BillyBob177
136837
3011
360
Apr 29, 2017 8:23 PM
BillyBob177
136837
3011
360
phoenixfromashes
But look at him beating on the money changers. That would be worth something to see
TheLastBeerBender
Am I in User sub?
dirtydanisreal
Yeah he'd be tom cruises height, middle eastern and jewish.
NoneknowsOgNiTo
TrustMeImABassist
I Jesus had been born 30 years ago he would be my personal Jesus someone to hear my prayers someone who cares someone to hear my prayers
BubbaRunski
Republican Jesus is one of my favorite memes.
aoenofhorus
Awwwww. I remember college.
TemporaryUzername
or he'd be a unionized carpenter.
sleepswiththefishes
If Jesus came back he would never stop throwing up
Supduck
Better than being crucified though
Spearka
He'd then be given the death penalty by the government following bribing and rallying by said CEOs
LarryHParkerImguryAttorney
Actually, he'd probably just be working at a dead end job that doesn't pay enough to pay his rent. Just like almost everyone else.
texasjay58
I would pay out the ass for a pay per view of the elite getting whipped literally.
smeeshsmoosh
This would be appropriate if Wells Fargo had branches in churches. As it is, this is just edgelord faggotry.
imonewiththeforceandtheforceiswithme
If someone was born today running around claiming to be the Son of God, he'd probably get thrown in the loony bin
temujin9
Along with two of his mates, yep: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Three_Christs_of_Ypsilanti
mmurrbles
Yeah but if you could turn water into wine you would be a hit with the ladies.
pzummo
Actually, no. The media doesn't promote people preaching peace. And politicians only like talking about their own charitable contributions.
ohlonelyme
Read the book Eli, its a book where Jesus was born in the present and did his ministry around the 2000s and yes, basically he is labeled
ohlonelyme
exactly what this post labeled him, it's a really good book.
sunionbroman
Not socialist. Socialism requires taxation, Jesus about free choice and choosing to help others. Not forced taxes not guaranteed to help ppl
KashCf
no helping others is not a choice,but moral duty.
dumbledoge
JESUS. WAS. NOT. A. SOCIALIST.
MorbundRotund
We'd kill him just like back then. Humanity is fucked.
TheLastSouthernGentleman
I believe that was the plan all along. He was supposed to die for our sins.
MFDork
Yes, yes we would. The Grand Inquisitor (a chapter from the Dostoevsky novel The Brothers Karamazov) is all about this exact idea.
Sionas
Didn't the Romans kill Jesus and the Jews label him as a heretic?
uncleorandrew
Yes, the Jews were the ones who really turned on Jesus in the end and handed him over to the romans with false testimonies.
uncleorandrew
That being said, when he was in front of the romans after all of the allegations were put forth, he did say he was the son of god.
Sionas
Yea that kinda stuff would get you sent to a mental asylum.
uncleorandrew
Maybe even crucified! :p
echo1echo
He would not have been crucified though. Probably blown up from a UAV strike
BoreasTheNorthWind
More like ridiculed and institutionalised.
HEXADECIMAL
We'd all wear little drones or missiles around.
Alargeseagull
Jesus exploded for your sins
GermanIrishEngineering
Think of how much cooler those wall decorations would look!
DukeDark
I want a gold mistle necklace. We can watch How Dr. Strangelove Stole Christmas
DukeDark
*missile. Apologies for bad spelling
NotACyberman
Priests exercising demons reading the Bible flinging a little drone in different directions
NotAnIroningBoard
Nothing says eat up like a half naked Jew nailed to a cross
IPlayWithFire
Sculptures of Jesus being exploded by a drone?
earlywormy
Drone necklaces!
Riddiculous
I've never understood that, if Jesus had been killed by a guillotine would people wear mini guillotines around their necks and stuff?
zma123456
The Republicans think they are more Christian than Jesus.
shinobikat
Give to ceaser what's his. -jesus responding to a man asking about taxes.
realidahoan
And his point is that nothing is really Caesars. If he actually supported taxes he would have just said taxes are good.
ZerielArchangel
Did you ever read the Bible? 75% of the crap that came out of the dude's mouth was poetry or allegory.
alpacalipso
Yea, cuz he was always so straightforward with everything he said...
alpacalipso
like the time he said it would be easier to get a camel through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven.
Regdabmaof
He goes on to say render unto God the things that are God's.
JamesProton
So separation of church and state then. I don't see a problem.
Regdabmaof
I know I'm replying late. The coin had Caesar's image and inscription on it. We are made in God's image therefore we belong to God.
AllMyCulturalReferencesWereTaken
JC was a bitcoin enthusiast. He meant that give away they currency with Caesar's face on it, we've got better alternatives.
uncleorandrew
Nope
temujin9
First Church of Christ Bitcoiner. Praise be to His hash rate!
Naiirita
What makes you think jesus was a socialist? he spoke of personal charity, not forced taxes or government programs?
bane83
The helping the less fortunate (pretty key campaign message for JC) part is where the socialism comparison comes in.
bane83
Also socialism is a construct from around 1900. Jesus was an idealist, they had 1900 years of evidence that people are selfish dicks.
Cayowin
Jesus was quite big on paying taxes. Paul made big points with his letters on obeying authorities.
nobodyyy
That was because you should oboy authority, not because the taxes went to (prob nonexistent) welfare
agnemmonicdevice
[forget the verse number] "whose face is on this coin?" "Caesar's" "Render under to Caesar the things that are Caesar's ..."
Naiirita
So saying Dont break the law makes one a socialist?
Cayowin
Jesus wasnt concerned about hove the state was run, if he was he would be a communist.
Cayowin
Romans 13:1 Let every person be in subjection to the govrng authorities. there is no authority except from God&those which exist are by God
BoreasTheNorthWind
That's not Jesus word. That's St. Paul.
Naiirita
Saying "Follow the Law" does not make one a socialist.
Cayowin
You were talking about government programs, "forced" taxes. Bible says directly "Follow the law"
Naiirita
Yes but he said be charitable, he did not say demand the government redistribute wealth to the poor.
LieutenantKifKroker
He wasn't anti-capitalist.
NotFarEnough
Well he wasn't really pro-capitalist either because the concept of capitalism didn't exist at that time
temujin9
"It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God." -- Matthew 19:24
JaredKidd
That's only if you put Money before God.
temujin9
Says who? Because Jesus said what I quoted, and you putting words in His mouth to twist His meaning might rightly be considered blasphemy.
JaredKidd
If you take ur quote within the context of other things Jesus is reported to have said about wealth, what I said is a reasonable conclusion
temujin9
Such as? I'll entertain arguments that are actually made, instead of simply alluded to, but proclaiming yourself reasonable isn't that.
cousteau
Well, he was anti-capitalists-in-a-temple-selling-shit.
LieutenantKifKroker
That was anger at the fact that they were lying, cheating, and stealing in the temple.
cousteau
So… capitalisting basically.
LieutenantKifKroker
No, theivery. Capitalizing is based on profit, not false advertising or swindling.
cousteau
False advertising is a quick way to obtain profit though.
LieutenantKifKroker
*Capitlism
uncleorandrew
I mean - it's his temple. It's his fathers house. And people used it as a marketplace. Of course he was mad.
MRNate
He was against religious leaders who were taking advantage of the people they should have been helping.
BurninBone969
A lot of assumptions going on here
Theforgottenartoffuckey
Sounds like you havent read the bible
Vaanhalen
Well, it's the tumblr side of imgur, so
sunionbroman
Mainly assuming Jesus would support Socialism, forced taxation and social roles, instead of free will and choosing be loving to all.
LieutenantKifKroker
I mean, he did say pay your taxes, but that's not necessarily a socialist thing.
MichaelAndersen88
He said render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, but did not explicitly say whether the coin, nor anything else, was Caesar's.
LieutenantKifKroker
The statement of "render until Caesar" was in direct response to someone asking if they should pay taxes, so...I'd say that's kind of clear.
LieutenantKifKroker
Almost all of them wrong, but hey, we were all edgy college students at one point or another.
Awesoman66theCactusLord
LieutenantKifKroker
WaffleBrothel
Haha yes! Love it.
corndoghooker
Well to be fair, the average imgur user is college aged
lochnessmonsterr
Damn straight. Intelligent conversation is almost impossible here with all the hot headed college kids
Vaanhalen
There's actually s lot of junior high kids too. It's younger than you think
lochnessmonsterr
True. I guess I just don't think about it
LieutenantKifKroker
Yeah, true. Makes for a nasty melting pot of half-baked opinions.
DrFartstheTRex
Not for anyone who actually believes the Bible there isn't
Theforgottenartoffuckey
Dont worry idiots will be morons
Tivers
There's no assumptions for someone who believes the bible? You guys have to assume and interpret to make the bible not sound evil...
TheUglyGuy
Isn't that about how he was labeled back then anyway?
ShitSteve0Says
Yeah but that doesn't fit OPs rhetoric. Don't forget people don't give a shit about the truth then making a point
LetMePickMyTeethThenHaveMoreChips2
And they killed him....so...
TonyStarkWantsOne
laestrella
I was just thinking that
BoreasTheNorthWind
Well, not in those terms, but his views were radical and shocking. This - and him being from Galilea - got him killed.
LieutenantKifKroker
He was seen as a heratic. That was why they killed him. That's literally it.
Dagarim2013
It's just as much that he was seen as anti-Roman.
tevyethemad
He was killed because he threatened Roman rule in the region. They didn't much care what you said so long as taxes kept coming 1/2
tevyethemad
And order was maintained. He threatened both situations, and was therefore labelled an enemy of the state.
RedClaws23
Nah, he was hated for heresy. He was executed for treason. He committed both unapologetically
DagonR
There were a lot of social and political movements in that time, and they were always crushed because they posed a threat to the system.
cptwott
it was much more political than that.
GodEmperorGummy
OffendedSkeleton
iamthisguy247
Sorry nice try. Pretty sure we killed him because he knew where all the chocolate eggs were hidden.
JiggleWigglepp
He faked his death and flew away
LieutenantKifKroker
JiggleWigglepp
Ha you used a frog and you're kroker
LieutenantKifKroker
LarfleezePlz
LieutenantKifKroker
Don't mind me. Just borrowing this.
LarfleezePlz
No problem fam
JiggleWigglepp
The nod at the end makes this
Vaanhalen
Middle east been executing heretics ever since
kiwiflavored
And long before. Judaism used to have more than one god (e.g., Baal and Asherah) until rabid Yahweists went ISIS on their priests. And of...
kiwiflavored
course people who worshipped foreign deities were persecuted and murdered as well. The OT demands that infidels be "utterly destroyed"
BaronPocket
There was also the threat of a peasant uprising. A man of the people enters a capitol city with thousands rallied around him.
ComeBurnMe
Game of throne
AlmightyDylon
That's exactly how a few emperors of Rome came to power. More people were willing to die for a general than the emperor
TheEmperorOfMankind40000
Yea but to an extent some Roman leaders dodnt think he would.
lilmonkie
So there's still hope for Bernie
AsksTooManyQuestions
1000 years from now, people will think "Surfin Bird" was a grass-roots anthem celebrating the rise of a great 20th Century religious figure.
AsksTooManyQuestions
And Y3K politicians will use the Sanders message to support far-Right policies.
lemonsherbet
I think he's gotta die before his ideas really influence politics, like Jesus.
bobcat1721
*sigh* I'll get the cross..
AgolfHiller
He died for our student loans?
LieutenantKifKroker
Well, true. But he have would have been killed without that.
SoupCanMan
No. Jesus might have been the most famous myrtr since 32 A.D., but just using the bible, Moses wasn't murdered for a good reason. Myrtr bad
SoupCanMan
And yes, I know he WAS deadified. But assassination is very apparent, a sham of a trial keeps the uninformed from knowing what 1/2
modsm20
Ewanator
He was killed WITH it.
OriginaIPoster
But he was just a Jew. The whole region was Jewish and the Romans let them be as long as they controlled the synagogues.
inboxmefoxes
The part that made him heretical was the fact that people (but not himself, interestingly) were saying that he was the messiah.
Naiirita
No, Jesus was never a socialist.
kiwiflavored
OP says he'd be called a socialist *today* based on his author-ascribed views.Back when the story was written,socialism wasn't yet a concept
vincentlaguardiagambini
give to Caesar...
redderthanthou
Yeah, because socialism wouldn't become an ideology for some 1800 years. Plenty of communal, worker-led Christian movements in between tho.
Caremono
how do you know?
vincentlaguardiagambini
It's a good question you asked btw. And almost always a good question, regardless of the topic.
vincentlaguardiagambini
comment above...give to caesar mark 12:17.
Naiirita
Never once did he advocate helping the poor with others ppls money.
LieutenantKifKroker
True. He never said "sell your rich neighbor's possessions and give to the poor."
eclect0
He really wasn't anything in a political sense. He had very little to say on state affairs and was more concerned about individual actions.
crimbadabim
Hard to be a socialist when socialism isn't a thing
MyLifeisaComplicatedDrinkingGame
The term wasn't invented but he would have been considered it. FWIW he wasn't pro democracy either.
LetMePickMyTeethThenHaveMoreChips2
He wanted to privatize religion and copyright his name.
LieutenantKifKroker
Or anti-capitalist.
crimbadabim
Hard to be anti-capitalist when capitalism is not a thing.
kiwiflavored
The word didn't exist. But the concept (individual property, means of labor controlled by private entities for profit) was a reality.
rbudrick
Just anti-capitalist within the Holy temple.
LieutenantKifKroker
That was due to the fact that the sellers were lyng, cheating, and stealing inside the temple.
mcupobob
Study still do, they've just expanded to banks as well. They even close on Sunday!
ElliotStrykerPart2Memelord420
“If you will be perfect, go and sell that you have, and give to the poor, and you shall have treasure in heaven: and come and follow Me”
FederalMemeReserve
You're such a sell out.
ElliotStrykerPart2Memelord420
http://imgur.com/account/favorites/F2u6mdX
WallaWallaWashington
If I recall correctly, you're referencing what he said to the rich young man. He told the man to do that as that's what he was holding on 1/
WallaWallaWashington
To. It was his idol and Jesus gave him a choice. Would he be willing to give that up? (the man had asked what he must do to get to Heaven)2/
WallaWallaWashington
The passage ends with the man walking away, dejected, as he wasn't willing to give that up to follow Jesus.
DrFartstheTRex
B-but he wasn't a socialist right? He turned water into wine, maybe we should assume he was just drunk when he sad that.
AndTheTruthWillSetYouFree
Voluntary giving > forced redistribution.
FrederickMagnesium
none of those compose the concept of socialism
cheeseguy3412
True: and not a religious person here, but for reference: Matthew 19:24, "Rich people go to hell" to paraphrase. Seems somewhat... forceful.
Naiirita
That is a deliberate misinterpretation of His comment.
MrBananaBeak
He wasn't asking them to. His was a command.
TobiasFunkeAnalrapist
socialism =/= communism
UncannyMonkeyPaw
It's still a forced redistribution, if you want into heaven.
AnonymousBach
Yeah because going to hell is totally not compulsion.
qtheghostrekiller
Hell is not a punishment for not selling wealth. Salvation doesn't come from works.
ElliotStrykerPart2Memelord420
yea, its not an economic argument, its a moral one. taking care of the meek is the moral thing to do.
TheDeanofLean
Weak. Meek would be someone with power that restrains themselves from using it
Naiirita
But that has nothing to do with socialism.
Vaanhalen
But it's not moral for my sister to volunteer me for chores, regardless of who it's for. And she is the living embodiment of socialism.
FederalMemeReserve
My dik's pretty meek. Why don't u take care of that.
Awesoman66theCactusLord
If Jesus only came about 30 uears ago, the entire history of our planet would be completely different
bloatedplutocrat
"What year is it?" / "30" / "But i'm 32. How can I be 32 if it's only 30?" / "Well it went backwards for a few years remember?" -Louis C.K.
Buster11
You mean if religion only came about 30 years ago, otherwise the only thing that changes is the name in the book.
Awesoman66theCactusLord
So you are saying that litterally every sing religion on the whole planet of earth is in every way the same beside the names?
Awesoman66theCactusLord
So the Roman pantheon is the same as Islam?
TheDeanofLean
Religion existed before Jesus...Where is your head man?
BecozImBatman
Agreed..... More advancement in science n technology... N on space frontier..
Cayowin
If Jesus had actually came at any point in history, life would have been different
svon1
the roman empire would have live ~150-200years longer cuz of less inner city civil war and more regular army on the field civil war 1/2
svon1
and islam wouldnt exist since there is no wide spread religion to copy ,Mohammed may still have risen to power with Zoroastrianism but 2/3
svon1
3/3 probably not to the same heights as with Islam, meanwhile most of Europe would stay pagan and the rest is just to inaccurate to predict
atomicmecha
Yep. No Christianity. So no crusades. No dark ages. Science would have boomed. Would be much different.
Chewthestitches
Might have been better really. More advancements and such. Sadly we cannot have ifs in history.
IronicUsername
There are far too many variables at play to confidently declare things like "science would have boomed." For all we know, in the [1]
IronicUsername
absence of Christianity, another religion could have filled the void. [2]
dohcohv
The dark ages came about because the fall of Rome, and the only organization to keep the Roman and Greek writings was the Catholic Church.
agnemmonicdevice
The rise of Muslim Arabic powers also did a hell of a lot to preserve and build on Greek and Roman advances, not to mention their own stuff
dohcohv
Without the church all our knowledge of the past would have been lost, monks were some of the only literate people in the west, kept up
Trbfkd
I think you mean without the muslims all the great works would be lost. West didn't have the Greek writings till the end of the mid ages.
Trbfkd
And let's not pretend like the church was share knowledge with everyone.
dohcohv
Latin and maintained communication between all the different countries. The church did a lot of bad things, but even the crusades helped the
dohcohv
West by contact with the Muslims who were, at the time, more advanced. It also kept infighting down and gave them a common enemy.
VultureTX
wasn't the other choice for the Roman empire, Mithras, another monotheistic faith.
Awesoman66theCactusLord
They still had paganism, and would have stayed with that untill they died
Awesoman66theCactusLord
Well, anything before the year 0 would be the same
atomicmecha
I got this joke. Funny.
spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccee
He was born circa 5-4 BC. The calendar numbering was goofed up. (Also there is no year 0.)
TheSinisterMisterFister
As far as my research went, there aren't any non-religious source to prove he was ever born.
alwaysL8
Serious historians consider the existence of Jesus to a fact. Claims to deity is a ? but not existence.
TheSinisterMisterFister
It would be a political minefield to officially question his existence. Religion still has a lot of influence. I find it debatable.
bayardthebloodhound
I figured it be a little higher number cause doesn't the year 1 start after his death? L
spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccee
Nope. BC = Before Christ. AD = Anno Domini (Year of the Lord). It's meant to count from his birth onward.
bayardthebloodhound
So they changed it. Cause I thought that it was after death. You know honestly none of that time frame never made much since.
Awesoman66theCactusLord
Well, true, but all of the bc stuff would remain the same if Jesus didnt happen when he did
RedClaws23
Yeah, but he didn't have any impact on the world until 30CE
BoreasTheNorthWind
He never had much impact personally. Only after his teachings were spread to non-Jews by St. Paul, they began to influence the world.
RedClaws23
Not quite true. With only him and the apostles, he destabilized the region of Israel with religious fervor and led to heightened conflict be
TheDeanofLean
I don't know why you are being downvoted. He was born in 5~4 BC and there is no year zero
BecozImBatman
Without him, countries across world would have been using separe calendars....
itrymybesttooffendsomeone
Also we might have advanced further technologically scientifically and so on, not to get political but I think that
billyrayvalentine
This comment is strange. Like religion wasn't a thing before the story of jesus?
nabacular
who would have done the Crusades? Deus Vult!
aleister94
No its just the predominant western religions would be completely different
Awesoman66theCactusLord
No it existed, but each one is different
Skizzlesnap
Not as different as you think.
Awesoman66theCactusLord
History would still be different, different nations, different empires, different rises and falls
Anthraxwastaken
It was, but Christianity wasn't, or any other abrahamic religions, and they played a massive part in history
IRatetits
Are you sure none of the abrahamic religions were around? Are you absolutely sure?
Anthraxwastaken
Yeah, Judaism wouldn't have existed without Christ/god either
IRatetits
...you know Judaism existed before christ, yeah?
bayardthebloodhound
Jesus was a Jewish man...
TheDeanofLean
The post is about Jesus being born only 30 years ago instead of 2000 years ago. Jesus existed before he was born a man. I don't see how that
IRatetits
Or are you making reference to Christ is God and they are one in the same
LargeCanine
He would drive a pick up, preach in tents, oppose socialism/communism as anti-religious, and tell the capitalists to do more good works.
uncleorandrew
I think he'd do the exact same thing as he did in the gospel. Just preaching love for your 'neighbor' and practicing works of faith
danielsan1977
Driving money changers out of the temple, etc...
MrMemethief
Just curious, how would socialism and communism be anti-religious but capitalism is pro-religion? Neither side really relates to religion
LargeCanine
Capitalism is merely (the best) economic system. Socialism/Communism are complete gov't/economic/cultural systems which are rival faiths.
MrMemethief
That still doesn't answer my question
LargeCanine
Socialism/Communism are not merely economic, but also gov't and social. Its an ideology about how society should be organized from the 1/2
LargeCanine
2/2 ground- up. Organized religion is a threat to socialism/communism as a rival for the loyalty, belief, and faith of the populace.
LargeCanine
Okay. Capitalism is not anti or pro religion, its merely an economic system. Capitalism, obviously, generates wealth and Jesus would 1/2
LargeCanine
2/2 remind them of their obligations as children of God to do good works with their blessings.