AReallySatisfyingPoo
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My partner is pushing me to invite friends out for a birthday dinner to celebrate my 40th.
I hate advertising myself at the best of times, but the very real possibility that no one else shows up is kind of terrifying me.
I have friends, but over time many have moved away or started families and don't have a lot of free time to hang out anymore. And, to be fair, some I have lost touch with to the point where I don't feel an invite would be well received - and I mourn that loss.
Knowing that few if any may show up is making me feel some ways, even though logically I know they each have their own good reasons.
A big part of me wants to say it's not worth it and I'm not that important, but I'm going to do it anyway because knowing is better than assuming. Fear is the mind killer, and all that.
Growing old and growing apart sucks.
SitonmyLapandTalkaboutWhateverComesUp
Had the exact same scenario for my 40th...the people who came are the ones i still keep up with.
understandable
I feel this...
danderson350
More food for you!!!!!
ExplainsTheReasoningBehindHowHeVotes
Upvoted in hopes you have fun no matter who shows up. Who cares about other people, I have fun things I like that I want to do!
prufock
Are you depressed, too? Because this sounds very familiar.
slidewhistlesymphony
I turn 57 in a month. Here's wishing you a happy 40th birthday, and hope your friends show up.
Ehvilmonkey
My wife is "forcing" to hold 40y bday party. I hope nobody comes... Unfortunately there alreadt +20 yes conifrmations and 15 pending. My ideal partt would be me, pizza, beer, whiskey and lone time with my music collection
kushezz
Have two parties! That's what we're doing for my partner this weekend. He's going to go out for drinks with his friends for the "active" party and then the next morning we're going to have a quiet morning alone with an obscenely expensive lego set (ssssh it's a surprise) and a doughnut tower from his favourite bakery. Then we might go to IKEA to look at smart bulbs.
spiceass9000
I personally enjoy a nice home cooked dinner alone, some whiskey, and video games/ movies on my birthday. No company.
Slappydupappy
You are not old. And you should plan a kickass dinner and invite your friends and if someone doesnt show up then THEY missed a banger
mikenco
They're not exactly friends if you're inviting them with an uncertainty of thier attendance.
300Hectares1TankofKerosene
Nuture your friendships just like plants. They need steady tending, not last minute fixes.
layinginbedfeelinglikeaquesarito
Bud, I have moved enough and had friends move enough that I know what it feels like to not have friends that can turn up, or even feel like friends any more. Be open an honest with your partner. They want you to have a good milestone. Tell them what would make a good milestone date for you
SFCRhabdo
best advice here
MadMontyMN
Happy early birthday @OP. I just turned 37 this October and nobody came by. I understand the feeling.
Emiloo74
Early happy birthday, @op. I threw my own 40th party and, luckily, my friends came. I hope your friends show up and you all have a good time.
jrntn
"Don't get old" look I'm trying but Smash Mouth weren't screwing around when they said the years start coming and they don't stop coming
FVT516
Damn, turning 40 in August, it’s like you read my mind. Hope it goes well, happy birthday
TheM1ck
I don't know what to tell you. I sincerely hope that you get a result that satisfies you... but I also can't fathom giving enough of a shit about a birthday at 40 to plan a birthday dinner or party for it. I expect this will be an unpopular opinion, but aside from my actual partner and maybe my kids why should anybody else on the planet care about it? Shit, by 40, why should I? Don't you have other, more productive uses for that time, money and energy?
wtfylat
I'm bewildered by the amount of old people on here crying about nobody else celebrating their birthdays. It's a struggle to get any more than 2 or 3 of my friends together these days for any event. Life gets busy.
controlsthepresent
I feel you, just hit 40 recently. I have a few friends but so many are in a similar situation to yours - physically or emotionally far away enough they weren't worth inviting. Trying to focus on enjoying my age and slower pace of social life. Not easy though
controlsthepresent
One other thing I enjoy about being this age is I know what I don't like. I'm always down to try new things and am still trying to grow in my experiences but if I don't like something I know it and I'm not gonna let someone talk me into torturing myself with it.
stoutde
Nobody has shown up to mine in years... When I was in my late twenties, I bought a bunch of steaks and beer and invited a bunch of people over and nobody came. That's the last time I put any effort into it.
5omeWhiteGuy
I'll go. given its with an hours distance of where I live.
oprondek1978
Near Reno? I’m there !
Raventhief
If it makes you feel any better, you could not invite me. Because I won't come anyway.
AReallySatisfyingPoo
Too late. You're already invited. I've marked down your RSVP reply as "F*ck off."
Raventhief
Sounds about right.
shortbutsquat
If you get invited anyway and still don't go - is the invite transferrable? My wife would probably like to go...
Spidey209
I have a cat that needs petting.
Raventhief
... Okay, that could get me to show up. As long as I don't have to talk to anyone without four legs.
Spidey209
Sure, you'll probably find the cat outside anyway. He doesn't like lots of people either.
Raventhief
Sold. I'll stay outside with the cat. Y'all do your thing.
cassidyscroden
Being a holiday baby is hard cuz everyone is soooo busy and don’t have time, I’m Dec and it sucks
ZK383
a couple of days before Christmas- always got "Combination presents."
IUpvoteEveryNicholasCageGIF
AW dude, Happy Birthday man, remember, it's not that you're the reason why no one will attend your party, it's just that sometimes people have different lives and schedules, and your birthday just happens to be in the time that they're busy or preoccupied. What matters is what you make of that day.
BatLadyRielle
hey. it's YOUR birthday. if you don't want to do that you don't have to! You can plan a gathering that isn't on your birthday, so it's less pressure. for your birthday, do something really cool with your partner! My husband is the same way, and his 40th is next year. we're gonna do a big trip for his birthday instead, and gather friends at some other date. Whatever you choose to do, I hope you have a great time.
AReallySatisfyingPoo
I do want to do this! I'm just not at all certain it will work out as hoped. I do have other plans with family, so even if this is a bust I will have good times and distractions on the week of.
Avsfan
Basing your emotions off of how you’d like others to react is a dangerous game. 40 is an incredibly busy time, it’s the middle of everything. The balance of time vs money is intense (time&no $ as a kid, $ but no time as a senior, at 40 you need more of BOTH). It’s your birthday, do something to make YOU happy. Not be guilted by spouse. Not invite 100 people you said aren’t as connected. Maybe 2 stage the night, 2 hours with those you count on and the rest with the maybes. Or don’t. It’s YOUR day
ZK383
+1 on this.
Titanslayerzeus
Mine was Saturday. Had two people call me on the wrong day, not "early" They just had the date wrong. one phone call from a family member and nothing from friends. Hope you have a better time with it man.
AReallySatisfyingPoo
I'm sorry, man. Life happens, but we all deserve better.
AReallySatisfyingPoo
Oh, and for what it's worth; Happy belated birthday. I hope this year is a good one for you.
Titanslayerzeus
Me too man. I hope your party goes well.
CaptnRobAnybody
Mine was Friday, the only persons who cared were my girlfriend and my Daughter. I'm 52.
AReallySatisfyingPoo
Happy Belated Birthday. I'll try to remember you next year.
Titanslayerzeus
Well happy late birthday then. I just hit 30.
ryecurry9000
Who has to plan their own party? I feel like your wife should be rallying the troops for this one.
AReallySatisfyingPoo
My partner is handling the reservation and all other details. I'm just getting a headcount because she doesn't have everyone's contact info.
ryecurry9000
I guess, but nobody wants to say no to someone's wife asking them to come to a party. Saying no to your friends is easy.
ryecurry9000
*partner. I shouldn't assume... regardless no one wants to shut down that person's good intention.
ZK383
At the risk of being callous, why do you care? After about 18 years old, no birthday matters unless you make it matter to you. I suggest forgetting about it, going to work, have a nice dinner with your partner, and fuck that stress. You're forty, not fourteen. All grown up. I hope you can get past the idea that this matters. 40 is a milestone, like 21, 30, 50, 60, 70, cause for reflection. But it's not an episode of "Friends." Be whole, Happy birthday, enjoy your partner.
LustrousShadow
I suspect it's less about the party itself and more about the fear of being rejected by one's friends. I'd hope that most of us can sympathize with the worry that the people we care about might not care much about us.
ZK383
Yes, exactly. Remove that anxiety and stop worrying about a birthday party. Do fun things with people you trust.
LustrousShadow
...The problem appears to be that OP isn't sure that there *are* people they can trust.
ZK383
Thus, a nice dinner with partner, and move on. It's just a birthday, perhaps a time for reflection. My wife had her 70th, decided that she's worked 7 days a week for months, took the day off, had waffles for breakfast, went to the mall, bought new shoes, had a pretzel dog, went home watched some hallmark movies with chocolate, and talked on the phone with me- I was overseas. Sent her a nice tropical flower arrangement.
TheM1ck
But here's the thing: if my friends need me for important things, I'll show up ten times out of ten. Birthday parties aren't important things, especially since we're all in our 50s and 60s and have real lives to attend to. A wedding? I'm there. Christening? I'm there. Pickup at the airport? Call me. Need help moving? You know I have a pickup, spring for the pizza and let's get to work. But a birthday? Didn't you get enough of that shit as a kid?
ZK383
That's me as well. However, it doesn't matter what every other person out there does, how they act, it matters to me, how I act and what I do. I don't expect everyone to be like me and I'm pleasantly surprised (And often!) when others act this way. This is part of being a gentleman.
LustrousShadow
Maybe I'm the weird one here, but it seems odd to me to count weddings or christenings as being particularly important. As for the rest, that makes sense but at the same time this doesn't seem to be so much about a birthday party as it is OP feeling estranged from and unimportant to their friends. If you haven't seen someone for years and only call each other when you need a favor-- why even call yourselves friends at that point?
ZK383
I don't think you're the weird one or alone in this.
pocsaclypse
wheres the party? if its near by ill come
MervinGrabowski
Me too
ILike2TouchButts
Me too
MervinGrabowski
Me too
Chawzilla
As will I. I turn 40 in a couple months, and will likely be in the same boat, so i relish the opportunity to mooch some of OP's good vibes.
mrsdowneyjr
Where are you?
Chawzilla
Henderson, NV.
mrsdowneyjr
Crap, so far away from Ohio
AReallySatisfyingPoo
I appreciate the offer, but I don't think being surrounded by random internet strangers will help. Maybe split the difference and send me a Happy Birthday PM on the 29th?
jwinc7
There’s still time to meet before the 29th and make friends. I’m a bit older and in a similar situation (a few years older) with time being spent on family, work, and internet solidarity. Many of the friends I have made have moved far away and I have lost contact.
JestersWing
Everybody's a stranger once. After an hour or two, we'd be random internet strange acquaintances.
ojijocoyote
Sounds like maybe you should have an Imgur party too. Then we can all not go.
AMagicalOportunity
I'm down.
cryptzicle
If we bring a gift were not random strangers. Where we doing this shit?
dlbgaw
29th of November or December? I assume November, but best to be sure.
TheOneAndOnlyButtStabber
It wont help with that attitude! We are real strait shooters, you can trust me.
mrsdowneyjr
I'd love to come :(
malachilenomade
pocsaclypse
can do buckaroo
Chawzilla
We're not random! We're very orderly and by the book. The most beurocratic internet strangers you've ever met.
Scruffy2
Was this written by Hermes Conrad?
wherethehorriblethingsare
I mean, maybe turning away people who want to be your friend is part of why you're concerned nobody will show up.
EdelwoodHikes
We're not random internet strangers, we're random internet family, birthday boy!
cantevenbewhenicantevenpee
- signed vin diesel