FiveFingerDeathPunchYourFarthole
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I would like to read the whole book...
FP-Edit: You guys are awesome! I love the response, and for that (like allways, every comment gets their well deserved +1! Hope you return the favour!
UnemployedInGreenland
#12 Brilliant
TheDaharMaster
"The starship hung in the sky in much the same way as a brick does not."
DarthVaderDidNothingWrong
The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. RIP Douglas
thatusernameisunavailable
"Sara and John had never met, much like two hummingbirds who had also never met."
Gatoechado
too much diabetes and minefields
WildBluntHickok
"He inched his way down the corridor when he'd rather be yarding his way UP it" - Douglas Adams
sellcrazysomewhereelse
Enjoyed this much.
Textuality
"His brooding eyes turned to her, and she felt as though he was staring into her very soul. Then she realized he was staring at her tits."
LokiKingOfJotunheim
Upvoting mainly because of that username...
FiveFingerDeathPunchYourFarthole
And a +1 for you in return! Thanks buddy!
pres2pond
#9 is almost close to being good. I can see one of the secondary characters in a Pratchett novel using it.
otirrub
And, like a man who had been shot in the chest with a rifle, the turtle was shot in the chest with a rifle. -Bo Burnham
ATLandNerdy
Bo, fo sho, a born Bostonian, Aryan librarian at the wordsmith-sonian, The rap is scattered, it hides its ingenuity
divedeeper
Some of this is pure gold
mybrotherjoe
I like the one, "The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Barry, but unlike Barry, this plan might actually work."
TheFirstSineOfMadness
Folder[dumps]
WildBluntHickok
"I used to smoke pot. I still do, but I used to as well." - Mitch Hedberg
BearBombs
This went to FP faster than a fat kid on a hoverboard gets to an ice cream truck.
WildBluntHickok
"As I sat there watching the light turn from red to green to red again I thought 'what is life? Is it just a bunch of honking + yelling?'"
cantthinkofanythingpunny
Silent but deady
sdlabs
"The graduating 9th graders are really upstanding, like pantyhose filled with sour milk" (my teacher FB friend yesterday)
technocatgirl
folder[philosophy]
KingBanana8008
I have an Imaginative writing exam soon. These will come in handy.
FiveFingerDeathPunchYourFarthole
You're welcome!
Dekker3D
#9: There are no diabetic folks who no longer want candy. There's just diabetic folks who don't want to die horribly.
JockMcSting
You used 'there are' correctly....then you used there's wrong. Why?
Dekker3D
Because I'm dyslexic and good at hiding it. And because I'm dutch. Both are chronic and incurable, I believe.
JockMcSting
Ahhh...a lovable dutch person. Understandable and understood.
eclect0
I read all of these in Leslie Nielsen's voice.
IsaacNewtonDiedAVirgin
Even better
CheshirePhoenix
I read everything in Morgan Freeman's voice. Everything.
FiveFingerDeathPunchYourFarthole
Now I did that too... That felt good!
FiveFingerDeathPunchYourFarthole
I bet you're not the only one!
jacencaedus
Can confirm, not the only one.
spookyu
I always crack up at the one that goes "His body hit the pavement, like a hefty bag full of tomato soup."
basball6969
Like jewels in a crown, the precious stones glittered in the queen's round metal hat.
secretagentdoubleobeaver
Her betrayal came as a shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge free ATM.
PotatOSLament
She was as vague as, like, whatever.
HighFunctioningSociopath221B
I like: "Her eyes were like two big, brown circles with black dots in the center."
TheGame21x
"He was as tall as a 6'3" tree."
dj505
*whispers* let the bodies hit the floor...
AnotherHeartwarmingPostByAbortedFetusNecrophiliac
Underrated comment of the day!!
FiveFingerDeathPunchYourFarthole
Let the bodys hit the *tsch tsch* FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
whatsamottowithyou
Oh my god, that one is amazing. I'm using that.
SeriousPotato1
Anyone able to tell me how someone steps on a mine at zero gravity?
PoppinLochNessHopster
Have someone throw it at you
PoppinLochNessHopster
Hold it in your hand and press your foot onto it.
735824
Coming soon to a theater near you.
railgap
By accident, obviously.
rwnick
lightly
apolloniusthegreat
Carefully
TheHeathLedger
Gracefully like a flying bird
SeriousPotato1
okay, you win this round.
BrutalAnalSeepage
NeatoBuilds
Magnetic boots?
CripplingDepressionStrikes
With determination
Asshats
My love for you burns like a UTI.
ExtremelyHappyGuy
Unreal Tournament Inventory
CheshirePhoenix
BERSERKER!
FiveFingerDeathPunchYourFarthole
Stupid question: What's a UTI?
hotdogmermaid
Urinary tract infection
FiveFingerDeathPunchYourFarthole
Ok, now I really feel stupid... Should have figured!
EvilGingr
My love for you is like a truck.
FiveFingerDeathPunchYourFarthole
How?
EvilGingr
Berserker?
FiveFingerDeathPunchYourFarthole
I don't get it...
EvilGingr
Its a Clerks reference. https://youtu.be/7gFoHkkCaRE
VinzClorthoInSunglasses
TIL Dogs, diabetes, and minefields are guarantee simile gold.
asm80dfa8sdfj
She greeted him, with the warmth of a diabetic dog in a minefield.
IZ42
D:
MrParticleboard
:D
ExtremelyHappyGuy
This would make a great username.
Diabeticdoginaminefield
Excuse me
ExtremelyHappyGuy
ROFL!! okay, you just won the internet. Congrats! :D
Diabeticdoginaminefield
I changed my username for this and you know what I'm keeping it.
scratches16
That's not a simile, Tom...
asm80dfa8sdfj
It doesn't use the word 'like' or 'as', true.