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FragileReality
I love Scottish Twitter; more, more!
CyanideCore
"Smelling like a fucking plate" I feel ya bro
ohlordewhy
I'm Scottish and I can barely read this.
SiriusWolf
I read two of them, felt as I had lost some brain cells, and have a headache.
ArcaneConjecture
Dug tax: http://imgur.com/vat8rM6
TheFamousNecromancerMrBones
This first guy to post this at least translated them ya fucking weapon
lkat
A dug with a job.
bigpopparedux
Are we not addressing #5?
standingalone
This may help http://www.firstfoot.com/dictionary
MakeTabbouleNotWar
Yay Scottish twitter
IdonotknowwhatthehellIamdoinghere
Remember the part in Trainspotting where the Scottish had English subtitles?
RattMix
'Snorting lines and shagging nines' is my new mantra
surrealizations
What a truly refined use of linguistic abilities.
Lolsauro
"Smelling like a fucking plate" Ha!
iAlwaysUpvoteMN
Ya fuckin weapon!
Frostgreen
Blow yerself up tae fuck
Maximumerhamster
My new reply to when someone asks me how I'm doing: "snortin lines and bangin nines"
nizerims
A dug with a job on backshift.
ValiantMacbeth
I cringe *hard* when I see scottish twitter on here. 89% of us do not speak or write like that. Still love it mind you, cringe and all
BallpointBastard
Would be more accurate if it was called Glasgow Bam Twitter
bax498
I speak that way but not type, shame really.
ValiantMacbeth
A bit of slang is fine, It's when it's spoken 24/7. When it's hard for one off your own to understand you, then That's a problem.
JakHawk9OOO
geez that hurt to read
patotheduck
Was it funny?
CosmicSentry
I'm Scottish and I agree 100%.
JakHawk9OOO
I did. Snorting lines and smashing nines got me.
tainnl
Now I want Whisky
redsmerf
+1 for proper Scottish spelling
MadMatti
It's only the proper Scottish spelling of its proper Scottish whisky. If its not made in Scotland then it is whiskey.
redsmerf
Yes. I know. Given that this is Scottish twitter, I'm assuming Scotch whisky.
StarrryNight
If it's not made in Scotland then the proper spelling is piss water :D
StonedLikeACheatingMuslimWoman
ELI5 why there's a different spelling in Scotland.
MichaeIJCaboose
Because they can. Like with Colour and color
MadMatti
The Scots spell it whisky and the Irish spell it whiskey, with an extra 'e'. This difference in the spelling comes from the translations 1/?
MadMatti
of the word from the Scottish and Irish Gaelic forms. Whiskey with the extra 'e' is also used when referring to American whiskies. 2/2
dustmybroom
Being Scottish I can tell you that this repost annoys me
Dominian
Those are the kind of people no one would care to see in a camp, right?
StonedLikeACheatingMuslimWoman
I dinnae bealaeaove yewerr skettish beciz yee duddnt teyp luk thess
MichaeIJCaboose
Youre mixing shitty american with scottish. So what would that make this?
YouAreHoldingMeVerballyHostage
Amish?
Bonemamma
Sounds like there all from Paisley, Glenrothes or falkirk
DanAykroydFanClub
A ken
ILikeCoffeeAndCats
Being from Falkirk, I take exception to that. Sounds like Glasgow Neds to me, so I'll side with your Paisley view.
BassJeleren
Aye, doesn't seem like Falkirk
dustmybroom
Maybe some weegie in there too!
Bonemamma
Aye the gorbles
errrikblack
is this like the ghetto/trash slang of the scotland?
dustmybroom
Which makes it confusing if you haven't heard them out loud in a conversation before
dustmybroom
I pretty much but they have spelled some words the way they would say it rather than using the actually words
NewestImgurUser
Snorting lines shagging nines hell yea
gorditos
classic erm line
BTkang
Ya like dugs?
Dudemiester
Need ta take a shite!
BlingThatBoogie
http://pixar.wikia.com/wiki/Dug?file=Dug-up.jpg
Rue5kie
Ah fookin hate pahkeys
extraordinaryagility
2 minutes, Turkish.
dustmybroom
I like caravans more
TotesNotTheNSA
Yea... I like dugs
WonTauntaun
I like caravans more
ImDarkerThanYou
Wrong nationality
skoomaddict
Dags?
BTkang
Oh.. dogs.. yea, I like dags
BigHandz
I like caravans Moore...
blitherypoop
Years of reading Irvine Welsh novels have prepared me for this moment.
[deleted]
[deleted]
blitherypoop
Neither is Irvine Welsh.
PriceCheckOnPruneJuiceBOB
Right, though!
askunkbuttrug
Ahhh my first introduction to the term, "knob cheese". Good readin.
eatmyass121
i couldnt get past 2 pages of trainspotting hahah
frjackhackett
read it aloud, it helps
blitherypoop
Helps to read it aloud at first.
mytigio
I noticed that with this post. I had to kinda whisper them to myself to understand wtf was gong on :P
ClutsyMcDangerPants
Do they seriously type like they speak......dumb question I guess but I had an accent in my head the whole time so I could understand it.
CorvusBelli
Some of us (Glaswegians, mainly) speak like that, but typing like that is rare.
LoTRFanatic42
If ye had teh chaence tu chaenge ur fate, wood ye?
ClutsyMcDangerPants
Aye if me was aye bam aye might
TheJakiestBake
Can confirm some of us speak like that
r0sh
Pure lovin yur username n aw
Danowar1990
No true Scotsman types like that.
BingleyBingleyBeep
...can't tell if intentional fallacious argument from clever person, or accidentally funny! +1, just in case.
spamstafford
Some would say that it's "Scots" (https://sco.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scots_leid ), but the "bams" answer might be more accurate.
frjackhackett
that's not scots hahaha it's typing phonetically
eggmuffin
Stupid people do, yes. These people are the Scot equivalent of hillbillies. They're white trash.
ekstw
Please. That's offensive. It's 'white rubbish". Kthx
michaelmcghee22
It's more difficult to lose the dialect and accent than it is to just write properly. So most speak like that but at least type in English.
shimmyshimmyyashimmyyamshimmyyay
I always thought scots spoke English.. And I learned something today.
LittleAutumnLeaves
The funniest thing I did today was sing Uptown Funk in a Scottish accent... cracked myself up big time.
pimenta13
How do you even do that? I just can't separate accents from song lyrics - could be due to not having English as a main language, dunno.
LittleAutumnLeaves
UPTOON FONK GONNAE GIVE IT TER YAE!
pimenta13
Fair enough. Oddly, I still can't avoid picturing Willie from the Simpsons just screaming it rather than sing it.
LittleAutumnLeaves
THA' MEEKS IT EVAN BETTAH!
anxiously
Quite a lot of us speak like that, but thankfully only the bams write phonetically so they're easier to spot.
BeardKhan
"bams"
frjackhackett
for the benefit of the rest of us, what are bams?
frjackhackett
never mind, someone's given a definition without me asking for it
anxiously
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bam
wearemoonmoon
Thanks fan
MeganMeow
Thank you
Vagetarian
I'm definitely using this from now on to insult people. Though I'm from Michigan (US) so they'd never know any better.
DeepwaterJew
Thank you for this
JacksonsDaddy
Look at you, being helpful
Justineer
The U.S. is very much the same. You can know someone's status just by seeing them use "da" instead of "the". -_-
FXTPD
You da real MVP +1 *Shivers*
barotrauma
What if they are just a russiankin?
ClutsyMcDangerPants
Bahaha good point
Justineer
If they were speaking Russian, yes translation would be yes weirdest.
n7ruppert
Fairy liquid=dish soap?
SecretCatPolicy
dish soap=washing up liquid (Fairy is a brand)? I thought 'dish soap' was soap kept in a soap dish by the sink, for washing your hands...
AnnUncommon
Dish soap, at least what I call dish soap, is what you use with a sponge or cloth to wash dishes, bowls, plates etc.
SecretCatPolicy
That's what I'd call washing up liquid. Huh, TIL. Also, thanks to whoever for downvoting me for not speaking American English. Arseholes.
feawen
It's a brand yeah, it's not slang
Dominian
Fairy is a brand.
jlawwww
I spent way too long trying to figure out what plate was slang for
anxiously
Aye
WonTauntaun
I think he's using dish soap instead of the flowery body wash his maw bought.
terrorofthederp
Yup
Dewaqq
yes we have dishsoap brand Fairy
Dewaqq
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a7/FairyBottles.jpg
SpicedNipples
Yeah it's a brand of dish soap
ICantBelieveItsNotGif
Correcto
darthblaker7474
*Cornetto
Riddiculous
Just oneeeeee cornetto
YouAreHoldingMeVerballyHostage
'swhy I lost it at "smellin' like a fuckin' plate"
GuyNamedSean
That one killed me as well.
Aelinsaar
That and the "Fucking Weapon" were the gems.
MichaeIJCaboose
Tae fuck
YouAreHoldingMeVerballyHostage
Thank y'
SaiChiMagic
Its a brand, I think the green one smells really good like a combination of disinfectant and mosquito repellent.
JacksonsDaddy
You Scottish have an interesting idea of what smells good
PMmeurPuppies
It's in all the UK and Ireland, not just Scotland
Hendlton
It's a thing on all of Europe, not just Scotland.
SaiChiMagic
I am not Scottish
DukeFlipside
Tastes alright too.
assmaster4000
maest people will wanty doonvote this, they're more aboot diddies and boabies and bahookies , they're nae intae Weegie tweets. i'm fur it.+1
InitHello
Is that ... Doric?
Paoloc0mments
Naw
assmaster4000
post's gaen aff the fuckin cherts big man! ya fuckin dancer!
leeardamer
I understand, therefore im proud
DJBenz
Braw
TheBaboonOfJustice
*thes
Genericcaptain
WHAT'D YOU CALL MY MOTHER!?
ceilidhOn
buncha rockets ih.
PaulKeithley
Sure, sure.
madjo
Aer pearharps, beercuz it be a reapoast.
XiYen13
*nods with sage-like wisdom while discreetly googling every fucking word in that sentence*
YouAreHoldingMeVerballyHostage
" *Many may wish to lower opinion of this, but they are obsessed with grabbing sausage and breast, not tweets from glasgow folks." I think..
Manateechica
I want to favorite thia whole chain! Thanks for the translation!
YouAreHoldingMeVerballyHostage
assmaster4000
this guy gets it.
YouAreHoldingMeVerballyHostage
+⇑ノ(ఠ_ఠノ ) Surprisingly I understood all of that except for
Exorbia
Weegie is Scottish slang for a Glaswegiam, someone who lives in Glasgow (one of Scotland's main cities.)
YouAreHoldingMeVerballyHostage
*nods in mutual understanding*
Exorbia
Whoops, Glaswegian*
heypumpkin
.. Yes?
Honeybadger227
Aye
silkblackrose
No....
IsThisUsernameFreeYes
Maybe....
AngeIa
so....
Alexpander4
Ya fucking weapon
IdTapThatRealGood
This phrase makes me laugh every time I see it.
TheManyMadMasks
This is going in my lexicon for all time.
Highlander8795
Screamed tae stable laddy
BallpointBastard
"Tae" means "to", not "the".
wellthatescalatedquickly
Fucking amazing
ino84
never heard that before, but that's brilliant
CarrierHasArrived725
Telt
Hybris51129
I want to actually hear this line to see if it might be worthy of adding to my list of insults.
iParky
bolt
Paoloc0mments
Ya rocket
iParky
eyyyyyyyy
WhatAboutReefer
I'm glad I saw this post so I can get all the upcoming sick refrences
ChadRadwell
I knew this would be top comment. +1 for you sir
ray1294
Like a fuckin plate
ifthatsaveiledcriticismaboutmeiwonthearitandiwontrespondtoit
No wait-- what does it MEAN though? (From the US)
Alexpander4
I guess it's the same as a plank or a pillock
OccamsToothbrush
This is of no help.
Alexpander4
They're a prat, a donkey, an absolute tool.
OccamsToothbrush
Ah! Tool is something we say in the states. Thank you. Very helpful.
RohanSurti
*Ya fakkin weppan
vitaminRmademefat
*fuukin
SociopathicPuppy
Probably more like "Ye fuckin weapun" - too many a's and it sounds Australian :P
nbtdbt
Naw this is completely wrong, it was a Scottish person that typed it in the tweet and that's how it's said why are you changing it?
cocoakoumori
Hadn't heard that phrase in forever. Used to be common in Ireland, too.
spudato
Now it's pure staunch
foiltoiler
She's a weapon for the tar
weeewoooweeewoooweeeewooooooooo
Yeah, it was fookin weppin tho
Topnotch88
Canadian here. Never heard that before. Cracked me up.
Nuggets24
It's all we say in Straya'
cocoakoumori
Wow! A real TIL! Then, considering how many Irish/Scottish there are over there, maybe I shouldn't be surprised the phrase ended up there ;)
RequiescatInPace
What does the phrase mean?
cocoakoumori
tbh with Irish/Scot slang, it depends on the area you're in and sometimes the generation of the speaker. Meanings can vary (^^)
cocoakoumori
A woman who's unpleasant, nasty and sharp turn of phrase. Probably cruel with it. Or, an unattractive woman. Maybe both.