doogyJokeMonster
109446
1609
138
Sep 13, 2017 4:24 PM
doogyJokeMonster
109446
1609
138
Promethianfire
Hey! I only try to get into Tali's pants. And Liara's. And I may have kissed Aria one time.
giantslurper
Since when is killing brown people racist? Maybe he's just allergic...
KatetDeFibonacci
The narrative of history is written by the victor.
TheGovernor2
Portal - "perfectly good science" where your incinerated once your no longer of use, or shot by robots before then.
LMGetTFY
In Solitaire you arrange all the cards in their suits then celebrate by throwing them all over the place
somellama
and this is what we like to call propaganda class *oooh, ahhhh*
ThisIsScoutRainbowsMakeMeCry
lots of these are stupid
JasonThorn
This is like the Internet--it assumes the lowest-common-denominator aspect of gamers as the norm. Restraint doesn't get clicks in the media.
LeahShine88
Saints row sounds fun
xXOdessaXx
Hands down one of the more enjoyable coop games I've ever had. Great solo as well. We'd run around just to listen to the NPC dialogue.
LJaH
Oh, it is
Cyzyk
Saints Row is the only game that rewards you for seeing how long you can balance on a moving car while naked.
GasBandit
It's awesome. Just make sure you play and beat 3 before you play 4.
RalphtheMagnif
What do you mean in Video Games? I do this in real life! Don't tell my parents....
Snooj
In Tetris you're an architect who wrestles with the dilemma that the better you build it the more structurally unsound it becomes.
JediKnightRey
Someone need to do Overwatch
Rekanochi
they literally address that last point in the gen 4 games-- pokemon WANT to find trainers to become stronger n stuff. fuck off
JCrashB
In Minesweeper you're dead.
marchingFishes
Somebody never played Saints Row 1 or 2
HitandRyan
In Dark Souls, YOU DIED
DarkmoonLizard
Praise the Sun!
MetalSkeletal
Git gud
HitandRyan
WT R U, CASUL?
Lionskull
in dark souls, you're a zombie cast out of civilization so you subdue the rest of the zombies and become their king.
marcusius1610
Definitely not funny. Maybe a work for "the most stupid game summary imaginable" contest?
irisewithredeyes
In Witcher 3... you are Geralt of Rivia.
dogstare
You did butcher people in blaviken though
averagesizedbirdhouse
Only a bunch of mutants who were about to do a terror attack on a town market,though .
cbh3
Ja so yea
DrewtanggaurdiumLeviosa
#2 and not until every last dead thing is more dead.
Iexistasathrowaway
What about dark souls?
commentsAndNothingElse
Are jokes supposed to have some semblance of truth in order to be funny?
Ahealias
Skyrim is also in here as a joke, but that's honestly pretty accurate
YetAnotherGamerGirl
In GOW you are an invading species killing every single life form you come across trying to defend their own planet
TitaniumSarah
Portal: "perfectly good science" ?? They try to fucking burn you alive...
goldfishyo
Nice try @OP, I'm not falling for the old attack the chickens in Zelda trick again.
RichardManeuver
I have beat the Mass Effect trilogy at least 10 times. My crew mate's pants was always the first place I looked.
LurkerOfDarkness
When the face of the galaxy hangs in the balance, leave no stone unturned, no pants unchecked....
Promethianfire
Broshp or Femshep, and who's your favorite romance?
RichardManeuver
Both. I have played those games just about every way possible. It would be hard to choose but probably Maranda
Promethianfire
Femshep=Liara. Broshep=Tali.
ExaDeuce
ERB best desribed Pokemon. "Mighty morphin Michael Vick."
MetalSkeletal
In DOOM, you're a Space Marine God of War who literally skull fucks hell because ............. Reasons.
Falos
because THEY PISSED DOOMGUY OFF
MetalSkeletal
Valid reason. You may continue skull fucking.
Falos
I misplaced the pasta that describes Hell trying to get him to leave.
Drakhma
o you mean how they litteraly had to trap him in order to not have to deal with him again because hes unstoppable, only for some scientists
Drakhma
to free him again. because hey a human locked in a stone box near a stone box with a extremely advanced suit of armor, must be free
Chagum
Pretty sure it's canon
Boredashell
Actually Mario is a mass murderer but not because of the Koopas.
?1 Every brick was a citizen of the kingdom.
Drakhma
i still have the manual
LemanRuss13
Considering you don't have to break any bricks to best the game...
Yacobs21
Actually, they turn into that bricks that don't break
Yacobs21
So he beats/violently shakes them, not murders
davidthegoliath
No, he actually frees them. The coins he gains are the token of appreciation of the freed citizens
Garouleloup
The country is under attack by Bowser and Mario is saving it ffs, where does this "Mario is a killer" thing coming from?
Boredashell
Taken from the Mario Bros manual.
jnoahj
The manual continues to explain that by breaking them he frees them and that they then reward hinn with the items.
imadethisaccounttotellyouthis
"Maybe" hears... So he might be on a murder mission, or he might be a complete psychopath. Lawful evil vs chaotic evil.
ATalkingMushroom
Actually, that's "the hero of the story (maybe)" So it recognizes that Mario is murdering innocent people.
DraxxorT
I think the intent was that if you "game over"-ed, you weren't a hero, just a schmuck that tried to be one. But your version is funnier.
ATalkingMushroom
Ah, that makes a bit more sense for Nintendo. Then again, it was the '80s.
Reorder
Gotta say, for skyrim, they were gonna just chop your head off for being a random joe out for a walk in the woods.
TheDoctormoriarty
And all those people in the caves and such are usually thieves or zombies
Cassiraa
Realtalk, you start out Skyrim as an illegal immigrant that got caught crossing the border.
Reorder
But what if you roll a nord?
Cassiraa
Same story. You were picked up by the border guard.
Breginor
Honestly the only reason I always join the Nords. The Nords are racist dirtbags, but still. Chop my head off for literally no reason? Naw.
Drakhma
ive never finished the main story, i dont want to join either side. so ill do pretty much everything else.
Breginor
Yeah it is kind of lame that you're forced to pick a side if you want to complete that quest line.. Kinda like in Fallout 4 too.
Drakhma
yea not doing F4 main story either
Jonmbram
Life is rough in the North.
AccountCreatedToUpdogVotes
No, they were gonna chop off your head because signing a release form is too much work.
Draevan13
I get the impression it was because you were caught next to Ulfric, so the Imperials assumed you were a new recruit not on "the list" yet
ReaperCDN
So what you're saying is that Skyrim takes place in Texas.
Freakingdoomguy
BEUROCRACY
SpecialProjectY
Civil war is he'll of a place.
Lionskull
if you don't progress the story line then it never happens.
gottakeepgoing
Warning: Don't start the battle for Whiterun if you are with the Nords and shelve it for the dragon hunt quest. You'll be considered a (1/2)
gottakeepgoing
deserter for coming to proximity of the battle and running off on your quest. It makes no difference, but Ulfric Stormcloak will berate you.
Lionskull
that's no problem because i can never be with the traitorous scum that is Ulfric.
gottakeepgoing
SKYRIM BELONGS TO THE NORDS!
wigglefluffticklebum
Also there are entire towns I didn't slaughter
Telkesh
Because the NPCs are marked essential and I couldn't kill them :(
encyclopediabritannica
You've still not finished the game then.
modicumjones
well, not without saving first at least.
wigglefluffticklebum
Never, I'm doing better in whiterun than I am in real life. Home, job for life, business owner wife. I'd trade dragon attacks for that.
AccountCreatedToUpdogVotes
What about Nazeem. Be honest with us; we'll know if you're lying.
wigglefluffticklebum
Which one is he?
wigglefluffticklebum
I've come close with that kid always whining about sweet rolls
wigglefluffticklebum
Oh and the sleazy guy that runs the general goods place. James woods