TheJamesBeta
163204
4015
123
Sep 11, 2017 7:35 PM
TheJamesBeta
163204
4015
123
SomeDetroitGuy
You were wrong from step one. Point buy for life.
crazedmikey
I've never seen a hippie turn into a Brown bear and decapitate a black bear before...
WellWellWellLookWhoItIs
Bards are the worst? Like hell they are.
51CorgisInABar
Or if you're like me you make a Celestial Pact warlock with shadow tome so you can heal and cast cleric cantrips for roleplay purposes.
51CorgisInABar
Super non-optimal, but it's a ton of fun to unleash necrotic hell and then turn around and heal your party. Gives NPCs a lot of confusion
Ozavic
Core race: Aasimar, the Mary Sue race
Steamarrow
Fuck you 5e bard is the most awesome class
lifeofablondie
@wilyllamatrio
strigonia
This is so wrong. This is all the most common D&D mistakes put together.
fencer1964
Is that why it's funny?
strigonia
Don't think so. Occasionally something is accurate, like a couple of alignments, but it's mostly cliches that system knowledge proves wrong.
NoSleepTilHyrule
Wtf bards are great
pancreas
that's about where I stopped reading cuz this guy clearly doesn't know what he's talking about. also point buy stats are better than 4d6.
Kovahjin
My DM I'm with now lets you take point buy if you're unsatisfied with the 4d6 rolls you got. If you're lucky you can get great stats.
CapnJackHarkness
I would roll to seduce the guy that made this original powerpoint just to prove to him bards do what the fuck they want.
SharkShanker
I once had a tiefling with a goats head and a human body. Every time I was startled I would do the goat scream
aleister94
I had a tiefling samurai in pathfinder people say tieflings are best as sorceress but if you pick the right traits they make great tanks
Arracor
"MMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
yomahnn
.
metascout
No love for the Ratfolk? Although I guess that was in pathfinder
IZ42
Ratfolk are among the best ways to fuck with your DM in any DnD based system.
SnowMeowPlush
Point buy or standard array. This is about 5e so you'll be using those. Rolling for stats is so 1990's. Also class advice is, very...Meh.
Blamblam101
I'm done I got all 18s.
TitledEel
Now you're playing like a munchkin!
Attaroo
I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I took an arrow to the knee.
Kovahjin
Marriage does cut into D&D time, unless she's into it too.
AwkwardKeming
Yeah, I got married too, bro.
Icedpryo
Druid player here. Call me a hippie one more time and i will rip you face of as the giant angry immortal bear that i am.
Mercenarity
*off. TIL hippie druids can't spell. ;)
Icedpryo
Bear paws make it hard to type on mobile
Mercenarity
Xialdin
Huh, there truly is a gif for everything.
Gippin
My friends and I are trying to get into this game, with only one of the four of us having experience. This really helps, thanks op
CapnJackHarkness
honestly most of this is actually shitty advice. If you want help getting into the game, I can give you a less biased way that you'll like
Actualdeadpool
Please do. I'mma be a bard for a short campaign, then I'm transitioning into the DM role. Any help would be appreciated.
CapnJackHarkness
1) Watch "Running the Game" by Matt Colville on YouTube. 2) Lore Bard > Valor if you want versatility. 3) Your job is a bard is support +
CapnJackHarkness
and control. Live it, learn it. Let the tank tank and the damagers damage. You hold people, control crowds, buff your party. Oh, and
CapnJackHarkness
Seduce EVERYTHING.
RyukR
Aragorn was an actually Ranger. Legolas was more like a fighter specced for super awesome archery.
RyukR
Actual*
fencer1964
Aragorn wasn't "a" Ranger. He was "THE" RANGER...the ENTIRE class was built on him. Platonic Freakin' IDEAL of a Ranger. SERIOUSLY people!
RyukR
Well I mean he doesn't have pets so that was a thing
Csel
he has hobbits as pets
runo
I think it depends on the ruleset. In Pathfinder Legolas was likely a switch-hit ranger, Aragorn was likely a fighter, but in 5e
runo
you could likely spec a fighter or a ranger to match Aragorn or Legolas' 'playstyle' I think
RyukR
I disagree. Legolas showed only combat skills centered around a bow and knifeplay. Aragorn used tracking skills and other Ranger powers.
strigonia
... This is so wrong. This is literally all the things that new players get wrong, all put together.
Soylencer
Also, Warlock is not the opposite of a witch. It is Male witches, I guess. But you can be a female warlock. Someone new would be confused.
strigonia
Yeah, what is the opposite of a witch? Probably a Paladin, actually. Holy forces, high charisma, brute strength, and buffs for your team.
Arracor
Make a counterpost!
FailureFactory
Seconding this! I want to know how to be a bard!
Arracor
Step 1: Be the sluttiest person alive. Step 2: Fully commit to sluttery even when your rolls are poor. Step 3: Bardic magic (for better sex)
FailureFactory
Do these apply to real life, or just the game?
Arracor
...well, as long as you keep it 18 and over, and everyone says yes, I suppose both...?
strigonia
The idea has merit...
TheOneWhoSucks
Bards are the worst class? Only DMs and people who don't know how to play bards tell such filthy lies.
eerongal
Especially in 5e, bards are probably arguably the most powerful class in the game...
Locolarue
Yeah, try getting a lord or wizard or merchant on your good side with no party face.
DisappointingBubble
Aragorn's standing right there and you go with Legolas for ranger. Cold.
SMingFTW
Thank you!
Locolarue
Dragon magazine made him a Ranger/Paladin.
Rystefn
Nah, he's just an AD&D ranger instead of a modern knock-off ranger.
Locolarue
That article was in 1e...
Rystefn
I'm pretty sure you can't ranger/paladin in 1e... but then, there are a lot of NPCs in 1e that didn't follow the rules for PCs.
Locolarue
It might have been in early 2e, I don't recall.
davemymindisgoingicanfeelit
Right? The character was an actual ranger, who even had the cool nickname "Strider". Ice cold. OP must have an elf fetish.
RedRegent
I know, right? Remember all those times Aragorn fired a bow/dual-wielded weapons/cast a spell/used literally any Ranger class feature?
davemymindisgoingicanfeelit
To be fair, it was just a temp job.
Rystefn
He uses a bow lots. And the only reason D&D rangers dual wield is because Aragorn went sword/torch against the ringwraiths at Weathertop.
davemymindisgoingicanfeelit
And let us not forget the small bit of convincing an undead army to fight alongside him...
AwkwardKeming
And remember kids:
astorkamongfish
My idea of an optimized character: female NG cleric proficient at seducing other females. My DM would disagree, but he knows what I've done.
Sarujinie
Until they are killed at first contact
Paracelsush
Less fun if you have a fun, decent character.... but everyone else has characters that one shot dragons.
Rystefn
That's only becuase being the only fun person at the table will make any game less fun.
Paracelsush
Urg... the problem is, they're all fun people, just way better at the min maxing...
Drosophila281
I agree, played an insane wild mage and would flip a coin, if tails my 3 year old nephew would randomly pick a spell of that lv to cast
THExPILLOx
I disagree. I cringe when someone brings a character that is useless to the table. unless you can roleplay like a son of a bitch, you are
THExPILLOx
gimping the rest of the party. Granted min maxers aren't a ton of fun either but, Atleast have A use for your character, otherwise why
THExPILLOx
would a group of adventurers bother bringing you along when you are a liability
AwkwardKeming
It's gotta fit with the group. If the point is the numbers game, you're right. If the point is the story, there's more wiggle room.
THExPILLOx
I've played in a game where someone brought a character that didnt have a single +1 to anything because they wanted to play a challenge char
tagmomg
I feel like there's a big difference between a liability, and someone who Isn't useful. If nothing else, they're 1 more perception roll.
THExPILLOx
But they could be 1 more perception roll AND someone who can cook, or someone who can sew, or something useful. anything at all useful lol
HereticsAllOfYou
Paladin is Christian Crusader with more genocide, but less indescriminate.
Remmikins
Smite first, detect evil never.
darkavatar1183
Paladins running from heresy
wiseidiot9
Actually has an ability that let's them sniff out if something is considered "evil".
APinkDragon
Omnicide
Azerai
Only the best paladins know to smite all the (potential) evil
JTechnopotheosis
evil is like a seed. http://goblinscomic.com/comic/09172005
Ewanator
Focussed genocide
Maldraek
If you play a paladin, you are definitely going to commit a genocide or two.
BearwMeB
Genocide Adjacent.
DarthSedition
I'm sensing an acquisitions incorporated fan
BearwMeB
I've no idea what that is, but I'm intrigued.
DarthSedition
Penny arcade d&d series, pretty funny. Plus if you're a reader, they get Patrick Rothfuss in on it.
ParanoidWithGoodCause
where's the bit about min/maxing shit until the DM/GM cries like a little bitch?
RancidRance
That's all in Pathfinder
runo
To be honest it's pretty hard to truly make a game-breaking character in Pathfinder because there's always a mob/spell/feat etc. that'll 1/
runo
make any minmaxed character cry like a baby. There are some classes and archetypes that are dickish to bring to RP-centric games for 2/
runo
example but most people don't go out of their way to bring a minmax build when most of what you're doing is talking to NPCs 3/3
ImBrucemanNoBatwayneFuck
You've got someone with barely any people skills as a DM? And you're enjoying your time?
modicumjones
a good dm will just destroy a min/maxing metagamers soul until they quit and have to "focus on their twitch feed" instead
RAGESTARVED
If the DM is crying over a bit of min/maxing they need to put more effort into their encounters.
HieronymousFlex
Outside, while all the non-shit players are inside having a good time.
DeputyRageMode
5e bards are great. I won't play one because I ant a sissy, but they are great!
Skazki
Hello new here... what's 5e?
DeputyRageMode
The 5th edition of the d&d rules. They simplified a lot of things and made it more stream lined.
Skazki
Thanks! Never played, might try it...
SomeDetroitGuy
In Pathfinder, they were insanely powerful as a fifth party member. The boost to everyone else is insane.
pancreas
bards are great in every edition, OP is an idiot. In fact in either 2e or AD&D (forget which) Bard was an Overpowered prestige class.
josro
AD&D is 2e. And yes they were stupidly overpowered because to take the class you had to be a triple class fighter/rogue/magic-user.
pancreas
ah I see. I didn't actually play that generation, I just saw a dude on youtube talk about that whole thing once.
Kovahjin
I didn't like 4e much, but I did enjoy using musical shockwaves to send mooks flying all over the place.
FrozenCrown151
Magical Secrets alone makes 5e bard worth playing, and they do a bunch of other better stuff besides (and they get Feeblemind).
Tigirus
A lot of the bard's skills rely on roleplaying so their usefulness as a class varies wildly if the DM doesn't care about it.
secondbest
The 5e Bard is perfectly capable outside of roleplaying.
DeputyRageMode
Truth, and most role play just turns into who make the craziest character or degrades down into murderdudes
CuratorOfTheMemeseum
You need a better narrative if all your players just turn to murderhoboism, PC's need consequences
4TWookie
The word you Are looking for is "Murderhobos"
runo
I'm a bit confused as to why the OP claims bards are 'the worst'. This looks like a 5e post to me. Bards are nearly broken-good in 5e
runo
Maybe OP is a GM trying to spread the illusion that 5e bards are bad so they break less 5e games
Meatchris
Fewer
runo
If you were able to correct my grammar because you knew I was wrong, you understood the point I was trying to convey.
runo
We're on social fucking media. I'm not writing an essay for some idiot to correct to feel less insecure. Fuck off.
salmonhands9
bards played by new players (target audience of a 101) are pretty weak. preventing fights and utility spells aren't first instinct of many
runo
That is true, although that doesn't mean bards have less potential to become incredibly powerful, hence the claims that they aren't the 1/
runo
'worst' as OP described them. Plus, some players might want to look into how to build their character, and a lot of guides help you 2/
runo
optimize your character to start as, or become very deadly. And 5e's simplicity means it's easier to understand why something is good 3/3
Nastydance
Nope. Asimar is not a thing in 5e. This is a 4e post.
TheRealSpaghettiMonster
Then I say we downvote it back to hell where it belongs.
eerongal
Aasimar is in the DMG, and it talks about "saving throw proficiency" which is 5e lingo.
Jbom1
Yes asimar is a thing in 5e, they added it with "Volo's Guide to Monsters"
PowwerOrb13
Aasimar have been in the books since the DMG. Only officially done up in Volo's but they've been around for awhile now.
2manyfavorites
Asimar is a thing if you follow Unearth Arcana
PrincessAnus
es, they are. you just need to get the monster guide, you get a few races w the extra minster guide like kenkus
runo
They aren't part of vanilla 5e but their stats are available in Volo's Guide to Monsters so you can roll them in any campaign now
MinosEngele
I've you're playing a Paladin and there's no genocide you're doing it wrong.
Locolarue
Your book must be misprinted, you're in the Blackguard class.
Rheios
I mean, that depends pretty highly on what sort of Paladin you are. Outside of an "evil" paladin (will not rant) genocide shouldn't(1)
Rheios
really be a default setting.(2)
MinosEngele
So I don't need to deal with a devil/demon/oni/undead commune by force?
Rheios
In 99% of cases you will, but there are rare occurrences where an undead creature is good, or super-super rare instances of devil/demon(1)
Rheios
converting to the forces of good. You DM should usually give warning of those, of course, and they tend to depend heavily on setting. (2)
runo
I agree honestly. Paladins are agents of their god/goddess. Most are definitely ready to throw down but only if diplomacy fails them first
Rheios
I've always preferred the god aspect to be incidental - Most Paladins worship Good gods but because they are good.The Paladins get their (1)
Rheios
powers from the faith itself, like 3.5 clerics could. But in 5e that's not founded unless the DM says as such. That being said even when(2)
runo
As a GM, I can say it's fun to throw in moral 'tests' to see how the Paladin reacts in-character, but if their default answer is 1/
runo
to absolutely murder the problem then they're not a good paladin. Not necessarily a bad player though, it can be fun to see them fall 2/2
MinosEngele
Even when dealing with undead/demons/devils? These are made of pure 'Wrongness', and are a danger to mortals.
Rheios
That depends on your alignment and setting. If you just go around killing every fiend you could still end up killing some good ones.(1)
runo
Ah, no, that's not what I meant. Like undead, it's situational, but the average paladin - especially depending on their particular 1/
Phobetor42
If you know how to play them bards can completely break the game
Renza0
I've heard theres a bard build basically some kinda mass mind control. seems rather useful
salmonhands9
While I agree, it might still be a class that those who actually need a character creation 101 would struggle with. So easy to crack jokes @
ThePowerOf42
*Casting Bardic Music*
HypocriticalBastard
And here I was hoping it'd be the gif from El Dorado
Malthraz
"Bards suck." - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOUksDJCijw
ThisWorldMakesMeSad
I traveled through time with my Bard.
HighwayWizard
As a bard, I once convinced a horde of chameleon-dragons to voltron themselves into an illusion of one giant dragon. It was fun, people died
Terwin94
Lore bards are amazing. Cutting words is so nice.
doctorpenguinphd
Magical Secrets is what makes them special. All those spells paladins and rangers get at 17th level you can get at 10th.
Terwin94
All bards get magical secrets, lore bards get it more and cutting words
leedsward
The guy who ran the last campaign plays a bard and wrecks.
RobertNAdams
Breaking the game is half the fun. "No, you cannot summon a blue whale 100 feet above the approaching army."
ShaggieBear
But it specifically says I can in this technically cannon legal codex in this official magazine that was written for a particular situation
RobertNAdams
Jokes aside, they actually patched that one out because clerics were using summons just like that, haha.
Icedpryo
What do you mean? Casting all spells with the least restrictions in the game isn't broken at all
wolzarg
Nothing can break the game as long as sudden lightning strikes exist.
Phobetor42
I think we found the DM
wolzarg
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/94/9485a3a1f48a8b00317d1d67441a93a24202c06224c26191a374242e3f4d649d.jpg
Bstone1
I played a bard the first time we got to make our own characters. I roll for shit and failed everything. We also ruined it a bit, the 1/2
Bstone1
2/2 premade campaign was at night and apparently not seeing that well would be relevant, but we were all elves, gnomes, tieflings, etc.
popejubal
Best crowd control DC in the game by a HUGE margin.
RogersTheShrubber
https://imgur.com/47IT9vt
DigitalAssailant
Scanlan fuckin Shorthalt Ladies and Percival
TehGrimReaper
https://soundcloud.com/user-692430662/chance-taken
nobody56
How have I not heard that, that is epic, thank you internet stranger.
TehGrimReaper
There's a second round, too, also on that account.
InfinityOnHigh0109
As a bard, game breaking is my specialty
slightlyunstablemax
In 5th ed it apprently doesnt take much. Or at least thats what a gm once told me.
Mostlydeadpool
tis true. its got a lower curve than 3rd edition so any sort of optimization really lays down the hurt. :)
lawfulwood
I ran a paragon-tier 3.5 game with a near-epic bard. She broke the game with her +38 diplomacy. She befriended everything. Everything.
[deleted]
[deleted]
lawfulwood
I'd say that she pacified them orally. Pacifying things anally is a whole different kind of Diplomacy. MY kind of Diplomacy. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
TheRealSpaghettiMonster
Break, break, break, break the game and make the GM pull his hair out!
EmyLightsaber
relevant: http://whothefuckismydndcharacter.com/
ChaosandChaos
GRAVE HALFLING WARLOCK FROM A TOWN OF OUTLAWS WHO ALWAYS CUTS TO THE CHASE... nice. Next suggestion:
ChaosandChaos
CHURLISH DWARF BARD FROM A SMALL TOWN WHERE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED WHO HAS A DRINKING PROBLEM... That's doable.
PowwerOrb13
That'd be cool. He'd have no stories or songs to sing and so go adventuring to find new stories. Drinks because he was unemployed back home.
StarkeRealm
philosophical Half-orc Ranger from the local tavern who is planning to retire next year
StarkeRealm
I love the script blocker line: "What the fuck! You don't even have JavaScript enabled! This isn't fucking magic!"
SunGodRa
Absolutely. Rolled a 5th edition bard named after the lead vocalist of Blind Guardian (Hansi) that was the tank, healer, wizard, and spy.
Soylencer
Tomorrow will take us away, far from home. No one will ever know our names, but the bards' songs will remain.
SunGodRa
Ha, I actually did it because Hansi has stated he calls the group the bards and I really wanted to celebrate that.
KnowerOfNothing
Many classes and class combinations can break the game, but remember, don't be a dick to your DM or other players.
Zyrixion
Oh and if you take any ranks in diploma(n)cy and any synergistic skills at all, the DM will light your character sheet on fire.
AsidRayne1245
Played with a guy that was lawful good and his character refused to play with me because I killed an npc while under demon influence....
acunninglinguist
Fucking hate players like that. Have an alignment, but be a fucking person.
KnowerOfNothing
That's not lawful good, that's why there is lawful stupid.
HighImpactSexualViolence
What? You were possessed, that 100% absolves you of responsibility. Dude sounds like a dick.
shadetee
That's up to the local magistrate or the character's God to decide. And the DM to say, your character is no longer part of the party. Reroll
CaptCanada
ive been testing a bard druid hybrid that in theory could allow him any animal to bend his knee like anyone but jon snow in got
ResistanceIsFutile
So, a Warg?
CaptCanada
well yes...wow i really didnt think shit through...just like my desert scuba diving business all over again
CthulhusGreasyBallsack
The cardinal rule in every game "Just don't be a dick"
Phobetor42
That's my Cardinal rule in general. Granted,I don't always succeed, but hey who does?
AlexisWalker
Unless your character is literally a disembodied sentient penis. Then you can be a dick all you want.
ChaosandChaos
Is that a thing? Cause that's hilarious.
outerreg
If it's not, you know it's going to be.
StonesOnTheHill
My last group had a bard. She reduced almost all of my mooks (and even some bosses) to whimpering, terrified wretches who were also on fire.
HighImpactSexualViolence
Blistering Invective? That's recently become apersonal favorite.
SheepOfTheCosmos
Where the hell does the fire come in?
eldarthe
I once played a campaign where one of the players threw a torch at a bugbear and set it on fire.
Phobetor42
I'm assuming it was a natural 20
eldarthe
No but it was a fairly high roll.
AnExpertInThisField
... Burning words?
MSB3000
They were probably asking the same thing.
StonesOnTheHill
http://www.d20pfsrd.com/magic/all-spells/b/blistering
repurposedschleem
How so?
iceman0486
You're a character that should be able to talk your way out of most situations. The player needs to be creative to make it work though.
repurposedschleem
That's high charisma, still not sure how it's game breaking
youmustaskjeeves
In 5e you also get the opportunity to steal spells from another spell tree. Buff your friends, make enemies fail, then dual cast fireball
repurposedschleem
How do you dual cast fireball?
DarthSedition
Not to mention a pretty cool caster. Sure, you're no Wizard or sorcerer, but you can do some damage if you know the game.
PowwerOrb13
More spell slots than a Warlock. But not as specialised as Chain/Blade/Tomelock and no high level cantrips/invocations.
IupvoteWeedstuff
The last bard in my group had to roll a new character because he stopped any and all encounters, even the boss of the dungeon
dracoslayer16
Sounds like your DM didn't adjust things at all to suit his group's playstyle.
BoozeHound001
How did he do that?
IupvoteWeedstuff
It was a mix of intimidating bagpipe playing and Unearthly Chorus, a spell that turns hostiles friendly.
InsertUsernameJokeHere
Ah, a fellow bagpipe bard.
BoozeHound001
I see, GM may have been a little lenient on the ruling of Unearthly Chorus.
IupvoteWeedstuff
She's new to DMing, plus it was funny as hell so we didn't say anything.
SonicBoomYourFamily
Holy shit that's basically how I live my life.
BoomMann
You aggressively bagpipe your enemies?
DrYoloMcSwagmasterIIIEsq
Unearthly Chorus seems a bit broken, but its easy enough to get around
Tywinning
Make the final boss deaf, done lol
CommunCreator
I used to be an adventurer, until I took an arrow to the bagpipe.
Rebonack
Ah the broken UA starter spells. I've got a Chainlock with Elixir serving as the party's healer. Load that imp down with potions!
Iwearabowtiebowtiesarecool
Tomato fruit salad!
Phobetor42
Damn right!
Iwearabowtiebowtiesarecool
Truth!
AlexisWalker
I have seen so many versions of this meme, but I have yet to see it recreated in Skyrim...
Tilted9000
Salsa? But salsa is technically a vegetable.
Azerai
Marketing is a bards forte
dokpsy
Tomatoes are a berry which falls under the fruit classification. Salsa is a salad of fruits and veggies.
Tilted9000
Salsa is considered a condiment, and is therefore considered a vegetable. The same way tomatoes are fruit, but ketchup is a vegetable.
iceman0486
Lawful Good is totally fine with killing if it needs killing, and it's legal. Lawful Good is not necessarily Lawful Nice.
dilbobaggins
Where do the Mercykillers fare on that scale? Are they the same as the Modron?
dracoslayer16
And Captain America is Neutral good, he constantly breaks the rules if it means doing the right thing.
JTechnopotheosis
less captain america, more judge dredd
ShaggieBear
Exactly. If the laws of the land suck, so will that pissed off copper
Sinosaur
Neutral Good is far more likely to be opposed to killing that Lawful Good and Chaotic Good
WKBetafiggit
https://orclabs.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/paladin-smite2.png
SnowMeowPlush
LG Paladin "I see you stole some bread, law says I have to cut off your hand. Oh your a tradesmen? Should of thought about that" *chop*
Kovahjin
^ yup
fencer1964
That's Lawful Evil: Rules without Morality. A Lawful Good Paladin would be all "Let's find a way for you to repay after you've eaten some."
fencer1964
Chaotic good would likely be "you needed the bread, so you ate it, and I'm OK with that. Grab another loaf while I watch for the cops."
popejubal
That's chaotic good. Lawful good would drag him before a magistrate and ask for mercy and then feel bad when his hands are cut off.
iceman0486
Not necessarily. A lazy paladin might do that, but a good paladin will take responsibility for the thief, interceding with the law if necess
iceman0486
And ensuring he stays on the straight and narrow until their debt to society is paid off. Lawful Good is hard to pull off and hauling them
IZ42
Completely false. That's at *most* Lawful Dickish. LG is more like "now stealing is wrong, but let's figure out why you stole so we can fix
IZ42
That, shall we?" and then repays the shop owner for the stolen item, and hhelps the thief.
IZ42
Think Captain Carrot from Discwod.
IZ42
Discworld*