DumpingSh1tandBeingKind2
79261
2293
49
Feb 21, 2024 9:34 PM
DumpingSh1tandBeingKind2
79261
2293
49
RoombaTheAssaultVacuum
THREE DOG! AWOOOO! AND YOURE LISTENING TO GALAXY NEWS RADIO!
ADDGirl
That's almost exactly the story of my friend and her wife, but they've only ever had 2 dogs.
They did lose friends after the transition, but the rest of us fucking rallied and threw a damn party. (With permission. I made a Barbie cake where the dress is frosting because everyone who wants one should get a cake like that)
quade
THREE?! Their love story got even better!
Winterboer
Some day I aspire to work in an office where nobody jokes behind anybody's back.
sihark
this makes me happy
magikmarker
Management sets the tone, no tolerance for BS
Clarysage
There was a nonbinary artist in the first year while I was in the last year of my degree, they chose Kid as their name and every time I ran into them I said 'All right, our Kid?' in full Yorkshire, which I'm pretty sure was very annoying. They were the first non-binary person I'd ever really talked to. I was so proud of the whole of the art block for the way they treated Kid, which was exactly the same way they treated everyone else.
LucilleWhoKnowsNot
There's a young person at my work who is trying to find their place in this world. Some days she's Sara, some days he's Theo. I don't see a problem here. I do ask who they are today so I don't mis name them
psynaut2718
Wholesome
djrinni
The BEST kind of update about a trans person
MrKnowItAll1903
Weiner Dogs?
dasharknbear
I have had 3 coworkers transition in the past 18 years at my job. Many people don’t know how to react. It’s been an interesting experience. Probably the best line I heard was when a male transitioned to female and no one recognized her. One of her coworkers started hitting on her. She eventually said “you dont realize is me?” And when he did he said “wow you got really really hot!” She was flattered and the rest of the team made up of mostly males all had a good laugh.
AnnieGoolahee
It's so easy to respect people who are different, that's what's so flippin confusing to me. It's hate that takes effort. What an exhausting life these people lead for absolutely no dang reason.
blainetog
These people have built their entire worldview on the foundation of biological sex equating perfectly to gender and gender roles. JK Rowling knows she's a woman because she looks down and sees female genitals, and that certainty allows her to orient herself in the world. If, however, looking down doesn't automatically imply anything, her entire philosophical system falls apart. She HAS to challenge the existence of trans people because the alternative is reworking her worldview from scratch.
kadaeux
I never understood why I should hate people for their skin colour, nationality, sexuality etc. If I’m gonna hate someone it’s going to be because they earned it on a personal level.
RatoMolhado
Their dad, probably:
ThatKindaThief
Heelcat70
Republicans: "We need to protect them there dogs from them preverts."
Casually
I like the update.
echonite
I mean, honestly thats the only portion that matters.
LegendaryGrumpyCat
Missed the chance to use "pupdate"
DumpingSh1tandBeingKind2
It's absolutely perfect!
Illumian85
This is really fucked up. It's wild to me that people aren't more mad about this blatant abuse of science. What kind of unethical doctor would operate on a woman such that she could birth dogs.
iatezola
right. two chicks? should be cats.
kadaeux
Look son, not all of us mad doctors want to blow up the world or turn people into dinosaurs…. Well not *only* those things…
SunderedShadow
I want pics (of the dogs)
Cytos
Acceptance is more common than hate. Ad dollars don't pay for stories on people being reasonable.
mcoulter876
Or... hear me out... we treat EVERYone this way.
euphoricopportunity
Three dogs? That's outrageous!.... /S.
margeree
Where does your dad work. I want to work there.
JaTheRed
keillrandor
Sounds a little woof.
Dragonfury5
So is she a lesbian now? I've always struggled with understanding how sexuality changes when gender does
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
Might have already been bi or pan. And seems to be lucky that her partner was, as well. Personally I don't think I could be in a romantic relationship with my husband if he started presenting as female. It's simply not attractive to me. I would guess I'd stay in the marriage till our kids were older, and I'd still love my spouse and we'd be friends so it would be ok for a bit. But eventually I'd want another romantic relationship, I think.
ZK383
WTF is a "Chiefing Position?"
Trelis
If you are unable to guess what it is, you will likely never assume such a position.
Dragonfury5
I'd assume they couldn't think of the actual word (i.e. management/ high ranking) and just picked the closest substitute
ZK383
It's not a word, which is the point of my comment.
sometimesarobot
Manager-y I suppose. "Chief Executive Officer" sort of deal.
ZK383
My initial problem was the font used here in Imgur made it look like "Chiefling" and I was very confused, I looked closer, and it's "Chiefing" but, that still doesn't help.
Djones06236
He literally told you what a "chiefing" position would be. CEO, CFO, CTO, etc.
Please, try to keep up.
ZK383
Fuck off. There's no such thing as a "Chiefing Position" regardless of what someone postulates it might be, and you certainly don't "Know" what it would be either. Try to keep up and not be a snarky asshat.
Djones06236
Poor guy doesn't know about Chief ____ Officers in most large companies. Strange hill to die on when it's a literal "chiefing" position.
CrypticThings
I'll fully admit if anyone I know comes out as trans I'll probably accidentally refer to them the wrong way on multiple occasions. Half my family has trouble keeping names straight, and I'm one of them. There have been entire conversations where someone has used one of my cousins' names instead of mine, and no, the owner of the names gender doesn't help narrow the list. It gets 'fun' when you play telephone with family news. I fully give the hypothetical person permission to dope smack me.
Artebudz
I have a male name, spent most of my life with a chunk of my family and some neighbours ect referring to me by a female name. Add in all the nicknames and other various mixed up names people call me, barely feel like I actually have a single name of my own, just numerous slightly different aspects of myself going by different names
Milkarius
I have a trans friend and i sometimes messed up her name. She never minded it since it was obvious (to her) that I'm just shite with names. I got more shit from her when i accidentally called her my cats name
Ulthirm
I don't blame people who knew me pre transition, nor those who mostly knew me through my voice. I blame those who do it with intent however. I will say though that in my personal experience, being told "sorry" or rapidly trying to correct yourself is more jarring and dysphoria triggering than just ignoring it. It forces me to think about it.
Kaleopolitus
Don't worry about it. Just be honest and up front. Ask them to be patient, but also consistent with you. You want to be corrected every time but with patience and understanding. You, too, have a right to be treated like a human being.
dycedycedyce
i've been saying one thing to a friend forever: [DEADNAME], YOU MARRIED HER! now i still have to come to terms with [NAME], YOU MARRIED HER! she's okay with it if i screw up. i try not to screw up.
IAmTheBadW01f
I had a friend transition after knowing them for years and their chosen name was similar to their discord username which made it easy to remember but their deadname slipped out occasionally
wantfastcars
There's a huge difference between doing it accidentally because you forgot and doing it on purpose or just because you don't care. We can tell, and most of us are pretty chill about the former.
epicfail48
I cant speak for all trans people, nor can i speak from firsthand experience as a trans person (on account of not being one), but i will say that of the plethora of trans people ive interacted with, they were all completely understanding when i slipped up with pronouns. Worst i ever got was corrected on which pronouns they would like me to use, which is a completely understandable reaction. As long as its not something youre doing to be intentionally malicious, people are pretty chill
Richter12x2
Same. I mean no disrespect, I just don't have a lexicon for how this works yet. Like my daughter mentioned that her friends older sibling was trans. Their family came trick or treating and they were dressed as a female character, and I was "Wow awesome job, looks exactly like them" so I assumed it was a guy transitioning. Later found out they were born female, identify as male, but crossdressing for Halloween. And my brain just locked up. In no way a judgement on them, just processing error.
RayneOfSalt
They may have trouble keeping names straight, but do they have trouble keeping names gay?
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
My child came out as non-binary last summer, and my husband and I both accidentally say she/her sometimes still. But I explained to my kid that we were so used to it, we have to train ourselves to change. They themselves even use she/her sometimes. It takes time, but as long as you acknowledge it, you try, and you get better/correct yourself when you make a mistake, it's fine. I think they/them is harder because it's plural, you automatically start a sentence thinking of singular and then you /1
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
have to go back and change the sentence to plural. Plus it's confusing because I'll be talking about one kid and people will think I've switched to talking about both my kids. I really wish a purely singular non-binary pronoun had caught on. But people don't use it so we're stuck with "they". /2
spittytrinkles
I'm one of five kids and when Mum would shout at us, she would invariably have to go through at least three names to get to the target of her wrath, we would egg her on and laugh as she went through the list, by the time she got your name right, her rage had subsided and you'd just get a scolding. I had a friend who was an only child, he saw this happen once and said "Wow, my Mum just hits me." Mum hugged him tightly and said "Jason, when you're in my Home, you're on my fucken list."
RichterCa
I find that when I'm in the room with a trans friend, I have no problem using the correct pronoun. But when I'm talking ABOUT them, and they're not around, I'm about 50/50.
KiwiGameDev
Misgendered someone today, just corrected myself and moved on, as is generally desired
porcinechoirmaster
This. I have a very hard time changing pronouns from what I'm first introduced to a person with. So, if they're MTF trans? They're getting she all the time, no issues. Cis dude? He, no problems. FTM trans on introduction? He, again, not a problem.
But if someone CHANGES after I meet them, I will spend a literal year fucking up pronouns.
kilgoth1
Yeah. It's pretty difficult for me and mine. The parents as well as me keep dead naming my sibling. It's a tough thing to get used to when you've known them one way for their whole life.
They are understanding about it for now and most of the dead naming is talks between us but still...
Kbantar
I've always had an odd problem with pronouns of people and even pets. I will sometimes use the wrong one for some individuals including myself but never others. So glad English isn't a gendered language.
volock
I struggle so much with a couple HS friends when we talk about the past. In the present I don't really ever slip. But talking of the past it's hard to get it right
Slots
Don't forget the family pets in the names list as well.
CrypticThings
Yup.
TheSwedishCryptid
The biggest difference is trying and being genuine, most people can see thru the ones that don't even try vs those that actually try.
EmeraldNight
There's a huge, obvious difference between active malice and honest mistakes. It's hard to get used to new thing sometimes and as long as you're putting forth an honest effort to try to get the new name and pronouns down you're fine.
Audasity
i still call my wifes friend by her old last name by mistake once in a while...... shes been married almost 20 years. theres an intersection close to my house that used to be a 4 way stop, 15 years ago. i still stop once in a while on the road that no longer has the stop. its annoying
PikaChunin
I've had a few friends transition. It's tough to rewrite that part of my memory. I have difficulty remembering names as it is, but once I do they usually stick REALLY hard, and pronouns do the same for me. But with reinforcement and effort, I was able to get consistent with it. It's been a long time since I've misgendered any of them. But oh boy did it take a year or so for each to really lock in! But we're friends. They know me, and know I was trying hard. That's what matters. Love my friends!
pudaheh
It's easier if you're meeting someone for the first time to keep their pronouns straight. Someone in your family? Challenging.
In my experience most trans people understand that it's an adjustment for everyone. The thing that's insulting is misgendering someone on purpose.
MrsHowVeryDareYou
Or just not giving a shit is insulting. Honest mistakes are fine, and you don’t even have to be like OMG IM SOOOO SORRY, you can just say “sorry, I meant she” and keep it moving.
topscienceb
Hi trans woman hear, you will make mistake ive called myself my dead name it happens, but i know i have snapped if someones used the wrong name and it wasn't about them it was about the 20 others that day. Be kind do your best and some understanding on both sides goes a long way!
Mairoa
The self deadname is always the most awkward fr
Heavenissize17socks
I used to get irked when my Dad called me by my brother's name. Now, with three cats, I understand! Half the time I mix up the boys names; they understand but still glare at me! My mom said that when someone close to you calls you by the wrong name, accept it as them calling you 'beloved'.
kimchipizza
I love that. That's so wonderful!
DumpingSh1tandBeingKind2
Oh same! But I really hope they'll understand, and I'm fairly certain that they would, that it's a genuine honest mistake and not a refusal to accept or a dig... I mix up my kids names when talking to them sometimes! I'd definitely dead name by accident, but I'd immediately apologise, i just hope it wouldn't cause any offence 😬😬
artisanbutnotartistic
Lol, don't feel bad! I have 2 sisters and my dad used to do "roll call" until he got the right name. I think as long as it's an honest mistake until you adjust to their new name you would be forgiven :)
CrypticThings
I've kinda wanted to go onto the ask Trans subreddit to see what people think about that, but I asked to clarify why a word I was considered a slur and got shit. I take most of the blame since I'm not good at wording things, but I don't think saying "I don't like that it's considered a slur, but I'm not trans so my opinion on it doesn't matter." Deserves the amount of hate I got for it.
delecti
Unfortunately it can be hard to tell the difference between someone who genuinely doesn't understand but is trying to learn, and someone who is disingenuously "just asking questions" as a way to cover for being a dick. Without plenty of evidence that you're in the first group, marginalized communities will tend to assume you're in the second.
grandopening
For future reference.....the wording would be "I learned that this is a slur and I'm not certain how or why. Could you please help me to understand?"
grandopening
Yo @OP: For future reference.....the wording would be "I learned that this is a slur and I'm not certain how or why. Could you please help me to understand?"
CrypticThings
The fact I was only like 16 or so at the time and grew up in a very conservative area probably didn't help make me sound like not an asshole. But yeah, the word was/is commonly used to describe a certain type of character in ,mostly, anime. Which past me couldn't understand why a word used to describe fictional characters was a slur. Took a while of back and forth till someone linked an article that had a direct connection with the word and a Hate crime to get it. Which is then when I said that.
grandopening
Always remember that you are worthy. Recognizing and working through past beliefs is not an unworthy battle. I come from the same background.
One of my favorite idioms my Mom espoused was, " I am free, white, and over 21.. So I can do as I please"
It took me many years to understand how racist that "empowering" statement was.
I realize, now, how much racism was in that small exchange.
It takes many years to rifle through endemic racism to be able to eliminate it. It's a process.
CrypticThings
I am a very blunt person, and at the time, it seemed to me like how some people use the OK sign for white supremacy. To me, it just seemed so arbitrary, and like letting others win. I did know full well I had no say in it, though. Thus, "I don't like that its a slur, but my opinion doesn't matter." I've gotten a better understanding of the difference now, but I can't change the past. I'm still a blunt person and bad with words though so I've decided NOT to accidentally be a fuckwit.
AndThenThereWereSquirrels
I have a good friend who still gets it wrong six months after I came out. We see each other at least every week. Some folks are just not able to re-wire quickly, it's not your fault.
empire161
Also definitely depends on the circumstances. A friend I knew my whole life changed her first name. She didn’t come out in any way, wasn’t legal/formal, so I struggled because it felt like she was just trying out a nickname. But my best friend changed his last name at 18yo because his dad abandoned him, and I 100% never used that old name again.
mdb9937
Honest question, is it fair to say you would be willing to give someone a pass as long as they were respectful and trying? I worry about coming across that situation and being respectful and trying and still being offensive.
ViscousCousCous
As a trans, my personal feelings in no way speak for the community as a whole or any other individual... that said, I always know when someone is being disrespectful about it. They want you to know. The ones who are just used to a different way and are trying definitely deserve your patience, and your honesty. My dad would mess up all the time, and I had to tell him how much it hurt for things to really get better, but he never meant to hurt me, even if it did. I've been trying to be 1/
ViscousCousCous
a good ambassador for the community, being honest about my own experience, and talking openly to anyone who asks, even if it's uncomfortable, awkward, or even if the other person is trying to degrade me. Thankfully that doesn't happen often but I know others where that's all they know. Be as kind as you can, whenever you can, but don't take shit from folks. They aren't worth your dignity, or your anguish, but also try to not punish your loved ones for doing their best. It's hard but you got this
mdb9937
Thanks for your thoughts on this. Like I said to Ladynaween, everyone deserves respect as a human being. I think the world could be so much a better place if we could at least give each other that.
LadyNaween
All trans folks I know, myself including, don't take offense as long as you try. No one is perfect, and old habits can be hard to break. But if you are like my mom and REFUSED to use Sara for aaaaages then.. thats another matter. But on accident? eh dont sweat it. :) Just go.. oops sorry, correct and try again
gbermudez715
That is very refreshing to hear. I personally am an ally and do my best not to assume gender and call people by their preferred pronouns. Their are toxic people from every community and I needed to hear this sentiment after a recent experience. Went to donate to an LGBTQ organization and was immediately chastised for being a “cis-male fuck”. I hadn’t gotten a word out before that exchange. Came up to the stand with a smile. Toxicity can come from every side. We should all just try and be kind
Somnipresent
Hi Sara! That's my mum's name. It's a pretty one.
nracker
That sucks.
A guy we knew back then changed his name 15 years ago, my friends and I still have a hard time remembering he changed his name. It is hard.. really hard.
LadyNaween
It can be yeah. I know I struggle with they/them pronouns myself. I tend to forget names as fast as people tell them to me, so learning a new is easy :) but they them.. i keep tripping up. we can just keep trying
mdb9937
To me, refusing = disrespect. And no matter who you are and what your lot in life is, everyone deserves respect as a human being, regardless on whether you agree or disagree.
LadyNaween
Absolutely!