isthatpeterfuckingframpton
433709
7552
497
It begins...
So, a little backstory:
Messing around on Tinder for a bit of distraction during a crazy stretch at work. Match with this woman. Texted a little bit. Probably should've seen a few red flags (e.g., sending a 7:00 a.m. chasing text the next day because hers was the last message in the text chain from the night before, and I hadn't yet responded), but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt--particularly over text, as things can come across in ways other than as intended.
Anyway, we make plans to meet up for an afternoon drink over the weekend. Had a little walk through the local park, a couple of pints at a nearby pub, nice conversation, etc. (Again, probably should've picked up on a few signs, but she was clearly a bit nervous and--again--benefit of the doubt. And we had a nice talk and a nice time.) A quick goodbye kiss on the sidewalk at the end, but nothing more.
She started texting afterwards, and--apparently--wasn't pleased with the speed of some of my responses. (Was a busy weekend.) After a couple of further chasing texts--the last one of which was pretty snarky--it was clear to me that this wasn't going to work. (Insecurity, for me, is THE deal-breaker.) But we'd had a nice time, and she seemed like a nice woman, so I decided to send her a message explaining that I didn't think it was going to work and wishing her the best.
The next morning, I woke up to this absolutely epic text rant. I'm not a big online sharer, but this was enough to jolt me out of my years of lurkerhood. I knew you guys would appreciate the legendary craziness. Enjoy...
The next night, she's back at it...
shipoopy
As crazy as she seems.. OP, you've clearly deleted some messages that seemed to have riled her up further. C'mon man! Give us both sides!!
PaiforEva
What the actual fuck???
HalfJudPrince
I think you DENNIS-ed her on accident....
foreveunknown
I want to see the date outfit to see if you did look like mark zuckerberg and Clark griswold's love child
EGOT
I don't care enough about you to read all of that.
MersaultX
Damn, OP. Did you go on a date with Gordon Gekko's daughter? Brutal market analysis.
Rc58
It seems like she references a different text than "Wow, classy". Hard to tell if OP deleted one or not
BondageBurrito
shes crazy, but all girls have at least a tiny tiny bit of insecurity, so you may never find someone if that's a deal breaker..
ianrj
In all seriousness though that Zuckerberg line made me crack the fuck up.
jeffreybaratheon
"No high quality girl will settle for one text a week"? We have dramatically different standards of what constitutes high quality.
FilthyNastyHobbitses
To be fair, one text a week when first dating somebody is a bit low, especially if one person is ignoring the other. Then again, that's a-
FilthyNastyHobbitses
-clear sign that other person isn't interested.
ICallItTwinJets
just call them
eigenburg
Haha I dunno. She seems well articulated for normal crazy. And I find that insecure people are the ones who notice/care about follow
sandman5710
I agree. People that are that bothered about "chase texts" need to get over themselves. Granted, the rest of that shit was over the top.
eigenburg
Texting. But then again, I know nothing
Ewokwithastickgif
I can't believe you would just post my texts like that!
FunctioningWorkaholic
Nice try.
Ewokwithastickgif
Nice try? Do you think I'm actually trying to convince people these are mine?
nogoat23
Subscribe her to cat facts.
TheFlyingHellfish
Steve Hofstetter's email list is worse.
CatAteMyDogma
Yes!!
iSAIDgoodDaYYsir
This made me chuckle
rtjeff32
I LOL'd
CursedWing
This.
Ifindbutterfliesabsolutelyterrifying
One more date and she would have burned down your house
DrivingTheBus
Does OP have any small pets and/or large stock pots?
AdoIfHitIer
Don't count your chickens before they hatch.
desgax
...with the lemons!
darksamus
TL;DR
Resitas
Something about him only wanting sex but then a long rant about how he is too busy to have sex
darksamus
Thanks. You the best
Resitas
No worries mate.
FearsomeFoursome
he should have replied with that. It was long and her writing was terrible
fantaboobs
Hope it's not going to be a daily occurrence for you OP, Congrats on the bullet dodging!
ATimeTravellingRobotFromTheFuture
I hope it IS! This is some hilarious/terrifying stuff!
aprilillana
He should have blocked her number after the first rambling nonsensical tangent! It's just a tap-tappity away on an iphone.
dagg3r
It looks like OP deleted texts. Or is it just me
FishingForConversation
No, that's the level of crazy he was dealing with.
dastardlydancer44
That was my initial thought. Especially towards the end.
dagg3r
Her messages actually sound like their proper responses to a guy being a total douche.
Persephone7
Agreed!
audcam
Also saying she replied to the last message half asleep, when he apparently hadn't texted her anything but "wow classy."
FoxyEllie
Not texting because you're busy = douchebag behavior. Gotcha.
Lucallia
What really got me was the "no high quality girl would dignify herself with 1 txt a week." TIL that how many txt messages I expect to
Lucallia
receive from my SO is correlative to my quality as a woman. bAnd from this standard i conclude my quality is 0. I hate texting.
LadyTashviv
although this was waaay early and she's wicked crazy, IF you're into someone enough, you make time. She was just ahead of appropriateness.
CatAteMyDogma
Or sleeping, 'cause only douchebags sleep
Bhargo
it's more she is an attention whore who needs everyone to build their life around her, it's insulting to these people to do otherwise
TheGingerBeardedBiologist
What's wrong with windbreakers and checkered shirts?
SilentButSexy
They make you look like the love child of Mark Zuckerberg and Clark Griswold. Are you not paying attention?
AdoIfHitIer
They attract girls like these?
TheGingerBeardedBiologist
But she said she disliked the combination?
BigDumbJew
Thank you!! So much of her reply was enjoyable but that part filled me with self doubt!! A nice Oxford and windbreaker seems awesome.
thatwilldopig
I guess I'm not up on men's fashion when it comes to jackets, but when I think windbreaker, I think early 90s, elastic waist, ugly.
Cuntortionist
https://www.jcrew.com/mens_category/outerwear/jcrewingoodcompany/PRDOVR~61229/61229.jsp
6footdildo
that looks a bit schleppy
Cuntortionist
As opposed to 90's colorful?
thatwilldopig
Ok, well that's not terrible. Probs a little casual for a nice striped oxford shirt, but not a crime against fashion.
minuteye
Your one mistake was the "Wow. Classy." text. Any response at all is just going to unleash a new wave of rage-texting. Just walk away.
CanWeTalkAboutThis
Don't agree. He sent her a thoughtful msg ending it. Then she responds with insults. He didn't even further this (maybe). She'll learn...
CanWeTalkAboutThis
Maybe she'll learn from the "wow, classy". As a female, these comments put things into perspective for me.
minuteye
Maybe she'll learn, probably not. But nothing positive will come from reacting to her, and there's a real risk it'll escalate things.
CanWeTalkAboutThis
Well, it's already escalated. You're right. Don't engage.
Glumerlink
Uh guys, in the last image she references a message read half asleep, I think OP deleted a few of his messages to make her look crazier
doverhavens
I think she's referring to his original message at the beginning.
Glumerlink
but how do we know? This feels too one-sided, no one is this calm when being verbally assaulted
hoojen25
i thought OP said he woke up to it, and they are all pretty long texts from her, so he wouldn't have been responding to each bullet point
human8060
If they don't care about the person who is ranting, it's easy not to care about what they're saying.
washi
Ignoring it is totally a reasonable response, though. And it's really easy to ignore texts (just turn off alerts for that one person)
thatwilldopig
iphones have a great block method. (Annoyed my android doesn't). Why even wait for all of this? Just block.
isthatpeterfuckingframpton
Nope. That's what it makes it so classic. Apparently that 500-word initial salvo? That was going off half-cocked before "processing"...
gabadabagool
This comment does not make sense to me.
Snarknado4
Makes perfect sense to me
gabadabagool
After re-reading it the day after, it makes perfect sense to me too. It's just an unusual combination of words, is all. Haha
Jeizen
At least you didn't have an Android phone in this instance. I love my android, but longer iPhone texts get broken up and rearranged so you..
Jeizen
..get to figure out what order it was meant to arrive in.
CarolineAmelie
Have you heard from her since? And did you reply anything? Oh and I just want to apologize on behalf of all girls... we're not all like her.
isthatpeterfuckingframpton
No and no. And I know. I love women. I have all their albums.
ineptimgurian
Lol
cunttliflower
Don't apologize on my behalf either, I don't know you like that
CarolineAmelie
Why are you guys so negative? It wasn't personal.
iamthatbitch
I feel like he is leaving a lot of information out of this. I don't think anyone would reply like this without being provoked.
ShamnusMcfee
No no no, people would. Don't underestimate the utter insanity people are capable of.
Persephone7
Yeah I called him a liar to on his saying that it was completely unedited and people downvoted it. It is clear that he deleted some texts.
harris28
Agreed. Like to see the conversation before OP told her it wasn't going to work out.
Lookatmyballs
I wasn't thinking about that. I was putting myself in his shoes and thinking she was probably too fucking stupid to waste time on.
iamthatbitch
Right. Or like why there are multiple days between texts after she stated she is a quick replier.. I think he deleted some stuff
Blarg56
What if I like blowing myself off at 3 am, bitch?
Cassiraa
Better make an appointment
Zechie
...In your neighbor's lawn? On the third Tuesday of the month?
PaperElemental
Batman confirmed to be Black on Imgur
lovescience
reminds me of http://24.media.tumblr.com/b624f747e208b4de01b99ea2d7b14121/tumblr_n5zmixrRDJ1rnvubuo1_250.gif
YamatoIouko
"Well, nothing Sophia, but I'd just rather it was mine." -Me
thornus67
If he can blow himself at 3 AM, then she missed out if she's a size queen!
sjdoe4224
in all fairness, autofellation isn't necessarily indicative of a large penis
YamatoIouko
No, but as someone with a large penis, it certainly can help!
sjdoe4224
no arguments there haha
YamatoIouko
Isn't it showing how petty the internet is, that I was downvoted just over the claim I have a big wang, though?
TheBlackHearted1
It is pretty great IMO
shitinacamaro
If you can blow yourself, why are you on tinder?
HomewardBoner
All jokes aside guys am I missing out? Fuckin teach me how to do this dammit
Blarg56
Get a few ribs removed, and you can join the club.
FloodingWaters
She's crazy, but 'you look like the love child of mark Zuckerberg and clark griswold' was a fuckin sick burn. Props where props are due
StillNotYouTube
I thought it was a compliment.
chrisisnothappy
She IS crazy, but yeah.. That requires a burn heal
johnwilkesmakeoutbooth
I feel like to declare it as a sunburn would only work if we knew what op looked like.
fordprefectstowel
I was surprised how well she wrote considering the context!
sweaterpuppies
I liked her RFP tangent. And "yeah you has a job".
myjimmiesarerustled
I laughed my ass off at that, props to crazy girl on that one
BeardKhan
We are back in middle school
TwoBallsOnePenis
Too many never left ... :/
porkchopexpress
She was in the right.....until the second paragraph....
EinsteinsFitAsAFiddle
I liked "fuck off and go watch age of adalaide" personally
ineptimgurian
Yea that was the best part!
davepermen
Shes amazing. Crazy, but talented at it
TrappedInTheLocker
I feel like she could have said a number of other combinations of names and everyone would still go nuts over it.
FusRoDoodles
Perhaps, but the love child between Mark Zuckerberg and Clark Griswold is not only easy to picture, but the names are so obscure.
sloganhero
"Yes, it's great you has a career..."
Psychethos
For reals. She is clearly not well balanced, but she's also reasonably clever and witty.
TeslaCoil00
Dangerous combo!
mattvam
like I even thought the dude was the bad guy for the first couple of texts and then I realized slowly she was being portrayed as the crazy
YourWaifuIsTrash
"portrayed"; assuming this is real, she's making a lot of contradictions and hating on him for imagined/assumed slights
mattvam
that is unfortunately just my type. *sigh*
AdoIfHitIer
"You are just looking for sex". Proceeds to rant about how he works too much and doesn't have time to have sex with her.
StarmanUltra
That doesn't make it incorrect. Maybe he just wants sex, but not as much as her, apparently.
CoCoKunt
Ah yes. I spot a contradiction. He is clearly only after poonanner.
Shroomslapz
Isn't that the purpose of tinder? Just for sex. lmao
laxxative
Amazing. You didn't even have to stick your dick in crazy in order to see the crazy...
RoseFaery
"Nice Girls" are a thing that exists, & she seems like one of them, especially with her saying OP has a harem of "friend zoned girls."
isthatpeterfuckingframpton
can you even imagine? i'm already giving the bushes a once-over when i walk up to my flat. i think i'd have to hire a body guard...
smoochmysnoot
Hide your rabbit-just in case..
21cutdryguy
I can be intimidating looking if you want.
nobodyyouveheardof
And apparently you lie in your username.
AdoIfHitIer
May I suggest this one? http://imgur.com/MBMUxb2
SwarleysQuinntervention
I'm so sorry my lady people act this way. Please don't think everybody is like this. She was probably just hungry.
KneelBeforeTodd
Imghurrr
Wait it sounded like you did have sex given how she kept saying you only cared about it.. but then she complained about lack of sex so dunno
noonerspisms
op, where are you from? i'm curious where this crazy lady is from. and also what her tinder profile looked like. is that weird?
spoodermon
Reply with a K! daily updates required, now get back to work.
[deleted]
[deleted]
CultofCedar
Incorrect the most powerful weapon is pocket sand
TitanKyojin
Fuck that. Helicopter spotlight on you at all times. Ain't no one gonna fuck with you when there's a helicopter following you around.
isthatpeterfuckingframpton
A TACTICAL light? Can I wear it with my turtleneck?
blkbox
Which one? The slightly darker one? Or the slightly lighter black one?
IAmNotASkeleton
Considering the danger zone you're in, you shouldn't not wear it with your turtleneck.
freshprinceofberlin
Have Woodhouse fetch a rug just in case.
Toonight
Awesome, thanks for the info, I never thought of that before. That's genius :o
[deleted]
[deleted]
Toonight
Does the beam of those things have significant heating power as well? Or can you just cover them up while they're running?
AdequateBehaviour
She's obviously got real psychological issues, not just like, 'Ah she crazy' - but like proper, mental stability issues.
Protean2648
Like she could mentally still be a teenager. This is a pretty standard reaction for someone on a fuckton of hormones
toast4nat
My father-in-law texts the same way, ranting and raving with no ties to reality; he is bipolar, wouldn't be surprised if she is too
LemonStarbursts
http://cdn29.elitedaily.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/tumblr_nf047snlRZ1qj4315o1_500.gif
epsiloncrow
http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mahbnbqF6s1qm95xto1_500.gif
IndigoWendigo
Quick to get overly attached, even quicker to anger when refused: yep, definitely psychological issues. Needs to work with a psychanalist.
woflborg
So psychanalist, goes in from behind to fix the issues?
Snarknado4
YES. had a close female friend who is bipolar. When our friendship unravelled, I got cery, very similar texts.
IPutAHexOnYou4c6f7665206d65
i have a female friend exactly like this. If she gets rejected, she goes ballistic, she's the female version of a douchebag (douchebaggete?)
ChocolateKake
Douchebag is unisex
Dovahnein
Douchebaguette.
MattyBeFiya
borderline personality disorder?
9spooky36me
both?
redjay12
Manic
SusanGoGetMyPants
or Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
PaperElemental
Overly obsessed with people.
piratica108
Both?
Toastfrog
I hate it when people just call people crazy, its just a dismissive and shit way to deal with people.
Colvane
Sometimes it's just a dismissive way to deal with shit people.
eduo
Exactly. That it may be sometimes unfair because there are unknown factors doesn't mean it's not used specifically and justifiably.
eduo
Accurate, though.
Toastfrog
What do yo mean accurate? Often its the situation by both parties that make crazy and one courses the other to seem crazy or even feel crazy
eduo
So… accurate, then?
Toastfrog
No? if you push someone to be crazy then you are an awful person?
sinkfloridasink
Op, text her back with "k" and see her get all riled up again. Do this & give us daily updates. I wanna see how long she stays on the line
jnnfrhll
Please do this.
ProfessionalNessieHunter
YES
livenotonevil
That's good, but I like to wait a couple of weeks and text "Hey I have your number saved in my phone but I don't know who this is." muuhahaa
livenotonevil
It implies that not only did I not save your name but I also deleted your texts :) :) :)
blkbox
Nah man I'd be careful with that level of crazy. next thing you know she shows up are your house unannounced.
ohlalaohlala
oh please do it!
moikejay
"On the line"
nzfree
Op plz
ImIsStranger
K.
ForUnlawfulCarnalKnowledge
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=os6U77Hhm_s
DeepwaterJew
This made me laugh harder than I'd like to admit. +1
01111001
he should send her this pic:
TitanKyojin
That's perfect.
Koztah
l8lurker
We want to WITNESS YOU ;)
WillForkafeller
Commenting to see where/if this goes.
Summersky
OP said he already pointed out his flat and where he works to her, though....
therman619
From Tinder to TLDR
NoYolo4Jesus
"TL;DR"
omgwhatamidoing
DO IT
Mrsbriggysloth
With a username like that... uhm...
sinkfloridasink
Like every night she rants and every morning he's just like "k". It could be epic
Fencernick
OP PLS. FOR YOUR FAKE INTERNET FRIENDS @isthatpeterfuckingframpton
OrangeFlavours
I think people seem to forget the person probably knows who the guy actually is if they went on a date...
sinkfloridasink
I'd still do it, this chick is a thot
OrangeFlavours
Thot? And I'm pointing out the girl likely knows the guys name and who he is, can probably get his phone or address off of media and such 2
OrangeFlavours
... I don't know why I posted the 2 instead of 1, but so if he pisses her off this person does not seem stable...
wolvshammy
I have a feeling that you and I would get along really well. The troll is strong in you...
sinkfloridasink
Only to assholes who deserve it though
6footdildo
an "lol" would work too
unresponsivenipples
http://www.picgifs.com/alphabets/alphabets/dancing/alphabets-dancing-777180.gif My favorite.
FunctioningWorkaholic
Do it, do it, do it!!!
Jacahn
Id just reply "Same"
StaticXster70
My god, we could get a novella length rant from a "k"...
Wlfpck
Pick a sentence with either a spelling error or a grammatical error. Correct her. And watch her get even more pissed.
TheGhostOfFutureDisappointments
I'd send her this:
v
MrBobinski
This is awesome
imgursresidentasshole
The guy with the shit eating grin with his drink always gets me
Snarknado4
commenting for future snarky use
jm1240
Send tl:dr ?
TheGhostOfFutureDisappointments
Meh
DaleGribble88
Yeah... I want a copy of this too
NoYolo4Jesus
Saving this beauty for later
StrawberryYogurt0
that gif is marvelous
KonkorFour
I favourited this aaaages ago, never thought I'd find a perfect use but he should send this: http://imgur.com/Rrtodqk
TheGhostOfFutureDisappointments
I love how the 'lol' is on his crotch.
KonkorFour
Probably one of the best TLDR; Gifs I've seen, definitely worth the favourite. :P
TheGhostOfFutureDisappointments
Agreed!
TheArchduchess
As a gay person... I was with you until the end there :/
Matattackasaur
agreed fellow gay person, ughnfg
TheGhostOfFutureDisappointments
That's fair.
TheArchduchess
If I was any good at editing I'd make one with "Jerk", but oh well lol
TheGhostOfFutureDisappointments
What about cunt bucket? That could be good.
induren
No. OP might get murdered. Just leave the poor woman alone, OP. Don't risk your life.
Attacker732
I see your reasoning, but a small part of me wants to see how deep the crazy goes...
sinkfloridasink
The poor woman? She doesn't exactly come of as a damsel in distress, if anything she's instigating
induren
Crazy people have their own suffering. Best to recommend treatment and slowly back away. Backwards.
MyCatWatchesMeMasturbate
well, no one backs away frontwards
evitcefed
just text her back with, "so, wanna fuck?" She seems to be pretty obsessed with it.
MegaDeuce
Wanna smash
DatMormon
She'd probably bitch some more and then give it up. Do it op.
lunchbox1911
Or my favorite.. "anal?"
miraquiTOMA
I've found it's best to not reply and have them reflect over what they just said, instead of focus on reacting to a text I sent.
sendmenudespls
Watch Dear Zachary, you'll see why you don't put your dick in crazy
vincentadultman22
That movie brought me to tears FIVE times. I don't think anything has made me cry that much, especially not in a two-hour sitting.
Whhpssh
or... "So is a blowjob out of the question?"
SteveBuscemiSayingHowDoYouDoFellowKids
5927 lines later
anonwhymouse
Especially after accusing him of just wanting to fuck her in the first place.
ImJustGod
Cersie
"lemme smash"
Matattackasaur
write back: "Stats?"
Evyreid
We'll bang, ok?
Sokap
Always. Upvote. Gamer. Poop.
Skulldish
Report to the ship immediately.
Raelag
assuming direct control.
MyPenisGrantsWishes
DO NOT! I SAY AGAIN, DO NOT PUT YOUR DICK IN IT!!!
BlinkMild
instructions unclear, dick stuck in information technology department
angryangrybird
Maybe... maybe put your dick in it.
sloganhero
Instructions unclear, dick stuck in ceiling fan.
BlinkMild
upvoted, borrowing from your idea if that's alright
GoPoundSand
Just the tip.
CheeseEatingMonkey
Don't stick your dick in crazy. Trust me, doesn't matter how potentially great the sex can be, it's NEVER worth the trouble they bring.
DatMormon
It's simple, have sex at her place, don't let her know your address, where you work, your facebook, and block her #. EZ PZ
DrYoloMcSwagmasterIIIEsq
Fuck that, the key should be never give crazy your personal information. Fake name, fake number, you're just in town for a week
IAmHarrisonFord
"The ending is pretty bad, but the ride down is super fun." -kelso
TheGoodestBadboy
amen to that lol, been there, don't do it!
IdeletedmyoldaccountandIneedanewonetoupvotethings
Sticking your dick in crazy is perfectly acceptable, if you don't give them your real name.
concretemuskrat
I've done it a few times and luckily it's never ended too badly. I escaped.
sydanyon
Instead fuck her sister. Trust me bro would I lie to you?
HighrockTendales
Unless you kill them after. (Pro tip)
CheeseEatingMonkey
You still have to dispose of the body and to clean the crime scene after that... I'm lazy af, so it's still too much trouble for me :/
SpyMonkey3D
Story time !
CheeseEatingMonkey
Haha, it would be a bit long in 140 characters.
Cissilent
this is a random question, but is there an opposite saying of dont stick your dick in crazy? as in, for females?
HighrockTendales
Keep the harbour closed to the crazy ship
CheeseEatingMonkey
Don't hump the chump
Cissilent
wait, for real?! English is not my first language so I am always trying to catch up on slangs :D
CheeseEatingMonkey
Do you really think I would lie to you and make things up over the internet ? Who would do such a terrible thing ?
jaegybomb
Everyone should try it once. If only to truly appreciate the good ones.
onecuntwolfpack
NO.
BroWhite
Uhhh.... as someone who has experienced this.... still no....
Waterwalker
Yup, not a good idea, never again.
TurdsOfWisdom
I stuck my dick in crazy. She was a great lay but kept asking me if I liked her "porn star nipples". Wtf does that mean?
TurdsOfWisdom
Plus she stole my hotel key after a party I threw for my birthday and she let herself back in uninvited and kind of forced herself on me
vauhtihirmu
I hope you dropped some turds of wisdom on her. Puns aside, I hope you didn't feel compelled to do something you didn't want to.
TheMonsterWithinYou
She seems more like the kind of bitch to falsely accuse of rape. No thanks
TalosGuideUs
Record it
FishingForConversation
I hate that that's a thing.
TheMonsterWithinYou
The fact there are people who falsely claim rape or the fact that people do that and it takes away from legitimate claims? Or both?
FishingForConversation
Both, I suppose. More so the former.
FishingForConversation
I knew someone that it happened to. It was as simple as: the boyfriend, that he didn't know existed, came home early.