How to Survive the Keyboard Apocalypse

I had people ask how I cleaned my keyboard http://imgur.com/gallery/0AaQH so here's a guide as requested! Get a bucket, flathead screwdriver, vacuum and attachments, spray, microfibre cloth, cleaning toothbrush and dem all important gloves.

Take a photo showing all the keys so you can reference it when you put everything back together. Or don't, if you like crying and screaming WHYYYYYY into the dark abyss.

Take photos of the gross, gnarly bits. Like this hybrid skin/key. *shudder*

Gently use the flathead screwdriver to remove keys by placing under and prising off by turning the handle. Hold the key with your other hand unless you want to launch it into space/embed it in the ceiling.

The longer keys have little clips under them which you can slide the metal thingamajigs out of. Be gentle, it's very evident it's their first time.

*sings along to Sesame Street* "One two three four five six seven eight nine ten, eleven twelve" Also: GROSS

You can use an old butter knife to get under keys the screwdriver is too big for. Of course we'll be burning the knife in a volcano when we're done so be sure to book an Uber in advance for this.

I'm ready for my gross-up, Mr DeMille...

TAKE LOTS OF GROSS PICTURES OF THE GROSS STUFF. Share them with people you love, or want to get to know better. They'll be thrilled!

This keyboard has electric pink hair and plant soil in it. We're no closer to solving the crime. (Unless it was Punk Colonel Mustard in the Library with the potted Begonias) *dun dun*

Put the keys in the bucket. IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN OR ELSE IT GETS THE GROSS AGAIN.

The lotion of course is warm water and a capful of bleach. (The liquid, not the Nirvana album). Soak those keys for a good half hour to release the crud. Or the Kraken. Neither would be a surprise at this point.

Vacuum that keyboard. Later, we'll be able to donate 3 tonnes of hair to Locks of Love.

Use the crevice tool for the crevices. It helps it feel like it's living authentically.

If there's sticky bits, loosen them with your cleaning toothbrush. Sing this at the same time : https://youtu.be/q0po-g28uTg

We have a lingerer. I'm sorry, dried whatever you are. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Spray your brush with disinfectant to get rid of our lingerer. Out, damned spot!

Dry by wrapping the end of the screwdriver with your cloth and polish that sukka!

Always, always spray the cloth and clean the cable. Why?

Because this. Le euwwwww, as the French don't say.

Turn that bad boy over and scrape the alien ambassador from Alpha Centauri from the rubber feet. He won't mind.

He's ready to phone home. His family misses him. You did a selfless thing today.

Empty the keys out of the bucket and dry them, then use your highly exciting reference photo to help you put the keys back somewhere close to whence they came.

Celebrate wildly as you just defeated the Keyboard Apocalypse!

Thanks for reading, and GERI CHRISTMAS from me and my odd cleaning habit!