/x
Freemage69
generally come across as incels with a new schtick.) But outside of that, most trans people I've known have no illusions that they are 3/x
Freemage69
going to be considered viable romantic partners by people who have a strong preference for their expressed sex. They generally have only 4/x
microcactus
Go on...
JudgementalChair
I don't give a shit if that woman has a dick. I only care if that woman is being a dick
SpeedyCerviche
I wouldn't care if someone was trans, but I'd be very pissed off to be misled and lied to. Fuck those people.
Hellstorm99
They were honest, it is cool. All the more reason why I am here to help them.
spacecowboyein
Sounds like they weren't honest before you went out on a date. At least say something before the date.
Hellstorm99
I am just happy I had someone to go to dinner with. Always alone.
TakeMeToFrontPageAndBackFiveTimesADay
It’s not as black and white as that, they might want to get to know you first to see if you’re transphobic. Killing is common
mrsdowneyjr
Killing is common? Common?
Hellstorm99
Sadly. Yes. So many psychos and shitbags out there. Too many get away with it.
Tak231
Never heard of the gay panic defense?
mrsdowneyjr
You're telling me it's common for people to meet up from dating apps and kill trans people? It fucking isn't. It might be that some trans
mrsdowneyjr
People getting murdered had met their killers on dating website but it's not even kind of common for trans people to get killed. I'm a membe
StuckInBetweeen
Can you help me buy a car, no one in my family or extended family drives so it's very hard to know where to start :(
Hellstorm99
If I were anywhere near you, sure! Gotta find out about accidents, if it had regular maintenance, good dealers know about the people...
Hellstorm99
... people who owned a car before you. Google is also a godsend to find out about known issues with cars. Be ready to walk away.
ricekickJR
Im a married man, and im good friends with some lgbtq, but ive never met anyone thats a transgender. Would be cool if i did though.
mrmob
You've never met anyone that you KNOW is transgender ?
Forge128
"Not my bag, but we can still split dinner, have a great conversation, and hang out." It works! No need for drama. Be the cool person. OP++
Kagenical
I like the progression from "maybe dating, maybe banging, buying a car" lol
JOKERZwild86
They buying a car to bang in
LyingSOB
Come to think of it, that's the same progression in a "successful" relationship.
BORGALOOGIE
(Slaps roof)
CitizenClam
This bad boy fits so much acceptance in it
Hellstorm99
Help any way I can.
Seenji
Even though you won't satisfy them, they will be satisfied by their purchase
twabby16
Is this not how tinder works??
trivialsavant
I thought you said you were from Iran
Hellstorm99
What? No. Wisconsin.
alaest0r
Theres tons of trans people in iran & UAE (but unfortunately, not all of them are actually trans; it can be a loophole around antigay laws)
Keenwa
(it's a joke from IT Crowd)
trivialsavant
Oh no, I'm an idiot. It was a reference from IT Crowd. I was just trying to tell a joke. No disrespect
alaest0r
Ah damnit lol sorry; i havent gotten around to watching it yet xD
trivialsavant
Spoiler!!!! Lol
Valkor
trans people are awesome. i have no clue what my current partner's gender is and it just doesn't matter.
nanyatenyaa
How do you not know? Can you not... ask them? That seems really strange. Are they non-binary or gender fluid? Because those are genders.
Excitebike
Wait what
Valkor
they're neither a man nor a woman but we love each other and have amazing sex \m/
Hellstorm99
That's cool with me. Not that you need my validation. I have my preference, but don't judge people for theirs
Hellstorm99
Right? Respectfully, my face goes French there for any partner. I, well, NSFW, love going downtown on women. Ya know?
00110001001001111010000110110110011
Gender =/= biological sex
nanyatenyaa
Some one being confused about some one not knowing the person their dating's gender doesn't mean they don't understand what gender is.
nanyatenyaa
You don't need to be the gender police correcting transgressions against gender v biological sex when none was made. You're not helping.
oddmog
Far more to relationships than just sex too. Friends is good and am hetero too but it's not like you spend 24/7 fucking.
Hellstorm99
New friend, hell yeah I have their back. That's what is most important. Good people deserve care. Period.
GravityVT
You’re not fucking your friends 24/7? Why not?
oddmog
Not enough lube. Nah, just don't have that much of a sex drive and was making a weird adjacent point that relationships do not equal sex.
FajitaJane
For real, as a preop transwoman, I appreciate you. Way to not be a dirt bag about it.
BenWyattCalzoneKingandIceTownClown
Wouldent the pre-op trans be the dirt bag here since they didnt give a heads up
alaest0r
Apparently OPs profile just wanted dinner. Plus certain risks to telling people youre trans ahead of time. During first date isnt bad imo.
Hellstorm99
Thank you. Caught me off guard. But no need for people to be hateful. They are cool as hell, got to know them. Good convo, ya know?
Stolf
Keep hanging out and your wiener might learn something about itself :v
captainfakeypants
I don't know any pre-op trans, and I'm not even hetero (married my wife 9 years ago) but did you talk children? I think that's the one
captainfakeypants
sticking point, in a long-term hetero relationship with trans - you're going to have to adopt.
Hellstorm99
I have a son with my ex. Just want to be loved. Congrats on the relationship btw.
FreshNews247
What's the worst reaction (Apart from them being aggressive) you would fear? And shouldn't you tell them before the date?
FajitaJane
Other than general bigotry, it's mostly the being murdered part. As for telling them beforehand, yes, no, idrk. It's hard to say in 144 char
FreshNews247
Yeah true that.
TorSverre
AND you get all the weirdos who have preop kinks slamming on your door... sheesh
youcantgiveAbabybooze
I may be totally off here, but watching POSE really helped my understanding of this, its all about the vibe and the individual right?
Hellstorm99
Not sure where you are coming from. We had a nice dinner and I get to help them with my knowledge of cars and buying. No fear, friend.
FreshNews247
I'm actually asking the trans person who replied to your comment.
Hellstorm99
Ah, no worries. I am not qualified to answer this question then.
TorSverre
Such a healthy and smart response, that waaay more people should use! (probably myself included)
FreshNews247
??
youcantgiveAbabybooze
Kinda making me want to be your buddy too, you seem a wonderfully reasonable person with a great attitude
Muunk
Shouldn't they be honest about that before the date? Honest question. I've been out of the game for a while.
whywhywhydelilah
Yes. Yes they should.
squelcheswetly
Location and what you’ve chatted about would seem to be huge indicators of risk on this.
ifteguy2
Yes they should.
Hellstorm99
It is fine. My tinder bio just says how I want to have someone to go out to dinner with. Anything beyond that is bonus.
whywhywhydelilah
Okay so what’s the point of your post then? Sounds like you’ve posted this for attention now?
Hellstorm99
Fake internet points? Or just a moment that meant something to me, when I have struggled with so much. Sort of thing.
YesButMaybe
That's a reason many people share stuff, and there's nothing wrong for doing so. You don't have to be an asshole about it.
werrywerry
If you go for a job interview and you have a vacation planned in 3 months, do you tell them before the interview? Or do you try wow them 1st
Racealistic
No lie i applied for a job a few years ago and told them I'm gonna go on vacation for a month before i start work they were ok with it
Remmon1
Depends, are you interviewing to consult for a 6 month project or permanent employment? Because it's definitely relevant to the former.
youcantgiveAbabybooze
It's tough, people are biased to many situations that would leave you with very few matches. Like, kids/divorce/living at home etc 1/2
youcantgiveAbabybooze
2/2 but absolutely divulge early on in communication. Some folk realise the things they thought were deal breakers, actually arent
jasari
Nah not just for dinner, it doesn't make sense to obligate people to talk about thier genitals BEFORE a first date.
jasari
If your gonna bone sure I think it's polite to give a heads up just in case so it not awkward when you get naked.
idontknowhowthissiteworks
If I ask you on a date it means i'm paying. I wouldn't ask you on a date if I knew you were packing the same hardware as me. So yes it does
jasari
Isn't that argument inherently self-entitled since it assumes you should should have less risk than the other party.
idontknowhowthissiteworks
If a woman asked me on a date and paid then I identified myself as a cricket should she have assumed that risk?
jasari
Here is a real life scenario you have a micropenis, now every time you ask someone out are you obligated to inform them before they respond?
jasari
That's not a real life scenari, but she also had the risk that she was a cricket so that's equal so yes.
TheWombatStrikesAgain
On one hand, being trans is a serious dealbreaker for many people, and not telling them is kind of a dick move. On the other hand trans (1)
TheWombatStrikesAgain
people are targets for all kinds of abuse, and I get why you wouldn't want to advertise being one. So... honestly I don't know. (2)
Tak231
Add in that so many people fetishize trans folks and could just be plain creepy or downright dangerous.
miraclemaxcoc
My friend in Texas gets assaulted on a regular basis by randoms, no way they are going to advertise. They just bail quickly when needed
whywhywhydelilah
Surely better to advertise it? They could end up meeting with someone that’s massively transphobic. Seems more dangerous not to mention it
Hellstorm99
Total catch .22
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whywhywhydelilah
Not even close to being the same. Just because I prefer automatic doesn’t mean I won’t drive a manual. I would NEVER date a trans person /1
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