Sex ed nurse work stories-some changes have been made to details to protect confidentiality

Ok guys a little background on me: I am a RN (registered nurse) with 2 degrees and specialized training in sexual health. I work at a clinic called options for sexual health in Canada. It is the same thing as planned parenthood the Canadian chapter changed its name because of controversy. I provide education, pregnancy counselling, birth control, PAPs, and minor STI treatments in the clinic. Unlike a typical RN I can diagnose STIs and prescribe mediation for them due to my extra school ( I am not an NP , nurses practitioner, though for those wondering). This will be a mix of stories from the schools where I teach sex ed and the clinic.

So on to to the clinic. One of my "oh my god they know nothing" moments that pushed me into education was a young adult girl came into the clinic to get a bump on her cervix checked. I am doing my little convo with her in the beginning and she says she uses the withdrawal method and doesn't have a consistent partner. I ask her if she knows when she is most at risk of getting pregnant because if she continues to pull out she should know when to avoid sex or use a backup method. "Oh yes 2 days after my period I get a cramp which is the egg moving down"
Dear god no! That's not how this works, that's not how any of this works!

This is just a little info so skip if you are only here for stories. So on around day 28 a woman (or those with xx chromosomes) gets her period. This lasts 5-7 days typically (sorry for those it is longer in). After this for around 7 days the vaginal discharge, even I don't love saying this, is watery and clear. Around the 14th day or 7 days after your period ends the discharge becomes thicker, stretchier, and can be whiteish. Bam you are ovulating and your dumb monkey brain thinks you should get pregnant. At this point in your cycle you may start engaging in riskier sex (think no protection) because your brain hasn't caught up with the times. If you are hoping to get pregnant news the time but if not and you are not on a hormonal birth control or have an IUD now is the time to abstain or use a condom!

So like I said I work in a clinic and I teach in schools. This story is about when the paths cross. It has happened in the past that a student comes into the clinic (normally they are looking for birth control) and has to come see old Mrs. X. No big deal, normally they like me and it makes them more comfortable talking to me. Not the case for this story. Lady comes in to have something checked out and thinks it is a good idea to bring her fiancé. I bring up how it might be a good idea for him to wait outside but she wants him there so whatever. She wants some fertility advice and to check out some spots on her groin. We start with fertility consult in which she tells me she smokes a pack a day and wont quit. Ok just WTF. Nope this is a personal pet peeve of mine, people who smoke around infants, kids, etc drive me nuts. Anyway after we discuss the harms of this (increased risk of asthma and childhood obesity, low birth rate, and increased miscarriage risk) I get to look at the "spots". Well she has genital warts and has been unaware of this fun fact. For those of you that don't know genital warts (caused by the human papilloma virus) are little bumps that in some cases look like skin tags and are treated by freezing them off or painting with a med to remove. Now the fiancé is upset about where she got the warts and the whole thing becomes a scene. I try and calm him down but that is not happening. He storms out and she chases behind screaming. Great fun, anyways next morning I am teaching sex ed in grade 5 and who should pull up with her kid, miss warts. We try like hell to avoid eye contact, so awkward!

Ah this is my favourite story. I am teaching grade 8s and this one boy is super in to it. He wants all the info he can get and has some crazy ass theories his older siblings have told him. This is a theme in sex ed. Older siblings are the bane of my existence. Either on purpose or through sheer ignorance they are giving their siblings crap info. Anywhoo this guy is getting more and more agitated as he begins to realize my time is almost over. Finally with like 30 minutes left he yells out "but you haven't taught us the steps to sex". It takes everything in me not to tell him the steps change depending on how good you are at it and in monica's case from friends ends in step 7 a lot. I explain I am only there to discuss how to begin thinking about the consequences and safety aspects as I hope that none of them are getting that physical and grade 9 is when they will get more sexual content. He gets up an pointing to his classmates yells "But none of them can tell me anything they are all virgins and you clearly are not". While I am flattered that my sexual prowess is that evident I was relieved that the whole class had kept it in their pants so far. I should at this point say that I do not teach abstinence only nor do I confine sex to a marital relationship. My older classes discuss sex as relationship building and empowering. I strongly emphasize the impact sex has on you and the importance of considering readiness to engage but we discuss sex for pleasure quite a bit. (I have never had a parent complain and they are invited into the clinic to discuss any concerns before hand)

I chose this picture because the kids are always ratting out their parents. One time this little girl is waiting for me at the end of a grade 5 presentation. I always discuss healthy lifestyles while pregnant for this grade as this age is very interested in the developing fetus and the connection to the mother. I had discussed the implications of smoking while pregnant as usual. This little girl is almost in tears. She wants to know if a mom smokes while pregnant could any of the effects happen later and unexpectedly. I clue in that this little girl is worried about herself and assure her that the effects would have shown up by now and she lets on that her mom smoked through all of her pregnancies and smokes in he house with her now. Ugh heart breaking. Another one that is worse is a little boy puts his hand up and asks how to get rid of a baby. Now I am able to talk about abortions and do provide info to my older classes if they ask ( I do not go into a ton of detail but I don't think any info if they are looking for it should be with held) but grade 5 is a bit young. I talk about how some moms are surprised by pregnancy and babies are a lot of work so some moms choose to give their babies to new loving homes but some go to a doctor and have the pregnancy stopped. This little boy in the middle of class goes "yeah that almost happened to me". Oh TMI little dude. Lots of times them outing their parents is just funny like "yeah my mom was trying to explain that to me but she got it all wrong" is a common one.

I was asked to come to a grade 7 class after a few of the class had been caught making out and flashing each other at lunch. I though this class might be a bit more "progressed" in terms of sexual behaviour and knowledge. Hahaha these kids were clueless dopes bless them. One kid for some reason though he would show off when we were discussing oral sex and explain it to the class. He said it was how you got the penis erect by blowing air into it like a balloon. Just OMG no. Also I am always so amazed at how little the kids in my area know. My one colleague taught sex ed out east and always played the "alphabet' game with the kids. You hand out letters and each kid puts a term they know for a letter. Ie P=penis. She would get answers that she would have to look up. Nope the kids in my region seem to be a bit sheltered and I think that is because I live in a rural farming region in canada.

Ok last one I have work to do sorry! I had a patient come in who had tried to use a Dixy cup instead of a diva cup and got a ranging infection from it. Two issues here 1 dear god why? Yes diva cups are awesome but a bit pricey around $40. How did you get that little flimsy paper cup in you? So many questions that seemed a bit rude at the time but now I will never know. Issue 2 she was pretty young and I do not recommend anything insertable for young girls due to the risk of toxic shock syndrome if they leave it in too long. I have more and might do another one of these but I am attempting my masters so lets be honest its a miracle I typed this out. Lastly any questions you want to ask I will try super hard to answer!