joshuNoodleDriver
53656
787
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I'm feeling super down today. My wife and I are working through speedbumps in our marriage. I'm tired of our loop of me and her blaming eachother for our sex life. She doesn't owe me anything on that front and I don't owe her anything either. Everything else is amazing, how we talk to eachother, our communication in general. She holds me She cuddles me, she truly loves me. Am I an asshole for wanting to boogey a bit more than once a month? At this point it makes me feel bad about myself and when I bring it up to her,I end up feeling worse but these are my feelings. I would never demand anything She deserves her feelings as much as I do. We are 10 years into our marriage this is hard. Blind melon and cleaning is making me feel better.
FP Edit. Thanks everyone for the advise and the support, I wish my first trip to front page wasn't me venting about something like this but here I am. Imgurians are the best people.
frostybox
Counseling, it can help. Maybe she has a reason, that's not a normal sex drive, figure it out together
XplodingUnicornGlitter
I can honestly say as a woman who doesn’t care about sex either way - it is stemming from something and counseling would help.
VigoTheCarpathian
gregariouslouganis
Maybe she wants something she's not getting in the intimacy dept. Be open to her feedback and ask about what satisfies her. Mix it up.
capricaria
I found myself in a depressive lull and put my husband thru this. It wasn't his fault or mine. It got better over time.
SPE825x
jwillywill
SPE825x
StubbMoonTaker
Wait. Wait. You and your wife still have sex? Fuckimg unicorns
LiquorishSunfish
I would recommend getting the Fair Play cards and having a good look at the distribution of labour in the relationship. Sex is just as...
LiquorishSunfish
...much part of a functioning adult household as dishes or laundry, and like those, it often disproportionately falls to one person.
myoldnamewasntverynice
Same boat. I've trained myself to not want sex. Good times.
MH9009
Open & honest communication w/o judgement. Is it an unknown prior trauma issue, a medication issue, or something else? Ask lots of questions
MH9009
It was over a decade before we hit that point and the answers to those questions were tough to deal with but it helped tremendously
PhillEvans
Just keep talking dude, the rest is gravy.
Tenookey
Romantic gestures might help. It doesn't matter how old we get we all still like to be spoiled a little bit and made to feel special .
nobodyreadsusernamesanyway
Honor to you and your post, OP
joshuNoodleDriver
Thank you!
wellthissucksba115
Each experience is different but from personal experience, my sex drive died because I was super depressed. Might be worth talking about
prettierandyoungerbutnotanybetteroff
Is there anything you two could do as an alternative? I can't always put out because of chronic pain but I can do oral which helps us both.
Heninthefoxden
yes this! sometimes sex hurts me so we do other things instead. Everyone's happy.
SlutAtNight
Two different sex drives is nothing to be taken lightly. Plus neither one of you should ever feel shame. Message me. I may be able to help
ElasticFireCracker
user name checks out.
lynxBeast
Oh been a while since I’ve seen your post/comment! Hope your doing well. Recognizing names in Imgur is weird.
SlutAtNight
Hey! I’ve been here! Just a bit uhhh tied up:p
ElasticFireCracker
Life ain't so shitty.
ThatDudeRich
Have you tried watching some nice romantic movies together?
funkmoth
"no rain" just played at work and feel better because of it.
myoldnamewasntverynice
I'll make a shoehorn outta your shin
myoldnamewasntverynice
Make a lampshade of durable skin
OneGuyWithSixGuns
I'm lucky if I get it 4x per year. We've been dealing with multiple family/friends death, so it's hard to get revved up with a broken heart.
LiquorishSunfish
Then have comfort sex. Or life-affirming sex. Or 'skin contact releases dopamine' sex.
aerialtruckdriver
fartymarty42
Blind Melon’s self titled album is ? and always has been
76breakbeats
Got given tickets to Blind Melon. Went only to see them get absolutely blown out of the water by the opening act. (The Tea Party)...
76breakbeats
Shanon Hoon actually said "Not sure how we are supposed to follow that up"
hemanwomenhatersclub
You just gave me a massive erection. Noons knows The Tea Party. Splendor Soils is a true gem. Also is Jim Morrison meets Led Zeppelin.
76breakbeats
Still to this day, one of the best live sets I've seen. Hadn't even heard of them until the day of the show!
KeekUras
Been a fan since '97 when my roommate introduced me to the Tea Party. Saw them live in San Antonio at the White Rabbit. Great band and show!
CloakedFigure
Counseling. It works wonders.
HighwayStar
A great way of telling the husband to expect less sex but from a second person. Worth the money...
Heninthefoxden
@op for real, counseling. women need to feel relaxed and safe to have great sex. Counseling can help you figure out how. Srsly, it's great.
TheGreatBlueHeron
Some folks will tell you it's a death knell, but that's bullshit. It's not a guarantee, but outside assistance can be invaluable.
Heninthefoxden
who tf says that? My husband and I went to counseling 1 year into out marriage after being together for 5. It's been amazingly helpful both
TheGreatBlueHeron
I guess it's been a while since I've seen it, but pre-pandemic Imgur could be extremely negative sometimes about things like that.
Heninthefoxden
for our communication and as a result, our sex life.
mastercontributhor
Just never make the mistake of throwing away a good thing for a little more sex. Get a counselor and work on it but don't let it overshadow.
beardedheathen
It's a love language that is very important. Lets say you love gifts and you only got one gift a year. or cuddles but you only cuddle once /
beardedheathen
2/ a month. Or you were only told "I love you" once a month. would you feel loved and appreciated?
PossiblyYourMother
Yeah it's unfortunate that libido changes with age. Some people start perfect, then drift apart on how often. Definitely important though.
casyjones
Dude... I'd PM you but apparently I dont have access to that feature yet even though I've been on here for years! Anywho...
casyjones
Married for 12. But been together for 20. Going through the exact SAME business atm.
joshuNoodleDriver
Yeah I don't know how to pm either. I love my wife so much I wish I could figure this out... I'm told I'm amazing but I don't feel it in 1
Completelyrandomsentence1
When you talk to your wife about it, try to talk about it in terms of intimacy not 'sex'. It's helped me and many other couples. Good luck
joshuNoodleDriver
Intamacy.
jabike2424
Start with meeting her where she is. Cuddle and add more touching/kissing w/o the end goal of sex. Baby steps moving forward.
pygmypufftrampstamp
Ask if there are certain types of touch that she finds off putting now as well. The things that turned me on before kids can be quite /1
pygmypufftrampstamp
uncomfortable or even feel invasive after. My husband and I learned that the playful butt grabs and such had completely changed from /2
Stephalopods
Everyone says counseling... I dont have much drive... is there something wrong with me?
TheGrandMewo
No. If you've always felt about the same there is nothing wrong with you. Have you considered you may be on the asexual spectrum?
Stephalopods
I did for a little while until someone told me asexuals make a choice to not have sex. (Is that right? I thought it didn't sound rightbutidk
TheGrandMewo
Check these out and see if anything sounds right to you https://lgbta.wik">Spectrum">https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Asexual_Spectrum https://www.asexuality.org/
TheGrandMewo
Happy to chat if you have any other questions.
TheGrandMewo
That's incorrect. That's abstinence/celibacy. Asexuality is a proper orientation. You cant choose it the same way you cant choose to be gay.
mmmmyeaaaa
Do you have kids?
joshuNoodleDriver
1 yes
mmmmyeaaaa
My wife is often worried about the kids and other wifely worries. Its harder to get her in the mood. I just deal with it. 1
mmmmyeaaaa
She loves me. I love her. Sex is nice but so is having someone you can trust and love. You dont have to be celibate but pressuring even a2
mmmmyeaaaa
Little for sex usually has the complete opposite effect. I just try and be nice to her and patient. 3
mmmmyeaaaa
Also theres porn