My confession.

I know you are probably tired to see posts like this. I’m a lurker since 2014 I think. Probably my second post ever. Not even sure why I'm writing this. Just need to tell someone. I’m living with depression since I was 17 or 18 years old. Between 20 to 30 was really hard mentally. I was playing video games to try escaping reality.

I'm 38 now, been on medication for the last 5 or 6 years. Made a big burn out at 32. I was too proud to go search for help. Trying to keep on track with the family, but I have almost no patience. Someday, everything seem to be a mountain to climb. At least, the medication help me a lot.

Father of two, 4 and 7.

My boy was intolerant to lactose and bovine protein, he was crying 24/7 the first 10 to 12 month of his life. We tried everything to help him feel better. Lot of consultation at the hospital but no real diagnose. He was always on us. I think we don't slept during all that time. My wife and I where making shift with him. I was working the day. The night I was walking with him in the baby carrier. I was so tired. Then time past, he start doing better. So we were happier. Finally, the doctoc say he have irritable bowel and he his intolerant to lactose and bovine protein.

Two years ago, we received a bad new. My little princess, have been diagnose with a Low-grade gliomas. Low-grade gliomas are cancerous brain tumors that arise from the support cells (glial cells) within the brain. They are similar to glioblastomas, but are slow growing, and only make up 20 percent of all primary brain tumors. This hit me really hard. My wife try to support me, but I know I’m difficult to deal with sometimes. When we go to MRI scan, my depression hit really hard. But I'm always trying to stay strong for my family.

Having project seem to help me, setting goal to reach make my day sometime better. One of my goal is to learn to edit video with Davinci, my daughter always talking about how she want to make video. I feel she a little bit too young (7) but we will probably do our first project together soon. We don’t let our kids watch TV screen for a long period of time.

For now, I start practicing my edit skill to be better when we will start. So to encourage myself, I decide to post my video online. My video talk about my top 10 quotes in movie. Having them online help me realise that I’m able to do something’s. I don’t feel useless. I will be there for my daughter and his project. This help me change my mind when I really need it and to stay positve even when it easier to see all the negative.

The video games was giving me that before. I use to play video game a lot, but I don’t like that anymore. The games seem all boring to me.

Will see my doctor next week, will probably adjust my medication. Just a bad time to past. Stay strong.

Thanks Imgur for all!

Sorry for my bad English. My second language.