DamnedIfYouDo
44540
1157
41
I've been working on myself for a long time. I quit drinking 5 years ago but weed (edibles) has always been a crutch for me. The problem is I'm a "0/100" kinda guy: I don't know how to do ANYTHING in moderation. So for a long time I've been eating my edibles on a daily basis, literally planning my days and weekends around it. And the worst part? I've been doing it behind my wife and kids backs: they had no idea I was completely stoned all these years (I finally shared my need to compartmentalize due to a rough childhood with my therapist and this is part of it).
Well, I'm almost 45 and, well, it's been taking a toll on my professional productivity and if there's one thing I won't stand for it's my career taking a hit (get it: "taking a hit"?!!!....GET IT?!!!). So I finished my edibles last week and I refuse to go buy more, and folks I think this is it.
The future is a bit stressful for me. A fair percentage of my cannabis use was to numb myself from a few things I didn't want to address. One example is my wife and kids (sounds bad, but hear me out): my wife - whom I love very much - is an extreme introvert and homebody, and well, I'm a social butterfly. Being stoned all the time has allowed me to avoid being angry at a low activity and barely social lifestyle. So I am worried that there will be some conflict in the future but right now I need to keep focused on myself.
Anyway, I've been feeling great and am hoping I can finally shed this dependency in conjunction with ending the lying to my family. I think I can.
SequinceSS
Stay strong brother! Little steps done everyday build a routine! We're with you!
drakionx
It's almost refreshing to see someone admit that marijuana is a drug, and like all drugs, can be abused and addictive.
3rdoption
nikkicalifornia
Congratulations! I also quit alcohol first and used weed as a crutch for a while. I was only able to stop when I realized it was a crutch I didn’t actually need, that I could feel good and normal without it. That realization gave me the strength to start saying no. And then I also started hitting the gym regularly. I’m about 4 months out from quitting / starting the gym. Life is good.
YeroctheBarbarian
I can guarantee if you were on edibles they probably knew and didn’t say anything. It’s hard not to notice in my experience.
noneedtodoxme
Only person who can take care of me is me. Once I realized that, it changed a few things for good.
Good job op. Take care
LiarLiarPantsUntier
I haven't consumed cannabis in several years, but sometimes I really want to, especially when I'm stressed out. But I don't want to support the organised crime that sells it here and our government wont legalise.
LeekofLegend
Hell yeah! Way to go!
nopenopittynope2806
Introvert married to a social butterfly here. As long as we have low-key couple and family time carved out, I am happy to stay home while my spouse flits about in the world interacting with humanity. Your wife will likely be happier if you ramp up your own social activities than if you always stay home and become resentful.
TheMysteriousTraveller
I'm not a social butterfly by any stretch, but my partner has been going through some things where she doesn't want to go out of the house most days. (Yes, she has a therapist and is working on it.) So I've started going out to activities that I want to go to (like art festivals) and leaving her at home. If she feels mentally well enough, she'll come with. Otherwise she stays home and games, and I go out and do things I want to do.
RElGNMAN
As a fellow pot addict who's now sober, you're going to get a cold sweat withdrawal in about a month, you get past that and you really do have a good chance of beating this.
pak0chu
I like to smoke on my way to the gym
JRaven419
That's why I'm like "why is the top half red?"
noReallyIamPrincessBob
Congratulations on making it so far! I know this sounds trite, but working out every day before work is my antidepressant. People say it because it’s true! So if you can keep exercising, after a while that will help you feel better. It also helps deal with stress and frustration by taking the edge off. And the gym could end up being a source of socialization, as you’ll probably see the same people if you go on a regular schedule. Keep up the good work! It’s worth it. :)
DamnedIfYouDo
I've always had a hard time sticking with the gym, but I recently heard a quote from Arnold Schwarzenegger where he was like "don't think about it, just go", and I guess that clicked with me.
spuddastardly
Good on ya. I'm struggling to quit now to be more productive, used it to cope with depression. Since I stopped regular smoking a couple weeks ago the depression has hit me like a freight train and I haven't regained any productivity. Still struggling not to reach for it. I hope it gets better because I haven't seen any positive effects from stopping. I can hardly get out of bed.
DamnedIfYouDo
I mean, I'm no doctor nor should I be giving advice about substances on the internet, but I stopped consuming to better myself and if doing the same thing means you're depressed and seen a loss of productivity, I would simply ask: why did you make the decision to stop?
spuddastardly
In the past stopping has given me more productivity. I just got laid off and have struggled to find the motivation to apply for new jobs, plus I need to sober up for drug testing. I'm just not motivated either way, it seems
DamnedIfYouDo
Getting laid off will absolutely take a toll, I'm really sorry. I know it doesn't fix what you're feeling, but it has absolutely NOTHING to do with the value you bring. Let yourself react emotionally, even though work matters are supposed to be addressed with logic.
Liondrome
Glad you're getting better personally. Sounds like some difficult talks ahead though. Try to be chill and work together though.
DamnedIfYouDo
For sure. I'm lucky that she's both understanding and amazingly dedicated to us. It'll suck, but we can do it.
Duffinn
Good on you sir!! Keep it up and know you’re an inspiring presence to those of us who are still struggling with it. Your lucid mind will help you through those future events you’re worried about, too. Bet on it.
OneGoogleSearchAway
We tend to view cannabis consumption as safe, on addictive or habit forming. But my personal experience echoes your personal findings. Daily use strips us of our true personalities, effects motivation as well as, the worst in my opinion, impacts cognitive ability. In my experience, work has become very difficult as it's much more difficult to see a complex task to completion. Opting for easier tasks eventually has us juggling lots of tasking apples only taking small bites. So congrats!
AjKaramba
"my wife - whom I love very much - is an extreme introvert and homebody, and well, I'm a social butterfly" - Go out and enjoy being with people, without your wife, take kids when you can. There are things you should sacrifice for your family - this isn't one of them.
iRegretThisUsernameAlready
Agreed. Being a couple doesn't mean you have to do everything together. Especially when you have conflicting needs like this. I see comments basically suggesting to make her less introverted, and I frankly find it dehumanizing. It's neither on her to be more social nor on you to be less social. Allocate time for each of you to feel fulfilled separately (and/or with other people). Just keep it fair, especially when it comes to involving the kids and sharing house chores. Communicate.
DamnedIfYouDo
>suggesting to make her less introverted
Yeah, I figure those are fools who are using the more current and trendy version of an introvert. She actually gets exhausted from social interactions and needs to recharge afterwards, it isn't like she's just throwing the term around. It was very weird for me when we first started dating. It definitely isn't something that should be changed.
VerifiedApproves
Grats! Just be chill and always remember it was your decision to stop. If you ever say/think "I did this for you," you're gonna have a bad time.
DamnedIfYouDo
Absolutely. It isn't that I did it for them, I did it for myself and because a) it was impacting my productivity, and b) I couldn't keep up the lying.
Honestly, if "keeping score" is being done by someone (or both people) in a relationship, the relationship is doomed. I've been married for almost 20 years, and we both do more than the other at different intervals.
VerifiedApproves
Sounds like you made the right choice for yourself then. Keep on keeping on
spontaneous9
Ten months for me. I was using it for stress relief but after I quit alcohol it stopped helping and only made me feel I was squandering my attention on things that weren't helping me progress. Good to know you're doing what you need to do to feel better about yourself, OP.
nocomments14
I quit smoking ciggs a while back and use weed as a crutch. I'm on a similar journey! Good luck
DamnedIfYouDo
Congratulations. I quit cigarettes about 15 years ago, I used chantix and recommend it to anyone. Once weed became legal here and I could buy commercial edibles, I didn't understand how anyone would choose smoking it over eating.
EternalStudent07
Could be worth coming clean to everybody. Then they can understand why you've changed, and try to give you the support you'd benefit from (be that extra space, or forgiveness or whatever). Heck, honesty with your wife about your social needs and a plan for how to solve them would probably help too. Letting her know you're not avoiding her or the kids, but that you need more going on that she'd be happy with. Join a club or sport seems an easy way to start with.
DamnedIfYouDo
Yeah, the plan is to fess up to her in the very near future and I have a few things I've started doing that have social elements to them that have actually made the whole thing easier for me mentally. I also am going to be working on shedding the guilt I feel when I go out by myself or with the kids and she stays home, it's self-inflicted guilt and is a major reason I have kept numbing myself a bit with heavy cannabis use.
duoplicity
Compromise? You do some agreed upon social activities as a couple, and as a family, but then also you get to do some with just the kids while wife stays home (getting some alone time for herself) and you do some just you?
rulerofthedingdongs
And do some with just your friends too. Spend some time getting to know your kids as well. There may be an extrovert in the pack who would love to go out every day, everywhere with you and there may be introverts who are happy to stay home with mom and read a book.
DamnedIfYouDo
Honestly, it isn't even a compromise situation for her: if I was going out or taking the kids out, she would have no problem. Getting her to come along is almost impossible, but she is genuinely an introvert and is fine with it. It's really my own issues with guilt about leaving her home alone.
rulerofthedingdongs
I’m an introvert and my husband is not. He gets together with friends, volunteers, exercises in groups, even makes friends at the local butcher’s shop. I stay home. With a book and the dog. Your wife is good with it…why aren’t you? See if you can figure that out so you can get more pleasure out of your life.
duoplicity
Ok, maybe a bit of transference of a you problem into a her problem. Blame shifting.
a) seems she's accepted you as a social person but you don't accept her acceptance of you
b) have you really accepted that she is an introvert (who probably loves being home alone)?
c) have you really accepted you are a social animal?
Where is the guilt coming from? Probably from some time before you met your wife. Still wouldn’t hurt to tell her how much it would mean to share an outside activity with her.
Saxytimes
As an introvert, if my partner were an extrovert I would be thrilled if they left for a while to come back with fun stories. No need to feel guilty!
MoldyPond
That seems to be the major reason to stop huh? Both my friend and I had been smoking all day everyday for almost 10 years straight and we both (separately decided but at the same time) full stopped late last year to just… be more productive.
He’s been a hell of a lot more active than ever before and I’ve spent so much time just going through a massive backlog of stuff to get done. Congrats on the increased productivity and here’s hoping you can stick to it :)
Arcman304
I dont workout unless I've had a joint or 2 tho...
UncleStansVintagePhotography
I don't understand why more people don't use more sativa dominant strains. If you look for strains high in THCV (go to askgrowers.com to research) like original GSC...they don't cause couch lock, dry mouth or munchies. It is the kind you CAN use all day long and still be very productive. But most dispensaries don't carry it, especially in edible form. (BTW I am almost 20 years sober from alcohol, and I feel the biggest red flag in that whole story was the part about hiding it.)
DamnedIfYouDo
Hiding it is absolutely the biggest issue, and something I'm going to have to deal with in the near future. I want to make sure I have it all out of my system and can approach it with a clear head.
MoldyPond
For me personally while Sativa does indeed not give me the “locked” feelings of Indica, it’s also like taking a shot of coffee and as someone with an extremely low caffeine tolerance it starts driving me insane pretty quickly and wakes me the hell up so if taken within like 4-5 hours of needing to go to sleep then it’s just not happening.
Not to mention that without much of a body high it also feels like it didn’t do anything at all and have to smoke more to compensate. Not really worth it.
UncleStansVintagePhotography
Yeah, I get that. Also, high THCV is an appetite suppressant, so if you use it a lot you can drop 15lbs like that if you're not paying attention.
HiImLick
Great job dude, smoked it err day for nearly 20 years, just about to hit 2 months without any. It really does get easier, best of luck to ya,
CyanideBreathMint
Have you noticed any memory improvements yet?
HiImLick
I started slowing down about a year before and noticed them then. I have CPTSD and the shithead that did it do me is back in my life after 8 years of bliss so it was/is horrific and I am still dealing with it but I'm not reacting half as badly. Still reacting badly, just not as often. It is definitly something you get back, imho,
imsuchaweirdo
I stopped 7 months ago and i sleep way better. I also remember a lot of my dreams now
CyanideBreathMint
Interesting. I sleep well, but rarely remember dreams. Seems the only ones remembered are just horrendous and I’d really rather not remember those at all :/
Thrwthrwthrowaway
The few dreams that I remember are typically a boring, long day at work that feels like it's never gonna end and then it ends as my alarm goes off and tells me it's time to go to work.
HiImLick
Just flexing like that haha, wish I could do thism
Jaredsbrotherinlaw
Did it effect your sleep at all?I have smoked daily for 20 years and when I try to quit I get crazy insomnia
HiImLick
I have sleep issues anyway and quit while I was having a breakdown/no sleep so I can't say. I can however say that was my my concern and every other time I've tried, it's been a major problem. And I'd recommend against zopiclone, I have nightmares but I have never had whatever the f that was.
TheHappyFrenchCanadian
Pretty much a 10 years daily smoker here, i used to work 28 in 28 out shift on the coast guard which means that every month for 4 years i kinda had to quit. The first 2 or 3 nights are awful, cold sweat, insomnia, vivid dream etc then it just stop and you magically recover all your lost energy. It's hard to stop, i smoke for the same reason as op, to slow me down. I don't have the financial means to do everything i want so i slow myself down.... Good luck my man if you stop
HiImLick
Financial stuff was a great influence for me too and the sweats man, they go so quick though right!? Great job dude!
TheHappyFrenchCanadian
They do, but it's still annoying as fuck :P and frankly for gaving experience both much easier that alcohol withdrawal
behshana
In a similar place, about 20 years and now 2 months without (new job requires a drug test and still showing positive on the home tests), I stopped a few times but this is the longest. As others have said the first few days I get bad insomnia, after about a week I get into a bedtime routine of sleepy tea that helps me drop off, I start remembering my dreams again too. But I have vivid dreams and nightmares that wake me up. This tails off after about 3-4 weeks and dreams are less vivid and I start
behshana
Forgetting dreams again. After about 6 weeks my sleep gets back to the same as before I stopped, but I don't sleep as deeply, if I get woken up I can't drop off back to sleep and I'm more tired in general. If I have a particularly bad night then next day I'm groggy all day and have to go to bed earlier. I also smoke and drink more in the evenings as a sort of substitute and something to do, but get headaches from alcohol so not really a good substitute at all.
HiImLick
We're all coping dude but you're making progress and that's what matters. Wish all the best for you!
behshana
Thanks I very much appreciate the sentiment, but I don't consider it progress. I didn't choose to stop, I had it imposed on me by my employer as a checkbox exercise, they've as much as said they don't care about my use, and I have to show a clean test only once. I had something that has worked for me for various personal issues for a long time and it's been hugely disruptive to my life, mental health and work.
oldradios19772000
I stopped drinking about 3 or 4 months ago. And I do use cannabis after work to relax. And I'm not sure why but whenever I smoke pot I wind up getting a hell of a lot more things done. Yesterday I fixed the car, clean the house, and cleaned up the yard.
DeadOnionSaysWhat
I'm 60 and recently started using edibles, for light anxiety & light pain, but very, very small doses, so these comments are all very interesting.
oldradios19772000
It can have a completely different effect on anyone. The type you use is also a major factor. I do well with sativa but not indica. My brother is the opposite. Sativa makes me pretty energetic
DeadOnionSaysWhat
Very interesting, now heading down the rabbit hole of those two things
DamnedIfYouDo
I was using it for anxiety in many instances, but I also need to try to tackle the causes of that anxiety. Some are current, some are past. But also, for scale: I was eating 5 mg pieces, and doing so at a rate of about 200 mg/week.
DeadOnionSaysWhat
Yeah, there are countless tools to help you, as dumb as it sounds, I've found it's true, a deep breath re-sets your vagus nerve, fake smiling tells hormones you aren't under threat, stating I Am Safe helps dial it back, and Paxil. Also I avoid as many situations as I can that are reasonable. I despise trump so much that I can often head off an attack by just stating Fake News! Keep working at it, it really does get easier.
DamnedIfYouDo
My anxiety attacks aren't something I can back out of once they start. They're really weird, I can't explain them but they're not based on what I'm physically experiencing in that moment.
Anyway breathing helps, and I've learned a few other methods that help me manage them.
DeadOnionSaysWhat
Oh, yeah, there's no backing out, I've just learned to avoid the loop where I buy into them. Everyone is different, but I've learned for myself that I was feeding into them, now I just wait it out, blame chemistry instead of myself. Good for you for recognising they don't have to do with the moment, that took me decades to figure out!
dwilson0725
Just be careful, it can be very addictive. Going to the gym that is.
Oogibah
I wish that was the case for me, every time I go it's a struggle to get in the car.. once I'm on the way it's fine
dwilson0725
Motivation can be difficult, but that's with all things
DeadOnionSaysWhat
I work out at home and being addicted to that sound silly til I realize I get owly and will just start marching in place, stretching, lol, it is my feel good drug.
dwilson0725
I used to have weights at home but found I didn't use them as much. Started going to the gym on lunch from work and found it much more routine.
DeadOnionSaysWhat
I'm the other end of the spectrum, too lazy to consistently hit the gym, but work out several times through out the day.
dwilson0725
I think it only works for me because I HAVE to take 30 minutes for lunch, so I take an hour + instead.
BrayerIncognito
While I congratulate you for stopping the drink and now the weed, have you ever wondered if your "social butterfly" side could also be part of your "0/100" mentality? Drink, drug use and a need to be very sociable are traits of a hedonistic personality, which can be a result of childhood trauma. You say you see a therapist, have they commented on that possibility?
anonymous
Geez, man; you didn't have to shatter my ego so damn hard in a single paragraph. Suddenly a bunch of shit about the way I am and why I do the things I do makes a whole lot of sense. God damn you, dad.
DamnedIfYouDo
Interesting. I haven't, I always assumed my socializing was a normal kind of personality trait and not a coping mechanism. My therapist hasn't mentioned it, but to be fair it took me about 4 years of seeing him once a month before I told him anything of substance (I have trust issues) like my mother abandoning us for a pedophile who I had first fights with, my dad chasing me down the road to try to kill me or my best friends suicide.
BrayerIncognito
Well, you said the thought of not being social would make you angry. That in of itself could be an indicator this isn't a normal personality trait and could be more of a coping mechanism. You could maybe explore the idea with your therapist, if you feel able to. I understand that trust can be a hard thing to put in people when you've experienced a traumatic childhood
BatDoc
In addition, part of the mental health and wellness wellbeing IS social interaction. In the world of therapy and social work, we encourage healthy social interactions.
BatDoc
Being angry about not getting needs/wants meet is perfectly valid and doesn’t indicate anything additional. It’s good insight he could label it and process it
BrayerIncognito
I totally understand that. I was looking at the bigger picture. OP has said they had a traumatic past, and it's clear they felt the need to give up alcohol and now cannabis. And that the cannabis was helping OP cope with feeling frustrated and bored, which the OP has signaled could be an issue now they've stopped. Exploring this through therapy is never a bad thing, if there's nothing more to it, then a good therapist will indicate that, but there's more to it, then they can also help
DamnedIfYouDo
Not "angry", maybe a poor choice of word. More bored until I'm frustrated and not knowing how to handle it because I feel guilty when I do things on my own without my wife or kids.
But part of it could certainly be coping, I'll bring it up with him during the next meeting.
BatDoc
Bringing the guilt up for processing with your therapist is a great idea! Being angry and recognizing where it comes from is valid and healthy. Now that it is identified, it can be processed and a coping mechanism can be developed. Fantastic work, please know that does not in no way indicate anything additional.
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
Why don't you take your kids out places with you? I don't understand why the choices are stay home with the wife and kids, or leave them at home and go out yourself. I have medical issues which mean I can't get out much, so my husband takes the kids out places. Also I'm sure your wife would love a bit of a break, it seems like the parenting load must have been on her this whole time if you were always stoned.
migratingotter
Ever think instead of expecting your wife to organize social activities that you could do that? And give her enough time to cook and clean to prepare for it?
DamnedIfYouDo
LoL, that's not really it at all. It's that I feel guilty if she doesn't come out with me/us, so I just stay home. When we do go out, it's actually pretty 50/50 in terms of who organizes it. As far as cooking and cleaning, well, that's all me. She does some stuff around the home in that regard, but I do the majority of them. It's actually a running joke we have: I can't sit still and I'm just better at those things than her.
migratingotter
Or you organize outings for the whole family to enjoy?
RunsNakedThroughSwamps
It's healthy to have your own life outside your family, as long as you're not neglecting them or doing anything that may harm them. Joining a club and picking up a new hobby can help a lot with quiting weed. Weed makes you ok with being bored.
LiarLiarPantsUntier
Rather than simply stating it as healthy I would claim it to be imperative and unhealthy to neglect it.
BatDoc
Absolutely!!! 1000%
Rogahar
Speaking as an introvert who's happy being introverted, I would not be upset if my partner wanted to go out and do things with other people as long as I knew they were safe and I still got some quality time with them myself too. My ideal night is spent in front of my PC or the TV either playing games or watching shows/movies, but if he wanted to go out instead sometimes then I wouldn't stop him.
starkeclipse
My husband and I function like this. I'm more social, he's more introvert. He's perfectly happy to stay at home while I go out at night.
Rogahar
Point is you may be feeling guilty for no reason and your spouse and/or kids might be totally fine with you going out without them sometimes.