dontneedtoproveanything
90233
1996
176
Just a typical story of a guy that worked his ass off (at one point two full time jobs) to support family. Been laughed at by my wife especially when her friends were around (my friends were no good so I wasn't allowed to see them). Tried my best to raise our Daughter. To make sure we were financially stable I started another full time job as I knew the first one will end in 12 months. 9 months in two full time jobs (8hrs night shift, 2 hours sleep then go to different job for 8,5hrs when back 3 hours sleep, repeat 5 days a week for 12 months) she tells me she doesn't love me anymore. All loans were on my name only, she never worked until then. I have personally earned and furnished a house to her liking. Also despite working two full time jobs (where obviously I've earned twice as much than in any given year) we have 0$ on shared (I was foolish and in love eh?) account. Before divorce she made sure to make me miserable and scared to sleep in the same house with her (threats of breaking the car and burning my clothes) she dumped my clothing outside the house and when I went to get it she locked the doors and inserted the keys into all lock to keep me out. Went to get police to help me enter our/my? house then I packed and left.
Couch surfing for a week till I got paycheck, then motel/hostel like accommodation to start on my own. Ex Immediately started restricting my time with Daughter.
Depression sets in (or just feeling extremely low, I'm not a doctor). I thought since I can't see my Daughter and I can't afford lawyers I need to earn more. Job searching puts me half way across the country with 2x as much salary. All that was taking time... it took 2 years... went to court. She claims I'm abusive psycho and abandoned Daughter. Court agrees and I can only wee Daughter 2 a month for few hours... All going good, then I got to trampoline park and tear ligaments in a knee. puts me out of job for over a year. I move to my parents because I'm broke.
My Mom starts a business where she earns a lot of money, I get to work for her and get decent income. I move out and finally live on my own. Now I sit alone in a big apartment typing this... I feel nothing but sadness... I can't even look at women anymore, you can call me Incel I don't care. I just can't trust any woman anymore to be my SO. Yes I would really wish to be loved by one but I have no trust left. And I feel devoid of even shred of other feelings.
TLDR; long story short, being a guy sucks donkey balls. Divorce, loosing touch with Daughter, some time later Life going good again but no joy left in OP.
To all that made it to the bottom I salute your dedication! May you feel all that I can't!
PS: English is not my native language.
MuthaFnJoker
Been through that twice myself mate. Fight for your daughter and don't lose hope. There are many great women out there.
Sylviastout
Therapy might be able to help you sort out your negative thoughts and clear your mind to take the next step into getting more time w/ur kid
Communik8
It's not a gender thing..its a good people, fucked up people thing...
TCGView
Parents who keep children from their other parents are the worst kind of people...unless that other parent was abusive, there is no excuse.
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
This isn't from being a guy. This is from being a victim of abuse. Plenty of people of both sexes are treated this way unfortunately.
alpacawacka
Depression is not just sadness or anger. Sometimes it's numbness. It's time for therapy & healing. You've been through a lot.
MadameRainbowPants
It’s not a guy only thing. Being a human that got fucked over like this sucks. I’m sorry for all the shit @OP. Can I send you a card?
ddrfr33k
1. Talk to a therapist. 2. Talk to a lawyer. She screwed you over, and you don't deserve that
CeleryMcToebeans
I think going to therapy to talk about things would help you out. Get an objective point of view. I only wish you the best.
BerryJams
Yes everyone needs a check up from the neck up, especially in life altering events.
IHaveTwoCuteDoggies
Yeah it might teach him stop portraying himself as a victim yet also the incredible yet only hero of his little world.
wotwotwotwotwat
what the fuck? he is the victim.. i can tell by your comment you are a narcissistic piece of shit like his ex
belly0621
JoeT85
@OP you're not gonna like this, but you allowed yourself to get treated like a doormat and you still are. See a damned lawyer.
dontneedtoproveanything
I'll take harsh truth any day! than gift wrapped bullshit. thank you! :)
CornwindEvil
You're not an incel. An incel is innately narcissistic and entitled, and you are clearly not.
loleatit
I would like to hear what she has to say, but she's not here to defend herself.
dontneedtoproveanything
True! How I wish she could make her case! There's always somebody like you who is skeptical(which is good). If people could only see
dontneedtoproveanything
what I've seen and experience it.
CBArtist
I'd like to hear her side of the story. I bet it's entirely different. Courts very rarely restrict time with either parent. See a Dr.
dontneedtoproveanything
Court didn't restrict the time I could spend with Daughter, ergo....
Skunkpowers
This. In my job, I often hear both parents' side separately. Generally, each claims to be Parent of the Century while the other is Satan.
dontneedtoproveanything
I never tried to "dress" anything up in the court. I'm no perfect, and I'm painfully aware of that. Whats the point of lying to the court?
PaulNewmansGhost
What's your job? Do you seek the truth of the matter?
ResonantPause
Talk to a therapist. You aren't alone and there are people who can help you. You have one life so dont wait to feel better - make it so.
ResonantPause
Women are just people too and all of us are fucked up inside. Get a professional to help you - there is no shame in it!
matusaleninxys
Stay strong man... I am in the same situation. 6 years now. Everything falls into place in time...
PaulNewmansGhost
Great piece of advice here. Believe it or not, it can get worse. So keep fighting for what's right.
Ayoshi9950
You are worth being happy. Get your self together and strong so you can fight for your daughter. We gotcha...DM always available to listen
BORGALOOGIE
JupitersWitch
It happens to women too. Haven’t seen my daughter in over a year. Lawyers and cops gave me bad information. I don’t have the $$$ to fight 1/
JupitersWitch
it. When you are woman everyoona assumes you are a bad Mom. When it happens to a guy everyday ne assumes the Mom is a bitch and the 2/
JupitersWitch
court favors her. The court doesn’t give a shit. My decree has meant nothing even though I’m the conservator.
elmonosabio
Been there. It gets better.
GrowlingCat
I was once in a relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder. The mental abuse sneaks up on you, and it takes a long...
GrowlingCat
time to feel whole again. But you will eventually learn to enjoy life, to trust and love again. Don't give up on your daughter..
GrowlingCat
fight for her and for her chances of getting out of a sick environment. Good luck!
yaboiskinnypeen
Sounds like the only girls approval that you need right now is your daughter. I can only hope you find the strength you need, and peace.
dontneedtoproveanything
That's all I can think of almost every day. So what if I'd find SO? so what? if I can't see my Daughter... I sometimes think
dontneedtoproveanything
women are better off without me and my problems anyway
Bonemamma
did you ever even see them and spend quality time with them working as much as you say. Someone who is exhausted isnt the most reasonable
dontneedtoproveanything
ever? yes. last year leading to divorce where I worked 2 jobs? no. I cried from exhaustion, and she said theres no going back to only
dontneedtoproveanything
one job because we lost gov support money so i need to work 2 jobs to compensate...
Gorilla50s
You had a classic narcissist in your life - through no fault of yours. Counseling would be a healthy choice now, so you CAN find that SO.
Gorilla50s
Never surrender to doubt: You may miss a good person because you've decided that ALL women are like your ex. NOT TRUE.
Gorilla50s
Figure yourself out, then you will be better able and ready to be in a committed relationship. Has to be happy for both people.
SurfingWithTheAlien
Don't give up. Be the better man for your daughter.
candiduscorvus
He's been the better man. The problem is that has not mattered.
dontneedtoproveanything
I want to be, but in this case I may need help from more adult adults, to help me adult through this :)
SurfingWithTheAlien
I'm not going to pretend I have a clue of what you are going through but I've been through some heavy shit and it does get better.
WastingMyLifeOneMemeATaTime
going by your post, you're more adult than some 40 year olds i've known, you can do this, push on & make it happen, whatever 'it' is for you
lywinis
Bro, as a the kid of a single dad, let me tell you, just being willing and wanting to see your kid will make a hell of a difference. 1/?
lywinis
Don't focus on the ex-wife, focus on making your life better for the kiddo. Always be willing to see her, listen to her, talk to her. 2/?
lywinis
Don't shit talk the ex (in her ear shot at least), get yourself some of that good therapy, and always be willing to work with 3/?
lywinis
The courts in custody hearings. If you can manage to go back for another hearing, I'd do so. Always show the kiddo you'll fight for her. 4/?
LuminoZero
Everything was in your name but you abandoned the fully furnished house?
Someshithead241
Sometimes you dont get a choice. Sometimes the court decides and they decide its hers for idk what reasons, but it happens a lot
dontneedtoproveanything
untill you sleep with phone in your hand under the pillow, you wont know the anxiety ive been through
LuminoZero
And you didn't call the police due to threats on your person or property?
dontneedtoproveanything
so I'd get laughed at by police?
LuminoZero
A previous poster said it well. The wife may have taken advantage of you, but you LET her do it. Stop being a doormat.
dontneedtoproveanything
well there's nobody in my life to be doormat for. And now I'm lawyering up for the road ahead
CBArtist
Yeah, I don't buy whatever this guy is trying to sell.
dontneedtoproveanything
I welcome your skepticism. Not everybody is materialistic. I value my life somewhat higher than a house
PaulNewmansGhost
Can't evict a cohabitant (different from a tenent) from, what is now, the "family home", or sell without their consent. If spouse has no ...
PaulNewmansGhost
Job the courts won't make her homeless, but OP's tax records will show that he earns plenty and can afford second dwelling.
jazzfactory
Let me be clear that I feel very bad for you and you did get shafted. But this is NOT happening because you’re a guy and your ex is a woman
digitalist1
I think he thinks this because he experienced something traumatic and now his brain just doesnt want to get hurt anymore.
jazzfactory
It’s happening because you’re a hardworking person and she isn’t.
ELECTRICTNT
I don't get what all this fighting is about. He did say just a typical story of a guy. Anf if he didn't mean it that way then who cares
Someshithead241
Where was this implied?
MeowMachine12
He said she hasnt had a job where are he's working 2 of them.
Someshithead241
And? Thats not implied it's for gender reasons, simply explaining the situation.
jazzfactory
It’s not implied. It’s fucking explicit. Tell Satan to get a new lawyer because you’re whole devils advocate schrick isn’t a good one
IHaveTwoCuteDoggies
Love how you're trying to be insightful yet still only have one side of the story.
jazzfactory
Look idk what she’s like, but my point is that his troubles are not due to her being one of those evil vagina monsters
IHaveTwoCuteDoggies
Ah. Visiting from the r/autismpill
Stunteggcrackinitup
I understand your point, but my suspicion is he meant the court process is still biased when it comes to child custody battles.
Copperbrat
If you think all women are the same and you no longer trust any of them, it's probably best that you don't help raise a daughter anyway.
jazzfactory
Fuck that’s a burn if I’ve ever seen one.
TheGreatBlueHeron
That was one of my first thoughts.
blackholevoid10011
Wow ice cold, Hey you single?
Someshithead241
It's not thinking they are all the same. It's being traumatized and having a hard time opening up and trusting. It's hurt not resentment.
TheGreatBlueHeron
I don't know, the guy himself implied he's an incel now.
Someshithead241
He implied people may call him that. Because when people get depressed they get incredibly self conscious and start to overthink, thinking >
Someshithead241
Things that arent true. Not to mention it's not hard to think that when people love to through that word around. He said it because hes been
Someshithead241
Hurt and is having trouble currently bringing himself to opening up again, something some see as thinking all women are the same. So you >
onetimebear
When bitten by a dog, generally people don't immediately run out and start grabbing dogs to see if they'll get bit again.
TheGravityOfTheSituation
They also don't go out and raise a dog.
Someshithead241
Yes actually, often they do. Although they may still be scared of larger dogs.
thesved
Implying that 50% of the population can be compared to a dog. No problems here, nope.
onetimebear
YES. I AM CLEARLY CALLING 50% OF THE HUMAN POPULATION, LITERAL DOGS THAT BITE. HUMANITY IS HALF DOGS, HALF MEN.
Someshithead241
Thats not how metaphors work.
onetimebear
Reification fallacy. They know damn well what they're doing and that it was a metaphor. Best not to engage seriously.
SVTFreak
Fight for your daughter like her life depends on it. It possibly does, even her future.
Mechame
This! If you can't see her often, get weekly phone calls. Establish a consistent relationship, and document any negative behavior by the Ex.
ExperimentAlpha
Single moms wreck their kids. Sad but true.
SVTFreak
Not always. But toxic moms do. I know some very good single moms. Kids do best with both parents though but it’s not always possible.
MyGreatestFearBoner
At least she is not an LPN that thinks she is a Dr. Falsifying medical records so our daughter has an even worse time being raised by mom >
MyGreatestFearBoner
But hey, they are catholic so obviously they are morally sound.
Mimsey
Statistically, fatherlessness is devastating for a person's predicted outcomes in life. Moreso than motherlessness, even.
SVTFreak
This is an unpopular fact but it’s true.
dontneedtoproveanything
I'm about to start the fight again. I have financial support to pay outstanding Child support and even accrued interests
dontneedtoproveanything
if there's such a thing (I just want to be Fair). Will make my case to court soon.
ItsTooHotInHere
Adult with divorced parents: the parent who fought for me got custody. I’m thankful they fought for me. Saved my life and mental health.
ItsTooHotInHere
That being said, best of luck to you. Short term it’ll be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, long term it’ll be the most rewarding.
Everynameistakenreally
It's important not to give up. From experience, persistent stability and love. Send presents. Just don't give up on her.
heeroyuy29
Don't forget, the imgur family has your back. Just keep us posted.
NakedGalaxy
This right here is important. My sister dated a guy who gave up. She dumped him because even once the kid was old enough the guy didn't even
NakedGalaxy
try to contact his son or send him anything for Christmas. He told her it was no use, the kid hates him. She said so what? You're the adult.
MsSchadenfraulein
A lot of places have support groups for this. Find and join one. If there isn’t one, start it. Having support will help!
yubisaki
Sorry to be blunt but this doesn't seem to have anything to do with your gender. Your marriage failed and your partner abandoned you 1/2
theyar
It doesn't happen when genders are reversed.
yubisaki
You can't buy loyalty by providing nice things to someone. It sounds like you bought into an outdated ideal and blame her for letting you.
CephalopodLodge5
Yeah, kinda hard to argue with you on that one. Live by stupid, get hurt by stupid.
Vysard
Or maybe he was an innocent and naive person who wanted to give the person he loved the things she asked for, and it was never enough.
Vhyson
It's never enough.
IHaveTwoCuteDoggies
Look at how much the guy talks about himself and his problems. Custody is strictly about the daughter not how difficult his life is.
Someshithead241
He never said that he should have custody for these reasons. Only venting about his depressive state and that losing custody after being >
Someshithead241
Called a psycho abuser is one of the many reasons he is in such a shitty situation. He no doubt knows custody is about his daughter and is>
Someshithead241
why he is trying to right his life before he fights for it. He is simply upset about the outcome, not implying he should have got it for >
Someshithead241
I'm missing where he made any implication that this was about gender.
HighFunctioningSociopath221B
It's not the whole point of the post, but he does say "Tl;dr, being a guy sucks. " Plus, the title.
Someshithead241
I've explained this twice. It's being read into wrongly
HighFunctioningSociopath221B
Maybe people are taking exception to your having said "implication ", when op twice blatantly makes gender an issue.
Curiousone545
^ that'sbait.gif
Someshithead241
No, it's not. I'm just fucking baffled since at no point in the post does he blame gender ar All.
Curiousone545
...Come on man. I believe you know how to read, and that the title clearly states" being a guy", & the meme, TLDR, post... Nope. Trolling.
emacity
He doesn't dwell a ton on it, but, the title.
Someshithead241
Which doesn't imply any of it happens because he is a guy simply that, unlike some people believe, men are privileged and sometimes its >
Someshithead241
Fucking hard. THAT is what its saying. Against popular belief, sometimes it is hard to be a guy. But that doesn't mean these things happened