BifurcatedDickShaft
44618
1119
88
Seriously. I even tried to wink. I CAN NOT WINK.
Also, I was carrying a book, so I had one little Johhny Tremaine arm doing finger guns.
uhg.
Sep 23, 2016 3:36 AM
BifurcatedDickShaft
44618
1119
88
Seriously. I even tried to wink. I CAN NOT WINK.
Also, I was carrying a book, so I had one little Johhny Tremaine arm doing finger guns.
uhg.
Volimar
bigpoppajass
If a woman did that to me, I'd laugh and go find them.
thegarlicawakens
#VeryBritishProblems
Nikuz
That sounds adorable
hoxanator
Johnny Tremaine arm? Like from the kids book about that silversmith?
BigAZNMan
A friend told me about an ex. They were about to have sex for the first time and she gave him the guns. The awkwardness still haunts him.
WinningAtLosing
Most people are awkward, we try to hide it but I wouldn't worry about it. Just be you, and find someone who likes that person
ShartyParty
I'm a little rusty at flirting too. On the other hand tho, I am world class at never getting laid under any circumstances whatsoever
gingerbreadwitch
+1 for Johnny Tremaine arm
bocothechocob0
Then he replies with ;)
nightwaste
Thats funny
bpetersen
SerLefty
This sounds like something from the Sims
BifurcatedDickShaft
HAH! "isfa ma toolala!" *finger guns*
GreaterDog
Shouldn't have been silversmithing on the Sabbath, @OP
NonBinaryGenderFluidDoggo
If only he knew you made memes
SlagGroove
Beverlyhillscopisonrightnow
Sad
KoukiGeorge
foolzsight
Myfirstnamewaschosen
purpledevil2203
Forever replies with finger guns...
Boas7fulStump
haha this guy * finger guns
chillwavve
Username doesn't check out, m'lady
v
BifurcatedDickShaft
*vapes disrespectfully in your direction*
GhengisZahn
Tbh thats pretty funny
GhengisZahn
in a good way
kawaiikittyDICK
I always do the double finger-bang to people wether im leaving or seeing them in the morning.
JKrlvgn
If it were me, I'd be a cute guy. Oh, wait..I did that wrong. :(
TrijezniMujo
Nah, you were the right one for me all along.
JKrlvgn
:)
RisingPhoenix92
Did you literally run away because I had a girl do that and my friends and I immediately ask what the fuck just happened
BifurcatedDickShaft
it was a weird mid finger guns turn around into a very fast walk away muttering "finger guns, really? fucking REALLY?!"
owenmason
My idea of flirting is being as sarcastic as possible and seeing if you can handle it.
BifurcatedDickShaft
so is mine, but filter that through anxiety and a lack of social skills, and it ends up not working so well...
Inlovewithallama
Omg I've never read anything so accurate!
owenmason
...exactly why i'm single.
BifurcatedDickShaft
maybe try awkwardly rambling on about video games, or a newly emerged disease? theres some great new viruses from mosquitoes
owenmason
that approach worked alarmingly well in my 20's...but now it just seems dated. even with new references.
BifurcatedDickShaft
shit... you mean deadly diseases and JRPGS from the ps2 era will be less cool in 3 years?!
witterf29
Hi normally works... then find things in common...
BifurcatedDickShaft
hi! so, do you have a favourite virus? did you know that tomatoes are related to nightshade? whats your favourite cemetary?
BifurcatedDickShaft
thats harder to do when all your interests are creepy, or old-ladyish
NikaNii
You sound like a female version of a fedora tipper. No offence intended.
witterf29
I like it, i might hold off on the virus's until the 2nd or 3rd meeting and cemetaries until the second or 3rd date but its a good start!
BifurcatedDickShaft
Well I don't really keep it a secret that I'm of a spookier persuasion.
Kingsandwalls
Everyone cute has had horrible diarrhea at some point. They aren't better than you.
jessicadee
My husband had diarrhea on pur first date. It's no biggie.
eggmuffin
So what you're saying is that I have to go through the same shit as them, but without the benefit of being cute.
annieheart450
I am going to remember this every time I get nervouse talking to a hot guy. You have given me wisdom to live by.
BifurcatedDickShaft
get it girl!
BifurcatedDickShaft
I get horrible diarrhea a lot...
AlltheAnswers
If "a lot" is an accurate count, you're probably eating something you shouldn't. There are ways to narrow it down and find the culprit.
Kingsandwalls
Flax seeds. But anyway you are cute and no one can stop you. Not today. Not ever.
LonelyOneironaut
Im super ugly but Ive literally never had diarrhea in my entire life so I have that going for me.
CloudCider
That changes TONIGHT!
BifurcatedDickShaft
which is nice...
BifurcatedDickShaft
but i am exceptionally cute...
demoe56
wow you must have had exceptionally bad diarrhea then
Paramedia
Gonna need a selfie to verify, but your username kinda freaks me out.
TrijezniMujo
Yeah, but you'ved diarrhea at some point as well.
FierceCubs
Sure thing, dick shaft
IntangibleNudist
What better way to hide being cute on the internet?