dickblack12
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Also, I don't think it's much better to be a man, or easer. I think it's actually harder. But it is very different.
Dec 7, 2024 2:09 PM
dickblack12
57410
2038
223
Also, I don't think it's much better to be a man, or easer. I think it's actually harder. But it is very different.
IsTodayThursday
It would have been easier to stay living as a man, even though I was suicidally miserable. my life is objectively harder as a woman. The only difference is that I see a future for myself, and have a desire to beat that challenge. Despite all that is working against me - I am far happier and more myself than I have ever been. I like who I see in the mirror.
TheStealthHippopotamus
ewww you’re left handed?!
OozingRabbit
Nobody in my family and on my wife's side were surprised when my son came out as trans. He was very effeminate from a very young age; it's just who she is, always was.
GerbilHereReportingLiveFromRichardGeresAss
Damn, I wish people would understand things like this are not a choice. I guess it's really difficult to understand when you're cis and everything just fits from the start - the concept of inherently not being able to feel comfortable in your assigned gender is completely alien. We seriously need to educate people on how this works because for the most part folks just think it's some kind of a 'phase', kink, some kind of ideological brainwashing etc...
AnAverageBoxEnthusiast
as a tall person who’s always in pain. the world is made for small people and i need to hunch over for just about everything
flicman
Ya had us in the first half, I'm not gonna lie. Then that commentary. Whoops!
DefaOmega
?
SlutAtNight
I think the moral of the story, imho is that not being yourself is what’s the hardest
quaggie
Exactly this.
Bugdaze
Upvote and props to all you people. OP and all you commenters. Love to you all, from a cis male Boomer; yes we're out here and solidly on your side. Hope you have a Happy New Year. ♥️
grandopening
As a cisgender woman, I applaud those who could hide in a male body yet choose to openly live their truth. Being a woman is difficult. Being a transwoman is harder.
To all transmen, I applaud your audacity to live truthfully as well. You are not unseen.
hiiamluciole
(for later use, because i am not good with words.) and thank you for putting it so clearly.
Mumalot
yea!, this aint a CharacterCreator, we dont get to pick&choose anything about internal-selves.
WildKitty
I would think as well that it would be easier to present as a man. But I know that I think this way because as a non binary I don't understand what it feels like to be of any gender.
I only know that gender exists because I've seen trans people go through great lengths to make their body fit. Which proves that for them their gender is an always very present something.
nubblebun
Knowing how the world hates women, strips away our rights, demeans us, rapes us and murders us, if a trans woman really truly feels she is one of us, by God damn rights she's God damn one of us.
wwwendigo
As a hetero-cis-male, I do not understand anything about being trans. But I do not have to, in order to respect peoples' wishes. If someone wants to be adressed with a pronoun I would not "normaly" associate with that person, it does not hurt me to do so. if someone wants me to call him by a name that is not in that person's passport, why not. It's the most basic level of human decency.
c2zvgsVillain
I am what I am take it or leave it the choice is yours but don’t make your choice mine
TrumpRapesChildren
I could have lived the rest of my life masquerading as the man society wanted me to be but I wasn't happy.
miniatureBear
Idk about harder. Easy no, harder? Absolutely not. I think it’s ok to acknowledge there are issues with male culture or societal expectations without making it a contest.
That being said there are inherent systems in place that make many important things in life easier. Just like how being white isn’t a free ticket to winning, but there are advantages. As much as the vocal minority would have you think there are not
neithermenoryou
Yeah the difficulty is always based on the deviation from the norm, socially expected norms or otherwise.
If you're a dude whose interests and and wants in life fall in line with what society expects of you then you're going to have a really easy time. If you're women with those exact same interests and wants you're going to have a pretty bad time instead.
Similarly if you're white in a white-centric society, or if you're white in a non-white society, things change based on what society expects.
RiverShivers
I hope someday being trans won't be considered a choice, just like being gay isn't a choice.
rudejohn
I think the Venn diagram of assholes who think being trans is a choice has a lot of overlap with assholes who think being gay is a choice.
IHateApostrophes
I like the sentiment but I think the big wave of transphobic hate in this country right now, along with the (generally speaking) acceptance of gay people shows that this isn't the case. I think a lot of people think being gay isn't a choice but being trans is. Just from everything I've seen.
tzahtman
LEFT HANDED!?!?
Bacxaber
StellarJay77
How many times do we need to shout this before people understand? Trans people aren't choosing anything the same way you didn't choose your natural hair colour or your height. That is simply who people are and trans people are only trying to make their outside match how they feel on the inside as much as they are able to. It's EXACTLY the same if a man loses his hair and goes bald and does things to grow it back because being bald makes him depressed.
spookyactionatadistance
I can't wait for the day trans people are just left alone to exist and not have to defend themselves constantly and explain and educate and tolerate and forgive. Wouldn't it be nice to just be able to talk about other shit. I can't even start to imagine how heavy it might be.
arajad
It's not a matter of understanding: That LGBT people make a *choice* is the fundamental lie that conservatives *must* push in order to demonize them. If the right admit that being trans or gay is a matter of birth (medically documented since at least the 1950s), then all their "groomer" and "brainwashing" arguments fall apart; they have to admit you can't raise someone to be trans or gay.
CallMeTrix
Yup. None of my dumbfuck conservatives-in-law have any answer to "we can have hormone therapy to feel better, but you can't" arguments.
cenface
I accept and fully support, I can't say I understand, I want to, but the idea that if I woke up a man it would feel wrong to me is difficult to fathom, I think I'd just get on with it (genuinely and as I said not diminishing anyone else's thoughts, feelings, or lifestyle) kind of a bit sad that I don't feel any attachment to my identity do others feel this way? 🤷🏻♀️
Froggie243
Sounds like nonbinary might be a useful word to do some research and reflection on
sfrinlan
I do also feel this way as a cis man. I think it's more my ADHD than being non-binary or anything. I tend to also feel detached from my emotions as well, at least when compared to what I hear from neurotypical people. I've learned to just accept that people feel things more strongly than I do, one of those being their gender.
Ikwilstroopwaffels
Being a man sucks. It's why I stopped being one!
mymustachecallstheshots
As a cisgendered heterosexual white male I can honestly say there is no fucking reason in all of Heaven Earth and Hell for me to choose to be gay or different gender. I have all the privilege, anyone who comes out as gay trans or otherwise faces nothing but hardship and Uphill battles, you don't do that unless living the LIE is harder. You don't do that unless it's who you are.
mechscientist
....
I feel like the bottom text contradicts the second paragraph.
HeywouldJablowme
I think the fact that I'm left-handed as a straight white man gave me a very early understanding of what it felt like to be otherized. Outside the normal. Not one of us. And I couldn't be happier to not be one of them. Because them are fucking assholes.
iusedtodream
Them are the worst!
InternetAnonymityplz
Hey man, you remember that time when we decided as a society it wasn't cool to hate on people for immutable characteristics or to generalize large groups of people based on the worst actions of some members of that group? Yeah, good times.
mytruepersonality
We always talk about how trans women are feeling and never how transmen feel. Just how its suppose to be.
mytruepersonality
I do hope people got the joke on this one. How people care so much more about what women do and how society tries to control every aspect of women's lives. At the same time how men can do what they want in society without feeling like people are looking over their shoulder but also feeling invisible when they might need emotional help.
IHateApostrophes
This is actually something I've heard from trans men I've heard from. It's a bit shocking to go from relatively easy caring interactions with people to being entirely invisible to society, and even being viewed as a potential threat. That'll mess with you if you didn't grow up with it.
whenfirstiappeariseemmysterious
I'd be willing to say it messes with you a little even if you did grow up with it.
IHateApostrophes
Oh my God, yes we know. Straight cis white men have it hard, we know. That's SO not what we're talking about right now.
qyrriqat
beeeeeeerkaaaaa
So men are causing their own problem with regard to loneliness. Huh. Hope they get that worked out. As a woman, I'm not contributing to the solution.
qyrriqat
Quote from this:
"It's now blatantly clear to me that most cis men probably experience chronic emotional malnutrition. They're deprived of social connection just enough for it to seriously fuck with their psyches, but not enough for them to realize that it's happening and what’s causing it.
"It's like they're starving, but don't know this because they've always been served 3 meals...except those meals have never been big enough."
FinnStep19275
As a man, it is not harder. It is different. There are lots of ways men struggle, but society at large is patriarchal and that comes with many benifts. Just remember the fish doesn't know it's wet.
beeeeeeerkaaaaa
But the fish does know it's environment. Most men want recognition for all the achievements of men but won't take the blame for their short comings. So yea, no sympathy for getting all the advantages.
CallMeTrix
Lol, here it is, without fail. Yup, cis men have a difficult time, there is no arguing that. Everybody knows it, because the moment anybody has ANY issues at all one of you always rears up to remind the rest of us about the struggles of the cis male.
And it's even more hilarious that you're doing in on a post where 80%of the target audience already knows what you are talking about and doesn't need it mansplained yet again.
You don't always have to be the ultimate focal point.
beeeeeeerkaaaaa
Where is the whining about the loneliness epidemic that women should care about and fix? Where is the recognition of the danger males pose to women? Or recognition of how much the patriarchy benefits males? Or not all men? Personally I'm 4b. Decentering men works very well for me.
TheLoraxLovesTrees
I am uninformed. How does the patriarchy help men?
beeeeeeerkaaaaa
Really? Seriously? This ignorance is one way. Can't have all the advantages then act like it's not. Check your privilege my guy.
TheLoraxLovesTrees
Which advantage? I am really want to understand. You think being all righteous is helping your cause?
InternetAnonymityplz
I think maybe you missed OPs bonus comment about how men have it harder, to which this comment is clearly a reply. But hey, way to be a prick for no reason during a discussion of how hard life can be, good illustration.
RoutemasterFlash
The thing is, there is an almost unlimited number of ways in which things could be "harder."
So on one hand, yeah, women often passed over for promotion at work. On the other, they live longer.
RoutemasterFlash
Also, why does being a man allow you to say it's easier to be a man? If you've not been a woman too, how would you know?
beeeeeeerkaaaaa
Especially without men.
RoutemasterFlash
So you agree that this is an area in which women are privileged over men, yes?
beeeeeeerkaaaaa
How the fuck did you get that? Women opting out of relationships with men is privilege? Are you insinuating you're entitled to a woman in your life? Single Women are happier and live longer. That's not privilege, it's choice.
RoutemasterFlash
No, the fact that *women live longer than men*, full stop.
I mean, come on, it's not a complex idea, is it?
neithermenoryou
I really don't know if I would ever argue life as a woman is easier when in the US it's currently possible that an unwanted pregnancy is a potential death sentence depending on where you live.
Have you ever had to fight just to be taken serious in any field you're knowledgeable in? Do you have to take precautions when being outside as night, or deal with sexual harassment on the regular?
Men have it comparatively cushy in most areas of life that aren't emotions or social isolation.
dickblack12
I'm NOT choosing sides, but dismission emotion and social isolation is really glossing over something huge. Women generally don't have issues finding social/physical connection and a lot of men do. It it devastating.
neithermenoryou
I mean, I am a dude with a disability going through that whole ordeal right now and trying to get better, but I can confidently tell you most women around me still have it much worse in nearly every other aspect of life.
Just as much as it is incredibly hard on us to deal with social and emotional isolation so are the many ways women's emotions are ridiculed and it how emotionally taxing it is getting constantly dismissed as incompetent in basically every aspect of life.
Hell, thanks to my ADHD
neithermenoryou
I have a first row seat to getting that exact treatment myself since it's harder for me to access and convey my knowledge on demand. I get the same bullshit and gaslighting as many women do in the workplace and other areas because words escape or I stumble over my words because my thoughts get derailed. That is a special kind of hell well beyond my social and emotional isolation.
Do say nothing about all the other ways woman's freedom of expression are curtailed or how hard it is to get diagnose
Deshalope
"Women generally don't have issues finding social/physical connection.." What a weird thing to say.
FeWill
I think part of the difficult with empathy is that men's challenges don't look the same as women's, so if you ask 'do men experience X that women do' the answer might be no, but that doesn't mean men don't have their own different challenges.
I do have to take precautions being outside at night - mostly just planning what parts of a city to avoid on the way home - but at the same time, I'm not allowed to act like Im afraid, because that would be viewed negatively and socially punished.
neithermenoryou
Oh absolutely, all genders and sexes are getting it unlubricated unless they're born rich, but in general women get it worse in most aspects of life, beyond a few outliers.
And in the many areas where men have it worse the fault for that lies with men in most cases. The social isolation for us men gets mostly continued by us men, and it's up to all of us to change that.
Meanwhile most challenges women face are also the fault of men: rapes, domestic violence, murders, legislation, etc.
FeWill
The big 'outlier' that bothers me is health. Life expectancy, injury, illness. The vast majority of direct physical harm in my society falls on... working class men.
I'm not arguing that men have it 'worse' but I do feel that '(all) women have it worse' is both unproductive and more dogma than any clear statistical truth. Likewise, this idea that 'men' are a collective body responsible for the things you list feels like a gross generalization. I don't think 'men' is a coherent category.
neithermenoryou
I don't know dude, the statistics are pretty clear that 95% of homicide perpetrators are men, 87% of men that get raped are raped by other men, 95% of women that get raped are raped by men, domestic violence 95% men and so forth. Sure men are worked to the bone at work, but 80% or all business owners and CEOs are also men. A lot of our societal problems go back to capitalism and patriarchy but we men are also our own worst enemies. If we don't honestly recognize our problems how are we supposed
neithermenoryou
to solve them? If we don't recognize the underlying issues we're at best putting bandaids on and at worst make it worse for everyone. Am I responsible for capitalism as a man? Of course not. But the dudes at the top and myself do have fairly similar societal expectations for behaviors and as such the reason that guy is an abusive asshole and my own social isolation have very similar fundamental reasons. We both need therapy if nothing else, for example.
RoutemasterFlash
If you're going to talk about sexual harassment and rape, it's only fair to mention that men are far more likely to suffer non-sexual violence, up to and including murder.
neithermenoryou
And a large chunk of women die from their husband's abuse and 92% of all women have been sexually harassed or abused by the time they turn 21.
1 in 6 women in the US either survive an attempt to be raped or have been raped.
95% of all homicide perpetrators are also men, so it's very much a men's problem that that murder victim statistic is so high for men in the first place. And honestly kind of cheap to point to that when women's problems are pointed out.
Raise better men, fewer men murdered.
RoutemasterFlash
"Men mainly get murdered by other men" does not mean that being far more likely to be murdered is not a problem for men, does it? Black people are also far more likely to get murdered than white people, but they are overwhelmingly murdered by other black people. Does this mean it doesn't count as an aspect of racial inequality, because it's therefore a "black people's problem"?
madman434
Leftie here. Fuck can openers.
kranchan
Fellow leftie. I recommend a smooth edge opener similar to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOCAwhuR09o I've had one for like a decade and it is BY FAR the best one I've ever owned.
qyrriqat
That sounds like it would hurt, regardless of which hand you favor.
madman434
Don’t knock it til you try it;)
Wylf
Pretty much. Trans women want to be women for the same reason as cis women - because that just happens to be what we are. My life would be *significantly* easier if I were to spend it as a cis guy instead of going through all the trouble associated with being trans, but... I'm just not one.
PlanckEraWasMyBestEra
Same. I would much rather be cis. I don't actually like being trans. I don't want to be trans. It's very hard and that's even with very supportive family and friends. I cannot imagine how much harder it would be without that. I just want to be a dude. Just a guy. I want to have a dumb penis and balls that stick to my thigh and hurt when I sit wrong. But I wasn't born with those, so I'm trans. Not by choice, but because that's what I am.
loxiabun
🏳️⚧️💜
DrLOAC
Right but I think a not insignificant number of conservatives “know” that it is a decision to live externally how you feel you are internally.
That if enough physical and psychological abuse are applied you’ll make the correct “decision” and live in the closet. After all they made that decision so why shouldn’t you have to make the same one they did?
Darprice
And we love you just as you are!
Mairoa
I was deeply confused by the idea of being a woman even being on the list of not horrible things. But wasn't my business anyway, you do what's best for you.
Turns out I'm a trans dude and that's why the idea of being a woman registered as "hell" to me. I'm also a massive dumbass for the record
ArcaneM37
When I was young and first considering the concept of transgender, this was the logic that convinced me that it was a legitimate, in born thing. Why would a young man ever want to be a young woman in American society? "Because she is a woman" is the only explanation that makes sense.
imonEVERYTHING
I agree with all said, and with much respect can someone please tell wtf his stands for? Seems like it's an insult or a description
imonEVERYTHING
*cis
PlanckEraWasMyBestEra
Cis and trans come from the same base language. They are not new words at all. As the other commenter said, cis literally just means the opposite of trans. Not transgender, not transsexual, but trans itself. The same trans as in transatlantic, transcontinental, etc. So, the way words work, if you are not trans, you have to be cis. Because cis is the word we've used for hundreds (thousands? Can't remember if it's latin or not) for 'not trans'. Not an insult.
Wylf
It is latin, yeah. Gallia Cisalpina was the roman name for the part of Gaul that was on the Roman side of the alps, for example.
Wylf
Cis is short for cisgender and refers to a person whose gender identity aligns with their birth gender. It's the opposite of transgender.
FlatPlutoSociety
Yeah, we really have to get past framing being trans (or any other kind of queer for that matter) as a choice. We were finally getting away from the idea that being gay is a choice, but tons of people who correctly believe that sexual orientation is innate are still like "Why do these guys want to be women so badly?" when it comes to trans people.
Froggie243
And they can't get it through their thick skulls that for trans people being anything else than their chosen form is excruciating and unbearable
d3jake
If we moved past the framing of being trans is a choice, the right wouldn't have ammunition to marginalize and ridicule trans folks to their voter base. IMO, that's the only reason why the framing is perpetuated.
eggmuffin
That's true, but in a broader sense. Conservative politics, their whole approach to public discourse, is based on simplicity. Their perfect world is static, unchanging. A world of divinely ordained hierarchies of power and status.
For lack of that, they do their best to pretend.
Khanamana324
And it's the job of the police to maintain those hierarchies, most often through actions of mass terror.
darthnerdus6236
Making it a choice means queer people are corrupting children. Protecting children is a very convenient excuse to hate queer people. Cherry pick a couple Bible verses and Conservatives have it all wrapped up in a neat little package.
d3jake
Exactly.
MeMonty
They also can't remember a time they interacted with one nor are able to articulate how they are so personally affected by the simple fact of trans's mere existences.
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FlatPlutoSociety
This is the biggest thing. Cis gay people began to be accepted pretty broadly once enough people were out of the closet that your average person knows a gay person or two and everyone realized that they're just regular people. Trans people haven't yet reached that critical mass where they're not just an issue from the news for most people, and the media (including supposedly "left" rags like the NYT) fucking hates trans people.
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FlatPlutoSociety
Do you need to have something explained?
thebonesofmyancestors
Lot of fucking incels in these comments.
RoutemasterFlash
Would you care to explain that?
thebonesofmyancestors
Certainly. A bunch of people complaining about how it's harder to be a man in these comments. Only one type of person should complain about that. Trans folks who identify as a woman. It completely and totally ignores the reality of how we live in a patriarchal society where women are STILL not treated as equals. Where violence against women is a massive problem. Where women still have to fight to get recognized when they are raped or sexually assaulted. Where they make less money. And on and on.
thebonesofmyancestors
Not to mention a favorite past time of incels is to complain about how women have all the power, because they get to decide if they have sex with someone. It's so utterly gross and ridiculous that it barely deserves an explanation.
RoutemasterFlash
Isn't violence against men a massive problem? Men account for the vast majority of murder victims.
Men live less long, and are far more likely to be incarcerated, addicted or homeless. They account for 95% of fatal workplace accidents.
I can assure you I am not an "incel." I'm just not willing to sign up to this doctrine that men are advantaged over women in every respect when the bare facts of life show that this is not the case.
beeeeeeerkaaaaa
Men are victims of men. Clean up your house and do better.
RoutemasterFlash
Now apply this argument to black-on-black violence and see how progressive it sounds.
Alientongue
Lmfao this is exactly what they are talking about. You are hyper focusing on the word 'every' for some insecure reason. They dont literally mean every single possible outcome that will ever happen to everyone.. i shouldnt have to point this out to you.
Whens the last time you thought about the saftey of your drink when you went to the bathroom?
How many times have you had to walk up to a random house and pretend to be home because some creep couldnt handle being rejected?
RoutemasterFlash
I'm not downplaying any of the issues that specifically affect women, if that's what you think. I'm saying there are also issues that specifically affect men, which you're apparently keen to ignore or dismiss. And the sentiment that men in general have easier and more pleasant lives than women cannot explain why men are three or four times more likely to kill themselves.
Alientongue
Women are litterally being told your body my choice at them and your here going "well no not EVERY scenario have men winning what about blah" like wtf dude.
Let me guess you also had a every life matters sign aswell?
thebonesofmyancestors
Nope. Not having this ridiculous argument with you. Go live almost anywhere in the world outside of western Europe or the U.S. and live as woman for a few years. Then get back to me.
RoutemasterFlash
I think I just heard the sound of some goalposts being moved, lol.