Jessetempleton169
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I'm a firefighter and I'm only 18 and this is the first incident I've had to respond to for a suicide, and I know I will go to more in my future so please if you feel like it's the only option or have a friend who is in need please go to suicide hotline or any other aid service.
Most viral edit; not a post I would have wanted to go but please again make sure people can get help if they need. Thank you to all those who have sent support. Stay safe.
FirstLobster
Paramedic here: I'm here to talk if you need to buddy. My first bunch didn't bother me either...some do, some don't...I never really know.
ThrowPETAtoTheVeganLions
A close friend killed himself 3 years ago, ambulance was too late. their arent words to say how much respect i have for what you do.
Whatdid
Not gonna lie, suicides never really messed with me. It was the accidental deaths of kids and people my age (20's (aka old kids)).
Bunnysasquatch
Another PSA: PTSD in first responders is real. Seek help before your brothers and sisters have to respond to the call for your suicide.
vondruke
Shit like didn't bother me either, now I flinch at the sight of a needle. Don't be a "too tough to acknowledge you emotions bro".. bro
Jantessa
As an ER nurse, I thought I also wasnt bothered, but it turns out it just slowly builds up. 4 years in or so I started having PTSD symtoms
Comoto
It's the 12 year old who hung him self in his bedroom cause he was getting picked on at school that fucked me up.
Comoto
His younger brother found him
tinyfootprints
I've seen bodies torn apart. I can't remember the visuals (except one dog hit by a car), and I'm very happy I can't.
qthedestroyer
My dad died by self-immolation so I can't imagine responding to that. I'm grateful to people like you who are willing to do the tough jobs.
Jessetempleton169
Deeply sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you for your support.
StarkaPappa
You will get increasingly bothered with stuff like this as you grow older.
SingleReadytoFlamingle
1-800-273-8255, I've had that number memorized
freshbetty
17 year medic here: it may not bother you now or ever, but do NOT assume it can’t sneak up you. Being affected is not a sign of weakness
wildatheart499
A study confirmed that everyone who survived suicide off the Golden Gate Bridge regretted it half way down. They realised it wasn't worth it
MrSnowy
Must've been hard to interview them halfway down
MistressLyda
Indeed. Impulsive suicide attempts tends to be regretful, one way or the other.
celestedrake
*hugs*
Talligan
Hey man, make sure you can have someone to talk to. This stuff will start to eat away at you.
saucefordipping29
Last night my husband had two calls a child abuse caee then a suicide. It wears you down over the years.
IPostAboutPoliticsIfYouDontLikeItSuckIt
Dude, you're going to go to a ton of disturbing crap in your career (Medic for over 16 years here). If it doesn't disturb you, be concerned
IPostAboutPoliticsIfYouDontLikeItSuckIt
Find somebody you can talk to. Look for resources on The Code Green Campaign's site. Stats for PTSD and suicide are scary for us.
IPostAboutPoliticsIfYouDontLikeItSuckIt
http://codegreencampaign.org/
Mexwegianese
This isn't a jab, most men, even up to mid 20's don't really develop empathy enough to care about such things, but as time goes on it will.
IWouldDoThings
That explains the armed forces
probshouldntsayitbut
18 seems young for a first responder. As you said not an insult but potentially developmentally lacking enough emotional maturity.
Rheios
I mean, there's a separation between having empathy and utilizing it. He could just have learned that lesson earlier on than most.
Mexwegianese
It's not really a matter of person to person. Sometimes yes you will get an exception, but this is biologically tuned, like how woman >
Mexwegianese
Mature socially FAR sooner than man, they say an average of 2 years, but it's often more.
ihateallofyoumonsters
Some are harder than others. When the patient/victim reminds me of someone I love in my own life; those are the hard ones for me personally.
ZAufy
We have trained for this. Don't look at the face too long. Not a person anymore. There is no connection between you, don't attach meaning
jolietjane
If I ever commit suicide I'll leave some beers for the EMTs.
Hippehpanda
As an eventual statistic thanks, for all you do and for doing your best for that person today. If there were more people like you in the...
Hippehpanda
World, there might be less people like me. (Before anyone panics I’m okay rn but My first attempt was in grade school so I still worry)
slagathorstiffnips
Don’t pretend that it doesn’t affect you though. Years of those will take their toll on you. Trust me. I know.
Jessetempleton169
It's not pretending they don't. I've been anticipating this day for a while now and I always expected my reaction to be worse
slagathorstiffnips
Ah. Just don’t be afraid to go to CISD’s when they’re offered. They do help.
Cyzyk
Don't sweat it. Sometimes you relate, sometimes you don't. Carrying a week-old dead body out of a house is just a humorous story to me.
Cyzyk
Nothing traumatic about it, at the time or later. You'll hit something that hurts sooner or later, there's no rush.
rikescakes
You never react the way you think you will. I was a hospital corpsman with 1MARDIV in Iraq. I numbed the fuck up. /1
rikescakes
Just did my job. Didn't think any more of it. Fast forward a year or two. Drinking lots. Can't handle my anger. Shits been rough. No one /2
rikescakes
To talk to. Been struggling. Finally break and see a doctor. Getting better. Sometimes I go dark when I'm really stressed.
MadameRainbowPants
Where do you live that you get to be a Firefighter at 18? Here I think only the volunteer ones can be 18.
RindgeTinge
Is a nationally certified firefighter working for a small volunteer or on-call department not a firefighter?
Jessetempleton169
Victoria, Australia, been a volunteer since 16 and a non operational member since 11
IWouldDoThings
My friend Andre lives there! Save him if he ever needs saving, please and thanks!
manureco
Thats pretty cool
blainetog
Since the OP is a firefighter in Australia, it's actually probably pretty hot.
probshouldntsayitbut
Just remember you are very young. Your understanding of the world and the people in it will continue to develop.
DeezDanglin
Been a FF/1st Responder for almost 20 years. Gets easier. Sounds harsh, but a terrible sense if humor helps.
hesaidsarcastically
Mm pancakes.
RogueFirefighter
amen brother
Carefuler
He doesn't seem to have a problem with it now. Hope it doesn't get too much easier.
Adam821
2/2 but yea, you're right, it does get easier.
TezuNii
If you can't joke about it, then it's not all that serious.
Bliffity
I don't know if that was a typo or not but either way you're wrong
rectalexpedition
8 year FF/EMT veteran here. Dark humor definitely helps. Ppl might think you're weird, but you gotta do what you can to not go crazy.
Adam821
I'm a State Trooper and my first suicide was shotgun to the head. You don't forget that stuff. One of the 2 hardest calls I handled.
MrSnowy
Sorry you had to see that, but over time, do you also develop a dark humor for calls like this? Like saying he cobain'd himself?
Adam821
I mean, it's horrible to admit, but you kind of have to. I won't go into detail on a public thread, but yea.
peeweepeterson
Hey. I’m pissed at this guy. He’s stiffer than my wieners been all year.
Heavenissize17socks
Dark humor often disguises cahones the size of Texas.
DeezDanglin
Lol, that and you really do get desensitized. Well, most do. You get to where you just see bodies and not people. Like doctors & morticians
satirelyinsane
So true, took me awhile to realize that humor was fine for my EMS peeps and I and not so fine for anyone else.
ScottBugVillain
First responder for friend’s suicide said he looked like he was sleeping. Other said if he woke up he was getting the f- out of there. 1/2
probshouldntsayitbut
Oh, it happens. Ya think someone is a gonner but then their eyes open, and stare right at ya.
ScottBugVillain
2/2 Even made me laugh...
flockofmoosen
"We operate on a different level of normal" I tell my new soldiers
DeezDanglin
Higher or lower level is the question lol
flockofmoosen
Sometimes sideways
KamSolastor
Yes.
TheDrunkenWrench
I can manage gore, death, and trauma. The repair process is where I lose it. I can't watch people be re-assembled.
missleadinginiformation
No disassemble!!
[deleted]
[deleted]
MrSnowy
I don't know why but this reminded me of when i woke up in the middle of my dental surgery. Watching the dentist's eyes light up was great
StankhaleesiGrandmotherOfFerrets
My dad was a firefighter in the 1970s; their vernacular at the time was “crispy critter” if there was a fire related death. Dark, indeed...
DeezDanglin
Still use today
c5c5c5
Burned human flesh ruined my appetite for BBQs.
DeezDanglin
Remarkably similar smelling to pork. To me at least.
Kolbee444
Dont they have crisis counselors and the like for you guys. Please take advantage of the help they offer you.
TehFuttbucker
Usually yes, and after every accident there should be a debriefing
Kolbee444
I wildland firefightered for a few years and after every 2 week stint they it was like a class or whatever before we were turned loose.
spookyu
I felt like shit didn't bother me as a (military) medic for a long time. It catches up with you eventually....always. You aren't immune.
jurassicfantastic
Not if I don't let it!
killedtodeath
First responder stress is cumulative. Its a death of a thousand cuts, you see sadness and tragedy long enough and it eventually affects you.
spookyu
I don't mean that to sound condescending, it's critical you are bale to compartmentalize like that, you need that skill and it's good 1/?
spookyu
that you can do it. But understand that you will be effected at some point, don't ignore that fact. Maybe far in the future even. 2/?
spookyu
Even the old gruff guys have coping mechanisms, or else they'd have burnt out as long time ago. Ask them about it.
Findrek
All this is too true. I got hit hard by a lot of shit years down the road that never phased me on the job. Just dont ignore it when it comes
furnitureandeffects
This thread is just as important as this post. I hope people read it.
nellietta
Well.. Some people really are immune
probshouldntsayitbut
Sociopaths
EveryBodyLovesMe
Not so much immune, it’s all about resiliency.
nellietta
I don't know what that means, but I think some are actually immune. Like sociopaths or the like
RexFury
I forget where I heard this but it's something like "being continously shelled will drive ~98% ppl insane and the other 2% are sociopaths"
gasfiltered
Even sociopaths have a strong reaction, it just happens to be one which is not necessarily negative.
gasfiltered
This 1000x. Every once in awhile I'll get hit with some shit that didn't bother me in 2003. Combat/violent deaths can come out decades later
spookyu
I hear ya, if you ever wanna talk please hit me up. Sorry for the slow response.
hellangel28
this does take a tall on you, so lookout for yourself, too!
purgethefilthyheretics
Is it possible that it could take a short on him? Or maybe even a medium?
ManicMDMechanic
Yep. Coming from an ER doc, don’t expect you’ll make it through unaffected. It most definitely takes its toll.
SurfNazisMustDie
This is the only quality comment here. Keep your awareness and if you need to talk to someone, THAT Is the manly option. Bottling shit up is
SurfNazisMustDie
Garbage. Lol.
Jessetempleton169
Definitely will do.
MarioPoppins
Vet here, you think it doesn't upset you but inside these kinds of experiences are changing you like a drug. You need an outlet
Nibtrix
Sometimes you don’t realise for long afterwards. I attended some very bad calls as an 18 yr old trainee, it was years later that it hit me.
commentsectiontrafficcop
So seek help at the first signs of trouble. Even if you aren't sure. These events are harder on you than you think they are. Take care bud.
commentsectiontrafficcop
In the words of someone who helped me greatly while I was in the military. If you think you have a problem after an event like this, you do.
Uzernaime
Agreed, the flashbacks to traumatic events don’t always come immediately, sometimes months to years out. Thank you for being the kind 1/2
Uzernaime
Of person to do this for our society. But do make sure you take time to look out for yourself so you can perform at your best. 2/2
Dildowaggins
Toll*
stratus41298
Troll
Perkunas687
You gotta pay the troll toll . . .
GodKingSkovald
A toll is a toll, and a roll is a roll...
AmazonEmma
and a Mall is a mall, right ?
MrStarkLord
YES
Keslyn
And if we don't get no tolls, then we don't eat no rolls...
MrJoeGGriffiths
I made that up.
BulldozersAndDirt
It’s not the suicide that will bother you (adults make their own choices), it’s coding kids that will fuck your shit up.
tg2222222
I CPR on a newborn once. Was flat for 24 minutes, but then suddenly came back. Kid did ok.
VernonLamb
Got that right. I've seen plenty of OD suicides. That I can deal with. The kids...you never forget the kids.
oracle9999
Working in pediatrics, coding 2 day olds because their heart is abnormal because mom is a drug user.... it's a conflict of emotions
itsimpossibletofindausernamethatisnttaken
Imo that should constitute manslaughter
IMainReinhardt
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PgmRUJ3rofM
Jaccep
The handful of calls I remember in great detail are either funny or involve lots of blood curling screams. The screaming sticks with ya.
Scubasteve99
My first shift on my internship for AMR we arrived on scene to a high speed MVA, found a 4yo male, dead on scene. Was interesting
firefighter26
Truer words have never been spoken!
NowIHaveToChangeThis
My dad was 1st resp where a 4yr old was thrown thru windshield. He knew her. Spent ages trying to revive her. It messed him up bad.
NotRapefortheWilling
Gpa was a detective for Milwaukee. Kids were the worst he said. (Side note his partner did the Ed Gein case) yes I was able to meet him!
YoloSwagginsAndTheKnightsOfTheRoundTable
Do 1st responders call codes? In the OR we do because we need crash cart/help but 1st responders have all that. Unless that's just the name
TheWaywardorLagos
I thought I could handle the job till I went to my first kid. 11 years old. Pool, wheelchair bound grandmother. I quit the next day.
emealiowest
Yes.
Benderdabomb
This 1000%! The accidents or incidents with kids hit so much harder.
MelodiousDissonance
Or the ones begging to please just let them die....
Youonlykillyourselfonce
This is why I enjoy being a psychopath. Makes everything so much easier.
Beachgirl334
Thats pretty scary
Youonlykillyourselfonce
People and their erratic emotions are scary.
Youonlykillyourselfonce
This being downvoted so much is comical, people assume psychopath means "crazy serial killer". When in reality it's just someone who lacks
Youonlykillyourselfonce
emotion and or the perception of empathy. There are many people who have a high IQ that would be considered psychopaths.
Maybeinanotherdimension
Yup, I agree. We need them as business people, lawyers, heads of military, surgeons...
wowzaassassin
Man that is why I couldn’t imagine working in a pediatrics hospital man. I was in ICU for shadowing work when I was 18 and man I couldn’t...
wowzaassassin
Imagine the patients I’ve seen be children. I was in a trauma 1 hospital as well. Seen some people die post car accidents/attempted suicides
AIRBORNEALLTHEWAY
Aye. Seeing the parents reactions will burn into your soul. Having a mother tying to put her baby boys head back on after a wreck is HELL.
LeginNoslen
Ill take "No fucking shit" for $1000, Alex.
Thisishowitsgonnaend
Fucking hell this is dark.
AIRBORNEALLTHEWAY
This is the world we live in. Tis a dark place that will make you jaded quickly.
PainterofPuppies
Fuck, I had to talk to a guy on the phone who was trying to put a kid’s brain back into his head. I can’t imagine being there.
AIRBORNEALLTHEWAY
4/ can't fucking imagine how that feels to live through that situation where you want to die to be with your child.
AIRBORNEALLTHEWAY
2/ Pulling up and having a mother try so hard to bring her child back and you have to take the child because it's just not going to happen,
AIRBORNEALLTHEWAY
3/ it fucking hurts your soul. I've spent many nights in a hospital bathroom or station storage room losing my shit. To be the parent, I
NowIHaveToChangeThis
Fuck, now I want to go get my kids from school and spend the day spoiling and cuddling them. If they died I'd kill myself from grief.
AIRBORNEALLTHEWAY
Same. I won't go to heaven because how I'd die is a sin, but I'll be at the gate waiting to take my son in. If he goes, daddy follows so 1/
AIRBORNEALLTHEWAY
2/2 he won't be scared and alone while waiting at heavens gate. Granted this only works if there's a heaven & hell, hell is him leaving me.
AIRBORNEALLTHEWAY
My so just turned 3 and thankfully I dealt with the worst before he was born, but you never forget those calls & those people. 1/
ShamanShacker
*son
iwouldshootobytwice
Thought it was significant other for a minute and was very confused
basekamp
Had one where a mom was getting high and left a stove on at home. Burnt down the house with her 4year old in it. I won’t forget that
Dizztro
I most likely have forgotten it after I do my groceries in 15 minutes. I remember this every morning though 'Humans are Trash'.
BigRedMonkeyButts
Jesus I won't forgot you telling me about it.
basekamp
You never forget the smell of blood in the air when you walk into someone’s house, knowing that they shot themselves in the head.
basekamp
Especially when this individual was missing most of his head, but was still breathing, so we had to try to keep him alive.
Mistruths
I already forgot what I had for breakfast a couple hours ago.
Mistruths
Wait, I belched. It was waffles.
BigRedMonkeyButts
Have my grudging +1
Janusha
Coding kids?
thedeuz
When a heart stops, or someone stops breathing, it is sometimes referred to as a code, or code blue
thedeuz
That’s when CPR, defibrillator (shocky Mczappy), and a toolbox full of drugs come out. For everyone working it’s an adrenaline rush
thedeuz
Typically not the euphoric kind, unless it ends well. A lot of people, including myself, can remember every sight sound and smell 1/2
thedeuz
2/2 in the room from your first few “codes” they haunt you, and you may criticize yourself later, but sometimes it isn’t enough
ADisturbinglyAttractiveCactus
This is a sincere question: why does death, particularly of children, seem to bother the vast majority of people?
ImADoctorNotAnImgurian
Kids don't have a concept of death yet, idk but that always makes me sad. They won't understand.
ADisturbinglyAttractiveCactus
Wouldn't that make it better for them?
IWouldDoThings
Usually kids die because adults do something stupid. Accidents happen to them too and it seems unfair
FaultyStarsNoConstellations
I Think it’s the innocence, and helplessness - like with animals. They can’t fend for themselves, and when the ones that are supposed 1/2
FaultyStarsNoConstellations
To protect them, fail them, it’s just so sad and infuriating... and all the things they wont get to experience growing up 2/2
ADisturbinglyAttractiveCactus
But they also won't suffer becoming and being an adult. That has to outweigh everything else, I think.
itsybitsyspider
No, it doesn't. Don't be cynical. Get outside every once in a while and take a hike.
dispatchedcode3
It’s different for different people. For me, it’s the loss of potential. That person never gets to meet their grandchild or even their 1/2
dispatchedcode3
First love. I heard a song the other day that I know my grandad would love, but he never gets to hear it.That’s sad to me.It messes with me.
ADisturbinglyAttractiveCactus
I guess I can theoretically understand that. I bond with one person (my wife) and all of my affection goes to her. Dealing with the rest of
ADisturbinglyAttractiveCactus
my family is a chore. I try to talk to my mother to make her happy, but I wouldn't choose to otherwise.
mainzy123360
Empathy for fuck sake. It's someone's kid... they loved and cared for... And we need empathy to evolve/ live together. Odd question dude
ImADoctorNotAnImgurian
Maybe they really didn't understand why the human brain has such issues with death? Like, I don't think they meant to be rude or so.
ADisturbinglyAttractiveCactus
Eh, I'm an odd person.
mainzy123360
Youonlykillyourselfonce
Having an empathetic way of life makes us regress, not evolve.
mainzy123360
Just no. fuck off with that nonsense. Were you raised by wolves?
Boopbeepbeep
Evolve into what?
ChicanoBatman
Some will get to you. Talk to folks that understand. It'll help. Careful with mate though. They don't always understand. Never easy work.
TXMedic
That and calls where kids die. Many nights spent awake because of it.
AIRBORNEALLTHEWAY
That's a coded kid... Kids always suck and it gets worse when you become a parent D:
IMainReinhardt
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PgmRUJ3rofM
wpstudio
Had a call for a grandmother who threw her granddaughter over the side of the 5-story parking garage... Scoop and go calls stick with you.
MrSnowy
Holy shit...
YoloSwagginsAndTheKnightsOfTheRoundTable
Wtf why did she throw her over
darkhazard
Depends on the suicide...had one where a guy was in his own body bag already, had a note that said, (1/3)
sanshi
I dismissed the more certain ways of suicide (headshot, high jump),I didn't want to trouble ppl finding the mess.Is it smth you get used to?
darkhazard
It effects people differently. It’s not so much about the method it’s more the living condition/ reasons they did it if they are apparent
ImADoctorNotAnImgurian
I actually tried with pills for this exact reason. I'm in a much better place now but I can't imagine the splatter is something that gets
ImADoctorNotAnImgurian
easier over time.
sanshi
Where can you get own body bag?
ImADoctorNotAnImgurian
AliExpress
darkhazard
“I’m sorry to burden you on this beautiful day. I wish you all a good life.” He had water bottles in a cooler, Gatorade, (2/3)
darkhazard
soda, and had cooked some barbecue chicken and mashed potatoes in a warmer for us...didn’t eat it obviously but still. (3/3)
WhiteningMcClean
Sounds like my kind of guy
missleadinginiformation
Right? He probably killed himself over the stove for hours making that food
BalphEubanksLeftNut
Incredibly thoughtful, but I feel that would mess with me.
SoftBonez
When I was really struggling, the biggest thing keeping me from killing myself was the thought of traumatizing anyone who'd find me
rikescakes
Mine is how my dad, mom and brother would react. I wouldn't want to face them in any sort of afterlife..
stratus41298
I pictured a 12 year old hacker installing ransomware on your computer.
sexyGandalf12
Them too.
hellomagic
I chortled out loud
ItsNotASchoonerItsASailboat
Glad I'm not alone there
Doomgriever
Applepotamus
stuper2man
Fiance (nurse in the ER) witnessed a 9 month old baby who was ejected from a car when it crashed into a parked car, going 60, die. She 1/2
pastramionrye
Jesus fuck man can you not make us relive it too?
stuper2man
Wasnt alright for weeks. Said she kept seeing the child's brain swell when they gave it compressions. 2/2
TheWorstCommentsComeFromTheBestPeople
That is not a pretty image. I'm going to throw up