2FriesShortOfAHappyMeal
109099
2935
112
Dec 22, 2019 10:59 AM
2FriesShortOfAHappyMeal
109099
2935
112
SakuriRainne
I was training a new guy @ a local video game store, and had him answer the phone. He said "VIDEO GAMES, THIS IS STORE" and promptly hung up
burritomonsterrrrrrr
I laughed so hard I thought I was having a mental break. I probably did, actually...
JCBaggins
Same!
Gakpickingusernames
Ah, love this shit! Happens to me all the time
lurkweenlurk
Tried to say 'hope you had a good turkey DAY' but brain forgot the day. I was on speaker. Everyone laughed.
beeaphobic
Wanted, "give food & water to the kitties, sissy." Instead, "wood & fater the sissy" :/
JAFIOI
Take luck!
ShouldWeTellHim
Love Brian Regan.
HemlockMoonwolf
Take luck and care!
NamelessMilkshakes
ThankYouForYourTime
I smacked my shoulder on an elevator door walking in, 180* spin & said to the guy “I’m not used to elevators.” Then silence for 11 floors.
peachess2
At Sam's walking through bakery, tried to say I love chocolate cake and what came out was I LOVE COCK.
WhiteTrashPrivilege
I asked for a meat long football in subway.
VileCoyote
I work with selling wine, and once asked a woman "may I give you a child?" as she was cuddling hers. I wanted to ask if she needed help..
Jess105804
CNAs must knock on doors b4 entering a room. I’d go home & head to the back porch w/ my brother 4 a drink & knock as I passed the doorway.
IWouldLikeToGetOffThisRideNowPlease
Lol yeah I’ve knocked on my bedroom door before going in a few times.
noneforgretchenwieners
Giggles all the way through
JCBaggins
For me, it was laughing to the point of damn near choking, and some of these comments are adding to that!
SirDistic
#4 and #8 are absolute lies. Both ripped off from popular memes.
JCBaggins
Don’t care, still laughed.
allens969
asoftstrawberry
My husband did something similar, but it was your welcome and no worries and it came out as "your worries" to a waiter.
Largerabbit
Upvoting just for the Quack one
xxwerdxx
I was trying to read serial number phonetically and I meant to say “Papa Zulu Golf.” What I said was “papa zolf”
violetblue12
One of my best: when i was talking fast and tried to say “we were off school for a week” and it came out as “We had a SQUEEF”
Ph477
I bought a drink, the cashier said "your card declined". I said "no thanks" think he was asking if I wanted a receipt and walked out.
thepikachubandit24
Absolute power move
Ph477
I was really tired and running on auto pilot. When I woke up a bit more I realized what I did and went back to pay for it.
bripi
The first story was cool. The second was cooler. I gave +1 to both.
Yetanothernick
+1 for you too
Proudmommaof2kitties
I buddy of mine in college had cookies his mom sent. He gave me one. They were delicious. I tried to say “hats off to the chef” and...
Proudmommaof2kitties
...I confused it with “top of the morning to ya.” What came out was, “Tell your mom I said, ‘Top of the hats to ya!’” Good times.
bripi
It's better than "tell your mom to stop wearing different shades of lipstick, my dick is starting to look like a rainbow".
jjm09
At Subway, I ordered a football sub instead of a footlong meatball. Ugh!
goatamon
Same, but it was a longmeat ballfoot.
bripi
Do you honestly think that's the first time they've ever heard that? I mean, funny, but I'm sure they get it once a week.
newdoug2017
Yeah,they probably have that fat dick spirit..
ApparentlyImaPsychopath
Mootball feetlong
SheeshNation
wombatwobble
I once asked a subway employee for a foot long drink instead of a large drink
AstronautChicken
That was the part that made me want a sub.
bripi
to go!
JCBaggins
I need it quack!
ILaughAndCryEveryDayFromU
"Are you fucking sorry?"
becauseurwrong
The father, the son, and the fat dick spirit
bripi
It is, Mom...it's fat dick spirit, for sure. Get down with your bad self!
303SnowWolf
Once tower called me up with "934, contact departure, have a great flight" and I said "you too" and the controller still teases me about it
MadMupp
I was playing FIFA with my brother, he scored & I wanted to say "Fuck off" & "Kiss my arse". I shouted "FUCK MY ARSE" to my brother instead
FitzFarseer
Is this not a common exclamation? I say it while gaming all the time
Curiositykissedthecat
Well did he?
MadMupp
You know he declined the offer...
Jess105804
Asked what I was trying to do in a game once. Went to reply as another person said I sucked. Came out “I just trying to FUCK U JOHN!” So ya
jdm2
I’m sure that’s an equally worthy trash talk.
bbnestea
One time, at an old job of mine, I meant to say to the customer “Fork or chopstick?” But I said “Forkchop?” And he just cracked up at me.
IMainReinhardt
Better forkchop than fuckstick
MaximumHomerdrive
Why was she trying to say BIG DICK ENERGY?
CertifiedPreOwnedButtPlug
Let's be honest. She wasn't.
becauseurwrong
It's a thing. You comment if you notice someone displays big dick energy (BDE) or small dick energy (SDE).
wiresnake
because the kids say the darnedest things nowadays and ya just gotta keep up, dontcha know.
MaximumHomerdrive
Get off my lawn.
sirkickass77
It’s a tumblr meme. It’s some kind of mood
Cruxador
Pretty sure it's a Twitter meme.
conflictmuffins
Yes, I too have some questions...
LateNightBunnyParty
Why wouldn't she? I've said "big dick energy" in front of my teenager.
Frostbreaker1
My mom would almost faint if somebody said "crotch" in front of her. I cannot begin to imagine either of my parents even saying dick
LateNightBunnyParty
My mom would have too, but that was just that "born in the 50's, raised on Leave It To Beaver" generation. I was born in 81; no such hangups
beez428
That's big dick energy you got.
LateNightBunnyParty
I like to think of mine as big tit energy.
ensoul
She a little confused, but she got the fat dick spirit
darthmocap
As a fat dick myself, cannot relate to having spirit...or energy.
MermaidBiologist
Chunky chungus chakra
januskincaid
I haven't laughed that hard in a bit. Very nice
mustang2733
Cruxador
Unfortunately, DONG energy has been renamed as more Danes speak enough English to find it silly.
ErynGalen
Well, at least we still have regular fart controls
ShutTheFrontDoors
My best story: I went to pray before a meal, bowed my head, and started saying: “Welcome to Tim Hortons, May I take your order?”
PolarBearRacer
I answered the phone like this once, thankful it was my aunt and we laughed about it
OutoftheDarknessIntotheLight
I drove up the guard shack at my parents gated community and I began by saying "Thank you for choosing Starbucks, what can I get started 4U?
drakeshayne
Back when I worked at Walgreens I more than once answered my personal cell phone with 'Thanks for calling Walgreens. How can I help you.'
drakeshayne
I've also, in the midst if delirium, called my elbow my hand and one of our former dog's wagging tail 'suspicious whale'.
Anewercheaperpotato
I’m a supervisor at Tim’s i hear the headset beep in my sleep, i know the pain
rshini
I said 'welcome to mcdonalds' on my first day working as a samples person, I never worked in McDonalds.
GoooForPapaPalpatine
Used to work at a call center. drive-throughs with colleagues were fun b/c half the time they’d order a “thank you for calling...”
pygmypufftrampstamp
omg, so much this.
btimup
I was at the pet store inquiring about snake care and when talking about feeding, I inquired "So after they get big enough you feed them /2
btimup
...furries, right?" the attendant flashed me a look and corrected me "...yeah fuzzies..." I haven't set foot in there in 2 years
GravyEducation
God wanted tim bits, don't blame the guy for hijacking that conversation
ShutTheFrontDoors
. . . Even if he did I have no idea how to get them to him.
GravyEducation
If you bake them, he will come. Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Horton's
ShutTheFrontDoors
Give us this day, our daily timbits.
superhistorynerd
Thank you two for this interaction, it’s beautiful.
BobHubert
My friend was asleep and his mom went to get him up “ketchup mustard and pickles” he mumbled. “Steve it’s time to get up”. “Ketchup mustard
BobHubert
And pickles” he said a little louder. “Cmon steve, you’re gonna be late” with a little shake of his shoulder. My friend shot strait up and
BobHubert
Practically yelled “KETCHUP MUSTARD AND PICKLES!!!” We worked at a burger joint. Lot of ptsd from that place
GravyEducation
Yeah but which burger joint
BobHubert
Backyard burgers if you’ve heard of them. Smaller chain, more expensive but much better quality