BoNovikov
65891
2788
121
Mar 28, 2017 4:32 PM
BoNovikov
65891
2788
121
Shewy92
If I go to a store looking for something and can't find it I always just buy something random so it doesn't look like I'm stealing
TheButterflyOutsideTheWindow
Everytime i wake up in the morning to brush my teeth i fear i may accidentally pick up the razor
FjuriBirdLeaf
IndigoR
I read deep dark fear every time
oceansapart
Because of Friends, I jump away when I drop a knife. No cut off toes for me.
PhoenixQueenAzula
#10 I wish that would happen to me
inkpod
I don't stand near cliffs because I'm afraid I'll forget that I'm standing near a cliff.
gimpycat
I worry about accidentally jumping off.
kaszimera
I irrationally fear that when I get my blood pressure taken, my arm will pop off and fly around the room...I cant watch it taken cause of it
greatbrono7
I prefer using my feet to hold doors open for people because I'm worried about my fingers getting caught in the crease and brutally crushed
Starkregen
We all could be nothing but brains living in a jar. Damn u simulation theory
Imgonnatipyouwell
Might not even be brains.
BugEyedLemur
That brain was pretty fucked up to do to someone. Also, mine is opening a door and getting my toe caught in it and ripping my toenail off.
gimpycat
Dude, same. I rarely ever wear open-toed shoes because I get too distracted being careful.
ElinborgTheViking
I can say from experience that's a legit fear to have
xRicharmanderx
I wish someone was in my bed when I got back from the bathroom... :(
Somanyquestions
I saw a "medical" post about sleeping on the left/right side. It turned into a big religious debate because apparently Muhammed mentioned it
LordBlackbeardIII
Deep dark fears
Plusonefortheroad
Some of these are pretty good. I'll upvote, but mostly because I like the size of the dump. Not too little, not too much.
Adderkop
I had a fear that when my feet was sticking out over my bed someone would poke through one of my toes with a needle.
secretoaster
You have less heart burn if you sleep on your left side
ProfileBanned
Actually, sleeping on your left side gives you more health benifits than the right. Stops acid reflux, helps air flow, and heart pumping too
LadyCottonHead
Whenever I feel sick, or am too full, I always remember to lie on the left. I can't remember why, or if it helps, but it does seem to.
ProfileBanned
It aligns the stomach a bit more, that's probably why
Serrahfina
Source?
ProfileBanned
http://lifespa.com/amazing-benefits-of-sleeping-on-your-left-side/
TheZabadabadoo
Whenever I go for a walk, I always make sure my feet don't cross an imaginary line formed by a 45 degree angle by tiles or sidewalks.
IcyLucario
..I can't seem to picture what you mean.
TheZabadabadoo
Imagine you're walking on a sidewalk with 3x3 slabs of concrete. The square forms two lines running diagonally through the corners.
Nutinbutbootson
There are dozens of us!!
incubusiness
YOU TOO?
TheZabadabadoo
Ayyy
incubusiness
The invisible laser line of death emanates from those angles.
dolphindreamsandsatan
Hence the expression: Never try and catch a falling knife...
dell1862
Mine are so dull it wouldn't matter if I caught them with my hand. I should probably get around to learning how to sharpen those things.
dolphindreamsandsatan
get a whetstone and start practicing with the crummiest quality one you have... I promise you, it wont be long until you have learned!
AtrumMessor
Can confirm. Didn't lose fingers, but have some pretty gnarly scarring from catching a dropped machete.
QSlade
A falling knife has no handle
gimpycat
You should write fortune cookies.
QSlade
That's my side hustle
Woodncookies
A fellow chef, I see.
QSlade
Close! Edged weapons instructor.
GifAsInGiraffe
jugglers disagree
TheGodsMustBeCrazy
Neither does a hair straightener, I learned.
ClockWork2011
Thanks for giving me fears I never thought I had.
DEP061
i had a dream the other night that i brushed my teeth with a razor - not fun at all
BobDresden
This is one of my deep, dark fears.
sulsulll
My drunk friend was about to do that once until I stopped her.
lindisty0110
Oh, wow, thanks for the new addition to terrible things not to think about before falling asleep...
Eikichi
i had one where all my teeth were rotten, and i kept spitting dozens of them, a quite pleasant one !
Wxzaaz
Actually something that dementia patients have to worry about... scary crap
Retrikaethan
ShamIdonteveneatrealfood
Can also confirm that I have bit a hole in my cheek before.
CudMuffin
I only realized how bad it was when I saw blood on my sandwich bread
CEOofStarkIndustries
I want to see it!
Cummadumpster
Doesn't the dentist advise not to eat for a few hours after?
OPGotDatSack
Can confirm "ate" the inside of my lower lip in 4th grade after tons of numbing. Mouth turned fucking big n blue
KittenAddiction
me too, but it was on purpose because it felt "cool" and "spongey" til the meds wore off!
OPGotDatSack
Same!! "What did you do?!" "Fell off my bike...". Got roasted as fuck for a long time for that lip.
LadyCottonHead
Aaargh. Your comment made me shudder.
spookymelissa
I bite my cheek even when my face isn't numb, like wtf teeth calm down
nickydlax
Just...don't eat when your face is numb. They even tell you not to. Did you think they were pranking you or something?
TheOfficialBuzzKillington
I'm Ashton and you've been punkd
TheDonaIdTrump
Mine tell me its fine to eat right after. And it lasts like 5 hours and Im a hungry girl so
Mangron
This is why when I was hungry and my mouth was numb my mum would make soup, then feed me it.
Retrikaethan
i was a child, i was stupid. i don't think i was eating, though...
DisBean
I run up the stairs at night. I also will jump into bed. I'm 33.
Traygibby
Thats how youve survived all these years. The monsters and killers cant get you when youre under a blanket
BANANAFLAKE
Sounds like the life of someone who has something to live for. When you give up hope, you stop running. :D
PinkJellyBeanToes
I go into my basement so infrequently that there could be a family living down there and I wouldn't know it.
thecrazyengineer
Age is just a number.. Paranoia is real
TheDuke0fHazzard
Why is it that we all have this innate fear of whatever is in the basement? I couldn't go down there alone til I was 11 or so
sockmarks
My fear of the basement came specifically from an episode of The X-Files. It was a mermaid monkey thing?
LadyCottonHead
Underground isn't a good place to be as a human. We have terrible eyesight, and no defense mechanisms for it.
fooexmachina
I did that until well into my 30's also, but for some reason once I bought my own house the compulsion stopped, even when I lived alone.
somecallmetimmmmkay
I run up the stairs too, I'm 29...but b/c my siblings would grab one of my legs when I was a kid and they were behind me, it's training
MysteriousLeigh
Oh good, I thought I was the only one who still did that as an 'adult'.
Tinylittlebears
I do that when I use the bathroom at night after I flush I run to my bed like sound of the loud flushing will wake up all the monsters
DisBean
Ya.. just don't look in the mirror until the lights are on!
DisBean
Ya.. just don't look in the mirror until the lights are on!
Tinylittlebears
Yeah, oh hell no mirrors in the dark freak me out I'm always afraid I'm going to move but my reflection isn't!
DisBean
Bloody Mary
depressingcomments
Why not just use your phone as a light?
iWipeMyAssStandingUpHowAboutYou
I have gotten to the stage where i leave my feet dangling of the bed, monsters don't go for easy prey.
DisBean
Monsters don't believe in evolution?
iWipeMyAssStandingUpHowAboutYou
They do but they like a challenge. Easy prey like me is considered fast food and is frowned upon by the other monsters.
iWipeMyAssStandingUpHowAboutYou
Thus to be able to hang out with the fit monsters, my particular monster would rather chow on other people in my house than to eat me.
iWipeMyAssStandingUpHowAboutYou
makes no sense you say? well go talk to your monster and he'll tell you the same thing.
DisBean
So they believe in survival of the fittest, but from their perspective.
DisBean
You are like bologna and covered feet are prime rib
MarylandViking
I'm 6'1", 220lbs. I jumped into my bed once, and now my bed is a mattress on the floor.
DisBean
How very Machiavellian.
MarylandViking
Fat Machiavellian is the best Machiavelli
WibbleWibble
#1 Just don't go there. #3 Children are never as clever as their parents think they are.#8 is a possibility.#11 Sleep on the left for health
KrustyPartiallyGelatinatedNonDairyGumBasedBeverage
Sleep on the left for health?
WibbleWibble
A matter of choice s'ppose. http://theheartysoul.com/sleep-left-side-acid-reflux/
BunterTheMage
Sleeping on your left helps digestion overnight, sleeping on your right helps blood flow, iirc
FullMetalBitch
I think my kid is a moron, what does that mean?
WibbleWibble
A lobotomy would improve matters?
FullMetalBitch
Probably
FortressOfInsanity
Hmmm
Pyrolillycherry
...says FortressOfInsanity
DaveFondale
wenchtastic
thanks, captain obvious!
gecko08
My deep dark fear. anesthesia only prevents you from remembering the pain after any surgery, not from experiencing it in the moment.
ChristYarmolyu
Have you ever had anesthesia for dentist work? They inject you while awake and you can feel the feeling going away, while still awake
aPrideofLions
What is that from? Because I am not going to search 'bearded man regrets coming' at my workplace.
FortressOfInsanity
This is Captain Obvious and he's the mascot for Hotels.com
aPrideofLions
Ta +1 4 u
CanadianFurr
Wait, that's him?! I always wondered what he looked like!
BoNovikov
MagnusTheRedCyclops
WeenusMaGee
I need an adult
SpiritSauceArtwork
I unfortunately am NOT an adult
Radix865
You're definitely at the wrong place then.
whydoidothisallday
Whenever I am in a store and I reach into my pockets I twist my hands to show the cameras that I'm not stealing anything. I'm 28
fightfightfightlosewinfight
That's not weird, you're like a casino dealer.
whydoidothisallday
It's that exact hand movement?
gillworms
I did the same just the other day; at the grocery store looking at spices, check that my keys are still in my pocket... tiny jazzhands.
gimpycat
Oh yeah, I exaggerate anything going into or out of the purse, to make sure the cameras see I'm not stealing.
HolyHellJezebel
I am really obvious about getting a mint or gum out of my purse and I am 42
IfYouSuckThenSuckMeHard
Are you black?
whydoidothisallday
I'm white, which makes it even more absurd!
Neoflox
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/2013/06/I-dont-believe-you.gif
whydoidothisallday
You don't believe me that I'm white? I mountain bike, hike, and live in Colorado. Basically the whitest