Loveisntafeelingitsanability
113226
1321
99
I know this may only reach 100 people or so but I just needed to feel heard somewhere.
I'm a 28 year old woman and writer who has been published in some major magazines and websites as of late and my writing even shared a cover with a grade A celeb and touched on a topic I'm incredibly passionate about. Not one of my family members or close friends has expressed interest or read anything I've written this far that I know of. Neither has anyone even personally congratulated me on any of my recent accomplishments.
Is this hurt coming from a place of entitlement, maybe? Is they lack of interest in my life do to the types of folk in it? I feel so hurt. So far in life, I have never really sought out acknowledgement for anything. And sadly, I've noted I'm mostly acknowledged solely on my physical appearance
It's very glaringly apparent on social media in particular. For example a photo of myself will get a lot of likes and comments but my paintings, art, writing, or any other passion projects go mostly ignored. Even by my family and friends. (And hey I wouldn't claim to be a pro at of these things but my art and writing have gone for high dollar amounts so I know they aren't so bad people just cringe and ignore them, haha)
Does anyone else, particularly "attractive" women or people, deal with this?
How would I get people to care about these things. Or how can I approach this topic with a loved one.
I just want someone to feel proud of me for something other than being a girlfriend, wife, having a baby or being considered attractive to some people.
It hurts to see my friends and family so engaged with each others lives on the basis or marriage and kids but show zero interest in what's up with me. Is it because in not married or a mother yet?
I just had to express this somewhere as its really been weighing on my self esteem and sense of accomplishment.
Thanks for listening.
TL;DR
Loved ones *heart* my *selfies* and ignore my major career and academic accomplishments. Am I alone in this?
Edit: I just wanted to tell you all how much your feedback means to me!
A lot of great advice and pov's that have made me feel quite a bit better/see another side of the coin.
The lot of you rock and made a stranger feel a bit better today.
Will be posting some of my art for those asking!
If you love and are proud of someone, tell them :)
stupidshrimpy
I’ve had to say those words to my husband before. “I’d like you to read this bc I’m very proud of my hard work and I want to feel validated”
NancyReaganSchoolOfGawk
I’m proud of you
brahmasiddhartha31415
Fk em. If you enjoy what you do, do it. If you are doing it so others can appreciate it, ten you are in the wrong business
forgotiwasfine
You wouldn't ask your butcher why they don't sell bread. Find people who share your interests (easier did than done, I know).
gemini3152
Is there somewhere online where I can read your material?
CorneliusCornwall
I'm proud of ya. Hell I'd put your art on the fridge if I could
Avikus
@op it’s normal. People see with their eyes, not with their minds. They see a selfie and say “wow!” You tell them you worked hard for yrs…
lemmesmashplease
Another Theory: It might be the algorithm your social media platform uses. Facebook, for instance, will only show your friends specific 1/2
lemmesmashplease
post you make on your friend's newsfeed. Facebook chooses what people see and what they don't.
Onlyhereforthelaughs
"Is this hurt coming from a place of entitlement, maybe?" No. Don't even think that. You are allowed to be proud of accomplishments.
01010101011100110110010101110010011011100110000101101101e
Don't look for validation in Facebook likes, that's the only advice I can give after reading this
bezobzira
Can we see some of the art? My sis probably feel underappreciated, yet completely unaware she is the actual reason I don't have soc media
Loveisntafeelingitsanability
Will be posting! ❤
tilly506
Please share some art here!
Goldenteckel
"Force et courage" from a french fellow author! Your writings -personal or commissioned- will someday make their way in your folks' hearts!
Goldenteckel
Also, @op: I know, by experience, that being judged on good looks can be undermining. Your true accomplishments will win on the long run.
FrecklesIRL
I get this 100% I was raised believing my worth was how happy I could make the men in my life. My advice is ditch social media.
pelaaja0
Looks like your friends aren't very intrested in writing. Writing is common enough intrest to likely have local groups, internet if not.
Tommyknockerman
You are definitely not alone. I have 3 glorious children, a pilots license, am an Iraq war vet, and have helped out anyone in my family /2
Tommyknockerman
that's ever even hinted at needing a helping hand. Yet I get treated like an intruding outsider when I stop at the family house.
Tommyknockerman
Send me a link to your articles, I would love to read them :D
pinktux101350
This resonates with me! I was always told how pretty I was, until I wasn’t. Really messes with your head. I’ve had to learn who I am …
pinktux101350
Without their input. I still try and involve them because I love them but I am more than what they see, or don’t see. You are more. Shine!
pinktux101350
Be the best highly intelligent well rounded human that you can be. And don’t count on others to validate you. People are clueless.
RazorAndBladeSavedTheDay
Life is hard, adults are disappointing- no one will ever care about you as you do. Don’t look for sympathy, get into therapy
ColonelColon
Well here's a question. How much do you keep up with their career stuff and accomplishments that are outside of your own interests?
WedsBunneh
I can tell you as a published author... award winning even... no one in my family celebrates my accomplishments and it hurts like Fuck. 1/2
WedsBunneh
Have pride in yourself. Celebrate every win! Hell, DM me with anything new you've done and I'll be glad to cheer you on. I know how you feel
WedsBunneh
P.S. Many hugs and please know, you've done great things! Very proud of you.
thesameasyours
Start fucking with them. Tell them you're on the cover of penthouse. Or that you're having triplets, then bring out 3 puppies. Etc.
Loveisntafeelingitsanability
Hahahaha
MrPhucket
It’s okay. Imgur will downvote your selfies and your accomplishments.
MadOatmeal
Not if you place your pretty face next to it though... See it all the time on this site.
Loveisntafeelingitsanability
Hahahaha
HerrHat
If they feel you are better looking than they are (in their mind silently), they might not wanna admit to themselves that someone might 1/
HerrHat
be good looking and smart and/or artistic/skillfull etc. Admitting such might make themselves feel bad about themselves. 2/
HerrHat
atleast that's how i caught myself thinking back in the days and i had to intentionally learn away from it. - they might also be dicks. 3/3
saltyPopcornkitty
I don’t get what “attractive” means in this context - do you feel people should pay more attention because you’re pretty? I’m confused
Narwhalzipan
Nah, she's saying it feels like people only care about how she looks, and not any of the actually important/meaningful things shes done.
saltyPopcornkitty
Aah thank you
Loveisntafeelingitsanability
You flip flopped by point. Women appear to be more highly valued on our appearances than anything else. It least in my experience. It sucks.
gpixelVillain
Men are more highly valued If they are rich, i guess thats Life...
IupvoteAussies
As a chick, I'd LOVE to be valued primarily based on wealth, accomplishments, and personality instead of looks
AnxiaTeaDD
From someone who’s experienced similar with my own family, what you’re feeling is because you care about them so you care about their 1/
AnxiaTeaDD
opinion of you. Maybe try talking to one or some of them about how you feel, that appreciate the compliments they do give you, ask what 2/
AnxiaTeaDD
their thoughts are on your work and that it would mean a lot to you if they gave their opinion more on your work. But also prepare 3/
AnxiaTeaDD
yourself that you may never get the response you want. And while it sucks at first, you don’t need their feedback to show your greatness.
imabigasstree
As an aspiring write, I'm SO proud of you!! This is a terrifying career to jump into. May i ask, What do you write about?
Loveisntafeelingitsanability
So I have a full time job writing in the pet tech industry (would say company but then my identity would be given away, haha)
Loveisntafeelingitsanability
BUT I also write freelance pieces on a myriad of topics, culture, beauty, and environmental stuff.
imabigasstree
Environmental stuff is what i wanna write about!!
Goldmarble
I looked. I saw no arts. I was disappointed. Wanted to comment on your arts.
SnoopyDancing
me too!
Loveisntafeelingitsanability
Ok-will post some! ?
akashakat
Also me!
akashakat
Especially writing. What do you write about?
IJustReallyWantedTo
People take me and my achievements more seriously now I stopped posting selfies and post things I am passionate about instead.
Loveisntafeelingitsanability
Yeah, this is a bit problematic. We are all more than one thing.
IJustReallyWantedTo
When people can't handle my identity as more than one thing, I pick the one thing for them.
gotohe11carolina
Your work is published and circulated. This speaks of your competence. Don’t allow your competence to be tied to validation. They’re not=
OmniXBro
As a non-attractive person, who ALSO hasn't done anything notable, I feel...irked reading OP's whole post. Imagine how shit OUR lives are!
ciggysizz
the best advice here honestly. They may be like me and think that career accomplishments are stupid bc work is work, and joy is life outside
palmo
I don't think that's the issue here. OP seems to be saying that they are bummed because their actual accomplishments are ignored by people(1
palmo
That she cares about. She indicated that they acknowledge and celebrate her selfies and her appearance but ignore what she is proud of(2
palmo
You're kinda minimizing the fact that it's get loved ones that aren't acknowledging her. Having something you're proud of and having(3
palmo
The people that you want to share that feeling of accomplishment with ignore it is a pretty shit feeling(4
tschallacka
Welcome to adulthood, where you slowly learn to realise that nobody gives a shit about Nything that doesnt affect them. Learn to be proud of
ript11
On an alternative note, people also lead complex lives. This plays into why they don’t pay as much attention outside of wht they control
ript11
But I agree, it’s important to believe in yourself primarily. If you do encounter someone who admirers/understand ur work, do cherish them
Theoldredeyes
Ya hit it on the nail. Also depends on what you do tradesmen or woman get compliments but writers and programming don't.
TheGamerGuy94
my mum literally told me she wasn't proud of my univeristy degree because she didn't understand what I was doing. Didn't attend graduation.
DarkSock
She jelly, bruh
Loveisntafeelingitsanability
That's terrible. Congratulations!!! That's a major accomplishment!
Loveisntafeelingitsanability
What if the content I'm writing does affect them though haha, although some people might deny this ??
Rosselini
Unless you hit them with your article “affecting” is extremely subjective. Same thing with the selfies: they connect with you, but (1/2)
Rosselini
They do not necessarily connect to your work. And this is deemed quite “normal”
tschallacka
Of your accomplishments, for yourself,without the need for external validation.
Mostlydeadpool
^ this. all the way. relying on other people to make yourself happy is a sure fire way to find out people suck.
datphone777365
fuckin this. do things cus ya want to/need to not because ya want head pats.
lgwingnut
This is the truth of it. I make games, and I've been a part of some bangers. Only one of my friends has played them and that's okay.
Salkcin
Which bangers pray tell? Might want to have a lookie look
lunchboxbilly
oh wow. This is actually great to hear its a shared experience of adulthood. I always just thought I was a loser
Dinkylicious
I let that get to me in my early 20s and am still learning to see it how most people in here suggest. It is hard though and I feel you ❤️
Loveisntafeelingitsanability
I am very much so! But it's great to celebrate with people you love.
Dinkylicious
I let
ezzyazeze
1/ Indeed. It is the only surefire way to keep moving forwards. Some won't acknowledge your achievements by choice...
ezzyazeze
2/ some by inaction, some by ignorance. There are countless reasons why people can and will leave you out in the cold; the best choice...
ezzyazeze
3/ is to value things yourself. This may give others the courage or drive to join you, and others may pull the opposite tack - the...
ezzyazeze
4/ core principle is as tschallacka says; start and rely on yourself. All that follows will merely be an addendum.
Hippb
I find this to be a reason to try to take an interest in others. It doesn't come naturally to most
KaraokeLemur
It's not that we're not interested, we've got limited intake bandwidth and we're flooded with information.
Hippb
That's true- I suppose lack of interest isn't usually the problem. Maybe time management is the skill to work on then?
KaraokeLemur
If there are twenty things requiring attention, and there's enough time for ten, no amount of time management will help. You have to choose.