throwaway111233
881
22
14
I've never spoken about this to anyone before. When I was 7 me and my sister, who is 5 years older than me, had sex. Well, about as much as is possible for a boy who is pre-pubescent to do so. Now 30 years have passed and I'm depressed, live with anxiety, self medicate and can't hold down a relationship for more than a few months. And I'm not sure if these things are a result of my experience or if it's unconnected.
There's one question that often floats around in my head. Was I raped? I feel as though it was consensual at the time. But now I'm not sure if I was taken advantage of, or if I just feel that way due to my depression causing me to over analyse things.
I've never spoken about this with my sister, and I have no desire to. I'm too scared, and there is already a rift between me and my family. I feel as though speaking about this would destroy our family.
I could really use any advice anyone can give. Thank you for listening imgur strangers.
WhenAllTheUsernamesAreGone
See a pro therapist. Consenting or not you appear to feel violated otherwise you would not post this. No need to bring in family yet.
SomethingOffensive
Kids mess around. You're probably fucked up for other reasons.
IdLikeToRideAPigIntoBattle
Try again, see if it works better this time.
joeusa
You should really see a professional if at all possible. You sound like you want to deal with this now and a real doctor is the best way.
b00shed
Was your sister Lena Dunham?
cjpoet
Therapy, dude.
BrazilianHavingFun
Seek professional help my friend. You won't find the solution to you problems here.
Barjonkin
No offense or anything but, dude, suck it up. You guys were kids messing around. Go on with your life.
tylerljohnson
Seek professional help, friend. It works
Hounddog13
overdrv
You are over analyzing it. Let it go. Stop focusing on the past. Stop worrying about the future. Go for a walk outside all look at the world
NothingToSeeMoveAlong
Sounds like kids being kids. At 6, I told ppl in public when I had erection. No idea what it was but I thought it was funny.
NothingToSeeMoveAlong
If some old school mate is traumatized now and blames me for being some type of perv, then they too need some help
briar147
I hope you've considered therapy. Imgur might give decent advice but a therapist will be able to help you through your emotions. Good luck.
TheOncomingStorm529
She did take advantage of you. You were 7. There's no way you understood what was happening. Get professional therapy before it's too late.
EmotionallyMagnificient
You sound like you're trying to lay blame for your shitty life on something that may/may not have happened. You fucked up your life, not her
throwaway111233
Oh no, I'm not trying to blame anyone. I still love her dearly and take full responsibility for my downfalls. I'm just trying to (1)
throwaway111233
figure out my mind, and needed to get this off my chest for once. Sorry if it came across that way. (2)
rollerdoggo
I had something similar happen as well. It freaks me out to think about so I do my best to just block it out. Not great advice. Sorry.
GoToQuirkProviderZooeyDeschanel
I don't think it's terrible advice. Dwelling on events like this make them worse. "Blocking it out" can also be part of moving on
rollerdoggo
Yeah I feel like some things in life aren't worth "trying to figure out." I'm here if you ever want to talk.
Botarel
I've gotten better (depression) by stopping to self-medicate, structuring my day and getting into a routine. Have sth to do! <<< is key.
TheOGPooner
Which is great ... but you aren't resolving anything... you are switching from one to the other without addressing the problem
Botarel
Eh, my problems stem from social isolation and some childhood trauma. Healthy social contact addresses this. I dunno how to help OP in that.
yabbapoo
Venture out of the trailer park and seek help
Hydr0p0nik
Savage
yabbapoo
I calls it likes i sees it
IGiveTerribleAdvice
The only way you are going to set this thing right is to rape her now. That way she will know what it feels like and you can sleep easy.
BowelTowel
was gonna downvote but you stay true to your username so +1
risperidone
We are sexual being and it was a normal experience...stop spinning on that. Your anxiety problem are maybe just physical. Get help!
READBIO
honestly, I think most people have, they just didnt know what they were doing at the time
throwaway111233
Really? This is what I was wondering...is this a relatively common thing for siblings to go through?
READBIO
Not gonna talk about it here
throwaway111233
Fair enough. Feel free to message me if you wanna chat.
READBIO
Up to you
o0xtina0o
Makes me wonder why/ how your sister became so sexualized at 12. Maybe she was projecting onto you. 7 isn't old enough to decide consent1/2
o0xtina0o
You should definitely talk to a professional to try and make peace with what happened to you.