Work stories from an Air Force flight medic.

Clamps ON litters* ...ugh

On a C-130 the litters are held in place on one side by litter straps, which are basically like cargo straps with hooks on them. When we configure the aircraft, one of our most basic duties is to check the integrity of the clamps to make sure they don't slide or pop open.

Somehow during config one wasn't tested well and the charge medic also missed it when he went around rechecking everything. Shortly into takeoff the guy's litter started sliding down and one of the nurses had to hold it with her foot until we got the pilot to level off for a moment so we could get out of our seats and fix it. Fortunately there wasn't a litter under his so we just slid another clamp up underneath it.

If a plane breaks on the ground and we get delayed that's one thing. But when an issue happens that causes the plane to have to turn around, we just spent hours configuring the aircraft and getting patients settled for nothing.

The third time we started turning around 2 of our crew members actually started crying. The stress level was palpable.

I've only heard rumors of this ever happening. Apparently like 10 years ago or something we lost a fighter jet because the pilot got so sick he had to punch out. Well this time the person who set up the liquid O2 system he didn't smell any odors or anything, but about 30 seconds after we turned it on for our patients they became violently ill. Thankfully we were still on the ground.

After nearly 2 years of various schools (EMT, basic nursing, SERE, flight school, etc) I was finally getting my flight to become fully qualified. The turbulence and wind shear got so bad, I was the only crew member unaffected while everyone else was doubled over spending the whole flight trying hard not to vomit (and failing).

Yeah, another week before our next flight, oh well.

This guy was an ambulatory patient (in a seat) that was totally nice and cool but was bipolar. He require restraints but we had them nearby just in case (as for any psych patient with his history). 3 hours into the flight he gets up, grabs the pelican case with our meds from the nurse next to him, and smashes me in the back of the head with it all in about 5 seconds.

These are pelican cases: http://i.imgur.com/oyKaI5p.jpg

He wasn't my patient so I never even spoke to him, and he refused to say why he did it. I was on a litter for the rest of the flight. Thankfully I was okay but good lord was that painful.

Priapism is the medical term for an erection. Usually involuntary erections happen because of some sort of nerve damage. We had 5 doctors on the flight (3 were in training) so thankfully they dealt with it.

This girl didn't want to go near the colostomy bag because she was a friggin princess about everything which always angered me. We're supposed to poke tiny holes in the bags so the pressure can stay equalized but she didn't and it almost exploded which would have made a huge mess of shit.

I made her poke the wholes and thankfully the pressure made it blow stink in her lying face (no poo just rotten fumes).

Deployments can be pretty rough for this reason. Can't win em all. I had a huge headache though and was still reeling from by best friend informing me that he caught my girlfriend cheating on me a few days before.

I was the charge medic for the flight and this chief master sergeant from another unit got in my chili because I was treating a patient for the wrong thing. Turns out he was looking at an old manifest that he should have shredded after the flight. We had a brig with us hitching a ride to Germany who came into the cargo area to see what all the fuss was about and got to witness Chief Simple Jack's epic embarrassment.

Thanks for reading guys. I'm sure I have more I just need to try and remember more of the good ones. I also have stories from my years working in the ER as a medic also if you're interested.