Finally moved out from my controlling and manipulative parents. Advice is greatly appreciated

Aug 7, 2021 12:23 PM

grrumble

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I was never allowed a job. I was my brothers main caretaker. I took care of over 60 animals by myself. And, they were sending me through college as an “investment” so they could own 30% of my business (veterinary field) when I graduated to pay them back for everything, including ‘gifts’. Also signed me up for more classes without telling me so I could work for my fathers business’s on top of my college courses. My father was verbally abusive and my mother was emotionally manipulative, and both thought mental illness was overrated. Now that they can’t find me, they’re telling everyone there’s a chance I’ll harm myself. I had to tell the police I was not, indeed, missing nor was I a danger to myself. It’s a mess, but thankfully I do have a good support system.

Not even a month ago I finally felt like I could tell them I was not okay mentally. I was berated for it because, according to them, “you can’t just HAVE depression or anxiety, I would have noticed. You weren’t born with it.” With enough pushing I was finally allowed to talk with a psychiatrist and she put me on medication, which they were STRONGLY against. My mother is an anti-vaxer. That should explain that one

If anything, I’m more upset about leaving the animals behind. If possible, I’d have brought every last one of them. They’re my pride and joy and I love each and every one dearly.

I have lived a sheltered life. Any, and I mean any, advice is greatly appreciated.

(Also, side note, I took bare minimum of MY stuff. She’s mad I took MY brith certificate??)

Don't turn your back on them completely (talk from a distance). And when you can, send them some books that might help them grow as people.

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 1

Well your gonna go far kid. Sometimes life puts the shitty parts first. It made you strong and resilient now go enjoy life!!

4 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

I was rolling through your posts looking at cats and dogs, so I understand if you don't need or want help anymore, but I'm around to help!

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

You are the best advocate for your own mental health. Take your meds. See doctor if you need to adjust or change meds. You got this…

4 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

You'll need your birth certificate more than your parents. Also don't let them know where you are at. Delete/create new social media accnts

4 years ago | Likes 23 Dislikes 0

Yeah, I have to be very careful about who knows where im staying at the moment. I plan on moving states. My dad has eyes everywhere

4 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

Run, don’t look back. Cut all of that toxicity out

4 years ago | Likes 29 Dislikes 0

Exactly, promises to be better are only tricks. Don't fall for it. Ever, even 20 years later. Never.

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

freedom !!

4 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

No joke! I’m terrified, but so relieved it’s crazy. I can breath. I have plenty bad habits I need to lose and a long road ahead

4 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

If it seems too good to be true, it is. Don’t invest in anything without doing your own research independent of what others tell you.

4 years ago | Likes 19 Dislikes 0

Don’t co-sign on any loan or credit with anyone. Invest what your employer will match in retirement funds. Don’t eat yellow snow.

4 years ago | Likes 16 Dislikes 0

Good advice @Woppledorf. Also know that anything you loan out (money, objects, services) may end up being a gift, despite your intentions.

4 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

Just because they're family doesn't mean you are obligated to interact with them. Especially if they're shitty. They lack respect.

4 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Yeah, I’m trying to get that in my brain. I never realized how bad it was until I was talking to someone.

4 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Stop apologising. You've done nothing wrong. It's not you fault. You're a good person. They are angry that they have lost their hold on you.

4 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

Thank you. My therapist said it was something called fawning, I do whatever I can to avoid conflict. Bad habit I can’t wait to lose

4 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

I'm really proud of you for taking such a massive step by moving out. You are stronger than you realise!

4 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Thank you, it means a lot knowing I didn’t make an awful decision

4 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Parents don’t always realize that it’s their primary job to make good adults. They owe you that, and you don’t owe them anything.

4 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

If they fulfill their main job, you give them love and respect. If they don’t, live your life without them.

4 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Seconded, thirded and fourthed if I could

4 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

1. Good for you, never apologize for this. 2. DON'T contact them at all, and it is okay to flee from contact if they find you. 3. Find a 1/2

4 years ago | Likes 38 Dislikes 0

parental figure you can look up to who will give you good advice, support, and most importantly NOT judge you... DM me if you want more 2/3

4 years ago | Likes 23 Dislikes 0

specific advice. Parents owe their kids unconditional love, not the other way around. Never forget that.

4 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

Thank you. My friends mother has been a HUGE help in this all, and helped me move out as well as lied for me so they wouldn’t find me. She-

4 years ago | Likes 18 Dislikes 0

Is the first person I’ve ever met that could stand up to my dad. He’s not used to being told no. Honestly amazing to see in a weird way lol

4 years ago | Likes 14 Dislikes 0

Seek therapy

4 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I am trying for sure. They’re going to cut me out of insurance here soon and I’m figuring that out at the moment

4 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Depending on income you might be applicable for Medicaid, under special reasons like losing a job or insurance. Also there's cash and some¹

4 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Therapists can be cheaper than others, such as sliding scale. From what you've shared so far²

4 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

You've done nothing wrong, and you're going to be ok. It's a crappy situation but you will figure this out. Keep talking and askin for help.

4 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

First off, nothing about what you did was cowardly. The situation you were in is literally insane, and you don't owe them anything. It's

4 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Your life, to live how you see fit, and anyone who EVER makes you feel like that is selfish is using you, and what they were doing

4 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

To you was indentured servitude bordering on slavery. We only get this one shot at existing, don't let anyone ruin it for you

4 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Thank you, I’m still trying to not feel guilty. I say cowardly because i am AWFUL at confrontation and I will cave if yelled at, so I left-

4 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

A note instead of talking about it. My father is a “my way or the Highway, minus the Highway” kinda person. So it would’ve made things worse

4 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Undetandable. We're kind of like plants; step on us all the time and we're fragile, but as soon as we are given room to grow we do

4 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Good job, OP. You’ve already proven you’ve got what it takes to succeed.

4 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

Thank you. I hope I do, I’ve got a good few people I know will help me through this all

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Good. To add weight to those who've said it, don't give up on your therapy and medication. If a medication doesn't work right...

4 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Don't hesitate to discuss tinkering with it, but always follow the Dr.'s directions while doing so. There's millions of...

4 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Combinations of medications and doses, and everyone reacts to them a bit differently.

4 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Thank you. That’s an issue I’m facing, is I know they will cut me out if the insurance pretty quickly once they get mad enough. I’m-

4 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

I'm happy for you. Glad you finally get to live your life. Do all the things you have been missing out. Do dumb shit, get drunk at 10am etc.

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

If you are relatively young person, just live your life, get simple job that pays out and then just find friends and hang out with them.

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Thank you. I matured early and didn’t really get the chance to do any of that, I was always watching my brother. Free labor who? Lol

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

It sucks you had to do this middle of pandemic, but as soon as possible, (if it isn't far too scary) i say just challenge yourself and

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Move to like Dubai, Spain or something exotic and stay there for like a year. Get some basic job there and enjoy life away from everything

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

This will literally open you eyes to everything. But still in US moving to other state is same thing. Do all the things that sound fun

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Your parents are pissed off that you've found your feet and stood up and taken control of your own life. Be strong with them but be polite

4 years ago | Likes 25 Dislikes 0

*Your abusers. Fixed that for you.

4 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

They may claim that either of them is not well and caused by you. They may claim the animals are not being looked after etc. Tell local

4 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

Animal welfare that animals are all fit and healthy and to be aware that they may suffer due to your parents not caring or using them as an

4 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Emotional lever to get you back. May claim that your brother isn't coping etc record all conversations with them and save pics texts etc.

4 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

May sound or feel wrong to do. But you need to take care and put yourself first.no family should put you through shit . Good luck and don't

4 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Give them your address and turn off your phone location. Next write down a letter explaining whats happened and you think they may do

4 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0