imakittycatandimok
170270
4030
64
Yes, I know I need to charge my phone.
Edit: Wow, thanks y'all! Never had this many people encouraging me to get laid. Sorry to disappoint, but the roommate situation will be remaining platonic.
coderpete
99.8% match?
Fedotia
Fake, too much battery on the phone to be realistic.
theheebs25
and later, they boned
bingalingadingdong
Plot twist- they’re husband and wife
angelbott
lol
poot85
No reply, eh?
Farleftshark
solaslunas
so you both swiped right...
jeff15116
Go charge your phone you fucking savage.
insertyourcleverusername
GodApollo
Charge your phone.
celestedrake
1%. Seriously. Charge your phone.
Motorboatingtiddys
If you had to choose to use the rest of your battery on a phone call to save your life or post this joke, I think you made the right choice
Shreksleftnut
DerpNerpem
So did you fuck or what
Dipz
Asking the important question.
WhatDidGuyFieriEverDoToYou
Do you live alone?
Nikuz
Hm... you matched as a joke? Or..
YouYesYou
Did your roommate share in your humor?
WiseApostate
Knightendae
Oh C'mon! No update!! In 2yrs?
Teohoho
Damn dude, charge your phone!
Zaitios
Your roommate wants to fuck you
Shewy92
So you and they both swiped right? Knowing who the other was? Why not just knock on their door?
midsongnipplerub
I think most people (or at least me) blindly swipe right on everyone and I match the ones they don’t like.
rnantis
"Wanna fuck?" can be easily turned into a joke on tinder, but might be hard to explain when asking irl.
OllyMillMill
Yea OP doesnt seem very keen to explain the situ... you both swiped right, was it awkward, do you like each other etc etc
popejubal
I swiped right on my next door neighbor because I thought it was funny. Three months later I used it to say her car lights were on.
SirCadillac
I moved in with two of my exes after we broke up. All went well. Best time of my life, except my marriage.
SirCadillac
So you can shit where you eat...you just have to aim very carefully and have some air freshener with you.
PlebGeneral
DanDangerDangerous
What is this song again?
xPOOKYBUBx
1%...I too live dangerously.
mightyfp
The thirst is real
WigglyCherry
idontBelieveyou.gif
Counterfit
I've seen my cousin's phone last a half hour at 1%
north4
Savages!!
RoyalGuardian
At 8 in the morning too. Someone either works 3rd shift or was up all night studying. Can't tell which.
axionzetaone
Or forgot to plug in their phone overnight
DoctorJungyBrongen
Banging roommates isn't usually a good move but your choices don't affect me so I say go for it!
Itoobie
This is why I had to move out.... Her current boyfriend didn't like the past :p
ImNotAnOrange
i had a friend (28) who thought it was a good idea to start sleeping with her roommate (19), it was his first time not living with parents
Phinalize
Sounds like he got the good end of the deal
WilliamTShermansHorse
I agree with DoctorJungyBrongen. After all, they are a Doctor.
DoctorJungyBrongen
You're goddamn right
Shewy92
Usually married people fuck each other and they are technically roommates with each other as it they share a room.
DoctorJungyBrongen
What you say is true
TheRickyestRick
That proves the point
scnottaken
FateIsEscaped2002
AstronautChicken
Fuckin my roommate is how I became Mrs. 5.
scnottaken
You married to Johnny 5?
AstronautChicken
He has very long arms.
LateNightBunnyParty
I banged my roommate. We got married 6 days later. It'll be 14 years in May. ;)
schmonday
That is not a common story, but congratulations!
LateNightBunnyParty
I know it isn't, and we took a huge risk, but it's my favorite story. ;) Thanks!
DoctorJungyBrongen
Were you dating prior to banging and stuff? This story is interesting.
LateNightBunnyParty
Nope! We were best friends. Strictly platonic. He moved into my spare room after his apartment burned down. A few days later, we got to (1)
LateNightBunnyParty
(2) talking about life and relationships and stuff. He proposed, I said yeah, we tied the knot the following weekend. We have a 12 y/o (3)
LateNightBunnyParty
(3) biological kid and a 19 y/o adopted kid, and love life and each other more every day. (Awwwwwww!)
ninjanoel
I'm intrigued by "you live with someone you could be having sex with"
QuietScreaming
Literally the plot of New Girl
whoischrislewis
I’ve had sex with a roommate. Made for an awkward month or so after she expressed feelings and I wasn’t on the same page.
ZiegfeldDeVil
I, unintentionally, moved in with a couple that met AND started dating a month into the girl moving in. Mistake
ohheyimalex
It never works well.
awindingland
Rarely*
vincerevelmori1
One of my best friends hooked up with their roommate. They’re married and have a kid now
sunyudai
Eh, I've had opposite gendered roommates. It works if you treat them as roommates.
Justanothersubguy
I hooked up with my roommate for for about two months. It's been about eight weeks since we decided to stop, and it's only a little awkward.
okiedokeartichoke
I’ve lived in a house with a girl and 2 other guys. You get whatever roommates you can if you’re broke!
Steady
I'm a girl living with four other guys right now and trust me you learn quickly that you don't want to court with them. Big groups=big drama
m053486
I had mostly female roommates in college, at one point me and 5 ladies in a house. I was “House Dad,” and it was great.
RayMar1
Sexual tension?
m053486
Not really (at least on my end). For my bday, they went nuts with “Happy Birthday Dad” decorations.
m053486
That said, they did introduce me to their friends...for whom the “keep it platonic” restriction did not apply.
gregorclegane
Don't shit where you eat.
BTass
"That is why there are no restaurants called the bathroom."
qwirked
But I eat ass
lemmonjello
my man
mikeatike
For coworkers: don't put your meat where you get your bread.
zetzmemp
“Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”
Internetuser666
I love eating on the toilet
Me1iss0
Ween
Fancyfarmer
THIS. TRUTH
nonameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
True
RideTheStimutacs
This idiom doesn't really apply here since your apartment is literally where you shit and eat.
AwkwardKeming
makelthappen
Meh, it still applies because you're talking about sex not actually shitting and eating. Most ppl shit and eat at work too...
coachbBandit
And fuck
DevilDisowned
And fart
crushingbore
Unless you do it in a dumpster behind Wendy's.
bkkhk
At the same time.
fewe
Whatever floats your boat
TakeTheStairs
if your sexual encounters can be compared to shitting... then yeah maybe dont do that.
LolaSupershot
If shit is at all part of the equation when you have sex then definitely don't.
DrKriegersClone
I mean, gay dudes and any straight girls who do anal must have at least traces of it involved ...
LolaSupershot
No we enema first, so.. clean and tasty.
DrKriegersClone
So I saw the text before setting what it was a reply to. Terrified this was going to be about the post yesterday of the guy kept in jail 1/
OneBugIsFake
It's exactly how I met my wife. Answered her roommate ad on craigslist.
[deleted]
[deleted]
OneBugIsFake
Your dog deserves a better human than you.
PerryTheParameduck
Ryan?
OneBugIsFake
Spooky! How did you know my name wasn't Ryan?
KitKatandPete
That's how I met my boyfriend too! I like to tell people we met on Craigslist and see how freaked out they are haha
OneBugIsFake
I do the same thing! My wife hates it!
causality
I'm surprised there are women willing to be room mates with men they barely know.
OneBugIsFake
She was looking for a female roommate. I sent an email anyway.
KitKatandPete
I did and I knew I was either going get murdered and have my body parts sold on the black market or I was gonna make some life long friends!
popejubal
I'm surprised there are men willing to be roommates with men they barely know.
HorribleWifey
Either I get cheaper bills or murdered. I could take either one tbh
DrKriegersClone
Millennial?
HorribleWifey
No?
BananaForScaIe
Relevant username?
HorribleWifey
Accurate, but not relevant this time.
BananaForScaIe
Anyone you live with is someone you COULD have sex with.
berderking
DADDY, NO!
lCommentInMostlyGIFFormat
What kind of general statement is that. Anyone you DON'T live with is someone you COULD have sex with. See I can do it too.
BananaForScaIe
ALL ORGANISMS CAN REPRODUCE... Better?
fewe
Pff who needs that when you have
SatansFurryJamHats
A fact that my cat finds deeply unsettling.
DonteHaversham
ThailandExpress
Schadenfreuda
Was not expecting to see something like that today. +1
TheWetLustyArgonianMaid
A cat will do...
lCommentInMostlyGIFFormat
ghostanom
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/008/190/ren08.jpg?1250082251
frowardd
gross, dude
superatheist
I married my room mate.....tread carefully
Hyippy
Must've been a really nice place
Kitten0fDoom
Married mine 5 years ago, together 11. Maybe it doesn't always work but sometimes it does. We had a beautiful baby girl last year.
Myhusbandisbobthebuilder
Me too! Been together 8 years.
superatheist
Same....wait, honey?
Myhusbandisbobthebuilder
theycallmewillywonka
You're not Bob the builder
superatheist
I can fix that
CauseThisIsHowYouGetAnts
This wording makes me think you're from Australia and married a part of your house.
Mariondoe
I did not take it as that when i read it, though now i am, thanks
BananaForScaIe
It was a huntsman spider named Tom. He was very gentle.
superatheist
Haha I'm from Melbourne, married me dunny
IjustChangedMyNameToProveAPoint
This raises more questions than it answers
SuperNintendoChalrmers
It's actually pretty common. Often called a spouse. Sometimes significant other.
MarshawnLynch
If it's a spouse then you don't have sex
ff7cstrife
Hah next you're gonna tell me they own the house instead of rent
d1g1t4l3ntr0py
Or cell mate
photog
Sometimes a ghost..... what?
Boredasfuk
Hahahahaha this actually made me laugh. Underrated comment of the day!
Bluetastic
In some places, "sibling".
iknowitsnotbutter
AstroINTJ
Spouse?? I guess the operative word there is "could."
Rehoy
If both of them are still using tender during the relationship, I highly doubt it's a stable relationship
dmoore182
It's for friends only.
InfamousGerbil
Judgemental! Some people browse for fun, some people include others for fun. Just cause it’s not for you doesn’t mean it doesn’t work.
ikagawa
I know a couple couples that keep Tinder for laughs and have set their bio's to reflect their status.
manicmalki
I hate when my roommates get all unstable by refusing to date me.
MyNameisAngelaHeyHello
My partner and I use tinder, and are still stable. Because we are in an open relationship
thefinaldegree
Exactly, I'm also in an open relationship. There's more of us than I think people realise.
Rehoy
That's a whole other can of worms. Not everyone is in an open relationship.
shutyourpieholedouche
I think their point, other relationship types exisr outside the norm. I'm polyamourus my self.
gussbuss90
Theres no other way to pay for things but using legal tender though? I'll see myself out.
DeakVanNyke
no, get back. we need to ask you for your membership card, the gate chip .... and the buss pass. now get out.
AsianDwight
This pun is money! Money I tells ya!