EzAl73
105156
1701
25
My dad has been suffering from dementia for the last year but in the last two months it has really accelerated. He was an avid golfer and would tell you after every game his best holes, his worst shots, and the new people he met while playing. He now struggles to finish a sentence, carry a thought, or to complete simple tasks. My mom has been looking after him but she had been struggling under the weight of all of it.
My brother, mom, and I wanted to take him out for one last game.
He struggled. Didn't know which club to use (I have learned that I would make a heck of a caddy). Would get in and out of the cart repeatedly or into the wrong one. Wouldn't aim at the cup while putting.. But man, could he still hit. He used to be able to make a ball fly and he still could. That muscle memory still doing its thing. And through it all he was so happy to be there. He loved it all.
We never know when we will do the last of something but for my dad this was his last game. It makes me incredibly sad and honoured that I got to share it with him. It's easy to take for granted these events when we know we will have more to share. Dementia is such a slow burn but my dad is happy and content for the most part. I have heard from others that this is not always the case so we are lucky in this. He has lived a good life and will be loved till the end.
LaffertyDanie1
Lost my gma to dementia, just tell him he shot is age.
eastend666
Very touching. I feel for you. My parents both went very suddenly and I never got a chance to savor the final days, although I know yours are hard.
Notthewatdabney
Good on you.
Splitlicker
BermondseyRising
My step dad got brutally taken down really fast in 2ish years. I'm glad you were able to see it coming and grab some "lasts" together. It happened too fast for us and he's now here but gone. Sending you all my best wishes and strength to your mum.
McCub23
You are a good son/daughter and your mom is great too. Bless you both for this act of love.
Merky600
I will think of your father today.
EzAl73
Appreciate it.
barfopedia
My neighbor and I took another neighbor who had dementia to play golf well beyond his ability to function at much of anything else. We'd help him find his ball, kick something out of the rough on to the fairway on occasion, anything to help him still have fun.
EzAl73
Ha, yup. Magically his ball would appear not far from where mine ended up. Kept the game moving.
DadOnTheInternet
CrispyNougat
A life that's been loved is a life that's been lived
MMVB
This is heartbreakingly sweet @op - all my love
CheezeSandwich
Fuck dementia :/ I'm so sorry
tinyfootprints
My dad had to give up golf at 90, mostly because of skin cancer, so I took him bowling, and that lasted a few years. That was actually better for me because I had never been a golfer and I got to hang out with him more after we started bowling. I don't think we were ever closer. I'm glad you have a loving relationship with your dad, @OP.
EzAl73
Wow. That's awesome! Amazing what small moments do to help preserve a relationship.
Madmoosey89
Love you OP. Beautiful post.
VampireTeaParty
And a beautiful day for it, too. The rest of his life will likely be very hard for you and your family. I hope memories like this give you some peace and comfort on the road ahead
EzAl73
It will. You always regret missed opportunities so we are taking them while we can.
VampireTeaParty
Good. My dad passed when I was pretty young so I missed out on a lot of things & memories like this.
PrincessWendyB
I lost Mom to Alzheimers and Dad to cancer. It is its fragile, fleeting nature that gives life it's ultimate value.
EzAl73
That's really true.
Banana369
A friend pointed out to me recently that it's not the first time your kids do something that you cherish, it's the last - the last time you carry them in from the car, the last time they ask for a bed time story etc. It's the same with your parents as they age, those moments that used to seem so normal and commonplace will stay with you forever.
wizardOTC
Wow that’s really profound. Thank you
BlackDragoness
But unlike firsts, you don't know when a last time happens. Only in retrospect. They are extremely hard to cherish in real time, unless you treat each time as though it might be the last. Time is sand between our fingers. So many moment slip away before you really had the chance to hold on.
magicbryanconnolly
Took a pic of the last booster seat to come out of the car just the other day...
017renegade
It took just under 5 years for my mother in law from forgetting her keys to the part of her brain shutting down responsible for breathing. Enjoy every moment you can.
EzAl73
We will. Sorry for your loss. We went through this before with my grandma so we always watched my mom carefully. Dad was already forgetful. Probably would be diagnosed as ADHD if he was a kid. So it was heard to sit at first.
WhiskeyAndEggs
Thank you for sharing this lovely moment with us. Condolences for your Dad’s condition.
TheRealCaveman
I'm so terrified of this disease. I'm hopeful for meds and med advancements to help slow or cure it. @op it looks like he had a good last game and, if it helps, there's always a last of everything, but there can also be new things? Would he try art/ painting? Drawing?
EzAl73
He loves to visit with friends. He can't carry a conversation but he still knows who they are (we think). He likes watching golf. But most new things are beyond him. I am terrified of this diseases as well.
Blakeadelic
Im sorry @op. I just lost a friend of 20 years to dementia. It happened so quick I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. The only communication from her is random, nonsensical.
EzAl73
He had good days and bad days. He definitely didn't get enough sleep that day and we really noticed it. He still knows who we are but holding a conversation with him is tough. He really loves looking at pictures though.
Sinmiedo1931
My family just got similar news about my own dad. I hate the world and everyone in it at the moment. I'll get of that at some point. Just not right now. So fuck you all, except the OP. I hope they figure all this out as best possible for everyone involved.
EzAl73
Nothing fair about it. So be angry about it. Shout into the void or at the neighbors cat. Then take him out for ice cream. Time while they are lucid is something you won't get back. We took home to the zoo a couple of months ago and he really liked that. We just walked talked and looked at the animals. Milk it for all its worth. Fuck dementia.
BermondseyRising
I've just been through 3 years of this. He wasnt even Diagnosed, just fell apart really scary fast. If I can help with advice or anything just shout. It's very scary, I won't lie. But there aren't
BermondseyRising
"* there are things I wish I had known and am happy to share if you feel ready
LazyUsername99
This shit hits. My dad had a medical event last week, is currently in the hospital, medically stable but cognitively, he's severely impaired. All the tests and scans keep coming back negative, they have no idea what's going on with him. I'm not sure what I'm more afraid of, that his body fails too or that it doesn't, and he's a shell for however long he has left.
EzAl73
Wow, sorry to hear that. Coming that quick throws you for a loop as well. Do you have support in terms of family?
LazyUsername99
None. Extremely contentious divorce a few years ago saw to that. Long story short: My dad was a closeted gay man, was going around behind my mom's back for an indeterminate amount of time. Add in a few dashes of "southern hospitality" and a conservative family, and basically I'm the only one in contact. Dealing with bitter family members one side giving me shit while I'm trying to deal with dad's stuff on the other. Everyone is some kind of piece of shit, essentially, and I'm shoveling it.
Goldenteckel
Thank you for sharing this day with us. "Force et courage" and kindest thoughts from Paris. Your dad will be thought of and remembered here.
DigYourselfBaby
What a lovely thing to say. I wish there was a way to report a comment to @admin for being exceptionally poignant, eloquent, & kind.
Goldenteckel
Thank you for your kind words, that truly touched me. I'm not a native english speaker, so, every new comment or turn of phrase is its own tiny leap of faith. I often mention Paris, as it is an "exotic" place to most Imgurians. Knowing that their loved ones are celebrated here can be of some relief. For those who are mourning someone, I often light a candle while saying their dearly departed's name out loud, so that they somehow shine on this side of the ocean too. Sorry for my clumsy english.
DigYourselfBaby
The light from your heart shines so brightly, a candle is unnecessary. :)
EzAl73
My parents went to Paris on the honeymoon so it all comes full circle :). Thanks for the kind words. This is a wonderful community of people on Imgur.
jermprobably
Bretheren, you're doing the best you god damn can. My Dad's in the same foothole though not as severe, and it is so incredibly tough. You're a great human, Stranger, keep being amazing.
EzAl73
You too. No one wants this but we step up when it happens. They would do it for us.
sonomarco
Carp diem. First is the suspecting, then the diagnosis, then the waiting through the slow decline. Then comes the day when you realize the slow part is over, despite all the Arecip or Rivistigmine or Memantine to slow the decline. The need for care mounts up surprisingly fast. Is your person present today or are they behind a wall? Are they happy or vacant or angry or what? All the way you carry the knowledge that it is a one-way journey. We are in Year Eight. Take care of yourself!
BermondseyRising
It's not always slow.
EzAl73
We have followed that same path. Sad that is so recognizable. There have been hints for a long time but the decline came fast. He is in very good shape for his age so we will see what happens. Eight years is a long time so I wish you steadfastness in your journey. This is a pretty sucky club to be a part of.
sonomarco
Eight years and she just turned 70.
EzAl73
Wow, that happened early. My dad just turned eighty. It has been about two years for us but the signs have probably been there longer.
hopperuk
My dad died of Alzheimer's four years ago and this is the best advice I know how to give. Right now, and just after he's gone, you will find you're forgetting a lot of what he used to be like. When you think of your dad you will only remember this version of him, and the grief and pain of it. I promise that will change. As time passes, you will be able to integrate your memories of him, and you will remember him completely, the whole man. I promise this will happen. Good luck.
SgtDillweed
God i hope so.
EzAl73
I have already started watching all of old videos to remember who he was and how he was before this. It's shocking to see how fast it has progressed.
innkeep
Thanks for this. My mom has early onset Alzheimer's (only 67) and she is to the point where we are having to look at homes this week. My dad can no longer manage day-to-day. I really needed to read what you've posted.
EzAl73
The sooner you look for places the better. We told my mom she doesn't have to take a place just because they have an opening. But if a place has a year waiting list, get your name on it. Just depends on the type of living situation they want. Right now, my mom wants to be in their home looking after my dad. But we know that she is having a harder and harder time each day.
treed240z
Dementia sucks ass. You basically lose them twice in your lifetime, and it's awful. I wish nothing but the best of luck to you and your family. You're 100% justified in feeling whatever feelings you do about this whole thing. Don't beat yourself up. Always remember who he was, even if its very hard to see now.
EzAl73
Thanks. If it had a face I would punch it.
SerialChickenLover
This. My dad is still alive, but the dad I knew my whole life died 2 years ago. He’s only 64, too.
treed240z
That's way too young. I'm very sorry to hear that.
SlickWithaLimerick
Lost 3 of my 4 grandparents to it. It's become my deepest,darkest fear. It doesn't run in my family. It gallops.
SerialChickenLover
My dad and his sister are both early onset, and I refuse to get the gene test. I will just live my life assuming and preparing for it to happen. I’d rather not know for certain I’m at extreme risk.
SlickWithaLimerick
I've read eating fish once a week can improve our odds, hope it helps you.
CakeShapedPie
I desperately hope I find out I have it before I am too far gone to end it.
SlickWithaLimerick
I've planned yo take myself out since I was a teen so hopefully I don't fucking forget (if I am diagnosed). I refuse to burden my family with a husk that can't even remember them. MS and alzheimers turned my grandfather from a gentle farmer into a nurse punching, incoherent shell.
AntonioStark
Not to make it worse, but arguably 3 times. When they are no longer really themselves, when they no longer know who you are, and when they pass. This is what I've been told.
AccountCreatedToUpvoteDogs
Oof when you put it that way I'm glad my FIL got sick before he forgot my wife. To the end he knew his sweetheart. 😢
Kc43
I can confirm, my mother is in the second stage where she does not know who I am. Watching her become a shell of herself was hard, but she was always happy to see me. Now, she doesn't know who I am, I am a stranger to my own mother. It is heartbreaking that my kids only know this version of her and not the vibrant soul that she was. Ambien can kiss my ass.
AntonioStark
I'm sorry to hear. You're doing great, trust me. Just being there. Why the comment about Ambien?
grumpynold
This is too familiar. My Mom also took Ambien for years and eventually died of Alzheimers/dementia (in the end they called it Louie Body). At the end she did say "you know I always loved you", but that happened only after a lot of very difficult events. You have to just hang in there and trust what your doctors say, not what neighbors/friends/relatives say. Follow what the neurosurgeon says.
Kc43
I appreciate that, and I love that how you are present for your father. The comment about ambien is because there is mounting evidence that it is linked to early onset dementia. My mother took it for 20 years as prescribed by her doctor and started exhibiting dementia symptoms at 60. https://www.psychiatrist.com/news/prescription-sleep-meds-may-up-risk-of-dementia-by-79-in-white-people/
AntonioStark
I could only read the abstract. Interesting that it only affected white people. However, the black sample with frequent use or more was only 34, so maybe it's too small a sample. I admire that the authors worked to control for a bunch of variables. It's still correlation not causation, but it's hard to argue against. Again, the best thing for most also problems are behavioral interventions. Funny story, my wife was denied melatonin in Switzerland because it's a prescription over there.
AntonioStark
Oh wow. I'm gonna look into that a bit more. I'm a neuropsychologist and I regularly work with dementia. In either case, sleep aids are almost never for long term use. Maybe a few weeks max. I'm so sorry your mom got that treatment.
WhatInTheWorldAmILookingAt
Driving range could still be an option
blumpk1npie
Yeah second this. Also mini golf
EzAl73
Yes. We thought that.
SayRamrod
virtual golf too
EzAl73
Yeah, that is a really good idea!
SayRamrod
fewer obstacles, no carting, bags stay put. heck, id join that group anyday. sounds like nice guys.