c00lbeans69
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I started dating someone a month ago and was really looking forward to getting them a Christmas gift. It was just how I was raised, and I love making people feel appreciated. So when he told me he didn't want a gift, that he felt it was really only for kids, i was a bit bummed. I wanted to respect his feelings and not force him into an uncomfortable situation, but it felt really off to just not get him somthing. So I decided on a compromise with him. I made him a bit of fudge that I'll surprise him with tomorrow and bought a present for his nephew. He talks all the time about how important his nephew is to him, so i just hope this is something that he'll be happy with but I kinda feel like i still went against his wishes.
Retrikaethan
eh yer fine. probably didn't want you to feel pressured so you picked a good course of action.
TuskenyRaider
Fiddle his diddly?
rubypilgrim
Those who hate getting gifts: please suggest acceptable alternatives to those who love to give gifts. Good to respect each other's needs
2goodtimes
I've never been one for gifts either. If it is still a thing next year plan a trip together with the money you would have spent instead
willwscarlet10
I think by respecting his feelings but still taking care of his loved one you nailed it.
giordanom
Depends on the situation. I don't have money for gifts, and it makes me extremely uncomfortable when people get me gifts against my wishes.
Jhecht
I'm not big on Christmas time, but fudge is always good to get.
SteadyRedRanger
Well thought out. He thinks it’s for kids, so the most important kid in his life feels a little more special. Well done
tedharris02
We don't really do presents in my family but I did with my gf and I loved to give & recieve. He might not know on what he's missing out on
ItWasntSupposedToBeThisWay
I love giving gifts. I loathe Christmas. It's the worst holiday by far.
lovelytime420
good job. dont be bummed though - some people hate the waste of it all, find that its a hallmark holiday, drama, etc.
nonamejanie
Well at least y’all compromised.
Grafven
Blow jobs are the best gift to give your man.
ImahumanIpromise
Give him the gift of dat ass
j3llis
The preferred gift of men and people that hate the commercialization of Christmas worldwide!
SpecialOedipus
not enough people saying this.
Deletingmypastandfuture
read about the 5 love languages, it will help.
fartytowels
Came here to say this. It really helped my partner and I to understand each other better. + 1
Largerabbit
THIS! You can DEFINITELY make him feel appreciated. He just feels it from different things. But I think you did a good job. Fudge is life
Loqaon
You're dating a man, op.
24driftwood
My bf hates getting gifts. Learned it’s b/c he has low self-value & feels ppl are only doing it out of obligation. It hurts but I’ve learned
24driftwood
to show love & affection by other means. Also, he prefers “just because” gifts that are not linked to a special date or occasion.
animatronicChristmasChickens
As long as he can be convinced that you have no expectations of anything in return, give a gift because you enjoy it
Imathgood
I feel most people have missed out that they have only been dating a month. It's not really a long time and presents at that stage are awks.
c00lbeans69
Yup. He did tell me that this was something he's told everyone- that he doesnt like gifts. I did discuss getting his nephew one in lieu of
c00lbeans69
him with my bf. And he agreed to it. The only thing we didnt discuss was what i got his nephew. Communication
Cr4zyC4tLady
Smart! I tell my family to get my son gifts in lieu of gifts for me and it usually works out great!
Cr4zyC4tLady
But also, if gift giving makes you feel good and is part of your love language, talk to him abt it.
parishe13
You want him to feel appreciated cook for him, and this isn't a sexist remark. I'm a male and do the cooking, if my wife cooked I would be..
c00lbeans69
I made him fudge! Will probably go out for dinner tomorrow night as well
parishe13
Never can go wrong with fudge unless he is diabetic, but assumingly he isn't.
c00lbeans69
He is not
therealbardman
Or he has braces.
parishe13
Happy especially if she surprised me with it. If you don't cook, buy dinner and have it ready. Not saying this would be the best gift, but..
parishe13
Better than nothing and you get to see how they appreciate you for the smallest gesture.
Alphactory
"I didn't make you fudge. I made us fudge."
c00lbeans69
I have four other bags for me in the fridge lmao. Has peanuts and marshmallows in it
Alphactory
"I made a bunch of fudge and there just so happens to be some for you"
therealbardman
‘I packed you some fudge, I hope you don’t mind.’
sketchy123
I don’t enjoy getting gifts either if I’m being completely honest. It makes me uncomfortable, It’s also why I don’t celebrate my birthday.
sketchy123
My close friends that know when my birthday is just pay for dinner the night of and we call it good.
vvendy
I have a similar situation with my spouse, but we started dating earlier in the year so I didn’t know. Why do people not like getting gifts?
tippnasty
for me it's simple if i want something i buy it, so 10 times out of 10 the gift is something i don't want so now i'm in the position of
tippnasty
feeling like an asshole for throwing it away.
DoctorDudeBruh
It could be that he grew up where no one ever remembered his birthday or all the gifts he ever received were socks and underwear.
TheJewsHas
I got socks and underwear as a child, still rather get food/clothes than gift cards and material items like toys/games/ect.
Mannus
My family knows I don't want gifts, even on my birthday. My sisters(older) still get me underwear though and I'm 51yo.
Zeeo
kinky underwear.
c00lbeans69
I did get some sexy underwear! But they're less for him and more for me- I had three pairs that I was cycling through and needed more
Zeeo
rofl
EvilKam
Honestly, I think you've conquered the high ground on this one. You're being respectful and endearing, and you're simultaneously showing
iScreenshotProfiles
TuskenyRaider
High ground you say? You are a bold one general kenobi
bentren
You don't sound evil at all ... what's your angle?
EvilKam
I sometimes refuse to forgive people for their wrongdoings. If that means I must never forgive myself under any circumstances, so be it.
WaterUnderTheRocketAppliances
him your butthole.
q2grapple
Saw your chance and took. Bless you +1
EvilKam
I admit, the execution was pretty well done.
Cruxador
An important part of any relationship.
BortymcBortfeis
Dammit exactly what I was gonna say +1
DavidAndrews
I'm with this, I think you chose a rather brilliant solution.
EvilKam
that the spirit is still able to be a positive thing, surpassing the bland chase for material goods.
WesVTX
I love "you've conquered the high ground" as a colloquialism. +1
EvilKam
Once every 35 years, I say something quote-worthy.
wrenchingway
What was your last quote-worthy quote?
EvilKam
I'm expecting the next one to occur around age 70ish. I'll call that one my first. ;)
ChickenROAR
Suck his dick. No male would ever refuse a Christmas BJ. Show him Christmas isn't just for kids.
ChickenROAR
Just realized you've been dating for 1mo. Might be too soon... Or not. I'm not your mother.
c00lbeans69
I mean I'm the type that puts out on the first date. A Christmas bj was already on the calender
therealbardman
Like an advent calendar?
3nd3rwiggin
I'm a guy, but I too have put out on the first date, so bro fist? LOL
c00lbeans69
Physical intimacy is important to me. Plus im a horny bitch so
maincarrot
I have seen both ends of the stress of gift buying and the ungratefulness behind gift receiving, for the same gift, and it is depressing
maincarrot
I also don't like the guilt from knowing someone spent the time on the gift, and I genuinely have no use for it. I appreciate the thought,
maincarrot
But I really can't help feeling bad for the person who bought it for me, that they spent good money on me where the only necessity for it
maincarrot
Was because of a holiday.... I hate that feeling....
maincarrot
People give me gifts all year round in actions and genuinely being who they are in different ways. I don't like that a certain day forces
maincarrot
Them to show a different behaviour or method of giving gifts. It just really really bums me out.
no1imp12177
I am sure he is a lovely man and you are very thoughtful but just consider that perhaps you are incompatible. Two widely disparate views on
no1imp12177
Simple things could mean that this isnt as good a fit as it might feel right now.
c00lbeans69
This is really one of the few things we're incompatible on. And mostly that has to do with my childhood experiences with Christmas vs his
no1imp12177
I don’t mean it in a good or bad way. Really. Just when you have very difft ideas on standard stuff it is just tough. And you have been
no1imp12177
Together a month. Only using 20/20 hindsight to see what seemed like silly differences were far more important than i understood.
no1imp12177
Example: gift giving is important (to you) and you will never (likely) receive a thoughtful gift. For the rest of your life together.
Fnirk
I also dislike the consumption frenzy around Christmas. People give each other high quality garbage then feel bad for throwing it away.
VagisilToothpaste
If all you're getting is garbage that you throw away - stop exchanging gifts with those people.
SangFromHongKong
100% agreed. Thoughtful gifts don't need to be expensive, and quality time is always #1.
shitheadtookmyname
What is high quality garbage
ScrippyChan
Some people are just really bad at choosing gifts.
Ironbunny
Expensive, well made things that the recipient will never use.
Freakydarling93
A pink unicorn money box. I know because that's what my mum got me. Or getting your hopes up by asking you which vespa you liked the best 1/
Freakydarling93
Before your 16th birthday and then buying you a WV camper money box. Another classic gift by my mum.
Taxicat
That’s why I only get ONE gift per person on my list, and often it’s months in advance. I kinda like the “thrill of the hunt” 1/
Taxicat
from trying to find a single gift that’s just perfect for that particular person. Also, when money is too tight, kids get first dibs. 2/
Taxicat
Still abide by the “one gift per person” rule, but I remember being a kid and how kids tend to take it a bit personally if they 3/
Taxicat
don’t get anything at all. So if I can’t afford gifts for everyone, then I’ll at least get something for each child on my list. 4/
ThepJup
actually same. i only get one gift per person and its something i know theyll use or talked about wanting. except my son but thats different
azazyel
As someone who hates getting gifts I think you're fine. Food is always welcome and helping out getting his nephew something is good
Cruxador
This is exactly what I came here to say. It shows you care without putting much pressure upon him to appear (or feel) grateful enough.
OmegaZen
I don't care for them(part because I don't want to feel in debt), but if someone gets me one anyway knowing that, I'll be happy lol
CWrightPills
I kind of dislike getting gifts. If someone insists on getting me something I tell them to donate towards a trip with my kids.
almostalone
Im from a family of 8. Don't get me anything ever. It won't be what I like it won't be useful and some one needs it more then me. Boo.
wolfman492
Just curious... why the hate for receiving gifts? I’m like OP and loving giving gifts to all my friends so just wondering
azazyel
I don't like the attention and I have a bad poker face.
SebastianSavage
The creation of obligation and risk. It only takes a few "this is a bit shit" or "well I spent this much on you" to learn the lesson.
fallenman479
Receiving gifts makes me uncomfortable. I don't feel the feeling of gratitude for anything. Receiving gifts just makes me feel broke inside.
NobodyWorthThinkingAbout
I usually want the companionship, not the gift, for the holiday. A day spent snuggling and drinking hot chocolate would be perfect.
belly42
After 26 years of working retail, the very concept of christmas is anathema.
chukichi
I grew up w/ every gift coming w/ strings attached or literally "I don't love you enough to buy you that". Took a long time to get over.
flistdumpnumberonemillion
If I want something I have it already or it's expensive. Gifts = saying "Put this thing you don't want on a shelf or you're an asshole."
Anauthorityfigure
From my perspective: to avoid the clutter. I have most things I need and more stuff just becomes "garbage trinket that can't be throw out" .
Anauthorityfigure
Plus, I'd prefer for people to choose to spend the day together instead of buying me a gift. Good company is the best gift
rayvn
Ditto all of the other replies. I buy what I want and don't want anything else, so getting gifts is just stressful and uncomfortable.
wolfman492
Thank you all for your honest answers
CWrightPills
For me it’s just that I don’t love lots of stuff and I have or can buy everything I need. The rest, while thoughtful, just adds to clutter.
CWrightPills
I appreciate the thoughtfulness but the vast majority of gifts I neither need nor use. So I’d rather people buy something for themselves.
SuperBekah86
Yes! Exactly!
NeynasGhost
I love giving gifts but feel weird accepting them, partly because my closest friends come from poorer families and I know their budgets are
NeynasGhost
pretty tight. On the other hand, I treasure the gifts they give me, especially the ones that involve our common interests.
AsABiologistWhoIsNotFunAtParties
For me, it makes me guilty if i didn't get them a gift or didn't put as much effort/money into it. Also if it's something I don't like, (1)
AsABiologistWhoIsNotFunAtParties
(2) or won't use, i feel pressured to pretend I love it and I hate being fake like that.
wooooooowzaaaa
I'm not a fan of getting gifts like of course I like gifts but I feel pressure to react one way. Some people don't have that love language
betterave
This.
Cruxador
I don't need or want anything I don't have, so I won't really appreciate it but I want to really appreciate it because I do appreciate the
Cruxador
Sentiment and that's a super uncomfortable way to feel. Especially if someone has spent significant money or time on something for me, it
Cruxador
Comes with guilt for making them "waste" it on something I don't really want. I don't mind small practical gifts that I'll actually use like
Cruxador
In my case a nice (in terms of design, but not too expensive) shirt, but it's still awkward for me.
CoBr2
Can't speak for him, but I get very stressed buying people gifts and feel obligated to get one for anyone who gives me one. Especially 1/2
CoBr2
when there's a timeline involved. Rushing to find something before Christmas is stressful and I'd rather avoid that stress if possible 2/2
BioshockDaddy
You are my people. I enjoy giving my kids gifts. I get anxious when getting stuff for my spouse. I rarely want things anyway. Food is fine.
CoBr2
Food is great, I'm happy to cook for people, much easier and less stressful
LePiggy
Same for me. I have a notepad saved in my phone I add gift ideas to year round to have a hope of having a good idea for Christmas
TheMomaw
This basically. I don't want people to give me gifts because I never think to give them in return, and it makes me feel like shit
exponentiate
Don’t feel bad! It’s ok not to show your appreciation for people through gift-giving - just make sure you’re showing them in other ways. :)