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Titanoboa cerrejonensis
Titanoboa cerrejonensis, the largest, longest, and heaviest snake ever discovered.
Titanoboa had a total length of around 12.8 m (42 ft) and weighed about 1,135 kg (2,500 lb; 1.1 long tons).
Titanoboa had a total length of around 12.8 m (42 ft) and weighed about 1,135 kg (2,500 lb; 1.1 long tons).
lived approximately 60–58 million years ago
ImakeEverythingAwkward
My Titanaboa don't
ElCabron
Banana for scale?
WalabyX
It's venom is one of the few substances known to be able to destroy horcruxes.
yeekee
Why does this turn me on? Oh yeah, vore.
GoDDstopper
That's a a huge Fuck that
JonMing
Jormungandr
MadSkittles
Ah, a 42 ft nope weighing in at 2500 nopes. Refreshing.
erickson
LeeroyTheBird
Great movie. Classic.
FirefighterExtraordinaire
OP's mom is credited with the discovery.....and she never went back
coldroses
You can't tell me that's NOT a basilisk
aCartographer
I think I speak for the rest of the world: thank you so much for the metric measurements!
ChefBreadstick
Quick! Bring me Tom Riddle's diary!
MaximumZero
I fought one of those once, many years ago, armed with nothing but a yo-yo in my left hand and a torch in my right.
blacksheep3588
Startropics!!!
MaximumZero
Do-mi-so-fa-do-mi, still engraved into my brain right next to 1492 and 747. (Hidden next to 007-373-5963, of course.)
melobeyoilongtime
95% sure that's a basilisk
crashmcleroy
Thank God I bought that Sword of Gryffindor replica
timidtimeturner
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE
PowayMermaid
*Basilisk
Kirktacular6
SSSSSssssnap! yeah sorry, i'll see myself out.
liranbromberg
I think I speak for all of us when I say: fucking nope
HypersonicHarpist
I thought it would be fun to design the exhibit for this. I'd have it just look like a statue but put in some animatronics 1/2
HypersonicHarpist
and then for the first few days everyone thinks it's just a statue but then have it move and freak people out 2/2
Kitska
I think I'd prefer a giant-ass snake that I could easily detect an avoid. Better than stumbling over a nicely camouflaged little rattler.
PeteStepan22
We should take Planet Earth and push it somewhere else!
keyoke
If the biologist who named it had been 20 years younger, it would be Titanoboa slytherin.
BadW01f
My anaconda don't
GrandMasterFunk
That's interesting but how long was it and how much did it weigh?
kcpupcs
i came back to upvote you
MuffinOverlord
OMG GrandMasterFunk, you can't just ask someone how much it weighed
docsage
Goggalore
Titanoboa had a total length of around 12.8 m (42 ft) and weighed about 1,135 kg (2,500 lb; 1.1 long tons).
IAmJakeFromStateFarmAndIWearKhakis
You're a long tons
soxandthecity
Laughed out loud. Twice.
sirkickass77
So this https://monsterlegacy.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/basiliskfullroar.jpeg was real at one point?
cerastes
HP basilisk was more of a legless lizard than a snake. Too many eyelids to be a snake.
Myothercarisanxwing
Anyone else pissed by the in accuracy of that drawing?
INameMyPetsAfterRedvsBlueCharacters
thank you.
aCartographer
Maybe the poor worm had back issues and couldn't straighten itself, and it was decided to measure length only on one axis. Maybe.
teabiskuit
Yes. That is not how you measure length.
Goggalore
So you're telling me that the Chamber of Secrets is real.
RonsOfSwanson
like the snake for RE:1
HogwartsAlumnus
Can confirm
admiralawesome4213
http://t.qkme.me/65pa.jpg
idrivemycouch
Yes wizards are real.
lethaldeathmittens
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPENED
VLVanZ
ENEMIES OF THE HEIR...BEWARE
Razha17
i love you
Goggalore
I love you too.
JasonWelcome
basiliskically...yes
JayStray
Found one a dem in my corn field last week yes ah did mmhhmm
belackryse
Well it has been on tv, so of course it's real!
shakespeareanwheelies
So you're saying this is actually a basilisk?
Anthraxious
Yes he told you,... like 3 times.
zt2211
asdfghjklx
I scrolled down for Harry Potter references and I was not disappointed.
RerunAway
Enemies of the heir beware.
bojangles2123
You need more upvotes for this
TheSadMummy
But I'm asthmatic, does that make the air my enemy?
stfupotter
You'll be next, mudblood
Frogapus
http://imgur.com/xG8RE9D
ThatGuyWhoDownvotesFrontPageEditsAndDickbuttAndRepostStatistics
Enemies of my hair? But my coif has no natural predators!
MyPatronusIsVernonDursley
WhenInDoubtC4
With that patronus, even the Dark Lord would soil his pants. Too bad Harry took that sight from us...
MyPatronusIsVernonDursley
I like to imagine him trying his hardest not to be conjured because he doesn't want anything to to with that hocus pocus rubbish
ImASexyUnicorn
omg your username. +1
MyPatronusIsVernonDursley
Omg YOUR username! +1
KristyJackson
Awe.. I cried when I found out he died
MyPatronusIsVernonDursley
He can still be seen, fuming from the tip of my wand
Evyreid
http://imgur.com/Y33e4MZ
ginangu
I can't read it...
Evyreid
The chamber of secrets has been opened. Enemies of the heir beware.
HannahAbbott
:'(
hermionejeangrangerweasley
Hannah you need to use your mirror to peek around corners so you don't look into the snakes eyes... Hi Penelope!...
Horseinakitchen
I found the Hufflepuff
ImASexyUnicorn
That's a basilisk
AUsernameNotTaken
Bitch, that is fucking Jormungandr right there.
SomebodyStoleMyCarRadio
Damn it, you beat me to it lol
itsimijurnotimgurr
Welp, time to brush up on my parseltongue...
mordaedil
No, this is: http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090505041042/forgottenrealms/images/d/dc/Basilisk_-_Scott_Fischer.jpg
MakingUpAUsernameIsTerrifying
But is there enough venom in its fangs to destroy a horcrux?
lawrus
*poison
TossABabyYodaToYourWitcher
*venom
HonorableChiefEsquire
And it's not about the amount of venom either...
LeeroyTheBird
Thank you
Magpiebones
Boas don't have venom, only hugs.
SendMeUrDD214s
Does it have enough hugs to destroy a horcrux then?
lulwot
It has enough hugs to turn every bone in your body into a mushy pulp... what's the horcrux made of?
Magpiebones
We will never know, poor thing is extinct. :( Maybe if they are hugs of friendship and love.
cleverlydisguised
found a new nickname for my penis
KidneyBeene
Snake Johnson?
Nickel9
MY TITANOBOA DON'T WANT NONE
TheRicM
UNLESS YOU GOT TONS, HUN
KillingTheJoke1
On opposite day?
crossturtle
Perhaps inch worm would be more fitting
shakespeareanwheelies
Monster snake?
AmandaJade01
Might just be a little uncomfortable in your pants
whulfy
Titanobore
WilhelmvonSchlapphand
We know you should really name it after this snake. http://srelherp.uga.edu/snakes/pics/caramo2.jpg
01111001
Aww, it's so cute. (That's what she said.)
DarkUranium
Escueleto
Must be tough carrying a titanoboa in your pants every day
dustySoda
Well it's been dead for 60 million years, it's lighter.
Snooj
Mine is called Palmdancer.
fuzzywuzzywasabear
Or tiny dancer.
Snooj
You can't just go right for the obvious joke. You have to make your audience ponder.
bsmack44
IMine is nicknamed tinyhippo. For a while ain't no one fucked with him
SomebodyStoleMyCarRadio
You can even call it Tit for short!
jitspoe
Or just call it short.
GimlisaurusRex
"Sixty million years old"?
CavemanFromTheFuture
Maybe it's Brady MacDonald.
TheLittleBear
Aww! you should have went with "has been dead for sixty million years"
becouse
eREKTile dysfunction
peppersherman
That's quite the tongue-twister
PixelSticks0
Imagine if that thing was still alive today.
TheSwedishMoose
https://youtu.be/75aGG27dGUA
TheWorstComment
Can't because we wouldn't be alive
HarryDresdenIsMySpiritAnimal
Have you not seen Anaconda? ?
IAmStanleyHudson
And if it was fast.
doverhavens
No thank you
Warmblood
What would it eat, elephants?
DawnofAzazel
There are reticulated pythons in Indonesia that reportedly grow to that length or longer although they lack the girth of this snake.
MattyBeFiya
bologna
cerastes
30 feet or so is the longest rumored but 25 is confirmed. I wish my 9 foot female would grow to 40 feet though.
DawnofAzazel
http://www.nbcnews.com/id/3845750/ns/world_news/t/-foot-python-captured-indonesia/
cerastes
That's horse shit. It was never confirmed. The python in the picture is nowhere near 49 ft. Problem is they can't measure in a straight 1/2
cerastes
line so end up adding excess length by estimating curves. Happens frequently when measuring snakes.
Techneck
If it was, and was going extinct, would we even try to save it?
SeriousSeamstress
I betting we would be trying to protect from poachers. Think of the nice snake skin you could get out of it.
cerastes
Something would have to keep the 20 foot long crocodilians in check, so yes.
Techneck
true dat.
YoungSloshee
The patron deity of Australia.
TheLordLucifersBannedAccount02
The Serpent.
BrightStarEm
I didn't mean to but I read this in an Australian accent. :)
echokitten
I laughed a little harder than I should have at your comment. :-D
GiveMeBeerOrGiveMeDeath
And of all things massive and scary
KNIVESY
It's Colombian, thankyouverymuch.
lulwot
Does australia even have constrictors? I thought they just had a ton of venomous cunts.
JonSnowForKing
you mean frank, yeah he's cool, gotta keep an eye on him or he'll steal your beers though.
Infinitum
You laugh, but the Aborigines believed a giant Rainbow Serpent was a creator god http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rainbow_Serpent
TheLordLucifersBannedAccount02
I laugh at that too.
abske
+1 awareness
TheLittleBear
The biggest snakes in the world aren't even from Australia...
zhukoz
Nope but the top most venomous land ones are http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dangerous_snakes#Most_venomous
cerastes
But Australia, LOL! It's original and funny, get it? Because dangerous stuff and Steve Irwin and nope nope.
TheLittleBear
It's like my brain is that tree and you re those little cookie elves...
Dunes8
Let me see about that...
TheLittleBear
I'll save your the trip, anaconda, from south america.
JustABitCrzy
But the most poisonous are. So we got that going for us :) or against us.....
TheRealDurdan
They actually work with us, they are our friends..
turbulentlizard
Venomous...
JustABitCrzy
Oh yeah sorry my bad