sololander
107626
3157
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Jul 11, 2019 10:13 AM
sololander
107626
3157
42
Blank1612
Imagine seeing a child drowning, but not being able to help him/her because you can't swim either. Would be nightmare...
SarahEAqua1
Reminds me of a fave: water is a portal to a world where you can fly, but you can’t breathe.
teenagekungfu
Can't tell you how many new job offers I've had since I put "confident swimmer" on my resume.
flipskibbens
My brother didn't know how to swim but he was tall so he would stay just deep enough to stand. Learned when he was 36.
gearsmith
Used to love swimming, but I have psoriasis and now can't. Public pool? counts as open wound. Beach? Oh god the disgusted looks and talk.
oddyberry
Never was a good swimmer as i was younger, learned to swim good when i was round 15. When i was 19 i took PADI open water-license! Love it!!
TheGingerGod
My dad basically used the fly or die tactic for teaching me how to swim as a child and now I hate swimming
FrostyCatQueen
I love to swim. My mother also dropped me in the pool when I was little and I took off. Swimming ever since.
FrostyCatQueen
My friend,however,nearly drowned as a child and can't swim. Hates deep water. I can't imagine being that way, the water is so freeing to me.
pteridomania
This some @mrpuckett level wholesomeness here
Monka42
As a swim instructor I completely agree with this! If anybody wants some tips on where to start please message me! We really just like water
keshro
Soon 31 & cant swim. Get panicky when water reaches face area and especially can't stand water in my ears.
neddyhill
Check out your local pool - there should be adult lessons. Swim teachers are really awesome about making you comfortable - we enjoy it.
GadenKerensky
Somehow, I think any instructor shaming people for not knowing the thing they instruct is just a bad business practice.
tcgl
I had a yoga teacher loudly hassle me for not being able to flex my hips evenly. Even after I told her one is artificial. Never went back.
StarryPlough
I'm 30 years of age and other than times I've actually *gone swimming* I have never needed to know how to swim
crakerjac
When I was 3, my dad threw me off the end of the dock into the lake... he figured I would pop back up and figure out how to swim...
crakerjac
Long story short... it did not. Live in the land of 10,000 lakes and I was scared shitless of water until I was 11.
Sigge1981
At least you have saunas
Atria
Seven of my friends (age 26-32) don’t know how to swim. I just assumed everyone was forced to take classes every summer for 6 years.
Nihelus
I can swim but I dislike being in water. When I was 17 my dad thought I was scared and baited me into the pool by offering $20 if I could
Nihelus
beat him in a race. I got in, beat him, collected my $20 and stayed out again. Glad you enjoy it though @OP. Just not for me.
CallsignBacon
but remember swimming a long distance in the pool vs open sea are two different things. Many people drown at sea because they can swim a ->
CallsignBacon
a couple of pool lengths, then once the current and waves beat you back, that pool length just became 4 times as long.
TheGhostMinx
Competitive swimmer here: swimming is a helluva sport.
ImgursLibertarian
Found Brock Turner.
Bigcurly2000
Meh...Not funny.
srsfaceI8C
Swimming is a confusing sport. Sometimes you do it for fun, but sometimes you do it to not die.
azazyel
I swim better than I walk, I grew really fast and in the water was the only place I felt like I was coordinated
ItWasntSupposedToBeThisWay
Do you have a collection of dinglehoppers?
Rialgar
I can relate a lot. I prefer water to land in terms of pure comfort and mostly coordination.
neddyhill
Ditto - I teach swimming so I get to spend hours in the water almost everyday
Hungrypiemonger
change my mind: not dying in water is not a sport
IStoleALoafOfBread
not dying in water is floating - moving through water is swimming
Hungrypiemonger
but you can't just float forever, nobody has that kind of energy. you have to swim to land eventually.
IStoleALoafOfBread
current will float you to land...also, depending on body of water, you may not have energy to get to land either
PowwerOrb13
No guarantees that current is going inland. If an undertow grabs you and you can't swim, you're dead. Also what if it's a lake sans current?
Hungrypiemonger
lakes tend to have much less salt content making it harder to stay afloat.
monadi
Congratulations on learning a new skill!
sololander
Thank you
tdmc167
Make sure to level it up so that if water zombies attack you know what to do
SheikYurBooty
LOL!
soulscythe
*looks around* No one? Alright. Ahem.... "talk to swim"???
andwings2go
I think the only native English speaker is in the blue box
AaronPaulSturtevant
speech to text fuckup of "taught", i assume.
soulscythe
Ah, a fair suggestion.
unicornhunter904
In Florida we're thrown into a pool before our 1st birthday. Those that learn to doggy paddle survive. It weeds out the weak ones.
Sigge1981
*looks at Florida Man* does it, though?
PowwerOrb13
Does florid man really seem "weak" to you? Unstable maybe, but not weak
bripi
the *weak* ones...not the stupid!
anubisfike
The amount of people in the comments that didn't have anyone teach them how to swim or ride bikes or other normal stuff makes me sad.
andwings2go
Yea, growing up in Florida I was on a bike or in a pool from 2 through 16 yrs old
ImgursLibertarian
Cheers from The panhandle!
andwings2go
I'm at home with a neck injury today so it's your turn to do something wild for the news
ImgursLibertarian
My county produced that guy who kept planting meth on people.
ImgursLibertarian
RIGHT INFRONT OF HIS BODYCAM.
andwings2go
Port Richey, entire police force busted for selling drugs to hookers, several years later Mayor indicted as well
ilovedogknots
I dunno man the doggy paddle is pretty good that other way involves shoving your face underwater repeatedly
Rialgar
Not necessarily. breast stroke can be done with head above water if you want to. It's slower compared to head under, but works fine.
Rialgar
In fact I learnt head above water first and head under water was the variation.
anubisfike
You don't have to put your head under the water to swim... :)
neddyhill
Blow bubbles from your nose if you don't like putting your head under. Can't get water up your nose if you're blowing bubbles.
captaingrump
Grew up swimming but I really don't think I could teach someone to swim. Like... I couldn't teach somebody to breathe. Just... swim.
Monka42
There's baby steps to take. Bubbles/kicks, then scoops/head down, all 3 together, floats, and repeat.
NietMenno
*laughs in dutch*
7Spades
It's a class skill for us
rdhao
If your country is under sealevel people tend to wanna learn. Learned it in the “sloot” when i was young. :p
7Spades
Our lowest point is -7 meters, we better learn
Mrdudeman123
Praktisch alles en iedereen kan hier zwemmen, tis bijna levensgevaarlijk als je het niet kan hier
7Spades
Lang leve het leven onder zeeniveau
JackFlask
I'm 25, can't swim for shit, I can just not drown. Starting swiming lessons in 1 week
Averyveryboredhighschoolteacher
My dad just threw me in the pool. I figured it out pretty fast
scarecrowe94
I'm 24 and swam a mile at 9 yr olds, every year I go on holiday & jump in the sea then realise I need to remember how swim before I drown
WingedFanatic
Congrats, have fun with it! The summer before I left for uni, I was a swim instructor and taught adults and older kids-it was always fun!
Imlatetothepartyandallthegoodusernamesaregone
My first report card from my adult swim lessons in my 40's - it's still on my fridge! Stick with it and enjoy!! /a/V9S6zd6
meedle
Good on everyone here for learning! I hope you all have fun with it.
JackFlask
tdmc167
I’ve known how to swim since I was young but I just never do it, thankfully it’s like riding a bike, you’ll never forget once you learn
DoctorBaboon42
The human body is naturally buoyant. All you need to do to swim is to not panic. Different story swimming efficiently & effectively though.
illmissithere
Best of luck!
ms1810
Hell yeah!!! Best of luck to you and mostly, I wish you loads of fun(:
JackFlask
Hey, thank you kindly!
Sigge1981
Excellent! I love swimming, myself. It's one of the few forms of exercise my knees can handle. I hope you get to enjoy it!
JackFlask
I'm pretty sure I will, thanks! Been wanting to do it for some time now, just put it off for whatever stupid reasons I could find
Floridamanmakeslightsaber
24 here. I Freedive 60’ w/ 45 second bottom-time. I started with my max depth of 20’, and a bottom time of 30 seconds. No shame in learning!
kamehameahahahaha
not drowning is a good start
JackFlask
Yeah, I like not drowning
kamehameahahahaha
keep up that streak
supremeemperordalek
Not drowning is a major part of swimming though, half the battle +1
JackFlask
Hell yeah, not drowning is pretty cool
supremeemperordalek
Pretty dam neat if you ask me
sololander
Congratulations.. go for it.. it's amazing
GingerLaird
1st lesson in how to swim is knowing how to float.
JackFlask
Can't do that, I tried and I failed miserably
TupperwareNinja
In the same boat as you, though I'm 33 and haven't started yet. Let's just say I'm happy I'm in a boat
Floridamanmakeslightsaber
Brother man, please learn if you can find a group. “Shallow Water Blackout” is something you should look up, because its that scary. 1/2
Floridamanmakeslightsaber
2/3 As a Spearo, Freediver & Florida man I gotta ask if you’ve considered learning to swim. Any fears or reservations? Ive overcame a lot 3/
Floridamanmakeslightsaber
3/3 -of my own fears of diving while Spearing (Bullsharks)/Low Vis. If you own a boat, please consider a basic class, ain’t no shame in that
WastingMyLifeOneMemeATaTime
being in a boat and not being able to swim would scare the living shit out of me
reineseele
being a boat in itself would scare me.
TupperwareNinja
why you gotta say things like that. I only just got use to sleeping without the light on
Floridamanmakeslightsaber
I would straight up not allow you on a boat if you couldn’t swim: Even more a risk of a shallow water blackout (SWB) if you panic 1/2
Floridamanmakeslightsaber
2/2 No disrespect if you were never taught but, where I boat if you fall out you got 50+ Miles to swim to shore if they dont see you.
MIKUWEPTDANKMEMES
If you’ve never been to beach of the pool then I’d at least recommend learning the ‘float on your back with eyes closed and flailing 1/2
MIKUWEPTDANKMEMES
Wildly until you reach ladder/shore while sputtering water’ technique.
JackFlask
That works?
MIKUWEPTDANKMEMES
Worked when dad wasn’t paying attention to his son struggling to stay afloat
MyBigMouth
There should be no shame in admitting something that's considered 'normal'. I'm nearing 40 and can't ride a bike, no shame here.
CitizenSpectre
34 cant swim, cant float, cant tread water
GiggityGooJustForYou
Is it weird that I’m having dad-reflexes to teach you? The weird part is I’m not even a dad.
youcancallmesusanifitmakesyouhappy
32, can swim like a fish but never learned the bike
IsThereALimitForTheLenghtOfTheUsernameYesItsSixtyThreeCharacter
Give it a try. It's great. It gives you so much freedom. No need for petrol or anything. Just hop on and go wherever you like.
catscatsyeahcats
Sames. I’m 34 and I’ve never ridden a bike. I want to learn but it seems really embarrassing to try at this point.
scoopspoops
Shaaaaaammmmeeeeee
Mopey
I can't even imagine not riding a bike. That was like my entire childhood up to age 15.
gonzalesernest
33 in two days never learned how to ride a bike either
Ozimbah
I'll be 40 this year, never learned to ride a bike either.
IsThereALimitForTheLenghtOfTheUsernameYesItsSixtyThreeCharacter
Give it a try. It's great. It gives you so much freedom. No need for petrol or anything. Just hop on and go wherever you like.
axiomatik
FYI-there’s really nothing to “learn” in riding a bike, it’s really just practicing how to balance, so get on a bike and get some practice.
antidumb
39 in... 5 days. Can’t swim or ride a bike.
pistolero69
Do a triathlon for your 40th birthday:)
RichardValentine
Deadpoolio7
Combine the two and you’ll become king of the sea
HeinrichVictory
Serious inquiry, not shaming, how did you not learn these things growing up?
antidumb
Wasn't really near enough water to learn to swim. Parents never bought me a bike, was younger than older brother by 10 yrs. I was forgotten.
HeinrichVictory
That's a real fuckin' bummer. Never 2 late to learn new things, tho. Especially swimming. Might save your life, or someone else's, one day.
antidumb
You’re not wrong! I need to improve on my life skills. It’s something I’m working on.
Tenoutoftenwouldusernameagain
You'd do great at a uniathlon.
antidumb
I get shin splints when I run. I’d be good as a spectator!
BenSnow97
relevant xkcd
iamthemanwithnoname
I'm not sure this comic understands fractions or percentages. I guess the writer is one of the lucky 10,000 who don't know about them yet
NowhereMan313
Are you suggesting that the writer of *xkcd* doesn't understand math?
BenSnow97
It's simple. There's 4*30=120 million people aged between 0 and 30. For each of them, somewhere in those 30 years an event occurs that >
BenSnow97
they hear about the thing you're examining here, assuming all of them know it by the time they're 30. That means there's 120 million of >
BenSnow97
these events in total during 30 years, meaning there's 120,000,000 / (30 * 365.2424) = 10,951.6 on average every day. Since each event >
BeatsBearsBattlestarGallactica
...I mean he worked for nasa as a roboticist and programmer. Maybe you’ve misunderstood the prompt? It’s approx 100% know by age 30 and then
BeatsBearsBattlestarGallactica
The approx 10,000 is people between age 0-30 learning that skill on that day. https://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/1053:_Ten_Thousand
NachoPete
"Inquiry smoking"??
RealNormMacDonald
.
Monfreid
Congressenator
thanks for asking.. I was planning on asking but got distracted by reading the comments. I fear it would have grown into a brain tumor.
helmeri
as a non-native speaker I'm confused by that too, @op explain
sarzaya
As a native speaker I was confused. Thank you commenters.
LastoftheMcKettrickSupplicants
Inquiring smokers want to know
Warbuckle15
I thought they traded bong rips for swimming lessons
sassybeckalicious
Also too I did
KimJongUnwanted
Hope he didn‘t have to pay in advance
OutcastbyChoice
There appears to be a startling increase in applications for swimming instructor positions in the area recently. Odd...
JustJoe2047
Thats what i thought he meant too lol. Seemed like a fair deal
SheikYurBooty
I am going to use the Nitrous Oxide method, when I want to quit.
sololander
Oops meant "in turn to quit smoking"
TheeJuanAnd0nly
It’s very hard to smoke in a pool anyways
HighHowAreYa
??
HighHowAreYa
Dude, i didn't realise it was both you as OP in both posts. Good on you for both achievements, wish you god speed in your endeavour^^
illinus
Still confused.
beardedcaliper
I'm going on a hunch here but.. Think he quit smoking as a counter effort to the coach's after hours teaching..
nopeMoep
Under the conditions; he trains + Op stops smoking. Double whammy on that health gain i'd say.
illinus
But you can't smoke in pools anyway. OP is weird.
pizzabaconator
It’s ok bud, using brain hurt
OneLetter
Pretty sure he means he would take lessons if the coach quits smoking. A “I’ll take the plunge if you will” perhaps
Floridamanmakeslightsaber
Uhh.. Ain’t really a reason to whit smoking? Unless you mean herb? Even as a diver, using -micro- doses to increase lung capacity is iffy..