I love work story posts, maybe you guys will like mine.

What I do

Do you rent an apartment, a house, a mobile home? Hell, do pay a guy fifty bucks a month to sleep in the unused dumpster behind the Chili's? Then at least once you have met me, or someone like me. I'm the guy that the property management company calls when they are too cheap to pay for a full electrician, plumber, or carpenter. I am all three of those things to a lesser (and cheaper) degree, and a lot of my repairs involve duct tape and hoping you move out before my repair falls to pieces. I go into people's place of comfort and security and I do my best to make them feel comfortable while I work. But I see some of the craziest shit. Let me tell you about some of it.

Aww Rats,

Normally I don't remove pests once they are present, my job is to find out how they got in and seal off the entrance. Get a work order from five college kids that rent a house from my company saying rats were spotted in the kitchen. I arrive and am greeted at the door by a very polite young man and a smell that is wafting out of the door, the open windows and any other opening in the building.
"Yeah, I think they're coming from the basement," He says.
"I'll take a look" I say as I struggle to hold down my chicken chow mein. I stumble down the basement stairs and look around with my flashlight. I run back up the stairs after getting a look as well as a case of Ptsd.
"So yeah, definitely rats in the basement, but they are probably attracted by the massive pile of garbage down there covering the floor, why is that there," I ask the kid.
"Oh we just save on trash bags by chucking it down the stairs. Don't worry, we clean it out every 6 months."

Kiss kiss bang bang.

Her- "Some kids vandalized my front door."
Me- "No problem miss I'll be out there shortly."
2 hours later I arrive with my wood repair kit and knock on the door
Her- "Yeah this is the vandalism right here," she says, pointing at what I at first didn't notice.
Me- ...
Her- ...
Me- "Oh I see... you mean the bullet holes..."
Her- "Yeah, stupid kids."
I really hate North Minneapolis

Gas Attack

When I get a gas call, company policy is to leave it to the gas company, but nine out of ten times someone just left their unlit stove burner running, so I'll go out anyways just for that sweet overtime hour. I arrived and knocked like always.
"Thanks for coming," she says as she leads me to the basement. I clench up a little since I can smell it once I hit the bottom of the steps. The lady follows me as I trace the leak to her furnace, which was just a little faulty and failed to light the gas when she turned her heat on.
"Okay that problems fixed miss,"
"Wasn't that dangerous, like, could we have died," she asks.
"Normally I would say yes but not this time."
"Why not," she asked.
"Well Miss, you did follow me down here with a lit cigarette, and when I arrived, your boyfriend was lighting a blunt in the living room with a crack lighter."

You find prizes

Toilet clogs are the bread and butter of the maintenance world (enjoy that visual by the way). And with that in mind, here is a list of what I have found blocking that device of modern civilization.
Paper towels, baby wipes (seriously those are not flush-able I don't care what the packaging says), clean diapers, dirty diapers, light bulbs, cereal, jello, pudding, towels, bars of soap, razor blades, tampons, every known type of silverware, golf balls, concrete, a shampoo bottle, rats, squirrels, a snake, bullet brass, a bra, socks, crocs, many many condoms, a vibrator, a bundle of money (the owner grabbed it right off my grinder bare handed), rope, sawdust, and one memorable time a skeletal human hand that a medical student stole from his class. TOILET PAPER ONLY PEOPLE!

What I have in common with cops and firemen.

Get a call about water pouring into the second floor apartment bathroom. I go straight to the third floor and knock. I hear the shower running, so i bang on the door. Shower still running and no answer. I know now what it is but pray to the maintenance gods that it isn't. I use my master key enter. I smell it, that smell that only a few professions come in contact with. I open the bathroom door and sure enough I was right. I reach over and turn off the water. Let me tell you, the human body sure makes a weird kind of soup when its been rotting for a few days in high humidity environment.

Maybe you liked these stories. I've got a ton more that I'm happy to post. I even wrote a book of them once that I put up for sale on Kindle. Give it a look if your interested https://www.amazon.in/Memoir-Maintenance-Alexander-Veligor-ebook/dp/B01JV86D6Q or don't, I'm not the boss of you guys